It's been 2 weeks since Sarah died, I keep to myself now I don't really talk to Alex or Piper and I have managed to get Soso off my back. I've been having nightmares where I am watching the accident and hearing Sarah cry for help but I can't get to her and I always wake up when Sarah dies, I turn over in my bed and I look at the drawings and photos that I didn't destroy I can't help but smile when I see them since it makes me feel that she is still alive.
"Hartman you have a letter" Bennett says as he hands me the letter, I screw up my face because since Sarah is dead nobody writes to me anymore. I open the letter and I notice that it's from my grandmother, she is telling me that she will visit me on Saturday. I can't help but dread it since I know that she will talk about Sarah and I just can't handle that right now. Alex looks up from her book and looks at me with a questionable stare, I may not talk to her often but she knows that Sarah only ever gave me mail.
"It's from my grandmother she's coming to see me tommorow" I tell her, before she can respond I roll over onto my side making it clear to Alex that the conversation is over.
"I know that it's hard and I know that all you want to do is roll over and die but you can't so just pull yourself together and live your life the way Sarah would've wanted" Alex tells me, before I can do anything she stands up and walks out the cube I would imagen to find Piper. I think about what Alex told me and although I know that she is right I just can't seem to bring myself to get back up, I stand up and walk out and into the rec room and I sit down in the chair next to Nicky she stops watching TV and turns to me.
"we'll look who it is" she says playfully, I smile and gently push her shoulder playfully Nicky always manages to make me laugh when I need it most.
"Yeah well I'm tired of staring at the same wall so I thought I should go out side of my cube" I say, I can hear my once cheery voice turn into a monotone tune.
" You never did answer my question" she asks me.
"what question?" I ask confused I don't remember being asked a question.
" If you like dick or pussy?" She asks me with a smirk, I roll my eyes knowing where this will end up.
" I am one hundred percent gay" I tell her while smiling, she grins and places her hand on my leg.
"how long has it been since you've just forgot everything" she whispers into my ear suductivly, I lean in and just before I kiss her Sarah flashes through my mind and I quickly pull back. I jump up and everyone turns around to look at me weirdly.
"I'm sorry I can't" and that's all I can say to nicky before I run out of the rec room and into the bathroom, I run my hands under the tap and I splash it onto my face trying to rid the images of a crying Sarah. I look up at my reflection and all I can see flashbacks of Sarah when she was younger and all the times she came crying to me when she was bullied, I scream as I have had enough and I punch the mirror which shatters causing my hand to bleed. I slide down the side of the sinks cradling my hands hearing Sarah's voice on repeat in my mind.