It would be a reasonable assumption to say I don't own Naruto, but if you thought I did own Naruto, then it's because of my awesomeness.

- Chapter 3 -

Naruto, refilled with 15 more cups of coffee, was now plowwing through his training, powered by pure coffee! Kakashi sweat dropped from where he sat (in an orange tree), even looking away from his book, as he watched thousands of Naruto clones practically destroy the training ground in his coffee-induced frenzy.

Sakura was watching Naruto, a giant sweat drop rolling down the back of her head likewise. She stood some distance away, not wanting to get caught in his coffee-powered training. She shuddered.

Because she had created a monster.

A hyperactive, coffee fuelled monster.

And she needed to stop him.

Somehow, she had to stop Naruto from drinking more coffee.

Before he painted the village orange.

xxXxx

"HA HA HA! Can't catch me, suckers!" Naruto yelled as two ANBU chased after him. "ANBU are getting worse and worse these days!" he yelled as he hyperactively ran and jumped around the roofs of Konoha. "Wahahahahah!"

One of the ANBU gritted her teeth. She had been chasing the brat around for two hours already, and the brat showed no signs of stopping! He was completely unpredictable, every time she thought she had him, he would surprise her somehow. She briefly noted the orange trees. This was just like his old pranking days, except he was even MORE hyperactive now than ever before. He shouted and jumped like there was no tomorrow, laughing like a maniac. What, was he on drugs or something?

Well, he's on coffee, but she doesn't know that...

The other ANBU was a newbie, being only recently promoted as ANBU a few days ago. He wondered how a GENIN could possibly avoid two ANBU for so long. And he wondered why he signed up for this in the first place. After all, he couldn't even catch a genin, for Kami's sake! Weren't ANBU supposed to be the best of the best?

Naruto laughed wildly as he passed a corner. He quickly made a shadow clone and made it run down the street, while he, the real Naruto, slinked into the shadows, snickering as he watched the two ANBU follow his shadow clone.

xxXxx

Tsunade's fist hit the table, smashing it in half. "YOU COULDN'T EVEN CATCH ONE GENIN?!" she roared angrily.

The two ANBU sweat dropped as they regarded the angry hokage in front of them.

The newbie ANBU spoke. "Yes, Tsunade. He is quite devious for a genin."

Tsunade rubbed her throbbing temples, before dismissing the ANBU and shouting, "SHIZUNE! MORE SAKE!"

xxXxx

Naruto snickered as he entered his apartment after his shopping trip. He had lost those ANBU good! After losing them, he had slipped under a henge and bought an assortment of coffee merchandise for his new coffee stash. He had a coffee maker, coffee beans, instant coffee, coffee kits, heck- he even got coffee boxers!

Running to his room, he put his new coffee boxers into his drawer alongside his special edition ramen boxers.

He then ran over to his kitchen closet to put his new coffee stash into- but it was already filled with his ramen stash!

So instead he dumped his wide assortment of coffee goods on the counter.

But now he was faced with a different problem. Should he make some coffee, or some ramen?

They were both so good... Both were nice and warm. Ramen was soothing. Meanwhile coffee made him feel super awake!

"Hehehehe..." he laughed as he drooled, looking back and forth at the ramen and coffee. First he looked at the coffee and then back to ramen, again and again in his hyperactive state. He was still trying to decide which one he should make when the door was barged open.

"Aw, man! Not the ANBU again!" Naruto thought. Sheesh, all he did was paint every single tree in Konoha orange!

But it was not the ANBU, it was Sakura.

"Augg! I just got that door fixed!" Naruto yelled complainingly.

"Naruto! You have to stop drinking coffee!" she demanded.

"EHH?! But you were the one who said I need a new food obsession!"

Sakura studied Naruto. His body was shaking from the coffee overload, his pupils were dilated, and he had some crazy grin on his face as his entire body fidgeted constantly. As she looked around his apartment, her stomach dropping in dread as she saw all the coffee products laying on the counter. This was worse than she thought, if he had already boughten a coffee stash!

"Naruto, having coffee for every meal is even worse than having ramen every meal, and- HEY STAY STILL ALREADY!"

"OWW!" Naruto rubbed his head.

Sakura continued on. "Coffee doesn't even have a single food group in it!"

Oh. Naruto hadn't thought about that. He couldn't become hokage if all he ate- er, drank was coffee for every meal. Naruto nodded at Sakura in agreement.

Sakura was surprised. That had been easier than expected. She had expected him to complain loudly or yell about coffee or something, but... he just nodded.

"Oh, okay then, see you at training, Naruto!" she said, still confused.

That had been easy.

Too easy.

xxXxx

"Hehehe..." Naruto laughed almost sinisterly as he looked at the instant coffee, instant ramen, and carton of non-expired milk on his table.

Sakura had been right.

Coffee didn't have a single food group in it. With that he agreed. It did on the other hand, give him 100% awake super senses!

Meanwhile, ramen had all of the food groups except for dairy. And milk was dairy.

So by mixing coffee, milk and ramen together, it would be the ultimate meal! RIGHT?!

Still laughing almost sinisterly, he dumped the hot black liquid known as coffee into a bowl. He then got the instant ramen noodles and put them into the hot coffee, allowing it to cook.

And then he waited for three minutes.

Three cursed minutes!

Do you know how long three minutes is when your hungry?!

Naruto hated the three minutes it took for the noodles to cook with a passion.

Finally, after fidgeting, bouncing out of his chair, and looking at the clock a few hundred times, the noodles were finally finished cooking.

Grabbing the milk carton, Naruto added some milk into his coffee-ramen and watched as the milk made white clouds in his coffee broth.

Finally, his coffee-ramen was complete.

In the bowl, the bitter-sweet black liquid and the milk swirled around, as noodles floated in the coffee-broth. Spices lay scattered on the surface of the coffee, while the few vegetables and meat chunks sunk into the white clouds of milk.

Now, to anyone other than Naruto, the thought of using coffee as broth for his ramen, and then adding milk to it, would be completely and utterly disgusting.

To anyone but Naruto, the sight of the noodles in the black liquid would send shivers down their back.

To ANYBODY but Naruto, the stench alone would make them want to vomit.

But to Naruto, this was the stench of heaven.

Naruto raised his chopsticks to slurp some coffee-infused ramen noodles from his *gag* bowl of delight when suddenly-

He froze.

He couldn't move.

Slowly, his body turned around to face Shikamaru.

"Shadow Manipulation Jutsu, complete."

xxXxx

A/N WAHAHA!

Coffee-Ramen, anyone?

Bah I seriously lost my appetite as I wrote the description for the coffee and ramen mixed together. I mean, HOW CAN NARUTO EAT THAT?!

*shudders*

Anyways, I hope you were laughing your head off as you read this Chapter!

Also, I want to thank every one who gave a review! So thank you to sonickiller41, Fier66, koolkidswaggy, Zero Uzumaki, and bankai777!! Every time I get a review, I'm like "HELL YAHHH!" and it puts me into the mood to write MORE AWESOME FUNNIES!

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and Review!

^-^ !