.Naruto Own not do I

-Chapter 5-

As Naruto ate at the Ichiraku Ramen stand, his mind kept drifting off. Normal ramen was awesome, agreed, but he just couldn't get the coffee ramen out of his head!

Quickly finishing his bowl of ramen, he decided that he would just make a second bowl of coffee-ramen. But when he got home, his coffee-stash was completely empty... Ransacked!

"Damn ANBU..." He muttered under his breath.

He than took to roof-jumping to the shop that sold coffee, but it was empty.

"WHA?! Where did the coffee go?!" Naruto asked the shop owner loudly.

The coffee owner coughed. "Erm... You bought my store clean out yesterday," he reminded Naruto. The shop owner was worried, wondering if Naruto had drank ALL of that coffee.

"But we have some more pairs of coffee boxers for sale!" The store owner quickly offered as kindly as possible. He knew that the kid on front of him was good for business.

Naruto couldn't help but buy some more pairs of coffee boxers. As he left the store, he decided to go check out all of the other restaurants and shops that he thought might sell coffee, but they were all closed!

How was he supposed to make more coffee-ramen if he couldn't find any coffee?!

Naruto frowned slightly as he rubbed the back of his head. An idea started form in the back of his head. He could still find the first coffee-ramen that he made, right? All he had to do is find the scroll it was sealed into, and then he could finally eat it!

Slowly, Naruto's trademarked grin started to form on his face.

"Hehehehehehe..."

xxXxx

The ANBU snickered as she shadowed Naruto. Naruto walked up to all of the shops that even had a POSSIBILITY of coffee, yet they had all been 'closed'.

But really, it was just a genjutsu to make it look like they were closed.

The ANBU was proud of her genjutsu skills, and continued to snicker quietly. Yes, those files were correct when it said that Naruto couldn't see a genjutsu when it was staring him in the face, all right.

The ANBU was surprised when Naruto stopped in the middle of the road, frowning slightly as he rubbed the back of his head. He hadn't seen her, had he?

But, just as soon as he had started frowning, soon he started to grin as he laughed darkly.

"Heheheheheheh..."

Uh oh. The ANBU had seen that look only too often back when he was a prankster. It meant that he was up to something, or just had an idea. She sweat-dropped, before running to report to the hokage.

xxXxx

Naruto hid in some trees near the hospital. The orange trees were the exact same shade as his jumpsuit, and provided perfect camouflage! He really should have painted all the trees orange earlier...

As Naruto peered at the hospital from the trees, he could hear sirens blaring. "Code red. I repeat, code red. This hospital is under lockdown, I repeat, the hospital is under lockdown. No one is allowed to enter or exit until further notice..." A voice droned on from the speakers.

One or two chunnin guards stood at each entrance, and several stood on the roof, searching the area.

As Naruto peered past the orange leaves, he could hear two of the closest chunnin talking.

"...Yah, a genin. Nothing either us can't handle. The file said he has blond hair, blue eyes, and strange whisker birthmarks. Uh. "

"Hey, it's THAT kid, isn't it"

At, that, Naruto flinched a bit, but he kept watching.

"...yah. We have to keep em from entering and getting a dangerous item. What was it called? Coffee ramen? Uh. "

"Dangerous? Well, it sounds gross..."

Naruto was confused. Coffee ramen? Dangerous? And why was everyone so against his new food obsession? First Sakura tells him to get a new one, than she says to stop drinking it! And Tsunade seemed really twitchy and angry for some reason. Then again he had painted the trees orange... Naruto rubbed the back of his head again, knowing he'd never understand girls.

xxXxx

"So knowing he had that 'look', as you call it, you LEFT him there?!" Tsunade asked angrily.

The ANBU gulped. She had accidentally gotten the hokage mad TWO times in one day. Maybe she would lay low for the next few days...

"Y-yes, Tsunade hokage," the ANBU stuttered out as she felt anger radiate from the scary-looking hokage.

"He could be ANYWHERE by now," Tsunade said angrily in exasperation.

Behind her, two chunnin and the newbie ANBU stood guarding the scroll, which was in a cage, in the middle of room 149. In the hallway, a chunnin was guarding the door, while above, there was undoubtedly someone watching the windows from the roof. As the ANBU regarded all of this, she realized the hokage was planning to lure Naruto to the room using the coffee-ramen scroll.

She snickered a bit, before remembering that the hokage was glaring at her.

"Uh... Ye-yes, Tsunade hokage!"

xxXxx

As Naruto studied the guard placement and located the top window that he knew lead to room 149, he couldn't help bit think of this as an infiltration mission.

Now he wished he had payed more attention on infiltration at the academy...

If he snuck in through the window, then the guards on the roof would see him. So he would have to get rid of them. He squinted his eyes as he studied them closely. There were two guys and one girl.

He could tell that one of the guys was a full blown pervert by the way he kept looking at the girl, the girl looked like she was one of Sasuke's old fangirls, and the last guy seemed like the type of guy that might be a closet pervert.

Naruto let lose a trademarked Naruto-grin. This was going to be easier than he thought.

xxXxx

"Shut up! We're supposed to be guarding." The girl ninja yelled.

"I AM guarding." The boy spat back.

"The person said that he wears bright orange," one of them said with a smirk. Seriously, bright orange? On a ninja? HA.

"HEY! What's wrong with orange?!" A voice yelled loudly behind them.

They all turned around to see Naruto standing on the roof behind them.

"It's three chunnin against one genin, give it up," yelled the female chunnin.

One of the boys smirked arrogantly while the other one snickered.

Naruto made the signs for his kage no bunshin. "Shadow clone jutsu!" he yelled as hundreds of Naruto clones appeared all around them.

They looked taken aback for a second, but then they quickly returned to their smirking.

"Zero times a hundred is still zero," the more arrogant shinobi commented.

Naruto grinned at them, before his army of clones yelled in unison, "harem no jutsu!"

The Naruto's all used their sexy no jutsu at the same time and started to swarm the two guys.

Their eyes widened as hundreds of girls swarmed them, with only clouds to hide their bodies. Their jaws were dropping down to the floor, and drool started to come out of their mouths. Seconds later, blood shot of their noses as their eyes rolled backwards and they fell to grounds unconscious.

The female chunnin only stared in embarrassment that her teammates had been defeated so easily, by such a foolish jutsu!

Taking a kunai out, she glared at one of the Naruto's, who had dropped their sexy no jutsu's.

"I won't go down so easily." She growled.

All of the Naruto's all laughed at the same time, which was almost a bit unsettling. Then they yelled in synchronization, "Fan girl no jutsu!"

All of his clones turned into shirtless versions of Sasuke, each striking a different pose.

At this, the girl's eyes turned into anime hearts as she saw all of the shirtless Sasuke's all giving different poses. Her cheeks turned pick, and she fell to the ground as blood shot out of her nose.

Naruto dispelled his clones and then stared down at the three chounin lying in their own blood on the ground.

He rubbed the back of his head. "Well, that was easy."

xxXxx

A/N haha, they just got beaten in the worst way possible.

Once again, reviews were awesome!

Lol, once again, Fier66's review made me lol! (Hehe, ramen bowl helmet to protect him from Sakura's fury-fists)

Speaking of angry Sakura, what also made me lol was that Mysto316 comment on wanting Naruto to either kill or be a douche to Sakura (Hehe I think that at one point in the manga, we all secretly want that though... Man I wasn't making her TOO angry was I?)

Not that I hate Sakura. She's a funny character.

Hehe.

You know how they have chocolate syrup for chocolate milk? Turns out they have coffee syrup for coffee milk!

And then you mix the coffee syrup and the chocolate syrup and-

You get mocha milk!

Usually I don't like plain coffee, but man I love mocha milk!

Follow, Fav, and REVIEW!

^-^ !