...leave it up to you...

Chapter 2 : Pain rising

Tamiel

I jump up onto Aemi's back and she carries me out the front doors of the apartment building and into the street. She has shimmering blue sparkles in her platinum blonde hair and is at least two or three inches taller than me. I don't mind, though; what's important is that she's mine.

"Tamiel, the 'Sorceress's' Knight' is watching us," Aemi points out, turning around and looking to the roof where Seifer was standing. He makes her uneasy, I know, but there's something about him that really makes me believe that he regrets doing so many of the things he did.

I pull my sleeves down a bit since they're going up, then run a hand through Aemi's hair. "Don't worry about 'im. He's a big boy, and he's a good boy. Ai, you'd think he was a--"

"--murder?" Aemi finishes, setting me down and turning around to look at me. "Face it, Tam: he's a cold-hearted killer. Why you let him stay with you is beyond me--"

"--you don't know him!" I insist. I know Seifer can hear me. I get so worked up when I'm around people. I tend to feed off their energy and emotions mentally. Not to sound like a Sorceress or what not - it's just a personality flaw. Really!

"He's changed. He understands now. He's not afraid to admit that he did a lot of bad things--"

"--but just because he apologizes doesn't mean it's okay! He still did those things, and he's still the same person. No matter how you look at it, he brought this upon himself. I can't even believe that you would let him stay with you. And for free, too!"

Aemi's mad now. Mad at herself for being the way she is, mad at me for letting him stay, and mad at Seifer for killing her older sister in one of his rampages. She doesn't understand that he's not the same!

"All that's going to come out of this is just... just... just bad!" she screams, her tanned face flushing. Oh no, not another fight - I hate these. "You're harboring a traitor to this entire world! He tried to bring Ultimecia to power! He tried to kill EVERYONE!"

Stepping back, I put my hands over my ears and close my eyes tightly. "This might seem childish, but I can't hear you. Hear that - I CAN'T HEAR YOU. I CAN'T HEAR YOU I CAN'T HEAR YOU I CAN'T HEAR YOU I CAN'T HEA--"

"--FINE! BE THAT WAY! I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU EITHER! YOU AND THAT FILTHY LITTLE... THAT FILTHY EX-GARDEN MEMBER!" Aemi screeches at the top of her lungs before turning and huffing down the street.

We manage to gain the attention of a few passer-byers, but the only person I'm concerned about at the moment is Seifer. I glance up at the roof and he's still there, standing, watching, that solemn look on his face.

Then again, maybe he's just depressed because it seems like everyone in this whole stupid world hates him. And he's just going to stand there like that and take it all? I don't think so.

Shoving my hands into the front pockets of my denim mini, I sprint into the complex, up the stairs, and onto the roof. Seifer doesn't bother turning around to see who's there - he knows it's me.

I approach him slowly, cautiously. I would hate for him to freak and turn around, slicing my head off with one clean swipe. That would be an awful bitch of a mess to clean up. Hyne, what am I supposed to do?

I place a hand on Seifer's shoulder and I can feel his muscles tense under the white tee. He shifts a bit, then glances at me. "Yeah?"

"Um... Seifer..."

"What is it?" he all but growls. Uh oh, not a good sign. Not a good sign at all.

After a quick moment of consideration, I wrap my arms around him and hug him. He's a bit surprised, but at least this way he can't attack me with that damned gunblade. Those things are dangerous, really.

I remember the story he told me once, about him and Squall training. They both have a scar between their eyes from getting cut by the other's gunblade. Maybe it's a sign, maybe not. Either way, no matter how Seifer puts it, he doesn't hate Squall.

"... What's this for?" he finally asks. I let go of him and sit down; he follows suit. "Any particular reason, or am I just lucky?"

Flashing the dirty-blond a smile, I reply, "Just to let you know that you mean something to me. You mean a lot of things to a lot of people. You just don't know it yet."

He snorts, but I have a feeling he knows it's true. Or maybe he just wishes it were, even though it is. Sometimes he confuses me. I know that I confuse him sometimes, too.

That thought makes me smile a little and he glances at me, probably wondering what's so amusing. "Just accept the fact that there are some things you can't change, but so many more you can," I say, shrugging. "Leave it at that, Seif."

"It's not so simple," Seifer says quietly, his gunblade now in his lap. He runs his finger over the blade carefully, being sure not to cut himself.

I don't understand why he practices with it everyday; there's no one left to fight. Ultimecia's gone, the world is safe, and all he has left is his inner demon. But maybe that's why he trains. He wants to beat the inner demon, but still... the strength of the outside is nothing compared to the inside. He knows that.

Maybe it just makes him feel better?

"... Sometimes, when I dream, I'm with Ultimecia again. I have more than enough power - more than I know what to do with. But, it's not enough. I have everything I ever wanted, but it doesn't mean a thing.

"I wish I knew why that is. I don't know what it is that I need, Tam. I don't think that I'll ever know, either. Maybe it's better like that, not bothering with it."

I shake my head. "You'll always feel empty, Seifer. Unless you do something about it, you're always going to feel like that."

Now Seifer looks at me, emotions swirling in those pretty blue eyes of his. He's vulnerable right now; his emotions are everywhere as he tries to figure out what's wrong with himself.

Nothing's wrong with you, baby. Nothing at all. You just... you're used to it always being something wrong with you and you've believed it for a long time. Maybe you should look around and see that it's not your fault. You're different now, and you have something to offer the world.

... You always have.

He sighs and looks away, then asks quietly, "What is it that I'm missing then, Tam? What do I need to feel like I'm a whole person?"

I stand up and walk towards the door to go inside. "Seifer Almasy, I know you're hurt. And I know that you think everything's your fault, that everyone hates you. But that's not true, and when you understand that, you can begin your search to become a whole person."