...leave it up to you...
Chapter 8 : Can't leave it alone
Tamiel
I don't know why I did it. I guess... that it's all I've got left of him. Now it's all I've got left, anyway. I'm sure that wherever he is, he's probably happy...
Fuck that. That's a load of bullshit. I know that he's not happy. He doesn't have anything. He hasn't dealt with anything. Why does he do it? Why can't he just accept that there are things that he can never change? It won't last forever - his pain. I don't think I'll ever let it go. I wish I could have done something more. I wanted to help him. I still do want to help him, but there's nothing I can do now.
I touch the tattoo on my left arm and smile, reminiscence on my lips. The red cross that was always on his jacket... Yeah, you'll be with me forever, Seifer. No matter what happens. I promise that you'll be remembered. I'll remember you. Forever, and longer.
Oh, there's Irvine. I promised Selphie that I'd meet him at the train station. I pull up my jacket to cover my arm
before I wave. He smiles at me, walking over with a bag thrown over his shoulder. He hasn't changed much at all. He looks like he's grown up a lot though, and I can see that wild fire in his eyes. He's different, but the same kid that helped save the world. He's not lonely anymore, though.
At that I smile, more of a grin though, really. He puts his bag down and gives me a hug.
"How are you?" I ask.
Irvine laughs and shakes his head. "Oh, just great. You know, the weirdest thing happened on the train."
I arch a brow. "And what was that, Irv?"
He scratches his head and frowns a bit. "Well, the last 'Sorceress's Knight' sighting was in Deling, and that wasn't too long ago. On the train, I saw this guy who looked like Seifer. The same hair, eyes, feel - you know, that vibe you get from Seifer. He said he'd never been to Balamb before...
"Heck, he even had the same scar. But there was something different about him. Like it couldn't have been Seifer. I don't know, kid. He's probably long gone from 'round these parts. Why would he want to come back, anyway?"
I bite my lip so hard it almost bleeds. Why now? Why is this happening? I was letting go... I was so close. But I don't want to say good-bye to Seifer. I don't want to leave it at just that.
"... I can't... do this..." I look up at Ivine with tears in my eyes. They threaten to spill over, but I keep them at bay. "Oh Hyne Irvine..."
He's worried now, I can tell. He doesn't understand. "What's wrong, Tamiel? Why are you upset? Was it something I said?"
"I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!" I scream as I run away. I know he's watching me, but I don't care anymore. I have to leave everything behind me. Nothing matters anymore. Nothing!
There's nowhere for me to go, though. Shops, houses, the hotel... It won't help. I'm scared... I'm really scared. Someone help me, please. Someone, anyone... just help me.
"... You can't run away forever..."
Was that...?
I stop running slowly and turn around. Leaning against the outer wall of the Balamb Hotel is Seifer. He walks over to me and kisses the top of my head. "I don't want you to run away anymore."
Seifer's back. Seifer's back, and he's changed, but he's scaring me more than I scare myself. We're sitting at the dock, our legs dangling over, but I know that he's only here because he needs closure. Then he can go... peacefully? I don't know, but I don't think I can help him anymore...
"Are you okay?"
I nod once. "Yeah, Seifer."
"I knew you'd be here."
"Then Irvine did see you."
"Yeah."
I'm not going to bother asking why he didn't tell Irvine who he really was. I already know the answer - he doesn't want anyone to know yet. But he's going to go to Garden and reunite with everyone, make amends, and then he's going to...
Damnit, I can't even think it.
... ... ... But I know what's going to happen. It's by that look in his eyes. That look that he's on one final mission before... before...
"You already know."
I swallow hard. Yeah, I do, Seifer. "... Yeah..."
"Don't make it harder."
"Seifer..."
"No," he insists, looking at me now. "Do NOT make this harder. Hear me?" His voice is harsh, like we were never close at all. He doesn't care anymore. Not like he used to. And that's scary.
I want to cry, but I won't. I can't. If he's given up all hope on himself... then I've given up all hope on him too. He's not the person I met in Deling City, the one who was lost and afraid. He's not the boy I gave everything up for. He's not anything. He's not here for closure - this is his escape.
Taking a deep breath, I start calmly, "If you're going to leave everyone and everything, then you're a fucking coward, Almasy." He flinches. I never call him that. "And I will be here, and I'll let it happen, but I won't let it go. I can't let it go. You're not worth so little that no one is going to care. Because I care.
"But I can't stop you from doing anything. You've changed - you're a different person. You're not the Seifer that I would give anything to help. So I'll let you do whatever you want to. You're not someone I can control. Even if you were, I don't think I'd try to force you to stop yourself. This is your life. Do with it what you want."
A.N.: Next chapter's up, and it's a doozy. Hope you like, and there's more where that came from .