...leave it up to you...

Chapter 9 : Beyond words

Seifer

Here I am, in that secret spot in the Training Center. It's dark, and I've already 'reunited' with everyone. Quistis, Zell, Irvine, Selphie, Rinoa, and Squall. But it doesn't matter. It's not like we had much to talk about. Hugs, smiles, tears - they don't mean a damned thing.

What's that?

I turn around and there's Squall walking over. He knows I'm here. He walks over and stands next to me, not saying a word.

It's been five minutes since he got here. Still hasn't said a word. I guess I should say something.

"... Hey."

Yeah, that's all I've got.

Squall looks over and nods. I don't think he's going to say anything.

"... ... ..."

"... ... ..."

"... ... ..."

"... ... ... Why... didn't you come back?"

I'm shocked. He's talking to me, and it's not completely pointless. I guess that barrier we used to have just kinda disappeared. It's been so long since I've seen him. He's different. Really different.

I run a hand through my hair, then reply, "Why would I? I disgraced Balamb Garden and almost destroyed the world by helping Ultimecia."

"So?"

"So? So? SO?!" I almost shout. "I fucked up, Squall. I fucked up real bad. You expected me to come back and act like nothing ever happened? Everywhere I go I get looked at like I'm the scum of the earth. And guess what - I guess I am. I don't have anything left."

"You've got us."

Shut up, Squall. Just SHUT UP. I have you guys? Yeah, right.

"Listen," I say, now looking right at him. "You're the hero. You saved the world. You're the person everyone wants to be. Me? Well, I'm the bad guy. I fucked up real bad and I can't ever make up for it. I'm always going to be the person that everyone can blame. That's how it works."

He's not saying anything.

He's still not saying anything.

"... Do you remember when we were little, and you hit me with that stick really hard? On the beach?"

What are you talking about? I remember, but your point would be...?

"Yeah."

"Well, I was so mad that I just wanted to kill you. Kick you in the head or something; teach you a lesson about how to treat people. But I didn't do any of that. Why? ... Because I figured that if you felt bad enough on the inside to hit someone, you didn't need any more pain.

"So I just let it go. I knew how it felt to not be wanted. When Ellone left... I thought it was my fault. I thought she didn't want me anymore. But it wasn't my fault. Just like it's not your fault, Seifer."

... What am I supposed to say to that? Why are you being so nice to me, Squall? I'm not your friend. You're not my friend. We're enemies, remember? You're the hero, I'm the zero. Remember?

"Squall, this is the way things are," I say. "Nothing's going to change that."

Squall shakes his head. "Don't let them win. Don't let their ignorance beat you. You're stronger than that, Seifer. I know that."

"Squall, shut up."

"Maybe you should shut up for a while," he snaps. "Maybe you should shut up, look around you, and see how good you've got it."

I snort. "What do I have, huh? Tell me, Squally-boy, what do I have that's so great?"

"You've got friends. You've got people who care about you."

"I've got more who hate me. You were one of them."

"I've never hated you."

I snort once more. "All those practices where we almost killed each other - you're telling me that you never once really wanted to kill me?"

Squall shrugs. "I might have been angry, but I've never hated you Seifer."

"Okay, Squall, fine. You win. I've got it great. I've got everything I want. You happy now?" I ask sarcastically. Squall turns and frowns.

"That's not what this is about."

"Then what's it about, huh?"

Shrugging, Squall doesn't say anything. I prod and repeat,

"What's it about? Really, I wanna know."

Maybe I'm hoping he'll get mad. Maybe not. I'm not quite sure. I can't seem to press any of his buttons. It's like there's no way to make him mad. He's not a kid anymore. He's not going to get bullied, especially by me.

"Seifer..."

"What?" I ask, giving him a dirty look.

"... I missed you."

A.N.: Stay tuned for more SeiferXSquall drama! And thanks for reviewing!