While I Wait
Chapter Six.
"You look amazing Kate." Dr. Burke complimented her as she walked into his office.
Her growing stomach was getting harder and harder to hide now that she was almost 5 months along. She tried to wear flowy tops and jackets to hide her bump when she was in public, but since she had such a small frame before, everyone was starting to take notice. She was surprised that news of her pregnancy hadn't been picked up by any gossip magazines, and for that she was thankful. She wanted to put off the attention for as long as possible, but the release of the book was this week and she knew that as soon as she started making pubic appearances that she shouldn't even attempt to hide it. Instead she was going to face it head on, she figured once the book was released everyone would know anyways so she might as well put it on full display.
She took a seat on the end of the couch, kicking her shoes off and tucking her feet up behind her. "Thanks Burke, the baby is growing so fast I can barely fit into anything I own anymore."
"Well, maybe it's time for a shopping trip." He teased, "Don't women love shopping."
She laughed at his generalization, yeah most women loved to shop, but not women who have been trying to hide out.
"You know, I should probably do some shopping for the baby, but I'm kind of afraid to walk anywhere near a baby store right now. I never know who is watching, and the book comes out so soon, I kind of want it to be a shocker."
"The fact that you're pregnant." He questioned, raising a brow at her.
"Yeah, I mean it's kind of exciting. I am almost five months now, which is crazy. Time has flown by, and I've decided that I don't want to find out the sex of the baby. Everyone is hounding me about it, but I think that since everything else about my life is about to be made public, I should leave one thing for myself, right?"
"I mean, I wouldn't have the willpower to not find out." He laughed.
"I just know that Rick would have fought me about finding out. He didn't have any patience, so I know he would have wanted to know immediately. Me on the other hand, I like the surprise element. I think it adds just a little more excitement to everything."
"As if having a baby isn't already exciting enough."
"It is exciting, and my pregnancy has been so easy this far. I hope that the next four months are as easy as the first 5 were."
"How are you doing with dealing with Rick's death?" he never failed to ask, which she appreciated, but there were times where she just felt like she was dwelling at this point. She didn't want to dwell, she wanted to free herself from the sadness that still consumed her most nights.
"I'm doing better, everyday it gets better. I still cry myself to sleep most nights, but I mean… it's still fresh." She shrugged, turning her head towards the window so that she didn't have to show him how emotional she still got over the subject.
"Kate, I'm so proud of you. You are dealing with this amazingly and your book is about to come out. How do you feel about that, and about having to do a press tour for the release."
"Actually, that's something I am really excited about."
"Excited?"
"Well, it will get me away from the loft for a little while and I worked really hard on this book and I'm excited to finally see and hear what people think about it."
"I guess that would be a little thrilling."
"It is. You know, Rick was suppose to be on his book tour all last month for his latest book, that's why we couldn't get married in September."
"I saw that they still released the book, and that it got great reviews."
"Yeah, it's done really well. I'm proud."
"Are you nervous about people comparing the two of you?"
"Not really, I mean, this isn't a competition. I wrote this for him, not for me."
"And I'm sure everyone will love it Kate. Look, I'm happy to see you're doing so great, and I know that you're about to be really busy and probably wont be able to see me for a little bit, but know that my phone and email are always available. Also, as soon as you get back from the press tour I expect to see you back here."
"You really think I need to come back?" She questioned. She knew that she was nowhere near over his death and over the shock of her pregnancy, but she had been dealing just fine. They were only seeing each other twice a month now, which worked for her.
"Ehh," he shrugged, "I don't want you to be here if it's not something you feel you need anymore, but my professional opinion is that we at least continue to see each other monthly."
"I think monthly is a great idea for now. I mean I don't know what I'll feel like when I have the baby. Honestly sometimes it scares me to think about going back to that dark place, and I'm going to do everything in my power to stay out of that place. I just have a feeling that I'll miss him even more once the baby gets here."
"That might be true, but it also might get easier Kate. It's all to be determined. Just know that you have to take it day by day and don't stress yourself out. You have plenty of help, just accept it when they offer."
"Burke, I'm not the same Kate Beckett that I use to be. I'm not closed off, I'm not unaccepting of the love and support of those around me. He changed that in me, he gave me everything that I needed and it changed me."
"Good, well if everything else is going good, then our time is up. Have a great time on the press tour and if you need me for anything, just call."
She stood from the couch and slid her boots back on, "I will, thanks again for everything Burke."
Xx
She spent that evening getting ready for what was sure to be a whirlwind press tour. It started in LA, where she would do a series of interviews before coming back to New York for more interviews. She had been in constant contact with Gina, who over the past few months had become somewhat of a friend to Kate. Gina had gone above and beyond to make sure that Kate was getting exactly what she wanted and needed. Kate felt bad for all of the things that she had ever said about Gina when she was mad at her for hounding Rick about deadlines, but she was a very determined woman and Kate understood that.
She had officially resigned from her job with the NYPD, but occasionally Kevin and Javi would come by and ask for her to look at a case for them, just for an outside opinion, which she enjoyed. She liked that they still wanted her to be there, but she knew that it wouldn't be he same without Rick. Hell, she wasn't the same person anymore. She had found her mothers killer, and he was behind bars, that didn't drive her anymore. Instead Rick drove her, everything she did was because she wanted to make him proud. The book was her love letter to him, and this baby was her main focus. She couldn't wait to be a mother; she couldn't wait to give her child the most amazing life ever.
Xx
Alexis, Kate, and Gina flew in to Los Angeles the following day for the west coast press tour. They settled into their hotel, Alexis and Kate sharing a bed in the master sweet. They had become as close as mother and daughter over the past 5 months, but treated each other more like best friends. They were each other's support system and each of them were grateful for the other.
Kate was sitting at the end of the bed, rubbing lotion over her swollen stomach when Alexis came into the room with the room service trey.
"I'm not hungry Lex, but thank you."
Alexis smiled, "you sure about that?" she asked as she pulled the lid off the plate. "I ordered cheesecake."
Kate immediately stood up and went towards the cart, "Lex, you are seriously the best ever. I looked at the menu and didn't see cheesecake, I was so disappointed."
"Well I had them go get it for you."
"You are heaven sent." Kate replied, pulling the girl into a hug and then grabbing a fork and the plate of cheesecake, "Come lay in bed and eat it with me."
"I don't want any, that is all for my little brother or sister." She laughed, "Speaking of, are you still set on not finding out the sex? I mean I really want to go shopping which is impossible if I don't know the sex."
"We will shop after the baby is born Lex, and it will be just as much fun." She said as she plopped down on the bed and crawled under the covers, placing her cheesecake on top of her stomach."
"Yeah, yeah, I am just impatient."
"Like your father."
"Oh he was much worse. So what is the schedule like for tomorrow?"
"Well in the morning is Good Day LA, and that's all I know, oh and a signing in the evening but I'm not sure what else is planned. I'm just going with the flow."
She started towards the bathroom before turning back to look at Kate inhale the cheesecake. "Don't overeat, I don't want to hear you complain all night about heartburn."
Her mouth was full of cheesecake so she couldn't respond, she just nodded, continued to chew.
Xx
An early call time the next morning had Kate and Alexis up before the sun came up. They were dressed and on their way to do her interview for Good Day LA. She hit hair and make up first, while being briefed about the questions that she would be asked. She approved basically anything they wanted to ask, feeling that it would be best to let everyone in as much as possible so that they would want to buy the book.
She settled into the chair on stage as the morning host came and introduced herself. She pulled her dress down over her knees and situated it over her stomach before they came back from commercial.
The host smiled and patted her leg, "Thank you for the interview, don't worry, you'll be great."
Kate returned the smile and nodded.
"Welcome back to Good Day LA, this morning we have a special guest with us, Miss Kate Beckett. You all might know her as the inspiration for the Richard Castle series Nikki Heat, but today she is here to promote her own book. One she wrote after she lost her fiancé Richard Castle on their wedding day. Kate how are you doing this morning."
She smiled, and situated herself to be more comfortable, "I'm doing great actually, thank you for asking."
"So I'm sure that instead of avoiding the obvious we should address that you are most certainly very pregnant."
Kate laughed and ran her hand over her stomach, "I wouldn't say 'very' pregnant, but yeah there is definitely a baby in there."
"Did you know you were pregnant before the accident?" she asked, a little sympathy leaking from her tone as she did so.
"No, I actually didn't find out for a while after the accident. As you can imagine it was a very hard time emotionally for me so the signs that were there, I avoided, because I thought they were stressed related. I happened to go to the doctor for just a health check up and that's how I found out."
"And I'm sure that must have been incredibly shocking."
Kate took a deep breath, making sure to choose the right words to use. "You know, at first it was surreal, it felt like a dream. The person I loved more than anyone in this world had just been ripped away from me on our wedding day. I still hadn't been able to deal with that properly, and then to find out that I was carrying his child…" She paused. "It was a blessing for sure, something that we had talked about wanting together, and then here I am about to do this without him. It's scary, terrifying at times to know that I don't have him here to help. He was an amazing father to his daughter, and I just wish he was here to give the same to our child."
"I can only imagine, but I must say, you are very brave. I know that you have avoided the spot light for a while now, because of your job and just to keep your relationship private which seemed to work out well for the two of you."
"You know, Rick was the public figure, not me, so it was easy for me to stay out of it. He did his best to shield his family and loved ones from it. The reason I have decided to thrust myself into it now was basically for him. This book, it's our love story, as told by me."
"Oh I got that from it. I read it yesterday, couldn't put it down. I cried, and laughed, and cried some more. I was a huge fan of the Nikki Heat series so getting to know you through this book was amazing. And it was a beautiful love story. The dedication, Wow.. now lets talk about that."
"Yeah, well his last dedication to me, was beautiful. He had just proposed not long before the book came out and when I saw the dedication I cried like a baby in my DC apartment, alone, because I had taken this job that had taken me away from him. So I called him and just repetitively told him how much I loved him while I cried about missing him. He was the sweetest man, seriously. So when I wrote mine to him I just wanted him to know that even though the music has ended, the dance will never stop."
"Clearly there is no room for a sequel of any kind, but do you plan on continuing to write?"
As she asked the question Kate noticed Gina walk up behind the camera crew, tears streaming down her face and Alexis behind her with the same look on her face. They were both smiling and anxious, and Kate stared at them for a moment before answering.
"I, honestly, I…. don't have any immediate plans to. I will be focused on the baby and just settling into my life as a single mom. I cant say that I wont ever want to write again, because it has been incredibly therapeutic for me, but now that I am no longer working for the NYPD I don't quite know what the next step will be."
"Well, we wish you all the luck with the baby. Thank you so much for coming on today."
Kate smiled, "No thank you."
As soon as the cameras cut, Gina ran on stage to whisper into her ear.
"What are you talking about Gina?" Kate asked, confusion starting to cloud her brain.
"They found Rick."
"Rick is dead, what are you talking about?"
"No, he isn't dead. They don't know what's going on, but they found him in upstate New York, he was hitch hiking. They haven't given us much, but we have to cancel the rest of your appearances, we have to go back to New York."
How are you liking it this far? I told you Rick would be coming back. How do you think things are going to go from here?