While I Wait
Chapter 8
"Rick, oh my god," Gina flew towards him, hugging him tight. "I never thought I'd get to hug you again, but this is a miracle. What the hell is going on, where were you?" She asked, releasing her hold on him and stepping back to stand next to Kate.
"Uhhh.. I… I don't really remember anything." He stuttered through his thoughts, unsure of what his current relationship with Gina was like. They clearly weren't together anymore, and hadn't been for a while. "I don't want to make this awkward but I'm just confused by everything."
"What do you mean, what's going on?" She looked to Kate, who had her eyes closed trying to gather her thoughts and feelings. It stung a little bit to know that Rick's last memories were with Gina, but she also knew that Rick and Gina had been over for years now.
"Gina, he.. doesn't remember any of it. He doesn't even remember being with me." She tried to explain.
Gina laughed almost as if were absurd that he not remember being with Kate, "Rick you've loved her since the day you met her, how do you not remember that. Even when we were together I knew that, I just wasn't ready to accept it."
"I mean…" he started to blush as if he were embarrassed of his feelings. "I remember having a huge crush on her that I thought would never really pan out."
"Oh stop it, you don't have to be embarrassed, you married the girl and it clearly panned out." Gina laughed again, reaching over to touch Kates growing bump.
"How are you two friends? This is just weird." He asked, looking between the women who started to laugh. The thought of them being friends was a little odd, the women hardly got along before Ricks supposed death so it was new for everyone. Things were different now. Gina had been a huge part in helping Kate make it through her days. She had allowed her to write a book, and publish it, which had kept her focus on other things rather than just missing him.
"Here, you two go sit at the bar while I finish cooking." She took off for the kitchen the two of them following close behind.
"We actually never really got along until Kate came to me about the book she had written. Once I read it I couldn't help but want to be around her and help her in any way I could. It was clear while reading the book that you two were completely in love, and then when I found out she was pregnant.." She paused, taking a deep breath. "I just felt like someone needed to be there for her, she needed someone to have her back and I am really pushy so I shoved my way in. I needed to know that she was okay, that your baby would be okay."
"Wow, Gina, thank you.. I don't know how we ended or why but I know that when we were married that would have never been something I could see you doing." Rick took her hand and gave it a soft squeeze.
"Gee, thanks Rick." She laughed, "I know you don't remember what happened, but what do you remember about your life." She asked.
"Us… I remember you and I being in the Hamptons."
"Rick that was years ago. You don't remember our breakup?"
He shook his head from side to side.
"Wow, this is awkward." Kate butted in. Knowing it wasn't personal but she was right, it was a bit awkward.
"Yeah, well… we didn't work out for a lot of reasons and the most important one was that you wanted another woman, this woman." She said, looking up to Kate.
"See I remember her being important to me, but at the same time my feelings are so torn right now. Maybe it's just that I'm being thrust into this situation where we were suppose to have gotten married and we are having a baby, it's just really a lot to walk in to with no memory of us even being together." He tried to explain, not knowing how much his words were affecting Kate.
She wiped the tear off her cheek that had broken down from her eye as she turned to walk out of the kitchen and towards their bedroom slowly, making an excuse about needing to grab something.
"Kate…" he let out a low growl of frustration, realizing that he needed to watch what he said and how he said it. She continued to walk towards the bedroom, needing a little space to cry in private. It wasn't his fault, she knew that, but she also knew that Rick had always had feelings for her so why was it so hard for him to just accept that this is his life now. Shouldn't he be excited that all the work was done, her walls down, her arms open to him.
She closed the door behind her and took a seat on the edge of the bed. It was only a minute before she heard a knock on the door.
"Kate, can I come in?" he asked, and when she didn't respond… "please.. don't be upset with me."
"I'm not Rick." She took a deep breath, wiping the tears that were rolling down her cheeks.
He opened the door and walked towards where she sat on the bed.
"Rick, I just don't know how to deal with this either. The person I'm in love with doesn't remember being in love with me. Doesn't remember creating the life we share or this life inside of me."
"I will… remember….hopefully… eventually." And then he was reaching his hand over and pulling hers out of her lap.
She looked up at him, trying her hardest to be strong. "What do we do until then?"
"Can we start from the beginning, maybe re-date." He laughed, "I always wanted to take you on a date ya know." He laughed.
"It didn't happen like that." She smiled in return; her heart fluttering a little in her chest at the excitement she saw spreading across his face.
"How did it happen?" he asked.
"Us getting together?"
He nodded, begging for their story, or at least a piece of it.
"I showed up here one night after I almost died, after you basically told me you loved me and couldn't watch me walk into a death trap. I went anyways, full force into something I knew would swallow me whole. Except I realized when I was about to die that all I wanted was you, to be with you. So I came here and you were mad, I didn't think you were going to let me in so I just came at you and I kissed you and I told you that I was sorry and that I wanted you and then ya know…" she giggled, bowing her head to hide her embarrassment, too shy to carry on.
"Ya know?" he asked, "What does that mean?"
"We made love… ya know" she shrugged, trying her hardest not to laugh as she looked away, catching a glimpse of framed picture of the two of them on the bedside table. She picked it up and shoved it towards him and he smiled. It was the two of them on the beach together in the Hamptons.
"How was it? Where we good?" he asked?
"Are you kidding me? That is one thing we are great at together. The first time was beautiful…I mean perfect….a little rough, but we were both angry and it was just about as passionate as it gets. I mean, real passion. The second time was slow, and soft and just the two of us learning each other's bodies. The third was more fun and playful, and then we fell asleep and I learned that you snore a little.."
"Do not."
"Oh yes, yes you do babe."
"So we have good sex, that's good to know. Not that I ever doubted myself." He shrugged, his chest popping out.
"Confident much?" She laughed, leaning into his body, laying her head on his shoulder.
He wrapped his arm around her body, his hand resting on the side of her bump.
"Rick… I don't want to push you, I don't want you to feel pressured to be with me or to love me. I know that it's going to take some time, that it wont be easy."
"Kate…"
"No, listen to me.." she interrupted. Sitting back up and turning her body to face his. "I will do anything to make sure that we work through this together, and I know that there is nothing in this world that could tear us apart now. We have been through so much worse, so many life and death situations, and secrets, and we made it through those things. If there is one thing I know about you and I, it's that we were made for one another. We are going to figure all of this out, together."
He nodded, not really sure of how to respond.
"Okay, well, I just have a few request of you.."
"Okay?" he asked cautiously.
"I just want you to be honest with me Rick, to be open, even if you think it might hurt my feelings or upset me. The biggest trials in our relationship have come from dishonesty or hiding things from one another. So, we're honest and open now. Got it?"
"Kate, I.. I don't want to make promises that I don't know if I can keep."
"You can keep it, and you will. You're honest with me Rick, and I'm honest with you."
"Okay, okay. I'll try."
A knock came from the door frame and both of their eyes shot up to see Gina standing there.
"Don't mean to interrupt, but I really need to talk to you Kate, actually the two of you." She pointed back and forth between the pair.
"About what?" Kate stood from the bed, pulling her shirt down over her growing stomach.
"The book, the tour, the press, how everything is going to be handled."
"Already, can't we buy some time."
"Actually, yes we can, but I don't know how you're going to feel about all of this?" She said, waving the both of them towards her.
They made their way back into the living room, Kate taking a seat on the couch and Gina in the chair next to it. Rick made his way in a moment later taking a seat next to Kate.
"So, no one is aware that Rick is alive really, and I was thinking maybe we keep it that way. For the book, for the tour, but also to give him time. Peace and quiet, and then later we will figure out a way to reintroduce him to the media and the world. Once he has his life back."
"So you want me to hide out for… how long?" he asked, a little annoyed.
"Not if you don't want to Rick, it's just a suggestion. To give the two of you some peace and privacy until things get better."
"I'm not opposed if he isn't. I mean it's his life, but I think that staying away from the media right now would be best." She turned to look at him, running her hand down his thigh.
He watched her hand as it made its way to his knee and stopped. "You think it would be best?" he asked her.
"If you want space to figure things out on your own, then yes."
"Well then if she thinks its best for me…"
"Rick. Do it because you want to, not because of me."
"Kate, you've clearly been through a lot. I mean you're pregnant and you had to deal with my death, I think you should be making the decisions now. I think you should have a little bit of control over what happens from this point on."
"See, you do love her." Gina laughed, butting in and then going quiet all of a sudden.
"Gina, stop." Kate laughed.
"I do care about her, and clearly I was about to marry her, I got her pregnant, we had to have been happy together. I want what's best for her, for us, and I think she knows what that might be more than I do right now."
"Okay, then it's settled. I'll email you later with your New York interviews and meet and greets. I will say we had to miss out on the LA stops because of medical reasons. I mean you are pregnant so…" she shrugged, standing to grab her coat that was hanging on the back of the couch.
Kate stood along with Gina and wrapped her arms around her neck, "Thank you so much for everything Gina."
"No problem."
Xx
After Gina left, they sat around the table and talked for a while and ate. Kate tried her best to tell him stories of some of their cases, trying not to push any of "their" story on him until he was ready.
"When did we fall in love, I mean I know you said you came here one night and then we were just together but did we know before…"
"We both knew, we were both hiding from it, running from it for different reasons. After I was shot.."
"You were shot?" he interrupted, sitting up a little straighter in his chair. Almost as if he wanted to protect her now, like there was something he could do.
She laughed, "yeah that's an even bigger story. I mean we knew, I knew that you loved me.. you told me when I got shot, and I lied about hearing you, because I was scared of what it might mean. Scared that I loved you too, and that I would hurt you because I wasn't ready for it."
"Wow, so…"
"I did hurt you. When you found out you lashed out a little, started dating around again, back to the old playboy ways briefly. It killed me to watch it happen, because I was almost there, almost ready to be with you. I just shouldn't have lied. I should have told you, but I didn't. In the end it didn't matter because when I came to you and told you, it was like none of it mattered anymore. We were together, we could admit we wanted to be with one another, and then our real love story could begin.. and it did, and we were like teenagers. It was amazing."
"Lots of sex?"
"So much sex, and so many stolen kisses. It was very passionate… for the first 9-10 months, and then we found ourselves in a little rut."
"Oh, no."
"Yeah, I guess I wanted more from you, or at least the hope of something more and you were just content, or content with not discussing it."
"So what happened.."
"I worked a case with someone who shall not be named, and he kissed me, and your jealousy was through the roof.. but you stepped it up." She sighed, bowing her head again as if she was hiding something else.
"Until…."
She stabbed around at her food, still chewing a small portion. "I got a job offer… in DC, and didn't tell you about it."
"and I can only assume I was livid, because I can feel my blood boiling now."
She laughed again, reaching her hand over the table to join his.
"You were very upset with me, and then out of nowhere you ask me to meet you at the swings and I just knew we were over, that you were going to break up with me, and my heart was broken before I even made it to those swings but I went anyways because I owed it to you. I was prepared to fight for you, to make you give me another chance.."
"Did I break up with you?"
She shook her head, "No, you proposed."
"I what….?"
"…and I said yes, and I also said yes to the job, and then I went to DC, and then there was very very little sex for a few months. There were some naughty facetime calls, and a few dirty pictures sent."
"Wow, Detective Beckett, do you still have my phone? I'd love to see those."
"I, uhhh, doubt you kept them on your phone. Maybe in a hidden folder somewhere on your computer."
"God I hope so…"
"Rick, you know we were getting married, you can see it anytime you want, although its not as sexy now with a baby stuffed in my belly."
"Are you kidding me? You're still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and that's my baby in there which makes the sexy level go up so much more." He reached down sliding his palm against her stomach.
"I don't want to have sex yet though, I mean I want us to wait a little bit, so that it's meaningful for the both of us."
"Okay," he smiled, stabbing another bite of his cold food.
She nodded, "Okay…."
So sorry for the lack of updates, I promise it was just temporary though. I had an immediate family member pass away and I haven't really felt up to writing to be honest with you. Too much on my mind, and a lot of family time. Hope you enjoy the chapter and the updates will be more frequent now. Thank you for your patience. Reviews are always appreciated. :)