A/N: Continuing with the experiment... We read from John's journal once more, one week from the last entry...
Disclaimer: Arthur, Steven, and Mark, I owe it all to you...and of course Benedict and Martin for providing such profound performances!
Thursday.
E was leading a group therapy session. I never asked to be a part of one. I was given my weekly appointment as usual, so I didn't suspect. But when I got there, five more "veterans" were already there.
Embarrassing. And here my therapist was pushing me to expose my failures, admit my weaknesses. She said it would be cathartic, to get it all off of my chest and unburden my shoulders. How stupid does she think I am? A failure is a failure, a blind spot is a blind spot. No touchy-feely therapy is going to make that weight any less of a reality.
There is nothing cathartic about admitting you weren't where you were supposed to be, about leaving your mates on their own, about almost being responsible for the deaths of others...
At one point, E actually said I didn't have to say anything - very kindly lying through her teeth. I think she was just covering for the fact that I wasn't saying anything...or possibly trying to guilt me into saying something.
I'll just not go back, I think. I'll keep up with writing this journal. That does help. A bit. At least when it's written down, it's not so close to the front of my mind.
That blog is ridiculous, though. Since day one, I still don't have anything to say in public forum. I can't write about my past... And who is going to want to read my present?
I've tried. I open it up, I log in...and I stare at a blank screen. Almost an hour goes by...I log out.
What if I gave it up? Stopped trying to write a digital memoir for a stagnant life...? I can't. That would make me feel like I've run away from something.
I am not a coward, I just don't have anything to say to the rest of the world.
John Watson, still a failure.
A/N: There it is. I do apologize for the gaps between entries...but it is on purpose. All too soon, the entries will be one right after the other. (Sherlock, he is an inspiration for all.) Alright, that's it...now lemme know what you think!