Chapter 5.1
"Beth"
"Wake up Bethy"
Beth woke up to her sister brushing her hair away from her forehead.
"Where's Daryl?" Beth asked as she looked around the room.
"He got up a couple of hours ago. He asked me not to wake you but I know you haven't eaten and you need your strength if you're going to get better."
Beth knew Maggie was right. She was always right and she didn't have the strength to argue with her. She also didn't want to talk about Daryl. Sure enough Maggie began to ask questions and Beth was grateful for the food she brought which made it difficult to speak while she ate.
"Well, I get it if you don't want to talk just yet but you have to let me help you clean up. You should see yourself".
Beth didn't care what she looked like but if cleaning her up distracted Maggie from asking too many questions then she was alright with it.
As soon as Maggie left to gather some items for Beth, Beth crawled out of bed and stood by the window. It was early morning and she could make out some of the new people in the group that she hadn't formally met yet. She grew concerned not seeing Daryl anywhere. She wanted to find him just as Maggie returned with some clothes and brush and some toiletries. Beth figured she would let Maggie do this for her. Maggie seemed to need it more than she did.
Beth washed her face as Maggie used her fingers to brush through her sister's hair.
"I'm sorry I couldn't find a brush" Maggie said on the brink of tears.
Beth, noticing the change in her voice stopped what she was doing.
"I don't need a brush Maggie".
"But you do and I can't even find you a stupid brush in this place." Maggie then began crying.
"Maggie….stop. I'm alright. Really I am."
"I thought you were dead, just like daddy. I didn't let myself think you were alive. I didn't let myself hope and here you are."
Beth hugged her sister tightly. She wanted to reassure Maggie that she was alright but she wasn't about to talk about what happened. Not yet anyway.
Beth walked down the stairs in search for Daryl. The house was empty except for Sasha and Judith. It was hard for Beth to believe Daryl was out and about so soon but she has seen him hurt before and back on his feet in less than 24 hours. Daryl was always able to push through his pain while others probably needed a few days' rest.
Beth busied herself until some of the others returned. She didn't want to appear too anxious to see Daryl but she felt as though she could not hide her feelings from Rick. She was introduced to the new members of their group and dodged questions about where he had been since the prison. Beth didn't know how much Daryl had told them about their time together so she thought it was best to leave it where it was, in the past. Rick pulled Beth aside and whispered that Daryl was sitting in the gazebo near the overgrown garden out back. Beth thanked Rick with her eyes as she left the group to find Daryl.
He sat away from her facing the forest as Beth approached the gazebo cautiously.
"Daryl"
He didn't answer her. He only looked down and remained silent.
Beth stepped closer to him but she was still hesitant to get too close. She didn't know why but she felt that that was what he wanted.
"Daryl. Are you okay?"
"It's my fault" he said without looking up as his shoulders hung low.
"She's dead and it's my fault".
Beth knew he meant Carol. Tears came to her eyes at the thought of Carol risking her life to look for her.
"I'm sorry, Daryl."
He nodded his head as he raised it to look in the distance again. He wouldn't look at Beth which only made her feel as though he didn't want her there.
Beth decided to leave him be. If things were different now then that's how they are supposed to be. She was heartbroken but determined not to let it show. They were a group now and their time together was something to be "put away" – not forgotten but simply not to be relived. They were alive and safe for now. It's the group that matters now and they all have their places.
She tried not looking back at him as she walked away but as she placed her hand on the back door of the house she decided to look just to make sure he was still there. Daryl had not moved at all. Beth closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She told herself to accept how things are, that it was foolish to hope for more.
"Are you okay, Beth?"
Beth turned to find Rick standing near her. She did not hear him approach. She chided herself for not being more aware of her surroundings.
"I'm okay" she replied, trying not to look at him, fearing he would see the disappointment in her eyes.
"He's okay too. He just needs some time."
Beth nodded her head. "I know." Beth walked into the house without saying anymore. She feared she would say too much and regret it later. She didn't want Rick to tell Daryl that she had a crush on him. She hoped whatever Rick knew about them that he would forget it just as she had planned to do.