Chapter 2

"You shouldn't be here," Jeff growled. It took all of his self control to stop from reaching out and hitting the man that had slipped in undetected and uninvited.

Unfazed by Jeff's threatening expression and posture, Captain James Haydyn held his ground. He was shorter than Jeff by several inches but the rigidity of his body and the clenching of his fists showed he was ready for a fight. "I need to talk to her."

"Don't you think you've done enough? All you need to do is get out of here." Jeff took a step forward, a tower of barely-contained fury. "Now." He poked James in the chest for emphasis.

"I need to talk to her," James insisted stubbornly, his dark eyes flashing as his own anger rose. "I need to explain..."

"Explain what? That you killed her husband because you're a coward?" Jeff snapped. He knew he was close to losing control but at that moment he didn't care. The layers of helplessness and numbness that had covered him like a cocoon the last few days fell away as blind fury took hold.

James' response was immediate and just as ferocious. Like a lion, he jumped forward, jaw jutting. "I knew you wouldn't have the guts to make the decision so I did. We'd all be dead if it wasn't for me and you know it, Jeff!

"That's a god damn lie!" Jeff shouted. "We all would have made it if you didn't panic! You disobeyed a direct order because you only cared about saving your own skin, you worthless piece of..." His words were cut off as an explosive punch landed on the right side of his face.

The two men fell at each other, fists flying. Jeff landed a direct blow in the middle of his opponent's face that was so forceful his hand stung. The shorter man recoiled, grasping his mouth as blood spurted. Before Jeff could press his advantage, strong hands grabbed him from behind and pulled him away.

"Let go!" he grunted, attempting to shake the restraining arms away.

"Easy, easy there, sir," a familiar voice cautioned. It was another member of the moon mission, Al Wright, who was as big and strong as an ox. Using his strength, he steered his furious commanding officer away from James, who was being restrained by two others.

Breathing hard, Jeff wasn't finished. He could see his opponent being held back by two others. "Get off , Al!"

"No way, sir," Al said calmly, tightening his grip even more. "He sure ain't worth it. That no-good bastard will get what's due when the brass gets a-hold of him." Al's normally placid expression darkened as he knit his brow. "And when they're done, a few of us would like a word or two with him then. The Major was my friend too and I owe him for what he did for us, sir."

"Jeff! " Lucy's voice cut through all of his rage and anger. Immediately, she was there at his side and her hand on his arm did more to control him than all of Al's brute strength. She frowned and shifted her gaze between her husband and James. "What's wrong with you two?"

Jeff could hear the admonishment in her tone and her normally soft, musical voice was raised in disbelief. His anger dissolved suddenly under her scrutiny and he only felt weary and tired. Losing control of his emotions wasn't something he often experienced and it left him feeling uneasy and somewhat disgusted. It wasn't the time or place to have a fist fight, even if he felt justified in his motives.

Lucy echoed his sentiments. "You should be ashamed of yourselves, brawling like a couple of a drunks in a bar on today of all days."

"I just wanted to see her, Lucy," James protested. He glared at Jeff who looked back at him with undisguised dislike.

"No," Lucy said firmly. "Melanie is exhausted. She hasn't slept in days and today they buried her husband. It's not the right time for this, James." With a last lingering look at Jeff that relayed an unspoken plea for peace, she went over to James, patted his arm, and handed him a bunch of tissues for his bleeding lip. "I know you mean well, but you have to give it some time. Wait for a couple of weeks for her to deal with the shock of all of this. Then I'm sure she'll be ready to see you, okay?"

James grasped Lucille's hand and smiled. "Okay, Lucy."

Jeff bristled at the sight of his wife's hand being held by someone he despised, and the urge to pummel James returned with a vengeance. He waited for Lucy to pull away, but instead she returned the smile and walked the moon mission's co-pilot to the door. She said something softly to James and he smiled at her in return before leaving. Jeff stalked away furiously, hiding in a corner, fortifying his dark feelings with the help of Al, a couple of other mourners, and a bottle of Scotch.

Later that evening, when it was time to go, he felt as dark as the approaching night. Saying their goodbyes, Lucy whisked the car keys away from him before he had a chance to get in the driver's seat. "I'll drive, Jeff."

"Why?" Jeff challenged belligerently, waiting for her to judge the level of his sobriety so he could ignite an argument.

Lucy refused to take the bait. "Because I like to drive, that's why."

They drove in silence. Jeff nursed his feelings of betrayal as he watched the landscape flash by in the window. He knew he was being unreasonable. Being jealous and angry over something so petty as a handshake and a smile was stupid, but he didn't care. She shouldn't have been nice to someone he now considered an enemy.

When they got to the parking lot of the hotel where they were staying, she silently gave him the keys. Determined to punish her, he ignored her for the rest of the night by burying himself in his laptop. He started writing the mission summary that he would present to the review board in the coming weeks but the only progress he made was the first two sentences which he wrote over and over. Sensing the darkness of his mood, Lucy made a few overtures of peace, bringing him a drink, ordering a room service late dinner, offering to massage away the tensions of the day, all of which he made a pragmatic point of refusing. Finally, she left him to his work.

Long after midnight, she appeared again in the doorway to the second small room of their suite. "Are you coming to bed, Jeff?" Lucy asked quietly.

Jeff shook his head by way of reply. Without her regular clothes to disguise it, the slight bulge of her pregnancy was clearly visible through her sheer night gown. He felt a stab of guilt. He knew that he was upsetting her, but he was determined to make a point and couldn't seem to let it go.

She hesitated before coming to him. "What's wrong, Jeff? Why are you angry with me?"

"Don't you know?"

"No," Lucy answered, faltering at the accusatory tone in his voice. "I wish you'd tell me so we can talk it over and go to bed. We're both tired and it's been such a terrible day."

"Go to bed then," Jeff interrupted. "I'm not tired and you're right, you should get some sleep."

Lucy tried a different tactic. "Don't push me away, Jeff Tracy, You're not going to hide from me in that computer." She came forward and reached over his shoulder to snap the laptop shut.

"I'm not hiding. I'm working," Jeff grumbled and pushed her hand away so he could open the laptop again. Lucy shut it again and Jeff promptly opened it. She shut it again and when he reached to open it, she reached down and kissed him. Surprised, he tried to pull away but she held onto him and he knew he was beaten. He could never stay angry at her for long, especially when he knew he was a fool. She had treated Jameslike she would anyone; with innate kindness and grace. He pulled her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her waist. For a long time, they sat that way until at last she touched his face where a dark bruise was forming from the punch he had taken earlier. Their eyes met and Lucy studied him, her own expression one of love and empathy.

"What happened up there, Jeff? " she finally asked.

Immediately, he stiffened and the mask he wore since the mission automatically settled into place. Once again, he hardened against her. Gently, he pushed her off his lap and stood up. "You need to get some rest. I want to leave early to fly you back home. I'd like to spend some time with the boys..."

"Jeff, talk to me."

"...and if you don't get some sleep, you'll feel terrible all day. So..."

"Jeff!" Lucy grabbed his arm as he tried to walk by her. He whirled around, the anger at the unfairness of it all, the loss that he blamed himself for, and the grief he didn't want to face erupting to the surface.

"What do you want me to say?" he shouted at his wife. "That Eric's dead? That I just sat there and watched him die?" Furiously, he grabbed the chair in front of the laptop and hurled it against a long mirror on the wall. The glass cracked and shattered, small sharp shards raining down onto the carpeted floor.

Lucy stubbornly stayed in place, concern for her husband winning over fear of being cut by the broken glass. Breathing hard and struggling to gain control, Jeff turned his back to her. "Go to bed, Lucy. Please. I don't want to talk about it." For a couple of long minutes, he stayed that way, waiting for her to leave but she refused to go. Finally, he turned around to face her, a wave of shame washing over him. What was happening to him? He was always calm and cool-headed. Now he had lost control twice in one day.

"I'm sorry, Lucy," he mumbled, unable to look her in the eye. "I'm sorry."

Without a word, she held out her arms and he went to her. As she pressed her face against his, he could feel dampness on her face. Tears. The realization that he had made her cry cut him to core. "Don't cry," he mumbled into her hair. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I didn't mean it. Don't cry." He could stand anything, anything at all, but his Lucy crying was more than he could take.

"It's not that. I can't stand seeing you this way," Lucy whispered, her voice wavering slightly. She pulled back so she could look up into his eyes. Her brown eyes radiated sadness and there were tears caught in her eyelashes. "I know how hard this is for you. Just promise me that you won't shut me out. You have so many people that love and care about you. Don't be afraid to reach out. You don't have to do this alone."

"I know," Jeff conceded. "It will all be okay. I promise." The words sounded strangely familiar to him. An echo of the many promises he had made over the last few days.

Long after Lucy was asleep, Jeff laid awake in the dark beside her. He stared at the ceiling, not wanting to close his eyes just yet. He wasn't ready for the parade of images that would come nor the dreams he knew would haunt his sleep. He had faced death himself many times and had seen it even more, yet somehow this time it was different. Even so, he was confident that he could deal with it. He could almost see his mother standing at the sink back at the Kansas farmhouse, apron on, her hands always busy with work. Time heals all wounds, she said many times. It had always been true to a certain extent. Time did heal wounds, but it didn't take away the scars that remained.

It wouldn't erase the memories and definitely wouldn't negate the promises he had made. Promises that no matter what, Jeff Tracy was determined to keep. Finally, sleep came and he let it take him. Tomorrow was another day and he would face it with the tenacity and determination that made him the man he was.