You guys might hate me for this chapter...
I don't own BTR.
Kendall had been sitting alone in the tutor center bored until Logan came by. He'd brought his coursework with him but so far it sat on the desk completely ignored.
Kendall had his hands on the younger boy's waist and his lips against his lips. Logan was smiling into the kiss, loving the feeling of Kendall's lips on his. Their study session had somehow turned into a mini makeout session, but neither of them were really complaining.
Logan broke away from the blonde's lips and tilted his head to the side and Kendall took that to mean he wanted him to kiss his neck so he complied, moving his lips down to his soft skin.
"Kendall we're supposed to be working," Logan said.
"So you didn't come here just because you wanted to make out with me?" Kendall murmured against his skin.
"Maybe I came because I really need help with math," he replied.
Kendall pulled back to see if he was serious or not "Okay get your books out then," he said, pulling away from him, but Logan put his arms around him before he could.
"Wait, no I was bluffing," he said, smiling.
Kendall smiled too and pecked him on the lips.
"But I did want to talk to you about something," Logan said.
"What's up?" Kendall asked. Though he got the feeling he wouldn't like where this was going. Nothing good ever came from 'I want to talk'.
"I just...I feel like I never get to see you," Logan said.
"What do you mean?"
"We never hang out or do stuff together."
"We're hanging out now," Kendall said.
"This doesn't count. I want you to spend more time with me..."
Kendall kept himself from sighing out loud. He wasn't sure he liked being given demands on how he should spend his time. But he didn't know why he was surprised Logan felt this way. He'd been getting vibes from Logan that he was the clingy type for a while now but he didn't really think it mattered because they weren't really together. They'd only hooked up twice and to Kendall that didn't really mean anything. But he worried Logan would read too much into it and start acting like they were married now or something.
"What about tonight?" Logan asked him.
"I have to work tonight," he said.
"Well what about afterwards?"
"I don't get off until 11, which is past your curfew," he told him, but then Logan looked so disappointed he started to feel bad. "But I could call you when I get home or something."
Logan's face lit up again and Kendall was surprised by how happy he could make him. "Promise you'll call me."
"I promise," Kendall said.
Logan smiled, making his dimples appear. "Okay, I have to get back to class to talk to my teacher before the bell rings. I'll see you later," he said gathering his things. Kendall nodded and watched him leave.
Kendall had been thinking about Logan a lot lately. He liked Logan and he thought that he was a nice kid. He could admit that Logan made him laugh sometimes and he could be fun to be around. But that was all they did when they were together, they had fun. That was all it was. He had to keep reminding himself that Logan was only fourteen years old and it didn't matter how cute he thought he was.
Though there were advantages to being with Logan. He was a good distraction from his problems. And if James were to ever find out they were together he would probably be monumentally pissed off. Probably as pissed as Kendall was when he found out about him and Jo. Which wasn't the whole reason he'd gone after Logan in the first place, but he had to admit the thought had crossed his mind more than once. The vindictive side of Kendall's brain thought that it would only be fair to take something away from James since James had tried to take Jo away from him. And what better thing to take than Logan? He didn't even have to try with Logan. The boy just fell right into his arms.
Kendall took out one of his books to read until the next bell. He looked up when he heard someone enter the room but then he sighed once he realized it was just Mercedes, a.k.a the bane of his existence. "What do you want?"
"I need to talk to you about Jo," she told him.
"Well, I'm busy," he said, turning back to his book hoping she'd get the hint and go away.
"Oh please. Everyone knows you don't do any actual work in here."
"Actually I was helping a student before you barged in," Kendall said.
Mercedes almost laughed. "Right.. And does part of that help include putting your tongue down his throat?"
Kendall put his book down once he realized ignoring her wasn't going to work. "Are you spying on me now?"
"No...I came here to talk to you and I saw you guys. You're lucky it was me and not Jo who saw you," she said sitting down beside him. "You do realize James is going to kill you right."
Kendall just rolled his eyes. He wasn't afraid of James. He knew for a fact that all of James' muscles were just for show and he wouldn't dare do anything to jeopardize his pretty face. "Seriously, he's gonna kick your ass and honestly he should kick your ass. Isn't it like against friendship code to go after people's siblings?"
"James has already proven he has no regard for friendship code so I don't see why I should."
"And of course that's what this is about. This is all because of Jo right?" Kendall didn't respond because she was right. He probably never would have done anything with Logan if Jo had never told him about what happened with her and James. "Kendall you need to let that go. So what if she and James made out once."
"They made out?"
"That is besides the point. You haven't exactly been innocent yourself," she said. And again he was silent because he knew she was right. "Forget about everything that's happened and be serious with me for a second. Do you still care about Jo and want to be with her?"
"I think so...yeah."
"Then you need to get over yourself and stop ignoring her. Forget about your ego for once Kendall," she said. "And you need to leave that kid alone."
"Who Logan?"
"Yes, Kendall take it from somebody who used to have a crush on you. What you're doing to him is just cruel."
"You used to have a crush on me?" Kendall raised an eyebrow and smirked.
Mercedes gave him a slight look of disgust. "Please don't flatter yourself it was seventh grade. But seriously, listen to what I'm telling you."
"Why do you even care?"
"Because Jo is my friend. And the longer you guys are broken up the longer I have to listen to her bitch and complain about you."
Kendall didn't want to believe that Mercedes was completely right in everything she was saying. But a lot of what she said did make sense. But some of it bothered him. She didn't know anything about what was going on between him and Logan so she had no right to call him cruel. Mercedes made it seem like what he was doing was so horrible, like he was just using Logan. But he wasn't just using him. Everything that happened between them was mutually desired by both parties. In fact Logan was the one who'd wanted to go upstairs with him that first night. But while everything that happened since then had been fun, Kendall could sense that Logan was starting to get a little possessive over him. Which was kind of sweet in a way, but it also meant that he was gonna have to end things soon.
But his relationship with Jo was a different story. Maybe he had overreacted about that kiss but he still needed to decide if it was really worth it to him to get back together with her or not.
"Does Jo really still want us to be back together?"
"Why don't you go talk to her and find out for yourself."
The more Kendall thought about it the more he realized that maybe it was a good thing that she had kissed James. Because now it meant that they were even since Kendall may or may not (he still doesn't believe it happened) have kissed someone else and possibly done other things that one night he decided to drink at a party. He realized this meant they'd just leveled the playing field and now they could start over with a clean slate.
Kendall didn't find Jo until later on after school. She was in the room behind the stage where they used to meet up. Somehow he just knew he'd find her there. She didn't notice him right away so for a minute he just watched her.
He could tell right away that she wasn't happy. It was in her nature to need to make herself as busy as possible whenever she was upset about something and right now she was sitting at a table sewing a dress, surrounded by mountains of fabric, fake jewels and pin cushions.
"Hey." Jo looked up at him when he finally spoke. "Um, sorry to bother you."
"Oh, you're not bothering me," she said, immediately stopping what she was doing.
"I just thought that we should talk."
"I thought you didn't want to talk to me."
"Well I've been doing some thinking...and I'm not mad about what happened between you and James. I had no reason to be upset with you in the first place."
Jo raised her eyebrows. "Really? What made you decide that?"
"Because I've been a jerk to you for the past few weeks. And you haven't left me for James yet..."
Jo just looked at him like what he said was completely ridiculous. Then she just sighed. "You know for a smart person you can be really stupid sometimes."
Ever since he had fooled around with Kendall, Logan had been feeling all kinds of emotions he wasn't used to feeling. The main emotion was jealousy. He didn't get why Kendall and Jo always seemed to be around each other if they were broken up.
But honestly it wasn't just Jo he was jealous of, it was every girl that looked at him. And every person he gave attention to that wasn't Logan.
Logan felt like he was being neglected. He didn't know why but he thought things would be different between them after they did what they did. He didn't know exactly what he was expecting from Kendall but he wanted more from him than what he was getting. He didn't mind the occasional phone calls he got, the secret kisses they shared whenever they were alone, or the little tidbits of affection Kendall would show him sometimes. But it wasn't enough for him. He wanted more. He wanted to feel acknowledged by Kendall. He wanted to be able to talk to him everyday and spend time with him. He wanted to feel like he mattered to him at all and he wanted Kendall to want to be with him as much as he did. But sometimes it seemed like Kendall was totally indifferent to whether or not they were together. Like it was nice whenever he was around but it didn't really matter to him one way or the other. And now it felt like Kendall was distancing himself from him completely. It seemed like the more attention he craved from Kendall the less he got. And the more Kendall distanced himself from him the more Logan wanted to be with him.
The last time Logan had kissed Kendall was the day in the tutor center. And then two days went by where they hadn't spoken at all. The last time he saw Kendall he was passing him in the hallway and Jo was with him. She had her arm linked around his and Kendall didn't seem to mind at all. He didn't even notice Logan when he passed him, he just looked right through him.
Logan was in a bad mood when he got home from school and it lasted all throughout the evening. It didn't help that James had Lucy over and they were downstairs pretending to not be making out, so he was basically stuck in his room the whole night. Until he finally got a text message from Kendall.
It said 'Hey can you go for a drive with me?'
Logan immediately texted back 'Yes'.
Five minutes later Kendall texted him letting him know he was outside. Logan practically flew down the stairs. James was able to stop sucking face with Lucy for about two seconds to acknowledge him. They immediately separated when they heard him come down to try and pretend like they weren't doing anything. Logan rolled his eyes.
"Hey where are you going?" James asked.
"Um, I'm going over to Camille's. She just texted me and asked if I could come over," Logan said, putting on his jacket.
"Okay remember you have to be home by 10. And call me if you need me to come pick you up."
"Okay," Logan said. And then he was out the door.
The first thing Logan did when he saw Kendall was put his arms around him and kiss him because it had been so long. But it felt differently this time. Something felt off. Kendall didn't kiss him back like he normally did.
"I missed you," Logan said.
Kendall smiled at him and ran his hand over the soft tufts of his hair. "Put your seatbelt on Logie."
"Where are we going?"
"Someplace where we can talk," Kendall said.
Logan didn't know why, but he got this sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. And it got worse and worse as the car ride went on because neither of them were talking to each other. Kendall was being strangely quiet and Logan was busy silently trying to figure out if maybe he had done something to upset him. He couldn't think of anything.
When they finally stopped Logan looked out the window and realized they were at a Dairy Freeze. "I'm gonna get a soda. Do you want anything?" Kendall asked.
Logan just stared at him.
"Well do you?" Kendall repeated.
"Kendall what is going on?"
"What do you mean?"
"You've been acting weird and ignoring me for the past few days. You've never asked me to go anywhere with you and you've never bought me anything but now all of a sudden you are?" Logan didn't know why, but he felt himself getting angry.
"Logan I brought you here because we need to talk. And I thought maybe...this would go over better if I bought you ice cream first..."
"Well I'm not hungry. And I'm not a child or a pet so don't fucking patronize me."
"Okay, relax I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry." Kendall said, surprised at how he snapped at him.
"Just talk to me please. Did I do something wrong?"
Kendall sighed "No Logan you didn't do anything wrong. Look I should have been more honest with you in the beginning. I didn't mean to confuse you."
"About what?"
"About us. I'm not your boyfriend okay. You and I can't be together." Kendall said. He wondered if there was a way to break this to him more gently. But really he just wanted to get this part over with. "Jo is my girlfriend."
Even though a part of him had seen this coming, Logan still couldn't believe what he was hearing. "But you guys broke up.."
"We've been trying to work things out."
Logan turned away from him and slumped down in his seat, hiding his face against the car door while Kendall proceeded to explain to him that Jo was his age and she was able to understand him better. And they'd been together for so long he wasn't ready to just throw away their relationship yet. "You need to find someone else who wants to be with you and who can give you what you want."
"Why can't it be you?" he whispered.
"Because I can't."
"I thought you liked me."
"I do like you...that's why I'm being honest with you," Kendall said.
"Whatever, just take me home." he said. Kendall didn't know what else to say to him so he just nodded and drove him back to his house. Once they were parked outside Logan finally sat up and looked at him and Kendall saw that he was crying. There were tears streaked down his face.
Logan felt himself getting desperate. "What if I told you I loved you. Would that change anything?"
Kendall just stared down at his lap. Logan got frustrated. He just wanted Kendall to look at him.
He grabbed his face and pressed his lips hard against his just to see if he could get any kind of reaction out of him. But when he looked at his face he saw nothing. Kendall almost looked annoyed that he had kissed him.
Logan got out of the car and slammed the door shut. Then he ran up his driveway and into his house, tears still streaming down his face. Logan wanted to be mad at him and he wanted to hate him but he couldn't. Because he was more hurt than anything. What he really wanted was to run back to Kendall and beg for him to change his mind. To convince him to at least give him a chance to prove that he could be just as good for him as Jo was.
"Logan what's wrong?" James asked. He and Lucy both looked up at him, concerned, but Logan just ignored them and ran into his room and shut the door.
Logan fell onto his bed, sobbing quietly into his pillow. No more than ten seconds later he heard James entering the room. "What's wrong Logan?" he repeated. Logan sniffled and James carefully walked over to sit beside him on the bed. "Did you and Camille have a fight or something?"
Logan just nodded.
"Okay...well whatever it is I'm sure you'll work it out. You guys have been friends for a really long time..."James had a feeling it was more than just a fight with a Camille that was upsetting him. He hadn't seen him this upset since he found out his mom wasn't coming back. He sighed at how he was being given the silent treatment but he knew whatever it was he couldn't force it out of him.
"Do you need me to sit with you for a while?"
"What about Lucy?" Logan finally said.
"She's downstairs right now calling her mom to come pick her up. I told her it looked like you needed me."
Logan scooted over to him, curling up and resting his head in his lap. James wasn't sure what to do so he just sat with him for a few minutes and rubbed his back.
"I'm guessing you don't want to talk about it?" Logan shook his head. "Well Lucy'll be gone in a minute. And then we can go to the basement and play a video game or something."
Logan didn't say anything. But by then he was able to stop crying. He sat up and cleaned the tears off his face with the sleeve of his shirt.
"I think her mom's gonna be here soon so I'm gonna go tell her goodnight. I'll be right back." James stood up from the bed and walked to the door.
"James," he called out quietly, making him stop. "I'm gay."
James just paused with his hand on the doorknob. Then he slowly looked up at him and for a moment they just stared at each other. "Yeah, I know."
"You know?"
"I mean I always kind of figured. I'm not mad or anything. I'm just glad you finally told me."
Logan wasn't sure what emotions were running through his mind at the moment. It was either relief or gratitude, probably a mixture of both.
"Meet me downstairs in ten minutes okay?" James said.
"Okay."
I feel like this wasn't the best chapter but I just wanted to hurry up and post it.
But I'm just curious do you guys hate Kendall now? It's okay if you hate him. He's kind of a jerkface.
Please tell me your thoughts!