Sorry guys I didn't mean to go on hiatus again :( This chapter is super long so hopefully that makes up for it!
I had most of this written like 3 months ago but for some reason I didn't like how the chapter came out. It felt like it was too long so I ended up cutting some parts out. But then I didn't like the point where I ended it because it didn't feel like it was complete enough~ so I ended up adding a lot more and now it's even longer. Oh well.
I know I promised a kogan chapter. There is some kogan here if you squint.
I don't own BTR.
Enjoy :)
Most days Kendall felt as if there weren't enough hours in the day to do everything he needed to accomplish. He was able to work a job and get good grades, and on top of all that be a well above average hockey player. But these things usually came at the expense of other things, like getting a good night's sleep or spending time with his friends. Kendall had always figured in the long run it would all pay off, but his mother didn't exactly share his sentiments. In the morning when he woke up he looked at his alarm clock and saw that it was almost 7:45, meaning he had overslept. He knew right then and there that today would be a long day.
He was able to get dressed and ready quickly and be downstairs within five minutes, where his mom and sister were in the kitchen. "You're awake," his mom said when he entered.
Kendall rubbed his eyes and yawned. "Yeah, I know I'm late. My alarm didn't go off."
"That's because I turned it off," she told him.
"What? Why did you do that?"
Mrs. Knight turned around away from the stove to look at him. "Kendall, you didn't get home until ten last night."
"So what?"
"And then you were up until two in the morning doing homework."
Kendall sighed. He knew where this conversation was headed because they'd had it so many times. She'd expressed to him on multiple occasions that she wanted him to quit his job or at least cut back on his hours, but Kendall didn't see how he could do that. He needed that job for a lot of reasons. "With you working all those late hours, trying to balance school...how are you getting enough sleep?"
"Mom, I'll be fine. I'll just sleep during study hall like I always do." He maneuvered around his mother over to the coffee pot to pour himself a cup.
The older woman frowned. "You know I hate that you drink coffee. Kendall, you're seventeen."
"I'm almost six feet tall. It's not like it's gonna stunt my growth," he muttered. He poured himself a cup of what was left over in the pot and added a package of liquid creamer. He took a sip and when he turned around his mom was standing behind him with her arms crossed. "Look it's just temporary, okay? Once hockey season is over I'll have more time after school to study and do my homework and things will calm down."
"Just promise me you're not working yourself too hard."
"I'm not. I'm promise," he said. He set his cup down and grabbed his backpack. Then he kissed his mother on the cheek. "I gotta go. Love you mom."
"Grab something to eat before you leave," she told him.
Kendall grabbed a piece of toast off of the kitchen table where his sister was sitting.
"Bye mom. Later brat," he said.
"Have a good day honey," his mom replied and the littlest Knight who was spooning her cereal paused to regard him by sticking out her tongue.
Kendall grinned at his sister and walked out the door.
Kendall really wished he'd never let his guidance counselor talk him into taking AP English. Trying to keep up with his reading list just added to the long list of things he had to do throughout the week. That morning he had a quiz so he made sure to get there early so he'd have time to study. Then after class he made a mental checklist of everything he had to do that day. After second period, during lunch he had a meeting with Kelly, the guidance counselor. And then third period was his study hall, which meant that he'd finally be able to sleep, at least for 45 minutes. Then after that he just had two more periods of school, then hockey practice, then a two hour break to go home and get changed before his shift at Lucky Mart.
And somewhere within the next few days he'd also have to find time to study for midterms. Then finally winter break would be here and he'd get a two week break from anything and everything school-related. Jo was gonna be gone for most of winter break so Kendall knew she'd be annoyed about him ditching her at lunch, since she was adamant about them spending as much time together as possible before she left. He'd already screwed up once by missing the opening night of her play, but that hadn't really been his fault. It was short notice and his boss was really stingy about letting him switch shifts.
When lunch time rolled around, Kendall sat across from Mrs. Wainright in the guidance office and waited while she typed on her computer. "Just give me a second to pull up your interim grades."
Kendall waited, tapping his fingers on the armrest of his chair while she scanned the screen quickly.
"Alright everything looks good. You've got an A in Spanish, an A in AP Government, a B+ in Calculus, a C in AP English..."
"I've been trying to bring that up," Kendall said.
"Even with the C you've still got a 3.8 GPA. Don't worry you're in good shape."
Kelly turned away from the computer and started shuffling papers on her desk, then she handed Kendall a small stack. "Here are the papers for your scholarship application. Make sure you get these filled out and handed in on time, along with your personal statement. There's no specific writing prompt so you can use the same one you used on your college applications if you want."
He nodded.
"Our principal wanted me to remind you that you're representing our school in the competition so you have to be on your best behavior until then. But that shouldn't be a problem for you... And you'll also need to get your letters of recommendation in too; one from a teacher and one from someone in your community."
Kendall nodded again. "Anything else?"
"Have you written your speech yet?"
"Yup, I've got that taken care of."
Kelly smiled. "Of course, I should've known. Just know that all of us here are gonna be rooting for you on competition day. And even if you don't win, we'll still be proud of you."
"Well not winning really isn't an option for me. I mean without my scholarship I can't afford Stanford."
Kelly smiled again. "I know Kendall, but it's better to go into it without putting so much pressure on yourself. You've already done a lot already. You should be proud based on that alone."
"Okay," Kendall said, though he didn't really believe in that A-for-effort-everyone-gets-a-medal-for-trying mentality. He didn't really see the point in competing in anything if you weren't gonna win.
"So is that it?" he asked.
"Yeah, you're all set," Kelly said, but before he left she stopped him. "But Kendall there is something else I want you to do for the next few days. I want you to take some time off."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean take a few days off work and do something you enjoy. Go to a party. Spend some time with your friends." When Kendall still looked vaguely disinterested in her suggestion she added, "Trust me, it'll be good for you. Winter break is coming up and I think that's the perfect opportunity for you to give your brain a break. Focus on being a teenager for a change."
Kendall nodded. He stood up and turned to leave Kelly's office, but not before he promised to take what she'd said into consideration.
Kelly had been the one advising him throughout his high school career and so far she'd yet to steer him in the wrong direction. So even if he didn't initially see the merit in her advice, it didn't mean he was gonna blow off her suggestion completely. On his way to the lunch room he found himself wondering what exactly he would do if he actually gave himself a week off.
There weren't many things he could say he enjoyed doing mindlessly just for the heck of it. Maybe hockey was one of them. He'd always been fond of sports in general and even more than that he loved to win. Friday night's game was a pretty big one since it'd be determining whether or not they'd be going to playoffs this year, so maybe he could focus on that. He could spend more time at the rink and use it as a way of distracting himself. And Kendall knew Mercedes already had this big party planned for when they won so maybe he could actually attend.
Of course Jo wouldn't be with him if he did decide to go and he knew she wouldn't be happy about him going without her. One thing Kendall realized while he mulled through all these possible things he could do during his "break" was that not once did spending time with his girlfriend even cross his mind. And he realized this was because more and more lately Jo was becoming more of a source of stress in his life and acting less like a girlfriend. She was a lot more high maintenance than usual and though Kendall couldn't pinpoint the cause of it, it almost felt like someone had gotten inside her head. Like someone had told her that it was okay for her to raise her expectations of him so high.
Though Kendall had been had been dealing with things well so far, he got the feeling things wouldn't end well if they kept going the way they were. Everything was starting to become a bit too overwhelming. Though he didn't like to admit this he knew he couldn't really do everything he set himself out to do. He couldn't play the role of devoted boyfriend and be the guy who beats out everyone in the district for a scholarship. And he couldn't exactly divide his time with his girlfriend and the time he devoted to his studies equally because in his mind one was much more important than the other.
And most importantly, he couldn't see himself putting someone else's needs above his own.
When Kendall got to the lunch table that afternoon he was already prepared to deal with Jo being mad at him. But when he glanced over at the table where Jo was sitting, he saw she was already sitting with someone else. Aside from Jennifer and Jennifer who were sitting in their usual seats at the table, there was one person in particular who Jo was leaned in close to in deep conversation. Kendall had to wonder what exactly she and Logan Mitchell had to talk about that was so interesting.
He thought it was kind of funny how badly his whole plan to get rid of Logan had backfired on him. He'd thought that if he'd just helped Logan get a boyfriend they'd both finally be able to move on, but if anything they were spending even more time together than usual ever since Jo decided to adopt him as her new best friend. Maybe he wouldn't have minded so much if he didn't get the feeling Logan was doing it on purpose because he knew it annoyed him.
When he approached the table the two of them were talking and laughing about something, but as soon as he got there they both got quiet. Kendall was noticing that seemed to happen a lot lately.
Jo smiled up at him. "Hey Kendall"
"Hey, what's up?" he asked. He looked between her and Logan, who raised his eyebrows at him. "What's so funny?"
"What do you mean?" Jo asked.
"You were laughing and then all of a sudden you got all quiet," he said. But Jo immediately brushed it off.
"Oh Logan and I were just talking."
"About what?"
"It's just drama club stuff you wouldn't be interested in," she said shrugging.
"Fine, whatever," Kendall said. He sat down beside her and Jo rolled her eyes.
"It's not like we just sit around talking about you when you're not here. Stop being so paranoid Kendall."
The younger boy snorted out a laugh and Kendall glared at him. Logan cleared his throat awkwardly.
"So anyway where have you been? And where's your lunch?" she asked, changing the subject.
"I had an appointment with Kelly. Actually I'm not staying..." he said. "I sort of have a test next period and I really need to study."
"I thought next period was your study hall?"
"Well yeah, I meant after that," he lied.
"Oh. Okay, then you'd better go I guess," she said, and it almost sounded like she didn't care. But Kendall knew her better than that.
He paused. "...You're not mad are you?"
"I'm not mad Kendall. I just feel like I never get to see you anymore. All you ever do is work…study… sleep…then repeat." she said.
"I know…and I'll make it up it you, I promise. After school you can come over and we'll hang out before my shift starts," he offered.
The blonde girl still frowned, but then she looked at him and sighed. "Well do I at least get a kiss before you go?"
Kendall smiled, and leaned in to kiss her quickly on the lips. Then he stood up. "I'll see you later. Promise."
"Okay," she said, smiling back.
Logan stared down at the inside of his milk carton, which he suddenly seemed to find very interesting. He glanced up once just as Kendall was leaving and they locked eyes briefly. The blonde smirked at him and then he left.
Logan shook his head, brushing off any curiosity of what exactly that smirk was supposed to mean. If it had been weeks ago he would have spent hours thinking about the look he gave him and wondering what it meant. Was he smiling because he was happy to see him? Was he flirting with him?
But Logan didn't think things like that anymore. Not since he was with someone else now.
Opening night of the play had come and gone and that was the night when Logan had given Dak his answer. They'd been backstage before Dak was set to go on and Logan could tell Dak was nervous by the way he kept pacing the room and wouldn't stop fidgeting his hands. So in order to distract him Logan promised him he'd tell him his answer after everything was over. At first Logan worried that would just make him more nervous and he'd spend all his time worrying about what his answer was gonna be. But Dak didn't seem worried at all. He just smiled at him, as if to remind him there was no pressure and that he'd be okay with whatever he decided.
Everything that night had gone smoothly. Dak didn't forget any of his lines like he was worried he would. And all of the set changes and curtain pulls that Logan helped out with went perfectly as timed. At the end of the show things were pretty chaotic backstage. Apparently it was sort of tradition for drama club to throw a mini celebration backstage at the end of each opening show that involved lots of confetti and silly string. In the midst of all the commotion Dak had pulled Logan aside. "So you've had enough time to think?" he asked.
Logan nodded and smiled. He looked at Dak and realized he'd never seen him so happy as he was right then, still high off the adrenaline rush that came from performing. He realized that even if he'd decided to go the other way and not pursue a relationship with him, there was no way he could tell him now. At least not without feeling like a horrible person. "I decided that...of course I'll be your boyfriend!" he said. Then Dak grinned widely, and pulled him in for a hug. Then he kissed him in front of everyone, which was out of character for him.
He grabbed his hand. "Come on my parents are outside waiting. Let's go say hi."
Logan paused. "Your parents?"
He didn't know much about Dak's parents except that Dak had a really close relationship with them. He'd always kind of envied that about him. Logan followed Dak to the auditorium where the older boy paused, scanning the crowds of people before they approached a man and a woman. The woman immediately hugged Dak and the man patted him on the back. "That was a great performance son. You sounded wonderful."
"Thanks dad," Dak said, and he stepped aside. "Um, guys this is Logan."
His dad looked at him and held out his hand for Logan to shake. And Dak's mother just smiled at him. "Logan. Of course. It's very nice to meet you."
Logan, suddenly aware of how nervous he was, wiped his palms quickly on his jeans before holding out his hand. "Nice to meet you too."
"Well, we'll leave you some time to say goodbye to your friends. We'll be outside waiting in the car," Dak's mom said. And then the couple left, leaving the two boys alone.
Once they were gone Dak turned to Logan. "That wasn't so bad was it?" he asked. Apparently he could tell how nervous Logan was. "Sorry to spring them on you like that. I guess I got a little excited."
"It's okay I liked meeting them. They seem nice."
"They are. So is your brother coming to pick you up soon?" he asked. Logan nodded but offered to walk Dak outside to his parents' car.
Once they stepped outside they were alone and away from the all noise in the auditorium, and for a moment they just stood there, neither of them speaking. The silence was oddly comforting.
"So what are you thinking?" Dak asked suddenly.
Logan shrugged. "Just wondering what I'm gonna do without you over break."
Dak smiled "I'll only be in New York for a little over a week. I'll be back in time for New Year's."
"I know but still. It'll be weird not seeing you every day."
Dak put his arm around him. "Well I'll be thinking of you the whole time we're apart…boyfriend."
Logan smiled, snuggling up against his chest. He liked the way it sounded, hearing him call him his boyfriend. And he realized then how much he'd grown to like Dak throughout the course of their time together. Maybe he didn't quite love him yet—at least not as much as he knew he was capable of loving someone. But he liked being with him. And he liked all the hand holding, going on dates, and the affection Dak had to offer. He just hoped all the love—the real love—he knew he was supposed to feel would come later, and until then he'd have to be patient.
"Are you okay?" Logan blinked. He was suddenly brought out of his thoughts by the blonde girl sitting beside him, trying to get his attention.
"What?"
"You totally just spaced out just now," Jo said.
Logan shook his head. "Sorry I was just thinking."
"Were you thinking about what I asked you?"
Logan paused. He thought back and tried to remember what she was talking about. He must have been really out of it just now.
But then he remembered they were talking about Kendall, the person who all of her problems seemed to center around. And this time around the problem was about a four letter word that Kendall seemed to want to avoid at all costs. Apparently, Jo didn't understand how they could have been together this long without saying it to each other, and she wanted to know if maybe she would have to be the one to take the plunge and say it first, since Kendall wouldn't.
She'd already talked to Dak about it and he'd told her it was a bad idea, that guys like Kendall weren't exactly good at expressing their feelings. And if she tried to force it on him, she could risk freaking him out. But that hadn't been the answer Jo really wanted to hear so now she was looking for a second opinion.
"Oh…right. So you want to tell Kendall you love him?" Logan asked. And even though he was sure he'd gotten over his jealousy, the words still tasted slightly bitter coming out of his mouth.
"I just don't see why it has to be this big thing. I mean if you ignore our last break up, we've been together for over a year. And we've known each other practically our whole lives."
"Then what are you afraid of?" he asked.
Jo frowned. "I guess…I just don't understand why he hasn't said it first."
"Maybe he's just scared," blonde Jennifer offered.
"Or maybe he just doesn't know if he loves you or not?" Logan said. But as soon as he said it he realized he must've said the wrong thing, because Jo, Jennifer and Jennifer all paused and stared at him.
"Why wouldn't he?" Jo asked.
"What?" Logan froze. "Uhh, well…"
"Logan's just being silly. Of course Kendall loves you," Curly-haired Jennifer said quickly.
Logan cleared his throat awkwardly. "Right... I think what I meant to say was, maybe he's just worried because you guys just got back together. And he doesn't want to rush into anything."
"We agreed to wipe the slate clean, not erase our whole history," Jo said.
"But maybe Dak is right. He probably knows more about these things than I do," Logan said.
Jo sighed. "Well you were the one who told me I need to make sure I get what I want out of my relationship."
"I did?" he asked. For some reason Logan couldn't quite remember saying that, but both Jo and the Jennifers all nodded.
"If Kendall and I are gonna be together then he's gonna have to tell me how he feels. It's as simple as that."
Logan nodded. "Okay, then. I guess you should go for it…I mean what's the worst that could happen."
"Exactly," Jo said."It's not like he's gonna break up with me or anything. I'm the only girlfriend he's ever had and I'm the only one he wants," she pointed out, and then she smiled.
And Logan smiled back. Or at least he tried to, but it felt kind of fake and forced on his part. But lucky for him she couldn't seem to tell the difference.
Logan wondered if maybe deep down part of the reason why he didn't want Jo to tell Kendall she loved him was because he himself didn't want to know what Kendall's response would be. He could say that he'd done a good job getting over Kendall for the most part, but there were still fleeting moments where he found it difficult to be around him or to hear Jo talk about him like he belonged to her. There was this strange emptiness he would feel in his chest that he wasn't quite sure would ever go away.
And it didn't help that Jo had a habit of rubbing it in his face that Kendall had chosen her over him. Even though he knew it wasn't intentional and that he couldn't be mad at her because she had no idea she was doing it, it still bothered him sometimes. But he supposed he would just have to find a way to get over it.
Kendall sighed to himself. At this point in the day he couldn't deny that he was exhausted. And he was beginning to regret his decision to skip lunch. But even though he was hungry he was almost too tired to care.
He'd spent the rest of his lunch period asleep in the library. Then when he went to his study hall, the teacher who was normally in charge happened to be absent that day so they ended up with a substitute. Which meant that class was noisier than usual. Too noisy to even get any work done, let alone try to sleep. So within five minutes he'd asked the teacher for a hall pass to return back to his sanctuary.
He went deep in the back where all the historical biographies and non-fiction books were, where it was guaranteed to be quiet and devoid of people. He picked one of the oakwood tables in the far corner and set his backpack down and sat down. Kendall closed his eyes and rubbed his temples; his head was starting to hurt and he still had two whole periods of school left.
But the second he put his head down he heard a noise; the sound of laughing, no...giggling. He glanced up and saw through the spaces between the shelves on the bookshelf that it was a couple who'd apparently came in for a quiet place to make out. And of course this had to happen right at that moment, right near where he was sitting.
He tried to shut his eyes and block it out but it was surprisingly hard to ignore two people making out right in front of you. Kendall groaned. He glanced up again and saw that it was a boy, and another boy who kept kissing him, making him blush and laugh, though it sounded like they were at least trying to be quiet. Kendall stood up to go find someplace else to sit, but he paused once he realized he knew who the couple was. One of the boys was Logan and the boy who was kissing him was Dak... Suddenly, Kendall was very deeply annoyed, even more so than before, and he didn't know why.
Maybe it was because even though he'd wanted the two of them together to help get Logan to move on quicker, he'd never really anticipated actually having to see them kiss each other and it just caught him off guard. Or maybe it was just his sleep deprivation making him more irritable than usual.
There was a large textbook sitting at the corner of his table. Kendall glanced up at the couple before slowly edging the book off the table until it fell and landed with a loud thud that echoed throughout the library. Both Dak and Logan stopped and looked back at him and Kendall looked down immediately, avoiding their gaze. After a moment he chanced a glance back up and saw Logan leaning in to whisper to Dak something. Then Dak nodded and stood up and left.
A few moments later the brunette had walked over to him. "Problem?"
Kendall looked up at him. "Why would there be a problem?"
Logan rolled his eyes. "That was a bit rude don't you think?"
"I'm rude? You know some of us are trying to sleep in here and it's kind of hard with people sucking face right in front of you."
"Oh well I'm so sorr-wait...you were sleeping in here?"
Kendall's face reddened slightly. "No, I meant I was trying to study," He pulled his backpack closer to him and unzipped it, pulling out one of his books.
"Right because that's what you told Jo you were doing." Logan watched him carefully. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Logan," Kendall said, which the younger boy for some reason took as an invitation to sit down across from him.
"You know overworking yourself and depriving yourself of sleep can be really bad for your health. At least that's what my dad always says."
"Duly noted," Kendall said, not looking up from his book.
"Sometimes, when I feel like I'm working myself too hard, I just stop whatever I'm doing and just do nothing. It actually feels good to stop everything and just quit once in awhile...but then again, what do I know. You're the golden boy right?"
Kendall paused and looked up at him. "Don't you have a class to be in right now?"
"Not really," Logan said, shrugging. "You know kissing is also a really good way to relieve stress. It releases a chemical called oxytocin that helps counteract your high levels of stress hormones, leaving you feeling relaxed and at ease..." he rambled. Kendall raised an eyebrow and then it was Logan's turn to blush."…At least that's what I've read.
"I'm just saying... You have a girlfriend right? You should kiss her. Take her on a date or something. I'm sure she'd appreciate it."
Kendall found it interesting and slightly amusing that Logan of all people would be giving him that advice. He looked up at the clock and saw that the bell was going to ring in fifteen minutes. "Anything else?"
Logan stood up from the table and reached into his backpack. He pulled out what appeared to be a package of colorful gelatinous candy worms. "I was gonna save these for later but you look like you could use them more than I do."
Logan glanced over at the doorway and saw that Dak was standing there waiting for him. He paused, looking back at Kendall once before leaving without saying goodbye.
Kendall stared down at the package of candy worms. He'd stopped eating candy a long time ago, probably around the same time he started drinking coffee. He'd never really cared much for sweets anyway; all they did was rot your teeth out and make you crash from the sugar high.
But the pounding in his head told him he wasn't gonna make it through the rest of the school day without eating something. He took one of the worms out of the package and popped it into his mouth. Then he looked back at the clock. Fifteen minutes turned into fourteen, turned into thirteen... There was no point in trying to sleep now.
He sighed, opening his textbook again. And then he began to read.
After school Logan went straight home instead of staying after like he had been most days lately. Apparently, according to James, there was some big surprise that he needed to rush home for right away. Camille had been absent that day so before he left he made sure to stop by all of her classes to pick up her homework assignments for her, then he met James out in the parking lot.
On their way home the two boys stopped at Camille's house first so Logan could drop off her homework. James parked out front and waited in his car while Logan went up to the doorstep and rang the doorbell. After a moment Camille appeared in front of him, red-nosed and puffy-eyed with her hair thrown up in a messy bun. "Hey, I got your assignments for you."
"Yay, homework. You want to come in?" she asked.
Logan looked back at James who was still waiting in the car. He was on his cell phone talking to someone. "Okay, just for a second," he said.
He followed Camille inside and they both sat down on the couch. She grabbed a throw pillow and hugged it against her chest. "So how was school without me?"
"Weird. Don't ever leave me again."
Camille smiled, satisfied with that response. "Who'd you sit with at lunch?"
"Jo and Jennifer and...Jennifer."
"And your beau?"
"Yeah, him too," he said. It seemed like ever since they became official he and Dak were always together. They were inseparable. "Hey can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Do you think that I'm like...a horrible person for being friends with Jo and not telling her about me and Kendall."
Camille paused. "No. Of course not."
"But I'm supposed to tell her right? Doesn't it make me kind of a snake if I don't?"
"Logan it's okay. What happened was in the past before you guys knew each other. And you've moved on since then right? It's not like you're still in love with Kendall..."
Logan looked down at his lap, avoiding her eyes.
"Well are you?"
"No, I mean I really like Dak, but...It's complicated," he sighed. Maybe he just wasn't trying hard enough to get over him. He shouldn't have stopped to talk to him in the library, despite his brain screaming at him not to. And he shouldn't still be having jealous feelings every time Jo talked about him all possessive-like. After all he was hers. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do."
"If you think you might still have feelings for Kendall you need to get rid of them. Immediately."
Logan frowned. "It's not that simple."
"Well don't give up on Dak just yet. Maybe part of the reason you still have feelings for Kendall is just because he was your first and that makes it harder for you to let him go."
"Maybe."
"So maybe you just need to level the playing field a little bit. If you know what I mean," she said, wiggling her eyebrows.
Logan paused to make sure he understood her correctly. "You mean you think I should have sex with Dak?"
"I'm just saying it might help you decide who you're really in love with."
Logan had considered this before but Dak didn't really seem like he was that interested in having sex. He remembered how he had said he wanted them to wait until they were both ready. But maybe that was just because that was before they officially became boyfriends.
Logan and Camille's conversation was interrupted by the sound of James honking his horn outside. "Well I gotta go," Logan said. He stood up from the couch and Camille followed him to the door. "So are you out for the rest of the week?"
"Unfortunately. Thanks for bringing my stuff though."
"No problem," Logan said.
Before he had left Camille stopped him. "Hey Logan."
Logan paused halfway down her driveway. "Yeah?"
"Say hi to your dad for me this weekend," she said.
Logan nodded and smiled.
Once they got home, James had Logan sitting and waiting in the living room for whatever this big surprise was supposed to be. It didn't take long for Logan to start getting impatient. "How much longer do I have to wait?"
"Just a few more minutes," James said.
"Well am I allowed to go to the kitchen and make a snack while I wait?"
"Just be patient. They're gonna be here soon."
"Who's gonna be here?" Logan noticed James kept staring out at the driveway every few minutes.
"You'll see when they get here," he said, and Logan groaned in frustration.
"You know I hate surprises."
"Trust me you're gonna like this one."
Logan spent a few more minutes waiting, staring at the blank TV screen and twiddling his thumbs. Finally, James jumped to his feet as they both heard a car pull into the driveway. "They're here!"
Logan stood ready to finally see what his big surprise was. Brooke entered the room first which was sort of surprising that she was home from work early for a change. But then someone else came in behind her. Logan's jaw nearly dropped to the floor at the older man who entered the room. "Dad?"
His father grinned at him. "Well don't just stand there. Come give me a hug."
Logan rushed into his father's arms and the older man tightened his arms around him in a bone-crushing hug. "What are you doing here?" Logan asked, muffled against his shirt. He pulled back slightly to look at him. "You're not supposed to be here until Saturday."
"I finished my work early and I decided to catch an earlier flight."
"I was gonna tell you but James thought it might be a better idea to surprise you," Brooke said.
Logan turned around to look at James. The older boy smiled. "Surprise."
"I can't believe you're here," Logan said, wrapping his arms around his father again.
His father threw an arm around him. "Neither can I. You've grown a bit since the last time I saw you."
"Yeah, so have you," Logan said.
"You look taller."
"And you look...grayer," he said, noticing the new flecks of gray in his father's dark hair. His skin also looked darker too. He had a deep tan that showed he'd definitely been spending a lot of time in the desert.
"It comes with the job I'm afraid."
"So what'd you bring me?" Logan asked. He noticed the two wrapped packages his father had brought that he assumed were for him.
"Jeeze give him a chance to sit down first," James said.
"No, no James it's alright. Here you go son, these are for you," he said, handing him his presents and he winked at him.
Logan smiled and brought his gifts over to the couch. He opened the smallest one first, which turned out to be one of those African marble board games. And the second one was a painting of what Logan assumed was what the night sky looked like in the more remote areas of Africa. "That one I bought from an artist I met in one of the villages I was working at," his dad told him.
"Cool, I love it. Thanks dad. I'll go hang it up in my room right now."
Afterwards James and his dad went outside to bring in the rest of his dad's luggage. And once they'd gotten everything, Brooke insisted that his father go upstairs and rest for a while after enduring an eighteen hour flight. But he promised he'd tell all about his trip later on that night over dinner. Logan didn't really mind having to wait. He was just happy to actually have his dad home for a change. He had to admit that James was right. This was the best surprise he could have asked for.
After he brought his painting upstairs to hang in his room he came back downstairs, but he stopped right outside the kitchen as he overheard James talking to his mother.
"Mom, I said I needed to talk to you about something," James said and Logan could hear Brooke rushing about in the kitchen.
"If this is about you and that Lillian girl the answer is no. You've been out with her almost every night this week. You're not missing dinner tonight."
Logan heard his brother groan. "Her name is Lucy. And that's not what I was gonna ask."
"Well whatever it is will have to wait. I have a lot of work to do to prepare for dinner."
"You mean you're actually gonna cook?"
"Don't be ridiculous James I called a caterer. I meant I have to make sure our house is presentable since we're having guests over tonight."
Logan walked in and interrupted. "Who's coming for dinner?"
"Your grandparents. Grandma and Grandpa Mitchell," Brooke told him.
Logan froze. He hadn't seen his grandparents in over a year. They'd never really had the best relationship and usually when they came over it resulted in Logan hiding away upstairs in his room waiting for them to leave.
His grandmother was the worst. She was always so polite and proper but there was something so cold about her. And it didn't help that Logan knew the truth about his past and everything they did to keep him out of his father's life. His father had told him as soon as he thought he was old enough to understand. He said that they'd made a mistake and they were deeply sorry for the way they'd interfered in his life, and they wanted to do whatever they could to make it up to Logan. But years had passed and so far they hadn't done anything to show Logan they cared at all. The only time he ever saw them was whenever his dad was in town.
Logan sighed. Now they were coming and he knew he was gonna be stuck putting on a happy face, if only for his dad's sake.
It was weird having everyone eat dinner together for a change. The dining room in their house rarely got used except for on special occasions, like birthdays and holidays.
But tonight did feel like a special occasion, having Logan's dad home and all. Earlier Logan had been so happy to see him but now his mood had gone significantly down ever since his grandparents arrived, and Logan knew that was no coincidence.
He mostly stayed silent during dinner, pushing his food around on his plate. Lucky for him, so far most of the conversation had been centered around James. Since he was in his last year of high school everyone wanted to know what his college plans were. Logan almost felt bad for him with the way he was being put on the spot though, because he knew the truth, which was that ever since James found out that he'd accidentally impregnated his girlfriend college was probably the last thing he'd been thinking about.
"Well I haven't really decided on a school yet. I just know I want to go somewhere with a good athletics program," James said.
"James made captain of the hockey team this year," Logan's dad stated proudly. He patted him on the back and James smiled.
Logan's grandmother gave a polite smile at that response. "Well extracurriculars are very important but I hope you weren't planning on relying on some silly sport to get you anywhere in life," she said.
Logan wasn't surprised she'd immediately shot his idea down. She had a habit of making the people around her feel inferior whenever they didn't fit into what her idea of perfect was. Which explained why Brooke always felt the need to try to impress her.
"Of course not. James knows as soon as he gets accepted into school he's getting a business degree so he can help me run my company," Brooke said.
Logan could see that James didn't really agree with that but he just smiled and nodded along like he usually did whenever he was afraid to disagree with his mom.
"Well what about you Logan?" The older woman said, suddenly turning to the brunette boy. "Have you given any thought to what colleges you'd like to attend?"
Logan looked at his grandmother, surprised she'd acknowledged him. Then he shrugged. "I guess I haven't really thought about it. I am only in ninth grade."
"It's never too early to start thinking about college. In fact it's probably best to start planning now. That way you'll have more options," his grandmother told him.
"I'll keep that in mind," he said, not looking up from his plate. He hoped she'd get the hint and stop talking to him, but instead she pressed on.
"You know you boys have grown a lot since the last time I saw you. How long has it been?"
"Almost two years," Logan said.
"Really? It feels like no time has passed at all."
Logan rolled his eyes. "Nice to know you haven't missed us."
Logan's father cleared his throat and gave Logan a look, letting him know he needed to be nice.
"Well I suppose I have been awfully busy lately with all the renovations we've been doing on the house. But they're all finished now. You and James should come by and see the house sometime," his grandmother said.
"That sounds like a great idea," Logan's dad said.
Logan set his fork down on his plate. "Can I be excused? I've sort of lost my appetite." he said, and everyone looked at him.
"But we haven't even had dessert yet," Brooke said.
"Sorry, I'm just not hungry. I'd like to go to my room now," he said. And when Brooke and his dad nodded he stood up and left.
Once he was upstairs and alone Logan did start to feel bad about walking out of his father's dinner like that. He didn't mean to be so dramatic and make everything about him. But there was just something about his grandmother that he really didn't like and he hated having to sit there and pretend there was nothing wrong.
After dinner was over he heard someone enter his room. He looked up from his desk where he was sitting and saw that it was James. Though he wasn't surprised it was the older boy who'd come to check on him, he was kind of disappointed because a part of him had hoped it would be his dad who was coming in to make sure he was okay.
"Well that was pretty dramatic," James said. When Logan just ignored him, refusing to look up from his computer screen he sighed. "Logan I know you don't like your grandmother but the least you could do is be civil towards her."
"I was being civil," Logan said.
"By walking out in the middle of dinner while she was trying to be nice to you? Be honest Logan, you did that because you don't like her and you wanted her to know exactly how you feel about her."
"Only because she's made it clear exactly how she feels about me. She doesn't like me and I don't like her. End of story."
"That's not true. It seems to me like she's at least trying."
Logan rolled his eyes. If that was her way of trying she wasn't trying hard enough.
"Look I understand you have your reasons for not liking her and I don't blame you. Frankly I don't even like the woman much myself."
"Then why are you sticking up for her?"
"Because I have a lot of respect for your dad. And I'm sure he would appreciate it if everyone could just get along. Think of it this way. You don't have to do it for her, but do it for him."
Logan frowned looking down at his lap, the weight of his brother's guilt trip suddenly weighing down on him. "I didn't mean to ruin my dad's dinner."
"I know. You would never do that on purpose. You were just upset."
"So what should I do now?"
"Just go downstairs and apologize. And everything will be fine."
Logan sighed and stood up. "Okay I'll go."
"Trust me you'll feel a lot better afterwards."
"Yeah, yeah yeah..."
He went downstairs and paused outside of his dad's study. His father and his grandfather were seated inside in the middle of a conversation. Logan considered stopping by to say something but in the end he decided it would be rude of him to just walk in and interrupt.
He figured he'd better just apologize to his grandmother first and get it over with. He found her in the kitchen talking to Brooke. But he stopped right outside the door once he heard part of their conversation and realized they were talking about him.
"I guess I shouldn't be surprised he's acting this way. He's never liked me or even pretended to have any respect for me at all," he heard his grandmother say.
And Brooke said, "Well can you blame him? You haven't exactly been around to get to know him these past few years."
"I'm here now aren't I? Doesn't that count for anything? I'd at least hoped the boy would have learned some manners by now but I guess that was too much to ask."
Logan rolled his eyes, almost ready to walk away. Of course she thought it was all his fault he was acting this way, like she didn't play a part in it at all. She would just blame it on "poor table manners". She was so self-righteous all the time he didn't want to give her the satisfaction of apologizing and making her think she was right. But before he could leave, the next thing she said made him stop. "And we all know exactly where he gets it from."
Logan paused and leaned in closer to the door to make sure he could hear correctly.
"Oh don't say that," Brooke said. "Logan's a very sweet boy. From what you've told me about her, he's nothing like his mother."
"Maybe you don't see it but I do. I see more and more of her in him every time I see him."
Logan froze at the mention of his mother. And suddenly he remembered the real reason why he had never liked his grandmother. It wasn't just because she acted like she was superior to everyone around her. It was because she never missed an opportunity to badmouth his mother whenever she could. Logan didn't like her because she didn't like him, and because she'd never liked his mother and she'd never wanted either of them to be a part of this family.
Logan stormed back upstairs not wanting to listen anymore. The thing that made him most upset was how she seemed to know so much about his mother when he could only remember so little. It didn't seem fair at all and it frustrated him. He wanted to know what she meant when she said she saw so much of her in him. Was that really such a bad thing? Maybe by his grandmother's standards it was, but he wanted to know the truth about what she was like so he could judge for himself.
Logan knew one of the main reasons he couldn't remember much about his mother was because of his father. He'd done a good job helping Logan block out all of the bad memories of his childhood, by spoiling him to death and distracting him with gifts every time he showed even a hint of grief over his mother's absence. It got to the point where she became nothing more than a distant memory. A fleeting moment of sadness that usually would disappear just as quickly as it came.
But there was one thing Logan still had left that he'd kept to remember his mother by. He wasn't quite sure at the moment where he'd kept it but he knew he needed to find it. So he hurried into his room to find it and he immediately started turning his closet inside out. There was so much junk in there; old toys, gifts he'd gotten throughout his childhood. His father really had made sure Logan always got everything he could have ever wanted as a child. Everything except the one thing he wanted the most.
James who had seen him rush past his room followed after him. He paused entering the younger boy's room when he noticed the mess he was making. "Uh, so how'd it go?"
Logan stopped what he was doing to look at him. "It didn't."
"What do you mean? I thought you were gonna apologize."
"Well I changed my mind. I'm not apologizing to her, not now and not ever. And I'd appreciate it if we just dropped the subject," Logan said, and he resumed pulling various items of junk out of his bedroom closet.
"Okay fine. You don't have to be so snippy," James remarked. He looked down at one of the piles of junk on the floor and picked up a shirt and examined it. "Isn't this shirt a little big for you?"
Logan looked up to see what he was talking about. He froze. The shirt he was holding was Kendall's. He forgot he still had that. "That's not mine. It must be one of yours," he murmured, brushing it off and hoping he'd drop it.
"Uh I don't think so. I don't think I own any plaid shirts."
Logan sighed. "Okay fine it's Dak's..." he lied. "But before you freak out nothing happened between us. We haven't done anything."
"I should fucking hope not. God Logan you're just a kid."
"I am not," Logan said, taking offense to that. "I'm in high school just like you are."
"Well to me you'll always be a kid. So tough luck," James said, chucking the shirt at him. Logan dodged it right before it hit him and it landed on the floor. "Just at least make sure when you do end up doing something like that, that you're being careful. Seriously, let my situation be a warning to you."
Logan rolled his eyes. "I highly doubt I'll be getting anyone pregnant any time soon."
"Maybe not but you could catch something. The key is to always protect yourself."
"Okay, I got it. Condoms are my friend."
"So what are you doing in here anyway?" he asked.
"I'm looking for something." Obviously, he thought.
"Well do you need any help? What are you looking for?"
"Uh that's okay," Logan said, standing up. "I kinda need to do this on my own."
James nodded. He got the hint that Logan just needed his space right now. "Alright, fine. Well I hope you find whatever you're looking for."
As soon as he was gone Logan resumed his rummaging until finally he reached the back of his closet. And there it was. The baby blue blanket he always used to sleep with when he was a kid. But even more important was the object underneath it. It was a picture of him and his mother and it was the only picture he had left of her. Logan was maybe around four or five when it was taken. It was his mother's birthday, Logan could remember because they were seated on a park bench. She always used to let Logan stay home from school on her birthday so they could spend the day together.
The woman in the photo was smiling, holding on to her baby boy tightly. She had the same dark hair and fair skin and the same chocolate eyes that Logan had. Logan realized he really could see a lot of himself in his mother. At least based on physical appearance he could.
Logan smiled sadly at the photo. He just wished he could remember.
I know I keep saying this but next chapter will be heavily Kendall/Logan centered. Like I swear. This time I mean it!
Btw reviews make me happy so leave one :)