Ch 14

It was Christmas morning, and Beast boy had woken up from Raven's couch in the living room to hear the commotion of the Victor Stone twins sitting around the tree, each with a gift in their hands. He smiled at the twins, thinking about how carefree they were. He knew they would have a great childhood like he never had growing up.

Getting up off the couch, he joined the kids on the floor and smiled. "So, what do you think Santa brought you two for Christmas?"

"What are you two doing up?" asked their mother Karen. "It's so early."

"We were too excited to sleep mommy," said Serena.

"Everyone's still asleep," said Karen.

"Not anymore," said Nightwing, his arm around his excited wife. "It looks like your kids had the same idea as my wife."

"And then Starfire had to go and wake me up," said Raven with bed head and wearing a lovely, long white nightdress.

Beast boy took in Raven's appearance. "You look—he stopped himself. 'She's not mine anymore, remember you idiot!' He sighed. "Sorry, I—

"Thank you Garfield," said Raven. "It's ok."

He then suddenly had a strong urge to hug her and before his mind caught up with his body, he had swept Raven into a hug, holding her tight, and taking in her scent. "I—I'm so sorry, it's all my fault."

"It's all in the past Garfield, and I've forgiven you and our friends. It's time to move on," she said as she moved out of his embrace.

"All right, I got the camera! Lets get to opening presents," said Cyborg.

Beast boy watched as everyone opened gifts and smiled at the laughter and the tears of gift giving. He was lucky. He had the greatest friends, but he knew what he was missing. He had given it away in fear. 'I didn't trust her to be focused.' He looked at Raven. 'She's probably happier without me anyway. What could I really give her? She deserves an uncomplicated guy.'

"Hey Beast boy," said Cyborg.

"Huh?" said BB.

"You know you're really not a boy anymore. Ever think about changing your name?" asked Karen.

"Well Craven's always calling me Changeling," said BB.

"It does fit quiet well Garfield," said Craven as he came into the room with his wife. "It's good to see you alive."

"Uh, thanks Craven," said Changeling.

"Hey, is that who I think it is," said Zinthos.

"Oh my god, you're alive!" said Metrion as she went over and hugged him while Zinthos put a strong hand on his shoulder.

Raven couldn't help but look at the scene. He really fit in with her family. Raven could tell her family really cared about him. She was thankful for that. She started to wonder what it had been like before, before her mind had been tampered with. Everyday she would try to remember the feelings she had for Garfield and every time she hit a wall. She wondered why she kept going. She wondered why she just could not move on from the Changeling.

After opening presents and eating breakfast, the twins played with their toys under the tree. Cyborg was cleaning up the kitchen along with his wife while Nightwing and Starfire relaxed on the couch, content in each other's company. Raven went upstairs to change while Changeling sat by the fire, looking at the loving couple on the couch. He envied them. He wanted more than anything to have someone in his life to love. "Changeling, are you—Nightwing was interrupted by Cyborg.

"Ok, now I want to know what you've been up to for four years," said Victor.

"Well, he gets right to the point," said Raven as she sat across from Nightwing and Starfire on another couch that was closer to the fireplace.

"Why do we tell him what we've been up to first," said Karen as she sat beside Starfire.

"Well after we left you in Africa, we went back to the tower. We fought crime for a while but then it started to die out. We all missed you and knowing you were never coming back became too much to bear. We held out as long as we could but when I turned eighteen," said Nightwing, "I made the decision that we should go our own ways."

"Nightwing and I left for Gotham and helped protect the city for a while. At some point we decided we wanted a family and Nightwing proposed and we got married. After the honeymoon, I got pregnant. It's been a glorious life so far," Starfire said as she rubbed her belly, causing everyone to smile at the loving display.

"When I left Titans Tower, I sought out Karen at Titans East. I became part of the team but after a year, Karen and I decided to leave and start our own lives. We actually live in Jump City. We were both born there so now we live close to my parents and hers. We got married in my family backyard and conceived our twins a week after our honeymoon. It's been a heck of a ride."

"It sure has Victor," said Karen as she kissed her husband.

"Ewe," said Raven at their display of affection.

"You can say that again Rae. I mean it's totally disrespectful to make another baby in Raven's house and especially right in front of us," said Garfield.

"I second that," said Raven.

"Calm down, we're not weird like that and besides we all ready have two handfuls to deal with," said Karen. "We'd be nuts to try for another child right now."

"Anyway," said Raven, "I went to live in New Azarath. I lived with Metrion and Zinthos before I got a job as a librarian. As a birthday present to me, Metrion and Zinthos offered to build me a house. They're very gifted architects. Zinthos's family actually helped in restoring New Azarath to what it is today, but I decided I wanted to help as well."

"So, what about your love life?" asked Garfield.

"My grandparents have been quiet demanding in me finding someone to settle down with by setting me up on blind dates. It was disastrous, and I never want to do it again."

"So, there's been no one serious?" asked Garfield.

"What did I just say?" said Raven.

"Sorry, I uh just thought you would have someone."

"Love is just not for me. It's too complicated with my emotions and everything."

"But what if you found the right person?"

"Why are you pressing this so hard?"

"I want you to be happy," said Garfield.

Raven's face softened. "Thank you Garfield."

"Are you two done? I want to know what Changeling's been up to," said Victor.

"Gee thanks for being so considerate," said Raven.

"You two can talk more later," said Victor.

"I guess he has a point," said Garfield. "We'll talk later Rae, is that ok?"

"Sure," said Raven. "You don't want to keep Victor waiting."

"Ok, well after you all left, Rita told me everything that happened before you left. I felt awful about not going back, but I didn't want to see what I would go through in dying. I still couldn't move much, and I was still in a lot of pain. I slipped into a coma, died a couple of times, and before I knew it, I had woken up and was able to move my limbs. I discovered it had been a two-year coma. The Doom Patrol took good care of my body while I was out, and they continued to help get full mobility of my body.

By the time a year passed, I was able to do everything on my own. I'd still have times were my body felt weak, but if I exerted myself too much, my body would give out. I felt guilty for being so useless, so I ran away. I couldn't bear the Doom Patrol taking care of me like I was some helpless child anymore. They did so much for me, and I didn't want their lives to become taking care of me until my death."

"I found my parent's hut in the forest, lied down, and prepared to die on my parents' bed. I tried to fall asleep but the pain in my body kept waking me up, and I found I couldn't take it anymore. I sat up and bed and before I could even commit suicide, I felt something through the mattress. It wasn't soft, so I lifted the mattress to find a suitcase. When I opened it, I found a note from my parents. It said just in case you last this long, Love Mom and Dad. Under the note was something had been working on to find a permanent solution to my shape shifting. I didn't know what was in it, but I injected it into my system, rested on the bed, and woke up the next day refreshed and in no pain. I actually transformed into an animal for the first time in years, and it felt good, it felt right."

"By the time the fourth year came around, I planned to go back and find everyone but then I realized that things have probably changed in four years. I thought you wouldn't want to see me but then King Twabwa came to seem me, and I told him about my fear. He gave me a tracking spell and so here I am."

The quiet made Garfield feel uneasy, but he looked around to see Starfire was wiping away tears as her husband comforted her. Victor and Karen were shocked, and he couldn't begin to read Raven. She did look like she was thinking about something.

"And we thought you were strong before but wow Garfield, you've truly been through a lot," said Zinthos as he walked into the room.

"You are truly an amazing creature, Changeling," said Craven.

"No, I don't deserve that because no matter what at the end of the day, I still can't get over what I did to Raven. I can't believe I even thought of doing what Mento suggested for even a second. It disgusts me that I didn't trust in Raven to handle her own life. She's strong. She can get through anything, and I didn't believe in that."

"You have to let that go Garfield. I've forgiven everyone. It does no good to keep dwelling on this. Nothing going to change," said Raven.

"You're right Raven because I know one thing that hasn't changed. I still love you, and it kills me that I'll never know where that could have taken us in life. I—I think," he felt himself welling up, "I think I could've made you really happy and now we'll never know," he said as he walked out of the room and out the door to get some air.

It was cold and now Garfield was starting to think it was a bad idea to walk out, but he couldn't help it, what happened in the past still left a scar on his heart. He came back because a part of him didn't want to give up on Raven. He wanted to find a way to get through to her, but he didn't know if he could. 'Is it too late?'

"Garfield."

"I'm sorry for my outburst Raven. I—

"It's ok. It's been four rough years for you, and you can't help but think about what lead up to them."

"It's all my fault. How can I possibly make this up to you? I mean I know you've forgiven me, but you can't have forgotten? Aren't you angry with me? Don't you just want to yell and scream at me?"

"There's nothing you owe me and no I can't forget but why should I spend my life angry at you for something you didn't do directly? I don't want to yell and scream because it solves nothing, but I'm sorry for what you've lost."

"You lost it to Rae, and I'm sorry."

"Truthfully I can't remember any of it. It doesn't mean that I've stopped trying to search for those memories."

"Really?" he said in surprise.

"My friends and family can bring up the memories we've had together, but it doesn't mean I don't want to remember them myself. Their my memories to Garfield."

Garfield sighed. "I've talked to Mento about the power he used to take away memories because I was curious. I thought maybe there was a way he could restore them, and that's when he told me that he'd done it to someone else."

"What happened to them?" Raven asked.

"They continued to live their normal life, never knowing the real pain of the memories they experienced. That's when Mento told me that he couldn't reverse what he did. He tried, but I'm not giving up on you Rae."

"What do you think you can do?"

"Maybe I can remind you of what you had with me. It might jog something in your mind."

"Well I've tried everything else so what do I have to lose?"

"I just want you to let me know if I do anything that crosses a line or makes you feel uncomfortable in anyway."

"Like wh—he kissed her softly on the lips and pulled away quickly.

"Oh," was all that managed to come out of her mouth.

"I just wanted to—

"Lets try that again," said Raven.

"Um, what?"

"Just trust me," she said as he moved closer to her, took her by the waist, and crashed his lips to hers in a passionate kiss. He felt her arms around his neck, brining his body close to hers, and he felt the warmth again, the completeness he wanted in his life. He didn't want to let go as his lips moved from her lips to her neck as he sucked on her skin. "G—Garfield," she moaned.

"S—sorry Raven," he said as he pulled away and walked back inside the house.