The party was apparently happening at Mercedes Griffin's house. Once they'd arrived the first thing Logan noticed was how loud it was. They could hear the music blaring from all the way outside. The front of Mercedes house was crowded with parked cars so Dak ended up having to park across the street.
Knowing what a special night tonight was supposed to be for Dak and Logan, Camille decided not to hang around them for long. She'd disappeared as soon as she spotted a few girls from her dance team, but before she left she'd leaned in close to Logan and wished him good luck for tonight, and told him to come find her if he needed anything. Logan, suddenly remembering the whole reason he was there in the first place, felt his nerves heighten.
Once she was gone he found himself subconsciously clinging to Dak's side, not wanting to let go of his hand. Even though Dak was part of the reason he was so nervous in the first place. "You okay?" Dak asked. He nodded and hooked his arm through the older boy's.
"It's kind of crowded in here."
"Yeah Mercedes usually overdoes it with these big ragers she throws. She doesn't even know half these people."
Logan let Dak lead him over to a less crowded space next to the stairwell. "Wait here okay? I'll be back right back."
"You're leaving?"
"Just for a second. I'm gonna go to the bathroom."
Logan frowned as he watched his boyfriend leave. Somehow within the first five minutes of being at his first high school party he'd managed to already wind up all alone.
Five minutes went by and he realized Dak must have gotten stuck waiting in a long line for the bathroom. While he was gone, Logan decided to take a moment to mentally prepare for the events that were supposed to happen tonight. He was beginning to realize he was a lot more nervous about the whole thing now that the moment was getting closer and closer. It wasn't the sex part that had him so anxious. It was worrying about what would happen afterwards. What if they did it and they ended up breaking up for some reason? What if Dak decided he didn't want to be with him anymore like Kendall did?
Logan pushed that thought out of his mind. Dak was nothing like Kendall. He actually liked him and had told him wanted to be in a relationship with him. Dak had taken him on dates and held hands with him in public. And most importantly, he'd never made Logan feel like he needed to compete with anyone for his attention or given him the slightest reason to be jealous. He had nothing to worry about.
But even as he realized this he looked down at his hands and realized they were shaking. And his palms were beginning to sweat. He sighed as he tried to gain control of himself. He realized he needed something to help calm his nerves, and just standing there alone was making him feel even more anxious. He started to wander the house until he found himself in the kitchen, and the first thing that caught his eye was the big red punch bowl sitting on the counter, with a half empty bottle of rum sitting next to it making it clear for everyone that the punch was alcoholic. Logan paused, only considering the consequences for a second, before he took one of the plastic cups on the counter and quickly filled it with punch.
He took a sip as walked back to his place near the stairwell. The drink was slightly sweet but it definitely had a harsh taste to it. But by his second sip he found himself already beginning to get used to it.
After a few moments Dak finally reappeared. "Sorry it took so long. I didn't think there'd be such a long line for the bathroom. I was gonna grab a drink. You want anything?"
"No I'm okay," he said, gesturing his cup.
Dak peered at his drink and raised his eyebrows. "Uh, you might want to steer clear of the punch... You know there's alcohol in that right?"
"Uh, yeah I noticed," Logan said, leaning in to take another sip. But before he could Dak took his cup away from him. "Hey!"
"Logan, if your brother finds out I let you drink he'll kill me."
Logan rolled his eyes. "Do you see James around here anywhere?"
"No..."
"Then relax…One drink isn't gonna kill me," he said, gently reaching to take his cup back.
Dak sighed, but handed it back to him. "Fine. Just be careful," he warned.
Logan nodded. But he didn't really see what the big deal was. The whole relaxation effect of the alcohol seemed to come so easily for him. And that was all he wanted. He wasn't trying to get drunk or anything.
Pretty soon he started to feel really relaxed, and all of the anxiousness he felt before thinking about what was supposed to happen tonight vanished. After his first drink he'd waited until Dak was distracted talking to some guy from the hockey team before he slipped back into the kitchen to fill up his cup again. This time he downed it all quickly, then he threw his cup out, deciding that would be enough for the night.
Logan slipped back to the spot on the couch where he and Dak were sitting and he immediately curled up to his boyfriend's side, taking ahold of his hand again. "Hey."
"Hey, are you okay?" Dak asked.
"Yeah why?"
"You've been hanging onto me like this all night…" he said, gazing down at their interlocked fingers. "Not that I'm complaining. It's just you're not usually like this."
Logan shrugged. "I just like being close to you. I kinda wish we'd decided to go to dinner instead of coming here. So it could be the two of us."
Dak smiled at him. "Yeah, me too. But it's not so bad I guess. At least Camille's having fun."
Logan looked up to where the curly-haired brunette girl was standing. She was laughing and very obviously flirting with some boy who Logan didn't recognize. They locked eyes briefly and she winked at Logan and gave him thumbs up for encouragement, suddenly reminding him of what he was supposed to do tonight. Logan realized he couldn't waste any more time.
"Maybe we could find someplace a little bit quieter where we could be alone? You know so we can talk and stuff." Logan suggested, without looking up at him.
"That sounds like a good idea," Dak said.
The older boy stood up and Logan followed after him, still keeping his grip on his hand. He nodded towards the stairs and let Dak lead the way.
Upstairs there were at least five different rooms, most of them already occupied. Logan stopped at the first empty one he could find, making sure it was a bedroom, and pulled Dak inside.
Dak stumbled forward slightly as Logan pulled him in for a kiss, catching him by surprise. When he pulled back Dak raised an eyebrow at him. "Okay I thought you said you wanted to talk?"
"I lied," Logan shrugged and smiled. He sat down on the bed, and he pulled Dak on top of him. And at first the older boy obliged him, kissing him back, but then he pulled back again, gently, and looked at Logan.
"Okay slow down. Hang on a sec…" Dak scanned his eyes over the younger boy's face. Then he looked him in the eyes. "I just want to make sure you're okay…that you're really with me right now. You were drinking earlier."
"It was one drink. I didn't even finish it," Logan lied. "I promise I'm not drunk."
"Are you sure?"
"Do you need me to prove it to you? Want me to hop around on one foot and say the alphabet backwards?"
Dak smiled and shook his head. He leaned down and pressed their lips together again. Without separating, he moved off of Logan so he could lie next to him on his side and then he wrapped an arm around his waist and resumed kissing him.
Logan scooted closer so their bodies could be closer together. And he shut his eyes when he felt Dak's hands start to wander a bit. He realized this was the first time he and Dak had ever really kissed like this. Usually it was just forehead kisses. Soft kisses on the lips at the end of the night after going on a date. Quick kisses in the morning before they parted ways to go to class. They'd made out a few other times, once in the back of a movie theater when their movie had gone on too long. But it had never been like this. Never completely alone, in a dim room, on a bed. Logan took the fact that Dak wasn't objecting to it as a sign that he would finally be okay with them taking their relationship to the next level. He reached for the buttons on Dak's shirt with his free hand that wasn't tangled in the older boy's hair, and he slowly started undoing them one by one. But before he was half way finished he felt Dak grab his hand. "Logan…what are you doing?"
"What?"
"…You know we can't have sex right?"
Logan blinked. "What's wrong? You don't have a condom?"
"Well no…but that's not why. I thought we agreed we were gonna wait until we were ready before we did that?"
Logan sighed. "Dak I am ready. Really. And we're official now remember?"
"That wasn't what I meant when I said I wanted to wait, and that's not why I asked you to be my boyfriend... Why are you in such a rush to do this anyway?"
"I don't know." Logan scooted closer to him and took his hand. "I just…I want to feel closer to you. You can't get mad at me for that," Logan said, but apparently Dak could.
He pulled his hand out of his grasp and frowned. "That's not how you get close to someone, Logan."
Dak scooted to sit at the edge of the bed, and started buttoning his shirt back up. Then for a moment he just sat there, quiet, and Logan started to get worried. "So you are mad at me..."
"I'm not mad. I'm just thinking," Dak said.
"About what?" Logan asked, staring down at his lap.
"I think you might be a little confused about things. And I'm starting to think maybe you're not ready to be in a relationship."
"What are you talking about? Why would you think that?" Logan didn't understand. He was ready to have sex with Dak, to give himself to him completely. What more would he have to do to prove himself?
"Earlier today...I know I acted like that whole thing with your dad didn't bother me, but it did. The look on your face when I showed up to your house. Like your dad finding out we were together was the worst possible thing that could happen."
Logan looked at him confused. "That had nothing to do with you. My dad doesn't even know I'm gay."
"Are you sure that's the only reason? Logan when we first became official the first thing I wanted to do was share it with the two people I care about the most. But with you I got the feeling that maybe part of the reason you don't want to tell him is because you're afraid if you do this whole thing between us becomes real. And you're not sure if this relationship is what you want."
"So this whole thing is about me not telling my dad we're together?"
Dak sighed. "It's not just that... Sometimes when we're together I get this feeling that there's something upsetting you. Like there's this big thing you're constantly thinking about, but you can never tell me what it is. And I always brush it aside and tell myself you'll open up to me eventually...that you'll finally let me in. But it hasn't happened yet. And I'm not sure if it ever will. Even this morning when you told me about your dad, you didn't really want to right? You only told me because you had to."
Logan opened his mouth to speak, but then he shut it. He didn't know what to say. The only thing he could think of to do was to tell Dak that he had it all wrong. Maybe there was some truth to what he was saying... Maybe he was guilty of hiding things from Dak. But he couldn't tell him everything he was feeling all the time... He couldn't tell him that Kendall had broken his heart, but even in spite of that, some stupid part of his brain still wouldn't let him let go of his feelings for him. Or how badly he missed his mother and how sometimes he still had nightmares about the day he watched her almost die. Or how his father always left a dad-shaped hole in the door every time he decided to leave the country for another one of his projects. He never talked to anyone about those things.
And maybe in the beginning he wasn't sure what he wanted. But now he really wanted this to work with Dak and he was trying really hard. But Logan could feel Dak slipping away from him and the feeling was so familiar it almost made him feel sick.
"I don't know what to say... I'm sorry," Logan said finally.
"You don't have to say anything. Don't apologize."
Logan was quiet for a moment. He felt tears prick the back of his eyes. "Are you breaking up with me?"
"I don't want to. I kind of wish I didn't have to decide right now... The timing sucks right? Right before I have to leave for New York."
Logan scooted closer and sat down beside him. "You said you wanted to be with me and only me. I thought that meant that you loved me. Or at least that you were starting to."
"I meant what I said. I want all those things with you Logan. I want to love you...it's just you make it hard sometimes." Logan paused, and when Dak looked at him he saw a slightly hurt expression on his face. "Wait...I think that came out wrong."
"Just forget it," Logan said. He stood up and wiped his face quickly.
"Logan.."
"No, you don't have to explain anymore. You've made your point."
Dak sighed. "Look I have an early flight tomorrow. I told my parents I wouldn't stay out too late."
"Then you'd better go."
Dak paused. "I can't just leave you here. Do you want me to drop you off at your house?"
"No. I want to stay here," Logan answered before he really gave himself a chance to think things through. All he could think was that he didn't want be stuck in a car with Dak right now.
"You want to stay at the party by yourself?"
Logan shrugged. "Camille's here."
"How are you gonna get home?"
"I'll find a ride. You don't have to worry about me...I'll be fine."
"Alright then...I guess I'll talk to you after Christmas," Dak said.
Logan nodded, not looking up at him.
Dak stood at the door for a moment, like he wanted to say something else. But then he just sighed and turned around. And then the door shut, signaling to Logan that he had left.
The brunette sat there alone, in silence for a moment before he finally went back downstairs. He immediately spotted Camille who rushed over to him. "Logan.. is everything okay? I just saw Dak walk out and drive off."
"He has an early plane to catch tomorrow so he had to leave," Logan said.
"Oh."
"Oh yeah and I think we just broke up."
Camille's eyes widened. "What do you mean you broke up? What happened?"
Logan shrugged. "He doesn't want to be with me anymore."
"Wait so he just broke up with you out of the blue and left? That doesn't sound like Dak... Are you sure that's what happened?"
"He made himself pretty clear. Anyway, I don't really want to talk about it."
Camille nodded. "Okay, well since he just left I guess we're gonna need another ride home. I'll go call my mom then."
"Wait, you don't have to call her just yet... I know how much you wanted to come to this party. If you're not ready to leave we can stay a little bit longer."
"Logan you're obviously hurting right now. I wouldn't force you to stay here just because I wanted to have fun."
"What about that guy you were talking to?"
"Oh him? He doesn't even go to our school. He's visiting here from Canada or something," she said.
"Oh.."
"I'll be right back, I'm gonna go find someplace quiet where I can call my mom. Just stay here and don't move."
"Okay," Logan said.
Camille turned to leave, but then she paused and turned back around. "Wait...you and Dak didn't like…you know...did you?"
Logan shook his head quickly. "We broke up before anything happened."
Camille sighed in relief. "Okay good. When we get back to my place we can talk about what happened," she said.
Logan nodded and watched her leave. But he didn't really want to talk about it. All wanted to do was forget the whole night ever happened.
He looked at his phone to check the time and saw he still had 3 more hours before he needed be home. Even though he'd told Camille he'd wait for her there, he found himself wandering to the kitchen, back to the only thing he hoped would be able to help him forget his problems. He poured himself another cup of punch and downed half of it in one gulp.
He started to leave the kitchen, but once he stepped outside he spotted Kendall standing in the living room and he froze. He hadn't even considered the fact that he might be there. And there was some girl with him he was talking and laughing with who was most definitely not Jo... Before he saw anything else, Kendall turned around and Logan immediately went back to the kitchen before he saw him.
A blonde girl entered the room and walked over to the cabinet and started putting out more cups. She paused once she noticed Logan standing there. She glanced down at his mostly empty cup of punch. "Rough night?"
It took Logan a moment to realize she was talking to him. "Um yeah...you could say that."
She set her cups down and stepped towards him. "Let me guess, boy troubles? You're Dak's boyfriend right?"
Logan nodded slowly, then he frowned. "I was...we just broke up."
"What happened?" she asked.
Logan started to respond, but then he stopped when he realized he had no idea who this girl was he was talking to. He thought he'd sort of recognized her as one of Jo's friends though. "It's kind of a long story..."
"Look I'm not gonna spread your business around or anything. Just sometimes it's nice to get an outside perspective on things. Maybe I can help you." She said, and she held out her hand for him to shake. "I'm Mercedes by the way."
Logan shook her hand carefully. "Oh. So this is your party?"
"Yup...and you're Logan Mitchell right? James Diamond's little brother?"
He nodded.
"So tell me what happened, Logan."
For some reason Logan felt like it would be okay to trust her. She was offering to help him after all. "Well, like I said it's kind of a long story... But in a nutshell, we sort of had a fight and I think he pretty much just dumped me."
"You think he dumped you? What were you guys fighting about?"
"I don't even really know. He said there were a lot of things bothering him about our relationship. But I think the main reason was because he could tell I'm sort of still in love with someone else," Logan said. But then he shut his mouth, worried might have just said too much.
"Right...and this other guy you still have feelings for wouldn't happen to be Kendall Knight would it?"
Logan froze. Clearly he had just said too much. "How do you know about me and Kendall?"
She smiled somewhat impishly. "Kendall and me go way back... I know lots of things about him he wishes I didn't. Did you know in eighth grade he used to be a figure skater?"
Logan shook his head. "Wait, so if you know about me and Kendall, then how come you haven't told Jo yet?"
She shrugged. "I try to stay out of their business as much as I can. I mean nobody really needs that kind of drama in their lives right?" She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry Logan your secret is safe with me."
Logan relaxed slightly under her touch. "Okay, well what do you think I should do?"
"Well if you're having trouble choosing between Kendall and Dak I think the answer is pretty obvious."
"It is?" To him it didn't seem so clear.
"Yeah I mean if you're looking to get your heart stomped on, by all means keep chasing after Kendall," she said.
Logan frowned. And she sighed, giving him a look of sympathy. "Look I know this might be a little hard for you to hear, but it's the truth. You shouldn't get your hopes up trying to love someone who only cares about himself. Dak is a really good guy...he's nice, he's really talented and he'll probably never ever hurt you. Kendall will rip your heart out and the worst part is he probably won't even realize he's doing it."
"So you think I should try to work things out with Dak..."
"I think you should do whatever you think is best... but be careful. And keep in mind everything I just told you," she said. "Oh and lay off the booze. That's a really bad habit to start when you're that young."
Logan stared down at his empty cup. Mercedes turned to leave, presumably to get back to her party, but before she did he stopped her. "Wait. Can I ask you one more thing?"
She paused in the doorway and turned back around.
"Do you think that maybe the reason why Kendall broke things off with me is because he'd rather be with a girl instead of a boy."
"Um...I doubt it. I mean from what I've seen there's no way that boy is completely straight."
"The only reason I ask is because when he first broke things off with me, he told me it was because he wanted to get back together with Jo. But I just saw him a few minutes ago and he was with a different girl and-"
"Wait what do you mean? What girl?"
"Uh I don't know, some girl. She had red hair."
"And what were they doing?"
"Well they were just talking. But it kind of looked like they were flirting. I don't know."
"I see..." Mercedes said, taking all of this information in. And Logan started to wonder if maybe he shouldn't have said anything. "Look, Logan. Don't worry about Kendall. You're young, kind of adorable, and there will be plenty of other guys for you to date who aren't emotionally unavailable jerks. It might not seem like it right now, but chances are he's really not your 'one true love,'" she told him.
And afterwards she apparently had someone she really needed to talk to, so Logan thanked her for the advice and she wished him luck on whatever it was he decided to do.
But after she was gone he started to think over everything she had told him and he realized she didn't have things exactly right. She had told him that Dak would never ever hurt him, and Logan had always thought that too, but apparently it wasn't true. Dak had hurt him, even though he may not have meant it. In a way that almost made it worse, because if he wasn't purposely trying to hurt him, that meant he was just being honest. And in a way it just confirmed all these things about Logan that he didn't want to believe but had always feared to be true.
Logan stared down at his cup again. He knew he needed to stop drinking, but for some reason he couldn't seem to rationalize in his mind why he should stop. All he could think about was how much better it made him feel and how much smaller it made his problems seem.
Just one more cup...he told himself. One more cup and he'd be done for good.
For Kendall the trouble started the second he walked into the door of the party. The whole hockey team was there and for the most part they all had their girlfriends or significant others with them. But Kendall of course was the only who didn't, and because of it he stuck out like a sore thumb.
All night there were girls flocking to him, and it made things kind of awkward, since even though Jo wasn't there technically he was still bound by the rules of their relationship. He'd made that mistake once and he wasn't gonna make it again. He was starting to understand why Jo didn't want him to go to the party in the first place.
There was one girl in particular who had sort of been hanging around him all night. It started with her completely kicking his ass in a game of air hockey. They'd ended up betting money on it and so far he'd lost every single game.
After their last game he dropped his paddle. "Alright I'm done."
"You're quitting already?" she asked, feigning surprise.
"I just lost twenty dollars playing air hockey... I think I should quit while I'm down."
She grinned at him. "You know for someone who just made it to the playoffs you're surprisingly bad at this. I thought hockey players were supposed to have good reflexes?"
"I do," Kendall said, defensively.
"Oh yeah?" She grabbed her paddle and hit the puck across the table, but before Kendall could even grab his she sunk another shot.
Kendall sighed in defeat and she laughed and walked over to him. She handed him his twenty dollars. "Don't worry you can have your money back. This is all in good fun," she said.
"Thanks," Kendall said, pocketing his cash. "Um, I didn't exactly get your name."
"Nikki. And I think we know each other."
"We do?"
"Yeah well I know your girlfriend at least. Jo Taylor right?"
"Yeah...that's her."
"I'm kinda surprised you guys are still together," she remarked offhandedly. Then she started to walk away, and Kendall found himself following after her.
"Why do you say that?" he asked.
She shrugged. "I don't know she just doesn't really seem like she'd be your type. I mean she's so like...perfect...all the time."
Kendall understood what she was saying but that was always what he kind of liked about Jo.
"I used to be on cheerleading with her and the Jennifers. Well before she got me kicked off the squad," she said with a slight tinge of bitterness. "See they have this stupid rule against having tattoos or body jewelry," she explained.
"You have a tattoo?"
"No, silly..." she smiled and lifted her shirt, showing him the pink sparkly stud she had through her belly button. "Anyway, long story short little miss goody-two-shoes ratted on me and got me kicked out."
"Oh...uh, sorry about that."
"Don't worry, there's no hard feelings. I mean I wouldn't hold that against you or anything," she said, stepping closer to him and placing her hand on his arm. "So where is Jo tonight anyway?"
"She went out of town with her parents..."
"You must be pretty lonely without her."
Kendall glanced down at her hand that was still lingering on his arm. "Did you want to keep me company?"
She shrugged and smiled at him. "I could...looks like you might just get lucky tonight."
Kendall swallowed. She started backing away from him. "I'll be upstairs...come find me if you want to finish this conversation."
After she was gone he felt like he could think a little more clearly. He realized he had two options here. He could either go home and pretend like that whole thing never happened, or he could completely ruin his relationship with Jo again. He realized if he really wanted a way out this would be an easy way to do it. But he still couldn't figure out whether that was what he wanted or not.
He found himself walking over towards the stairs anyway, but it seemed like his decision was made for him when a short, brunette girl with long, curly hair intervened, stepping in front of him.
"Hey, Kendall...um, you probably don't remember me...actually I don't think we were ever formally introduced... I'm Camille, Logan's friend."
Kendall blinked at her.
"I think Logan is in trouble and I need your help," she said.
"What are you talking about?"
"I don't know what happened... One minute he was fine, and then I left him for five minutes to go make a phone call and when I came back he'd somehow managed to down half a bowl of rum. He's like completely wasted now... My mom's gonna be here any minute to pick us up and I obviously can't let her see him like this."
"What does that have to do with me?"
"I need you to make sure he gets home okay."
Kendall groaned. He really didn't need this right now. "Why me? Just call his brother or something."
"I can't...if James tells his dad he's pretty much dead, since he sort of wasn't even supposed to be at this party in the first place. I don't want to get him in trouble," she explained.
"Look, I don't know what Logan told you, but I'm not his boyfriend. I'm not even really his friend... We hooked up once-"
"Twice," she corrected him, rolling her eyes.
He paused. "Fine...twice. But that was it, and it meant nothing. Find someone else to babysit him," Kendall said. And he started to walk away again, but she stepped in front of him, blocking him.
"Oh I know all about what happened between you and Logan. He told me everything. About how you screwed around with him and messed with his head, knowing you had no intentions of having an actual relationship with him. And when you were done you just left him to get back together with Jo, completely breaking his heart. This won't even begin to make up for what you did to him, but it's the least you could do. As far as I'm concerned you don't have a choice," she said, crossing her arms.
Kendall tried to step around her but she stepped in front of him, blocking him. And when he tried to do it again, she did it again. He groaned, "Alright, fine. Where the fuck is he?"
"He's over there, on the couch..." she said, turning around. But when she looked there Logan was nowhere to be found. "Okay he was there a second ago."
"Well that's just great."
"He's here somewhere...we just have to find him," she said, walking through the living room and back to the kitchen. Kendall followed her. They stopped when again there was no sign of him and Camille felt her phone buzz. "That's my mom...she's right outside." Camille grabbed Kendall's arm, maybe gripping it a little too tight. "I have to go now, but you better find him. If anything happens to him I'm holding you personally responsible."
"Okay, okay I'll find him."
"Promise?"
"Yeah, I promise."
She let go of his arm and gave him one last look of warning before walking away.
Kendall rubbed his arm. That girl was surprisingly much stronger than she looked... He sighed, and figured he'd better find the boy, who was somehow still managing to be such a nuisance in his life. He tried to think, if he were a drunk fourteen year old lost at a party where would he end up? Probably somewhere passed out next to a toilet, he figured.
He checked in all of the downstairs bathrooms but when he didn't find him, he moved on to the upstairs. In the upstairs bathroom there was someone passed out, drunk on the floor but it was definitely not Logan. He sighed, shutting the door to keep looking. He started perusing through the bedrooms—the ones that weren't locked anyway—to see if he'd find him passed out in any of them. And he briefly wondered where Dak was and why he was the one looking for his boyfriend and not him.
In the third room he entered the bedroom was dimly lit. He entered slowly before he suddenly found himself being bum-rushed, with a body pressed up against him, before he got a chance to turn on the light.
"Took you long enough to get here," the offender murmured, wrapping her arms around his neck. She pressed a firm kiss to his lips.
Kendall pulled back, breaking the kiss. "...Nikki?"
"Well duh..." She giggled, and flipped on the light switch so he could see her face. "Were you expecting someone else? What took you so long?"
"I, uh...got a little sidetracked."
She smiled. "Well that's okay. As long as you're here now," she said. And she lifted her top up over her head and tossed it to the floor. Then she pressed her lips against his again. And for some reason Kendall just stood there. He couldn't seem to move. He couldn't seem to make himself push her away. This all just felt so familiar and easy for him. It would be way too easy for him to slip back into his old routines. Maybe everything he'd thought all along was true and he really just wasn't cut out for all that relationship stuff. Maybe he needed to stick to doing what he knew how to do and leave it at that...
Then Nikki pulled away from him and spoke, bringing him out of his thoughts. "I bet you're glad she's gone now."
"What?"
"Jo...I mean it must get boring being with the same girl all the time."
Kendall internally rolled his eyes at her bringing up Jo again. She could have made it a little less obvious what this whole thing was about. "Mind if we not talk while we do this?"
She nodded and smiled. "Sorry, I just think it's funny is all...I mean she's like a total prude right?" She pulled back and pushed Kendall against the wall, then she smirked at him playfully. "I bet she never does this for you does she?"
She reached for his belt buckle and Kendall swallowed, shutting his eyes while she knelt down in front of him. But suddenly an overwhelming sensation of guilt washed over him. Maybe it was the fact that she wouldn't stop bringing up his girlfriend. For whatever reason, even though he knew what Nikki was about to do to him, it wasn't...affecting him the way it was supposed to. In other words, certain "parts" of him weren't getting excited.
He had to stop her before she undid his pants and things got really awkward. He grabbed her arm.
"What?" she asked.
"I...can't do this."
She looked at him, confused, with an almost smile like she thought he was joking. "You're kidding right?" she asked, standing up. "What's your problem?"
"I changed my mind.." he said, awkwardly. "Uh, sorry."
Once she realized he was serious her smile was gone. She glared at him "Oh my god. You are unbelievable, Kendall Knight."
Kendall winced at her biting tone of voice. She grabbed her top off the ground and angrily tugged it over her head.
"I'm sorry," he apologized again, but she ignored him.
"Well I guess this means all the rumors about you are true then."
He paused. "What rumors?"
"Oh you know…the ones about how Dak isn't the only queer on the hockey team."
Kendall rolled his eyes. "Is that supposed to be an insult or something."
"Maybe not to you. But I wonder what little miss bible-thumper would think if she knew she was dating a fag?"
Kendall glared at her, and she looked at him, appearing satisfied with herself that she'd rattled him. Then she left him and slammed the door on her way out.
Once she was gone he sat down on the bed, at least able to take comfort in the fact that he'd made the right choice in not doing anything with her. Now he just wished he'd never even touched her in the first place.
He thought about what she'd said and realized he didn't really care if everyone found out he was bi. The main thing that bothered him was the fact that she thought she could use that against him, that no matter what there would always be people who thought that way. He was also bothered by the fact that he'd almost just slept with someone who turned out to be such a horrible person.
Kendall glanced up when he heard someone entering the room. It was Mercedes, who somehow seemed to always know whenever he was in a shitty mood so she could come around to gloat. He laid back down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. "Don't you know how to knock?"
"It's my house and my party so I can do whatever I want. I'm not interrupting something am I?"
Kendall shrugged.
"You know if you keep this up and Jo finds out about it she's not gonna forgive you this time."
Kendall blinked. Even though Mercedes was Jo's best friend, he knew she would never rat on him outright. That wasn't really how their relationship worked. At the very worst she might sit on this information until she needed something from him and then use it as blackmail.
"Nothing happened so there's nothing for her to find out. How'd you know I was up here with a girl anyway?"
"I have my ways of finding things out…Nothing goes on around here that I don't know about," she said, walking towards him. "So you want to explain what you were doing up here with Skanky McSkankerson?"
Kendall smirked at the ad-libbed nickname. He thought it suited her perfectly. "I'm still trying to figure it out."
"Figure what exactly?"
"I don't know. Why I fuck people I hate?"
Mercedes sighed and sat down beside him, giving him a look of pity. Then she narrowed her eyes at him. "I thought you said nothing happened?"
"It almost did…but it stopped before things went to that point," he said, but she still looked skeptical. He rolled his eyes. "Really… I didn't do it."
"Okay, if you say so. Well if you want to know the truth, from someone who's known you way too long—I'd say you do it because you hate them. And knowing you'll never feel any sort of emotional attachment to them gives you this weird sense of superiority...But if I were to be more specific I'd say this has something to do with Jo. Either she's been nagging you to death or she did something that scared you. Ringing any bells?"
Kendall paused, considering this. "She didn't do anything…she said something."
"What did she say?"
He was quiet for a moment, kind of embarrassed to admit that the whole 'I love you' thing had upset him so much. As far as relationships go it wasn't exactly the worst thing your partner could do to you.
"She told you she loved you didn't she?" Mercedes figured. And Kendall was quiet, which pretty much gave her her answer.
He waited for her to laugh at him or make fun of him, but she didn't. But she did give him a look to let him know how completely ridiculous she thought he was being. "Kendall, are you really that surprised she said that to you? She's been waiting for you to say it to her for months."
"I can't just say something like that when I don't feel it. Then she'll start expecting things from me."
"You mean like an actual relationship based on a deeper connection?"
"I don't think I can give her that.."
"You can't or you won't? Kendall if you won't even try, maybe Jo really isn't worth it to you. Maybe you should break up with her."
Even though he knew it was the logical thing to do, for some reason Kendall couldn't see himself doing that, and he felt himself starting to get frustrated. Things were fine between them the way they were. Why did Jo have to go and make things so complicated? Why couldn't she have just let the whole 'I love you' thing go like she normally did?
"Well if things don't work out between you and Jo there's always your other little boyfriend," Mercedes said, teasingly.
"My what?"
"I'm talking about Logan."
He rolled his eyes. "Oh, him."
"I bumped into him downstairs and we talked for a bit. He seems really sweet, and I think he's got it like…really bad for you."
"Well that's never gonna happen."
"Oh please I bet you secretly love how much he adores you," she teased. Kendall felt himself blushing slightly and turned away so she wouldn't see it. "I don't buy your whole feigned indifferent attitude towards him for a second. You know I'm usually right about these things."
Kendall stood up, eager to get away from this conversation. "Well speaking of Logan I just remembered there's something I have to do," he said.
Kendall went back downstairs and decided maybe his next move should be to try to call Logan and get him to tell him where the hell he was. But as soon as he pulled out his phone he spotted the boy. He was curled up, lying against the armrest of the couch with his face buried in his arms. Kendall slipped his phone back into his pocket and walked over and sat down beside him. "Hey."
"What do you want?" the younger boy grumbled.
Great, Kendall thought. So he's cranky when he's drunk.
"I just wanted to see if you were okay. You're looking a little pale there."
"I'm fine. Actually, I've never felt better," he said.
"Really? Would that happen to be because you're drunk?"
"I'm not drunk ...Camille was overreacting."
Kendall rolled his eyes. "How many of those little cups of punch have you had?"
Logan thought about it, but he struggled to remember when he even started. He looked down at his hand to count on his fingers but they all started blurring together. Whoa, he thought. When did that start happening?
Kendall snapped his fingers in his face. "Hello? Earth to Logan?"
The brunette blinked, trying to focus his eyes. He sat up and looked at him.
"Why do you care anyway? Don't you have more important things to be doing right now?"
"Like what?"
"Uh, I don't know like fucking some girl."
Kendall flinched, not expecting that to come out of his mouth. It figured the one time he tries to do something nice for Logan he's in the worst possible mood. "Look, I'm just trying to help you. You need a ride home right?"
"Not from you."
"What are you gonna do, stay here all night? Sleep outside in the yard?"
"I'd rather do that then go home with someone I hate," Logan said.
And Kendall sighed, not letting his words bother him. "You don't hate me Logan... And for the record I don't hate you either."
Logan stared down at his lap. And the blonde knew his stubbornness was all smoke and mirrors, and he'd be able to get his resolve to break easily. "I bet you're feeling tired right? Don't you want to go home to a nice warm bed…" he baited.
Logan bit his lip. Even though he was still mad at Kendall he had to admit his offer was tempting. He was tired, and the music and chatter of the party was starting to grate on his nerves. And here was Kendall, the boy he spent so much of his time thinking about, offering to take him out of here and take care of him.
"I can't go home…if my dad finds out I was drinking he'll flip out."
"Then you can come with me," Kendall said, apparently feeling overly generous.
He held out his arms towards him. Logan hesitated again, but only for a second before he moved towards Kendall, and let himself fall against his chest. Kendall wrapped an arm around him, resting his chin on top of his head, smiling slightly. "I'm gonna stand you up in a second. Think you can make it to the car without falling over?"
The brunette nodded. They stood up together and he immediately grabbed Kendall's hand, letting him lead him through the crowds of people. But the room was so hot and stuffy and everyone's faces were blurring together. He started to feel really dizzy.
He tried to let Kendall know by squeezing his hand, but the blonde just dragged him along until finally they were outside. The cold air on his face made him feel slightly better. But then suddenly he felt a strong wave of nausea wash over him.
"I parked down here on the street," Kendall said.
"Kendall...I think I'm gonna be sick."
"What?"
Before he could say anything else Logan turned away and bent over into the Griffins' rose bushes and started throwing up. Kendall stood there, wincing while he finished. When he was done Logan groaned, collapsing onto the porch, and the blonde sighed, already able to tell this was gonna be a really long night. "Are you done?"
"I think so..."
Kendall went back inside and got him a water bottle, and then he somehow managed to get him to walk all the way down to car, where Logan began flushing his mouth out with the water, spitting it onto the ground.
Kendall watched him from the driver's seat. "You should try to drink some of that...it'll get it out of system faster."
Logan tossed the water bottle onto the ground outside and shut his car door. Then he curled up into his seat leaning against the door and buried his face in his arms. "Don't worry, tomorrow it'll all be over," Kendall said. "Put your seatbelt on."
The drive back to Kendall's house was quiet except for Logan groaning and complaining every now and then. Kendall made sure to check on him constantly to make sure he wasn't about to puke in his car or anything. When they finally got there it was way after midnight and Kendall knew his mom and his sister were already in bed. He lifted the younger boy out of the car carefully, carrying him over his shoulder. Then he brought him into his room and gently laid him down on his bed.
"My mom and my sister are sleeping so you have to be quiet okay?" he said in a low voice.
Logan nodded. Kendall tugged his shoes off of his feet and then he started to undo his belt buckle. Logan whined, grabbing his hands.
Kendall rolled his eyes. "Relax, I'm not trying to perv on you or anything. I'm just getting you ready for bed. You can do it yourself if you want."
Logan let go of his hands, and let him tug off his jeans. "Sorry, I just got a weird feeling of déjà vu," he said, and he sat up with a somewhat dazed expression on his face, like he was remembering something. "Do you remember that night we were in the backseat of your car and we were about to have sex? And even though it was cramped and cold I told you I didn't care because I was just happy to be with you."
Kendall pulled back his covers and looked at him strangely. He smiled slightly at the odd mention of that night. "Um, yeah Logan...I remember."
The brunette sighed, fell back against his bed and stared up at the ceiling. "Sometimes I think about that night a lot."
Kendall paused and raised an eyebrow at the younger boy. "…What else do you think about?"
"I don't know...how you pushed me up against your car and kissed me...the way your arms felt wrapped around me," he blushed.
Kendall knew the only reason Logan was telling him this was because he was drunk, and he probably shouldn't have been encouraging him. But he couldn't help but find the whole thing so amusing.
He smiled small. "I wonder what your boyfriend would have to say about that."
"Dak's not my boyfriend anymore," Logan told him. "I almost had with him sex tonight...but then we didn't."
"Why didn't you?"
"I don't know…he said he wanted to wait until we were ready. What's that even supposed to mean?" he wondered out loud.
Kendall rolled his eyes and tossed him a pillow. "That means he likes you Logan."
Logan furrowed his brows. "So if he does want to have sex with me that means he doesn't like me?"
"Well no…not necessarily."
He shook his head at the confusing logic of the whole thing. "That doesn't make any sense...Anyway it doesn't matter because I never want to see him again."
"Are you sure about that? Maybe you shouldn't be making decisions like that when you're not exactly in the right state of mind."
"You didn't hear what he said to me," Logan said quietly, and his face fell remembering. He stared down at his hands.
"What did he say?" Kendall asked. But the younger boy was quiet. He shut his eyes and looked away from him, letting him know he didn't want to talk about it anymore.
Kendall sighed. "I'll be right back okay. Just stay here and don't move."
He pressed a finger to his lips, reminding him to be quiet. And Logan mimicked his gesture, pressing his finger to his lips too to let him know he understood.
Kendall left him alone in his room for a few minutes while he went to get ready for bed. He went into the bathroom and washed his face and brushed his teeth quickly, and then got dressed for bed. When he came back Logan had his eyes closed, and he took that to mean he'd fallen asleep. He carefully got into bed beside him and shut off the light on the night stand.
But as soon as he laid his head down he heard Logan speak. "...Kendall?"
The blonde sighed. "...Yeah?"
"You've been with a lot of girls right."
Kendall paused. "I guess so."
"What makes Jo so special? I mean why did you pick her out of everyone?"
"…I don't know." He said, after thinking about it. He realized he probably should have had a better answer for that question but he didn't.
"I bet I know why... because she's pretty...and smart...and popular."
"Go to sleep Logan."
"I can't."
"I thought you were tired?"
"Sometimes I have trouble sleeping in unfamiliar places. Can we turn the light back on?"
Kendall sighed, but he flipped the light back on. Apparently since Logan couldn't sleep that meant he wouldn't be able to either. "Why don't you try counting backwards from a thousand?"
"That never works."
Kendall looked at him with a tired expression. "Well what do you usually do when you can't sleep?"
Logan shrugged. "Stay awake until the sun comes up... Or I wake up James and he talks to me until I fall asleep."
Kendall laid back and looked at the clock on his nightstand. It was almost 2 a.m. and Logan wasn't giving him very many options. He wondered why he didn't just pass out like normal people did when they were drunk. But after he thought about it for a moment he realized something must have been bothering him and that was probably why he was still awake.
"Guess we're gonna be up all night then," he said.
Logan was quiet for a moment, but then he said, "Well...when I was little my mom used to sing to me when I couldn't sleep."
Kendall looked at him. "Your mom?"
He nodded his face against his pillow, not looking up at him. "My real mom. There was this lullaby she used to sing me, but I don't really remember how it goes."
Kendall paused, and his mind briefly flashed back to a memory of the day James first told him about Logan. They were eleven at the time and he remembered the day specifically because he'd been trying to explain to his friend that having a sibling wasn't all it was cracked up to be, since Katie was always making him share his food, toys and school supplies with her. But he remembered James didn't care and was still excited about Logan coming to live with them anyway, and around that time he had told him the whole reason Logan was moving in with them in the first place was because of his mother.
Suddenly he thought of something. "...Close your eyes, Logan."
The younger boy blinked at him. "Why?"
"Just do it," he said. He knew how he could get him to fall asleep, but he was sort of hesitant in doing it. He didn't like to make a habit of going out of his way to be overtly affectionate with people. But it seemed with Logan he didn't really have a choice because that was the only thing he responded to. He figured maybe he could afford to be nice just this once, since it was late and he was all out of options, and since there was a good chance Logan wouldn't remember any of this tomorrow anyway.
He watched the brunette shut his eyes tightly, and then he relaxed his eyes. Kendall reached his hand out and placed his palm into the soft tufts of the younger boy's hair. Logan flinched slightly under his touch, but then he relaxed again and kept his eyes closed like he was told.
They both were lying facing each other, and Kendall gently started running his fingers through his hair, back and forth across his scalp. Logan leaned into his touch subconsciously, moving closer to him, and he slowly let out a breath.
After a moment he murmured, "That feels…nice."
"Yeah? Is it making you sleepy?"
"I'm a person, not a golden retriever," he said, but he yawned at the same time.
Kendall grinned. "Well it usually works on my sister," he said, recalling the many times he'd seen his mom do this to get Katie to fall asleep. He could already tell it was starting to work on Logan easily. His breathing started to get slower and slower and soon his eyelids stopped fluttering.
He smiled and stopped once Logan became completely still. But then for a moment he froze, unable to look away from him as he snored softly. He didn't realize it was possible for someone to look so completely innocent while they slept, and for the first time he saw Logan for how young he really was. The realization was slightly unnerving. Suddenly he understood why James and it seemed everyone else Logan was close to was always so protective over him.
When he tried to pull away from him Logan latched his arm around him tighter, burrowing his face in his chest. And Kendall found it so cute he felt a strange urge to hold onto him and let him stay there like that. But he ignored it, and he gently detached himself so he could turn off the light. Then he returned to his place in bed beside him and laid down to go to sleep. But before he shut his eyes, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against the younger's boy's forehead quickly. He pulled back, confused as to why he'd just done that.
He blinked up at the ceiling, and decided not to dwell on it any longer, knowing otherwise he might never get to sleep. Then he shut his eyes.
When Logan woke up the next morning, he was startled by an unfamiliar alarm sounding in his ears. The first thing he noticed was the fact that he was hot, due to the warm body that was pressed up against him with its arm slung around his torso. He pulled back confused once he saw the face of the person he'd apparently slept with last night. "...Kendall?"
The blonde blinked awake. And once he realized what he was doing he immediately pulled away from him. He rolled over on his side to shut off his alarm clock.
"What time is it?" Logan asked.
Kendall sat up and looked at his clock. "It's 8:30..."
Logan winced at the mention of the early hour, and the too-bright sunlight shining through Kendall's bedroom window. He attempted to sit up but as soon as he did his head started pounding. "What kind of person sets an alarm for 8 a.m. on a Sunday?"
Kendall ignored him and stood up. He grabbed Logan's pants off of the floor and tossed them on the bed beside him. "Get up and get dressed."
"I can't, it's too bright," Logan said, hiding his face from the offending sunlight.
Kendall sighed. "Let me guess your head hurts? And you feel dizzy like your brain is doing somersaults on the inside of your skull?"
"…Yeah."
"Good," Kendall said, smiling. "Remember that feeling."
Logan glared at him.
"Seriously Logan, get up."
Kendall walked over to his dresser to grab something to wear and the brunette sighed, forcing himself out of bed. He slowly tugged his jeans on, then scanned the floor for his shoes and dragged his feet putting them on. Once he was dressed he looked back at Kendall, but he blushed when he realized Kendall had his shirt off and was in the process of putting his pants on. He quickly looked away and waited for him to finish changing.
"I'm dressed…you can look now," he said.
Logan was quiet for a moment, then he turned around. "Are you gonna tell my brother about what happened last night?"
"I didn't tell him last night, so why would I tell him now?"
Logan found he could barely remember what happened last night. The last thing he remembered was breaking up with Dak, and sitting in the kitchen downing cup after cup of punch. After that everything sort of blurred together. He didn't know how he wound up with Kendall, but he started to worry he must have done something last night that upset him. He recalled how when they first woke up, how quickly he'd pulled away from him like he was mad at him or something. But he figured maybe he was just annoyed because he'd gotten stuck taking care of him all night.
Kendall's phone buzzed on his nightstand. And for some reason Logan could tell by the weird look he got on his face that it was Jo calling him. "Go wait for me downstairs. My mom's probably making breakfast," Kendall said.
"Can I use your bathroom first?"
He nodded. "Second door on the left. If you look in the drawer under the sink you might find an extra toothbrush in there."
Logan went out into the hallway so he could have his phone conversation in private. He passed a door with the name Katie Knight stenciled on it in bright pink letters, and continued on to the second door where the bathroom was. The first thing he did was look in the medicine cabinet and dry swallow two pills of aspirin. His head was hurting him so bad he almost wanted to cry. He found a toothbrush in the drawer like Kendall said, that hadn't been opened yet, and he quickly brushed his teeth, and then he washed his face with warm water.
He went downstairs where a red-haired woman was standing over the stove, humming softly to herself. The smell of buttery pancakes, cinnamon and bacon immediately wafted through his nose and his stomach rumbled. He didn't even realize how hungry he was. Suddenly he got a brief flashback of himself last night bent over in someone's yard, puking out the contents of his stomach. Oh well that explains it, he thought.
Mrs. Knight turned around and jumped slightly, startled when she saw him. "Goodness, you scared me."
"Sorry," Logan said. "Um, Kendall told me I should wait for him downstairs."
"Oh...well have a seat," she said, smiling at him. "Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes."
"Okay," Logan said. He took a seat at the table.
"I didn't catch your name, sweetheart," she said.
"Logan," he told her.
"Well Logan, how do you like your eggs?"
"Um, scrambled is fine. Thank you."
She nodded and turned back to the stove. Logan stared down at the table in front of him, trying to focus on anything but the throbbing in his head. The aspirin must not have kicked in yet. He groaned, rubbing his temples.
Mrs. Knight looked back at him. "Everything okay?"
He nodded. "Um, yeah...sometimes I get really bad migraines in the morning," he lied, figuring it would probably be best not to mention the fact that he was completely hungover.
"Well. I think I've got just the cure for that," she said, and she set a plate of warm, sugary smelling pancakes in front of him. "My famous cinnamon-sugar frosted pecan pancakes."
Logan's mouth practically watered at the dessert in front of him. He wasn't even aware such a thing existed. "Wow."
She smiled at him. "Enjoy. I'll have your eggs and bacon ready in a minute."
Logan nodded and thanked her. Then he took his first bite of pancake, unable to wait any longer, and he sighed, content as he swallowed. His stomach was immediately grateful.
"You know, Kendall didn't mention he was having a friend over," Mrs. Knight remarked from over the stove.
"He's not my friend. He's James's little brother," the blonde in question said, entering the room. He sat down across from Logan and looked at him.
"Well I always tell James he's welcome over here anytime. And the same goes for any family of his," she said. And she brought Logan his plate of scrambled eggs and bacon. "Here you go sweetie."
"Thank you," Logan said.
"And for me?" Kendall asked.
"Kendall, yours will be ready in a moment. Why don't you go see if you can wake up your sister?"
Kendall sighed and stood up and left the kitchen. And a few moments later he returned carrying a small, semi-conscious brunette girl in his arms. He set her down in one of the chairs and she immediately plopped her face down onto the table.
"Great. Now that we're all here...and awake," Mrs. Knight said.
"Just bring out the bacon. She'll perk right up," Kendall said. And like clockwork, the young girl immediately sat up at the mention of the word.
"Did somebody say bacon?" the youngest Knight inquired. Kendall smirked.
Mrs. Knight began handing out the rest of the plates. "Okay I've got oatmeal, two fried eggs, two pieces of bacon and toast for Kendall..." she said handing him his plate. "And two cinnamon pecan pancakes and extra bacon for Katie."
The four of them ate together in mostly silence, making conversation here and there. After breakfast they were all stuffed full. Logan offered to help Mrs. Knight clear the table, but she insisted that he not since he was a guest in their house. So Kendall ended up clearing the table instead.
"So what are the plans for today?" Mrs. Knight asked.
The youngest Knight spoke first, "Can I have a playdate with Jamie today?"
"Sure. I'll call her mom this afternoon," Mrs. Knight said. And she turned to Kendall. "Kendall how about you?"
"I don't know. I was gonna go to the rink later," he said.
"By yourself?" she asked.
He shrugged. He'd thought about asking James but his friend had seemed extremely preoccupied lately for some reason. The most they'd hung out at all that week was during the game the night before.
He looked at Logan. "Do you want to go with me?"
The brunette blinked at him. It took him a moment to realize Kendall was even talking to him. "Me?"
"Uh, yeah I'm looking at you."
"But I don't know how to skate?"
"Then I'll teach you," Kendall said, and once he got the idea in his head he decided he really wanted to do it. Logan on the other hand, was extremely hesitant about the whole thing.
"I don't know if that's a good idea... Usually whenever I'm on ice it doesn't end well," he said, recalling the few times James had tried to get him into playing hockey. It usually ended in lots of slipping and falling, bruised knees, and one time a busted lip.
"Oh come on, it'll be fun," Kendall said.
"But I don't even have skates with me."
"What size shoe do you wear?"
"Seven and a half..."
Kendall grinned. "Good, you can wear my old ones." And he disappeared into his room to go find them.
Logan stared down at his palms nervously. And Kendall's sister turned to him. "Don't worry. Kendall's a really good teacher. He taught me how to skate last year too," she said.
But Logan wasn't just nervous about the whole skating thing. Sometimes he just got nervous being around Kendall in general because he didn't know how to act around him. And he knew that, combined with his tendency to be insanely clumsy meant that there was good chance the whole thing would end in disaster. But he supposed now he didn't really have much of a choice. Hopefully it wouldn't be as bad as he was imagining it.
So I hope you enjoyed this nice Halloween surprise of a double update :P Next update shouldn't take quite as long since I already know what I have planned for that chapter and it's not nearly as long as this one.
Please leave a review and I'll love you forever :)