So the chapters will be a bit longer but I wanted this to be maybe 6 chapters only or so, so enjoy! Review J
…
He woke up, his head searing in pain. He groaned as he sat up, swinging his legs to the side of his bed and resting his head in his hands, feeling his head throb in his hands. He thought back to last night, remembering fragments and then it hit him.
"Fuck. Shit. Fuck fuck shit shit" he started ranting into his hands
It all flooded back to him like a living nightmare; dancing with her, touching her, and then saying he wanted to kiss her. He remembered the rest of the night, trying not to look at her, not knowing what to do. How could he have let this happen?
He felt this panicking feeling creep up his body. What was she thinking? Did she remember? Was she now going to tell Brett? Fuck what if she tells Brett? Not only did he have to freak out about his fucking confession to her and how she feels about it, but if Brett found out.
He needed to talk to her, tell her it was a joke or something, and tell her not to say anything to Brett. He didn't want to see her, but he knew he had to. He hopped up into the shower, popped some advil, changed, and went to go get breakfast and bring it to Marissa and Brett.
He picked up some bagels and juice and went to Brett's parents, hoping to god they were there. His heart pounded, or maybe that was his head. Either way, he was dreading this whole fucking interaction. He just had to play it cool, like he always did.
She answered the door of all people. Dressed in just a Led Zeppelin raggy tee and pajama shorts, she looked disheveled but still amazing. He stood there, frozen for a second.
She looked at him in shock that he was there, standing before her, still not having fully comprehended what took place last night. And now she was confronted with it.
"Hey," he said
"Hi"
"I um, brought some breakfast for you guys," he said, lifting the bag
She gave him a shy smile, "thanks. Brett's not up yet but….you can come in"
He looked at her and ran his hand behind his neck, "Yeah actually that works because I wanted to talk to you"
She bit her bottom lip nervously, not knowing what he was going to say, and not sure what she wanted him to say. After she woke up, the night flashed back to her as well and she had no clue what to do with this new information.
"Ok" she said meekly
"Last night I, I was out of bounds with what I was saying," He started, only looking at her when he had to. "I was really wasted, ya know, and I guess I was bummed about the whole Amber thing and I just totally was in a bad headspace and I shouldn't have said anything. And I'm sorry"
She looked at him, trying to read him. He looked truly humiliated. But she thought back to last night, and as drunk as she was, and as broken her memories from the night were, she remembered that moment. That moment stood out to her because of the tone of it all. She remembered him looking at her, she remembered him flirting, and she remembered his face when he said he wanted to kiss her. Always. She remembered it all because it wasn't just a drunken flirt. She knew drunken mistakes, she was a queen of them, but she also knew sincerity. However, he seemed so committed to putting this behind them as a mistake, and that was easier than talking about what he really meant.
"We all say stuff when we're drunk, it's fine," She said with a soft smile, "Don't worry about it"
He sighed, relieved at her words, "Okay good because I am not like that- I am not" he stopped and looked at her, disappointed with himself, "I'm not a bad friend" he finished
She looked at him, and bit the inside of her lip. Brett was his best friend, and now after what he said, she wondered about Ryan's feelings towards her. Did he like her? Was he just attracted to her? If so how long did this exist?
"I know you aren't, which is why I haven't told Brett and won't tell Brett anything," She reassured him
He could have hugged her, but knew that would be wildly inappropriate considering. He was so thankful she was a cool girl who wouldn't go telling her boyfriend and creating trouble.
"Thanks," he said gratefully
She nodded and crossed her arms, looking down at her feet. She didn't know how to act around him now; she was just so confused about this guy she thought felt so platonically towards her. And maybe he did but there was now doubt.
He felt uncomfortable, "So, um, I'll just leave this here" he said, motioning to the bag, "And I'll see you later"
"You don't have to-"
"Yeah no I know, I just gotta go lay back down so" he said and handed her the bag.
"Okay well, thanks for the breakfast," She said
"No problem"
He walked away, breathing a sigh of relief for being out of there and hopefully leaving all of that behind him. He would never let that stupidity happen again, still angry with himself.
Two days had passed and Ryan was in his apartment, punching his punching bag, when he heard the door knock. He went and answered it to see Brett there, adorned in a suit and tie.
"Whattup businessman?"
He then saw Brett's face and noticed he wasn't okay.
"Dude, what's up?"
"Me and Marissa," he stated simply.
Ryan looked at him, interested and confused, "What about you guys?"
"We uh, just got in this huge fight and I donno man, I think I need to go on some sort of break or something"
A break? With Marissa? Ryan immediately realized the severity of this situation.
"Wait slow down. What the fuck happened?"
Brett sighed and ran his hand through his hair, "So I have been applying for other fellowships and I got another one. I can finish school once I get back, but this is such a great opportunity I am almost guaranteed a job once I graduate"
"Okay, so…." Ryan prodded him on
"Well the fellowship is in Dallas," Brett looked at him
"You're going to Dallas?"
"Well, I hope. The problem with this is Marissa doesn't want to follow me again, saying I was being selfish with dragging her around and that her "career" here is finally starting. I asked her what career and that kind of escalated things a bit. Because really, what fucking career? One fucking prospective ad for a fuckin LA based vitamin drink? I am supposed to not take this opportunity for that shit?"
Ryan listened intently, not saying a word, because honestly he got both sides but he couldn't say that.
"How long would you be in Dallas?
"6 months! It isn't even that long"
"I mean it's half a year…."
"Exactly! That's nothing"
6 months seemed like a lot to Ryan but again, he shut up. "Okay, so what about long-distance?"
"We discussed that but she said it wouldn't work. Long distance is hard and she wanted to start living together and is sick of putting things on hold and blah blah blah blah"
"So what are you going to do?"
Brett sat down on Ryan's couch, resting his arms over his legs, "I mean, I am going to meet with the LA branch of this company now and see if they'll officially take me for their office in Dallas"
"So you're going"
Brett nodded, "yeah. I just can't pass this up"
"And you leave when?"
"2 weeks"
"2 weeks?!" Ryan exclaimed, shocked at the short period of time. This all fucking happened so quickly
"I know its sudden, it's just this really out of the blue opportunity from my professor. I know it sucks having to move and be away from here again, but I have to do this for me"
"Damn dude," Ryan said, sighing. Not only was this all a shock, he was bummed at the thought of his best friend leaving again.
And then there was Marissa. Were Marissa and Brett done? Did he no longer have to watch them kiss and shit in front of him?
"And Marissa?" he finally asked
Brett lifted his arms, "I don't know. I think a break is the only way" he reasoned. "Honestly, a break sounds like a good idea anyway, this could be good for us. I have been with her 2 years dude. Two years. And you are right, we are always together. Always. It's like, I donno who I even am anymore. I am tired of not experiencing things without her"
This was all incredibly shocking to Ryan. He always thought Brett and Marissa were so happy together, but maybe that's all he saw because to him all that mattered is they were together. It didn't matter if they were happy or not. Also he didn't have the best track record of noticing things in relationships.
"I thought you were happy," He admitted
Brett scoffed a little, "Lately not so much. Towards the end of our New York trip it was rough. In fact, she wanted to move in immediately once we moved back here but I wanted to buy some time to think things over so I suggested to move in with my parents for the time being"
Ryan felt himself rubbing his hand over his face. He was seriously shocked by all this news, he was that oblivious.
"Jesus, I had no idea"
Brett shrugged, "Not many people did, we hid it well" he said and looked at his friend, "What do you think? Am I wrong here in all this?"
Ryan looked back at him and then looked down. In his dreams he would tell him to break it off completely with her, she isn't worth it, let him be single and enjoy himself. But he knew that was selfish, and he wasn't going to be that guy.
Ryan sighed and sat in front of his friend, "Look, man" he started, the words physically hurting him, "Marissa really loves you. I know she does. Dude, I have been out there, and yeah being single has its perks, but there aren't many girls out there like her. You're gonna see that, man. You are lucky," Ryan nodded, meaning every word.
"I think I have to just sort of discover that for myself, man. I know it isn't college anymore but if I don't experience it myself, I'll never know"
Ryan knew he did all he could. He said his peace, and that was all he really could do. His friend seems to have made his mind, and he wasn't going to discourage him.
"Well then, I guess good luck with this Dallas thing"
Brett smiled softly at him and stood up, "Thanks. I'll uh, let you know how it goes. With the meeting and Marissa"
Ryan stood up as well, "So that's it then? You are going to breakup?"
"Well, I am going to ask for a break. If in 6 months we still find we only want to be with each other, then so be it"
Ryan nodded, knowing a break was basically bullshit talk for breakup
"Well good luck then with both things"
"Thanks"
Ryan sat down after he left going over the changes that just happened in a short period of time. Marissa and Brett weren't happy. Brett is going to Dallas. Marissa and Brett won't be together.
Ryan got the text hours later,
"We are on a break"
Those 5 words seemed surreal to him. Was he happy that they broke up? He didn't want to say yes because he would seem like an asshole, celebrating others unhappiness. But for two years he always wondered about this day, and if it would ever come, or if it would end with Brett and Marissa walking down the aisle. He had to admit; this was a better ending than a wedding.
"Fuck. How is she?" he couldn't help but ask. Was she okay? Was she devastated?
"Upset, but okay. I think we both agree this may be for the best. She is going to- begrudgingly- stay with her parents for a bit. But I leave for Dallas in 2 weeks"
"You got it?!"
"Yeah, man. Bittersweet kind of day"
"Fuckin whirlwind of a day. Congrats bro"
"Thanks"
And that was it. This day was a complete mindfuck. This morning it was just a normal fuckin day where he assumed his best friend was in a loving relationship with the girl he liked and now he finds out they weren't all that happy, they go on a break, and his friend leaves in 2 weeks. Marissa Cooper, the girl he wanted but his Brett friend got there first, was now basically single.
But did that matter? He started being excited but then thought about it. Brett was still with Marissa for two years, and Brett is his best friend. Brett thinks they are "on a break" and if anyone watched Friends they knew that was bullshit. But still, to go after your best friend's girl was wrong. He thought about how Brett would feel. It suddenly didn't matter that Marissa Cooper was single, because his best friend still asked her first.
Then Ryan thought of these 6 months. The only reason he saw Marissa was threw Brett. Now that he was gone and she was here, he wouldn't see her anymore. That's the part that sucked the most. But maybe it was for the best, just like when she was in New York. When she was there, he didn't think about her, she was out of his head. Still, after seeing her again, he hated the thought of not seeing her, even if he couldn't ever make a move. He liked seeing her, hanging out with her, being with her, and yeah it sucked he couldn't fuck her but, he'd rather see her than not now.
This whole situation was so confusing. It seems like such a great thing- Brett and Marissa breaking up- but it wasn't that simple. It was just a tease really. And now, he probably wouldn't see her for a while.
The two weeks were up. Ryan was driving Brett to LAX airport on his way to Dallas. The two weeks went by quickly, and Brett seemed really happy.
"So, you psyched to leave?" Ryan asked
Brett shrugged, "I wouldn't say psyched but I'm excited to see what it's like over there. It sucks leaving everyone here again, I'll miss you guys"
"You mean me, right? You can just say it pansy," Ryan joked
Brett laughed, "Yeah I was too scared to say it. Can I have one of your shirts to remember you by?" he joked back
"You wouldn't be able to fill them out with your pipe-cleaner arms"
"Hey too far, man. Too far"
Ryan laughed. He was going to miss his best friend. He was the one true friend he had around here.
"It sucks leaving everyone else too though," Brett went on. "I met Marissa for coffee yesterday"
"You did?" Ryan asked, kind of surprised
"Yeah. I wanted to leave on good terms with her, and although it was kind of rough seeing each other I am glad I did. We agreed that in 6 months we will see how we feel and, in the mean time, just kind of be single and not ask each other about it"
Ryan nodded, finding it weird to finally hear the word "single" officially come from Brett.
"That's good. Maybe this is good for you man. Get some hot Texan ass"
Brett smiled, "Oh you know it. Can't wait to get back out there and with some southern bell"
Ryan pulled into the terminal and stopped the car. He got out and helped Brett with his bags. He did the whole bro hug with him and pulled back
"Good luck, man. Keep in touch, yeah?"
"You know it dude. I'll text you when I get there"
Ryan nodded and put out his arm, gesturing goodbye and walked to his car, "have a safe flight" he yelled to his friend
He got back in the car and started the long drive back.
Brett had been gone 3 weeks and Ryan's life was back to normal. Brett and Marissa had only been in town a little over 2 months and now it was back to the days like they were in New York. He hadn't seen Marissa so his mind was cleared of her for the most part. It was really hard at first, not seeing her. But as the weeks went on it became easier. Funnily enough, as much as Marissa and him were friends, he never had her number. He was only friends with her because of Brett, and would find it weird to have her number so he never did. Also he was pretty sure if he had it he would have sent numerous drunk texts over the years so it was better for his phone to be cleared of her.
He was back to hooking up with the girls he used to hook up with, having fun. He had to admit, a Marissa Cooper free life was less stressful.
He woke up one morning and went to his mailbox which had a letter in it. Curiously, he opened it and it read: Seth Cohen & Summer Roberts invite you to their engagement party! Celebrate their engagement at the Robert's household on 34 Pierson Avenue on August 24th at 8pm! Dress attire: semi-formal RSVP 555-435-2352
Seth and Summer were engaged. He smiled a little at it, happy for them. He really hated parties like that but he knew it'd be kind of dick not to go. He sighed and pocked the invite and went upstairs to text the number and RSVP. After he did so he then thought of her. If he was invited she definitely would be. Fuck, after all this time he would have to face her. And now she was single. What the fuck was this going to be like? And what the fuck did semi formal attire mean?
It was the 24th and Ryan was really dreading this day for a variety of reasons. Firstly, it was in the heart of Newport which meant Newspie central. He hated entitled rich people. Secondly, he wasn't sure who was exactly going and was really hoping he'd see some familiar college faces. Thirdly, she was going to be there. Now that he was used to not seeing her, he didn't want the whole cycle to begin again. It was so fucking pathetic and Ryan wasn't a pathetic person. He hated what she did to him, really he did, but he couldn't fucking help it or he would.
He put on his light gray button-up and skinny maroon tie that he still had from all his football formal events from college. He asked a fellow bartender at work what semi formal was and she advised him. So he put on the tie and the button up along with his khaki chinos and he was done. Although the shirt was a bit tight from his muscle gain from MMA, he was thankful it basically all still fit because he didn't have the money to go buy fancy clothes.\
He grabbed his card with the money in it, which Heather the bartender also told him to do, and set out to the Roberts mansion. His grew a little nervous as he pulled up.
"Get your shit together" he said to himself, "You're a fuckin pansy"
Getting nervous was pathetic, and he wasn't going to allow it. So, he followed the rows of balloon to the back gate where the party was in full swing in the backyard. As he entered he looked around in awe at how gigantic and beautiful the yard was. His yard growing up was basically all dirt and was probably the size of one of their bathrooms.
He put his card on the table with the other gifts and walked passed people until he saw Summer and Seth talking to people. He put on a smile and walked over
"Heyyyy congratulations!" he exclaimed as he approached them
"Ah! Ryan! I am so glad you made it" Summer beamed
"Yeah, you were my invite. I had like no one on my list so," Seth nodded
Summer hit him in the arm
"Ah! What?"
Ryan snorted trying to supress his laugh, "Nah I get it. That makes total sense"
"Not cause I didn't want you!" Seth now realized how bad he sounded, "But cause I had like no cool people on the list. I had 3 people I studied biochem with and I am pretty sure they've never been to a party"
"Yeah and two of them still haven't because they didn't show" Summer finished
Ryan laughed, "Oh you two, your kids are going to be downright demented weirdos with good looks"
Summer laughed, "Aw, you are so kind. About my looks. I assume the demented weirdo part is Cohen here"
"Naturally"
Seth nodded in agreement and Ryan laughed
"Get yourself a drink, servers are going around with champagne but we also have an open bar in the corner" she pointed
"Yeah I totally am going to hit that up, see you guys in a bit," Ryan said and quickly walked over to the bartender before ordering a double whiskey. He took the glass and turned around, leaning on the bar and looking around the party. He then saw her, laughing along some guy, throwing her head back. She was in a light yellow sundress, her hair in a sloppy bun with some pieces hanging around her face. She looked so pretty. He then saw her grab the guys arm as she laughed and he took a big sip of his drink. The guy then touched her flirtily back and Ryan downed the whiskey, turning back around and ordering another double.
He had never thought of the real cons with Marissa being single. She was going to be with other guys- strangers. It was super hard seeing her with his best friend because it was like torture constantly, but at the same time if she was gonna be with someone at least it was with a good dude like Brett. Now she could be with anyone, and if it wasn't for bro-code it could be Ryan. But it couldn't be him, so now he had to watch her with other dudes, flirting with all these other guys.
He looked down at his drink, swirling the ice cubes within his glass. This night was going to suck.
"Ryan- the flash- Atwood!" he heard his name and turned to see one of the guys that was on the football team with him. He immediately became a little happier
"Yo! Kassidy how you doin?" Ryan yelled back and they chest bumped
"How are you dude? Man, it's been a while! I was just talking to some other alumni and was talking about that homecoming party sophomore year, remember? When that kid ran naked through the party and got tased?" He laughed
Ryan laughed in remembrance, "Yeah, man I remember. That naked body thrashing on the floor still haunts me"
Chris Kassidy laughed, "Damn good times. There aren't any football dudes here but me and you but we got some UCLA-ers here, come on" he said and grabbed his shoulder, leading him through the party and then he did it. He approached her
"Marissa, Jake, Lacey, Nina, and Brook. Bruins proud right guys?," Kassidy asked, "You guys all know Ryan I'm sure. Best linebacker at UCLA in the last 10 years"
Marissa looked at him and he could tell her mind was turning as well, "Me and Ryan know each other" she piped up with a smile
He smiled softly back before Nina chimed in, "Oh I totally remember you! I was Summer's roommate freshman and sophomore year before this bitch took over" she joked, pointing to Marissa
The rest of them remembered him as well and started talking but Ryan sort of zoned out, too distracted to really pay attention. He was trying to act interested but she was so close.
"Hey, I am going to get a drink. Ryan, want a refill?" he heard her ask him and his head snapped up
He was really shocked but he quickly nodded, "yeah definitely" he said, having already chugged his second double.
She smiled softly and started walking away with him to the bar.
"So" she started softly, "It's good to see you"
He smiled. She was glad to see him. As simple as it was, it was really nice to hear
"Same to you" he replied as they approached the bar and ordered
As they made her drink he looked at her, "How have you been?" he asked, honestly curious
She gave a soft sigh, "I'm alright. I mean, it was definitely hard at first but I am okay now. It's mostly just weird, not being with him" she admitted
He nodded, and took his drink, giving it a soft sip, "I bet. Being with someone for two years is a long time"
She nodded and saw her drink was made and she took it, but stayed in place, turning to him, "I know it's probably for the best. And I know this was big for his career so I don't hold a grudge. It's just...weird" she said again. "But how have you been? I haven't seen you"
It was so weird, constantly lying to her. Acting all cool and collected when all he wanted to do was push her into this bar and kiss her and then fuck her. He wished he could say "hey just to let you know I really like you and I have for a while, before Brett even" but he didn't. He just acted normal.
"I'm okay. I have another fight coming up in 2 weeks, it's a bigger venue which is cool and it's more money so," he shrugged
"That's great!" She smiled, "you should be proud"
"Well, I mean it's pretty cool I guess"
"It's very cool," She corrected, "It's so cool I should go. Ya know, to make up for last time with me ditching"
Did she just say she'd come to see him fight? She wanted to see him fight. And she felt bad for ditching last time, which he totally didn't hold against her. No, she wanted to see him.
"Uh, yeah" he said, again, acting cool, "I mean you totally do not have to, don't at all feel obligated." He really hoped she wouldn't take him up on not coming
"I know I don't have to, dummy" she teased him
He softly laughed, "No you have to actually. I was lying before. You are totally obligated"
She laughed and then she did it. The arm grab. She squeezed his bicep. He knew it was such a small seemingly meaningless move but to him it wasn't. Sure she has given him congratulatory touches before but this was an arm grab. Everyone knew an arm grab was a flirting signal. And yes she did it to the dude before but fuck that guy. The arm grab led to a lot of sex for Ryan in the past. He knew flirting signals, he was an expert.
So she was flirting? Marissa Cooper was flirting? He took a gulp of his whiskey, feeling his head get fuzzy from the 2 1/2 double whiskeys within such a short period. "So how's that ad? For the vitamin drink?"
She was really happy he asked. The only person that knew about the opportunity was Summer, and it was nice to have someone ask about it because as silly as it was, she was proud of it. "It is great! They are rolling out billboards next week so be prepared to see me plastered across LA"
He raised his eyebrows, "Wow that is super impressive! That's like, serious model stuff"
She laughed, charmed by his oblivity to the business, "I mean its a billboard, but it's something."
"Yeah but billboards are bigger than magazines. Bigger is better"
She laughed and again, the arm grab. That fucking arm grab. This time it was his forearm. He looked at her hand, as if he didn't believe it. He then downed his third double and ordered another.
"Your logic is great. I wish everyone thought that"
"People are idiots"
She giggled and looked at the crowd, "We should go back to the alumni"
"Should we?" he asked, wanting to just be around her
She giggled again, "We have to put in some time"
He reluctantly followed her back to the group, wishing they could just continue hanging out solo. He wondered if she was just being nice, taking time to catch up with him after not seeing him in a while, or if she genuinely wanted to hang with him.
Back at the group it was fun. They were laughing and drinking a ton, Summer and Seth joining the group for a bit and reminiscing about the college days. Ryan was living in his old football glory which was sort of cool.
"We actually met in economics, remember?" Marissa asked Ryan, as they group now sat around the fire pit in the lounge area around the pool
Ryan was pretty buzzed by now, and everyone else was pretty drunk. He almost laughed at her question. If only she knew how much that class symbolized for him now.
"Yeah, Mr Peters, 10 am"
Marissa laughed, "Yes! Do you remember that dick I drew on the board?"
Everyone laughed, including Ryan, "Yeah, that's when I knew I liked you"
They all kept laughing and Ryan gulped, wondering how that sounded. He almost added "as a friend" but how fucking crazy would that sound? He looked at her and saw her smiling, hoping to god she took it like that. Everyone else seemed too, so he banked on the fact that she did as well.
"I am a real class act" she joked, causing him to smile warmly
Fireworks went off, causing everyone to rush up out of their seats and run to the gate, watching the display.
Ryan looked up and then at Marissa, who stayed put and then grabbed the lounge couch that was now free
She looked over to him and motioned to the empty seat now beside her, "Hey, grab the spot while you can"
He looked at her and complied happily, wanting to sit next to her. He looked over at her, noticing they weren't that far. He looked at her face, noting how good she looked as she stared at the sky that was lighting up and reflecting on her face.
She was smiling and turned to him, "It's funny how people love things blowing up in the sky"
"Not a fan?" he asked
She shrugged, "I mean, it's definitely mesmerizing but after a few it's like I get it, they blow up"
He laughed, "When I was little I hated them, they killed my ears"
"Aw" She pouted, finding his confession cute.
Ryan rolled his eyes and sipped his drink, "Yeah yeah yeah"
She giggled and finished off her martini before setting it down and crossing her legs, turning to him, now drunk.
"Hey, so you remember economics class, huh?"
He sat silent for a second, not sure where this was going, "Yeah"
She giggled, "Remember that kid who gave that horribly boring presentation on the 2008 financial crisis and then ran out of the room?"
He laughed, "Oh yeah"
"I just found out he slept with that Lacey chick"
Ryan's eyebrows shot up, "What? Her? Him? But she's..."
"Hot! I know!" She nodded enthusiastically, just as surprised as him
"Wow, monotone Paul got it in! I wonder what he did to seal the deal? Man, imagine that sex. I wonder if he went over fiscal policy as they fucked"
She busted out laughing, again doing the arm grab. "Oh god ew, don't make me picture it" she squealed
He laughed and did an impression of Paul fucking Laney and talking about taxation and she was laughing so hard she held her stomach
"Shut up I am going to throw up" she begged as she gasped for breath
"That'd liven things"
She squeezed his arm, trying to get a hold of herself and he knew, he may be buzzed but he knew, she was into this. The thought sent this insane heat through his body. He downed the rest of his whiskey, trying to contain his actions.
She recovered from her laughing, "Uck that class was such a bore"
He nodded, grabbing a champagne off the server's tray as he passed and grabbing one for her as well
"Thanks" She smiled as she took it and sipped it
He gulped half of it in one sip, thinking that maybe if he kept his mouth drinking, he wouldn't wind up saying something or doing something.
"Wanna hear a confession?" she asked, smiling but she had this look, this look that interested him
"Ok..." he said, curiously
"I really thought you were going to ask me out those first weeks of class"
He looked at her, and saw her face in the lights of the fireworks and saw her soft eyes, and he could have sworn her cheeks had a blush across them. What should he say? He had no clue but he knew the silence was weird as fuck
"Really? Ha" he found himself saying as he downed the rest of his champagne
She looked insulted, "Ha? Was that completely out of the question?"
He saw how she took it and his leg bounced up and down, not knowing what to do with this fucking conversation. His mind flashed to Brett in Dallas, but then his mind turned. Fuck that, he broke up with her, this is unfair.
"Honestly" he didn't look at her, he looked straight ahead as she was turned to him on the couch, "Yeah I was going to ask you out." He admitted it. IF she was going to be this blunt fuck it, he was going to be blunt back
She bit her bottom lip, "Really?"
He gave her a side eye, looking at her as he had his hands around his empty champagne glass, "Yeah. I mean, I just didn't really get the chance"
Her heart was now pounding and her head was so gone from the drinks, "You could have asked after class" she found herself saying, not thinking his excuse was valid.
He scoffed at himself, "That was the plan, and then there was that pop quiz, you finished early and then I couldn't find you so,"
"Why didn't you ask me next class?"
"Cause the day of the quiz was also homecoming"
And there it was, the big confession. It almost felt like he passed a fucking kidney stone it was so relieving. He didn't look at her still, not sure how he'd feel if he did.
"What was-" she started and then stopped. Her mouth opened slightly and she looked at him, as he was staring at his glass. She felt her lips go dry, "Oh" she breathed
He gave his famous half smile, feeling like a total jackass. "Yupp," He said and leaned back in the couch. He didn't know what to do right now. Did he say "just kidding" and play this off as a joke? No, he wasn't. He was so fucking sick of lying. It was seriously so draining and it felt so good to say it finally. Even if he was rejected at least he told her. This could be the start of getting the fuck over all this.
"I would have said yes, you know" she finally said, biting her lip
He side glanced stared again at her, going from relieved he had said it to now annoyed, "Awesome. That makes it like, worse"
"What?"
"If I knew you'd say no then this whole thing would be moot"
"What whole thing?"
He finally looked at her, his eyes glazed from the 5 double whiskeys and the champagne. He read her face and could tell she was completely entranced. He had felt like he had nothing to fucking lose at this point, because he knew nothing could come from it.
"Me liking you"
Her mouth parted again and her eyes widened, finally hearing him say it. She had a feeling these past few weeks but now there it was, hanging in the air. She felt her face and chest grow hot and her breathing fastening.
"How long?" she whispered
"Economics" he said back, going full throttle now. He was going big or going home. He was putting it all out. Fuck it felt so good
"Ryan, I-" She stuttered and he shook his head
"Hey, no worries. I am not saying this to fuckin make you feel weird. I know I couldn't hurt Brett so I'm stopping here. I just wanted to finally say it because it sucks pretending and shit"
She was left speechless still, staring at him, "I really didn't know"
He snorted a little with a self deprecating laugh, "yeah, I know. I am a good actor. I should have majored in that shit or something"
For the first time he was legitimately feeling okay around her. Now that it was out of him, he felt weirdly more at ease. He didn't know what it was, but it was as if nothing could hurt him now, and his whole 'well, that happened' attitude felt good. Sure he still liked her so fucking much, but now he knew whatever happened didn't matter as much. She knew now.
She continued to sit there in shock, trying to process everything. He liked her for 2 years? 2 YEARS? All this time hanging out with them he liked her. How horrible was it for him to see her and Brett together? He had never tried anything or said anything beside a couple weeks ago. He was a good friend. She looked at his face as he looked up at the fireworks. What would have happened if he had asked her first? Would she be with him?
"This is a lot" she finally said, holding her forehead
He looked at her, feeling badly again. Yes he loved that he confessed, but now it was back to the being incapable of doing anything phase, and it still sucked. It would be so cool to be able to confess and then they fuck or something, but Brett was still his best friend. And she and Brett only ended things over a month ago.
"Yeah. Sorry about dropping all this. I should go actually" he motioned to get up and she mustered a 'wait' but he didn't want to. He wanted to get out of there and process all this shit himself. He put his hands in his pockets and started out of the party, the rest of the people finally getting over the dumb firework display. He knew he was drunk and shouldn't drive but he started down the long driveway and down the street to his car.
"Ryan!" He heard his name shouted and he turned to her seeing her standing there in the street, staring at him
His eyebrows furrowed in confusion and his heart raced as he saw her walk towards him. He licked his lips as she grew closer, not understanding all that was happening.
She finally approached him, and he looked at her confused as fuck but in awe. She felt so nervous she was almost shaking but she looked at his blue eyes and felt her hands raise, grabbing hold of his tie and gripping it tightly as she looked at his lips.
Was this some kind of fucking dream? Was this happening right now? He looked at her lips too, smelling her sweet breathe and he felt his body leaning towards her instinctively.
She ran her thumb over his tie and then tugged on it softly as she bit the inside of her lip.
He couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to know so much what she tasted like, and this wasn't a moment that he could ever pull away from. He'd be a fucking jackass if he did.
He looked into her eyes and back down at her lips before finally closing the gap and pushing his lips into hers. When he felt her lips for the first time it sent his body into overdrive, and he no longer had any thoughts as his body went on automatic.
He immediately placed his hand on the back of her head and pushed it towards him. He felt her lips eagerly part and he finally tasted her, tangling his tongue with hers and doing whatever he could to suppress any grunts. 2 years he wondered what she would taste like. 2 years. And it exceeded any expectations he had.
She tugged on his tie as she kissed him before her one hand found the back of his neck, feeling his messy blonde hair.
He needed to close the gap and he slung his other arm around her waist, pulling her into him and letting out a breathe of air as he felt himself against her for the first time. Within seconds the kiss turned heated, their mouths attacking one another trying to taste each other as much as possible. His hand around her waist ventured down and squeezed her ass, pushing it into him.
His mind was so fuzzy he didn't even know what he was doing anymore. All he was doing was playing out his fantasies and he wanted to feel all of her so badly. His cock was already hard and he wanted to fuck her harder than she's ever been fucked. He wanted to touch every single part of her and taste every single part of her. All of his senses were in overload when heard her moan. Her moan was so fucking hot and a moan he had thought about before. He wanted to hear her say his name. He wanted everything.
His hand slid up her inner thigh as he ran his tongue over her bottom lip before sucking on it. She shivered and moaned a bit before whispering, "Your car. Now"
He pulled back and looked at her, her lips swollen from his attack, her chest heaving from their heated makeout. He felt his cock throbbing and couldn't believe he would finally get to fuck Marissa Cooper.
"Now" she ordered again