I was going to wait to post this but I'm waaaay too excited. This chapter and the next few are some of my favorites. Like out of everything I've ever written ever. I've been spitting these out like I'm getting paid for it but I can't promise the same diligence in the future.

"Hello, Peter Parker, Mrs. Parker," A curvy woman with full lips greeted. "I'm Darcy Lewis, Tony's assistant. God that dude's been giving me hell today. Not that that's any different than another day but really he texts me that he needs me to find a job for a taxidermist in Jersey, buy his condo and find him a new one and this all before 11 am. God, I feel like I'm in some scifi version of the Devil Wears Prada." She looked at their blank expressions. "Sorry, it's been a helluva day and it's only 2 pm. I'll show you to your suite. Do you need help with your things?"

After the wave of rambling, May finally got her bearing. "Oh, no dear, it's not much, we can manage."

"Oh nonsense, Steve insists. Steve?"

"Oh really, dear-"

"Ma'am please, it's the least we could do," Steve said as he climbed out the woodwork.

"Oh please, the least you could do was give us- oof!" Peter grunted as his aunt elbowed him in the side.

"Peter please, if the man wants to help let him." She said a bit breathily.

Steve flashed a dazzling, all-American smile at Aunt May as he lifted Peter's and her suitcase over his shoulders like they were stuffed with helium.

Peter watched in horror as Darcy Lewis and his Aunt May ogled the towheaded, too tight t-shirt wearing Steve guy as he walked toward the bank of elevators. "Wow, is that Captain America?" She side lipped to the younger woman.

"Yep," Darcy grinned.

"Wow. The Cold War propaganda when I was in high school had nothing on the real deal."

Darcy looked at her with shiny admiring eyes. "Can I be you when I grow up? Please? Seriously, I think you just out-ogled Tony Stark."

"A national treasure should be saluted," was all the older woman said.

Peter groaned. "I didn't realize that you could salute with your eyes for 3 minutes without blinking."

Aunt May laughed. "Like I'd take tips from you on how to celebrate America. You washed the flag."

"You washed the flag?" Darcy asked with a frown. "Nobody washes the flag."

"Aren't you supposed to be showing us to our room, Ms. Lewis?" He asked irritably as they finally shuffled onto the elevator.

"Right, sorry, I tend to get a little patriotic when Steve comes around. JARVIS?"

"Yes, Miss Lewis?"

"Takes us to the Parker's suite please.

"Of course."

"What was that?" Aunt May asked looking around the cramped lift.

"JARVIS," replied Steve. "I can't remember what it stands for but it's an artificial intelligence that runs the building."

"Wow," said Peter, glad to be thinking of anything other than their previous topic. "JARVIS do you service anything other than this tower?"

"I run many of the homes that Sir has had time to install me in."

"What about mobile things? Theoretically, you could be installed in laptops and cellphones and tablets. You could basically kick Siri's a- er behind." He said with an apologetic glance to his aunt.

"I could but Siri works only because she is a glorified search engine. My memory banks take up a whole floor of the tower. Any mobile device I'm connected to would have tone done over a wireless network otherwise-"

"You're functions would be severely limited."

"I don't mean to interrupt geek speak but we've been on the floor for like two minutes and you still haven't gotten off the elevator. You can literally speak to him in anywhere in the tower."

Peter looked around and blushed, realizing that he was the only one still there. He didn't even notice when it stopped or when the three other people shuffled out. "Sorry," he said, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly.

She smirked. "Don't be, kid. Nerds fit in here perfectly. I'll talk to Tony about getting you clearance to some of the labs. Any particular area of study?" She asked as they walked to suite 1803.

"Computer programming, biology, chemistry, I don't know, that's all the classes I've taken at school so far."

"A regular renaissance man, eh? Yeah, you'll fit in great. Just make sure you brush up on some physics, too." He smiled and she sighed. "Come on, let's go rescue Steve before your aunt undresses him with her eyes again."

Peter scowled. "You and your boss must have some serious allergy to being nice to people."

"Talia Romanova is nice. Scary, but nice. She came over with a gift basket. Of course under the wine and cheese were like a dozen knives that she hid around the house but, you know, I feel really safe."

"A gift basket of knives," Peter replied into his cellphone incredulously. "Well, she is a Russian Spy."

He smiled at her tinny giggle. "So how is it in your tower, fair Rapunzel?"

"Mortifying. I think Aunt May has a crush on Captain America and I embarrassed myself in front of a computer. A computer, Gwen. How is that even a sentence? That is a mad-lib a best."

She laughed again as the conversation lulled. "Peter are you... You know what, meet me at lunch by the gym, okay?"

"Okay. And for what it's worth I'm really sorry about... About everything."

There was silence and Peter could almost see her biting her lip. "We'll talk about tomorrow. You never know who could be listening."

Peter nodded. "Yeah, probably shouldn't have mentioned the Russian Spy thing then?"