I'm more sorry than I can express about the delays; tore down a good half of my fics and it really bummed me out and made me seriously question posting more here. If anyone's wondering, I have an AO3 account- the name is Raelinae- and any future M-rated fics will be going there to avoid the same thing ever happening again. Mookoto AU, for those of you curious, is also on there and has had many many chapters added to it since it was last here.

Anyway, Happy Birthday Makoto!

Chapter 34- Of Loss and Comforts

The note on Haru's front door drew Makoto up short.

Makoto,
I'm not going to school today. Please get my assignments for me.
Haru.

Makoto blew out a breath and opened the door regardless. His mother already knew his plans and she'd wished him good luck when handing him a huge Tupperware container of mackerel miso.

"Haru? I'm coming in!"

A distant voice replied, nothing more than a mumble, and it was the Bobtail blur that came hopping down the stairs that let Makoto know where Haru was. With a reserved laugh Makoto maneuvered around the excited kitten- twining through his ankles with her eyes on the Tupperware- to put the mackerel miso into the microwave. Akiha made to leap onto the counter but Makoto interrupted her plans. He scooped her up, her whole torso fitting snugly in his palm, and headed up the stairs with their kitten tucked unhappily under his arm.

"Haru?"

A low groan from the master bedroom was his response and he made a beeline for it. Akiha squirmed to be released and he loosed her upon the bed, watching her make her unsteady way up the lump that was Haru. Her paws kept slipping off the sheets and she made hurried corrections to ensure she made it all the way to his bowed head. While Akiha began to prod the unmoving Haruka Makoto circles around the bed to crouch next to his lover.

"Hey," he said, warm and loving and soft.

Haru cracked open red-rimmed eyes, the normal sapphire blue of them drowning in a murky navy hue, and managed a faint smile. "Hey."

"Have you eaten yet?"

Haru shook his head. "Not yet. But don't you have to get to school?"

"I took the day off too," Makoto explained. "I wanted to be here for you."

Haru looked touched, his eyes watering all over again, and Makoto laughed as he wiped the older boy's irritated lower eyelid for the drop of moisture. Haru opened the covers and only needed a pleading look to convince Makoto to drop his school bag, shimmy out of his pants and shirt, and slip into the bed with his boyfriend.

As Haru's eyes slipped closed he vaguely mumbled, "I miss Rin..."

Makoto could only feather a hand through silky black locks. "So do I."

An hour later Haru was in the bath and Makoto was on the phone.

"Rin?"

Rin sounded like he wasn't one-hundred percent up yet and Makoto knew he must have woken his boyfriend a little earlier than Rin may have expected.

"Mako, wassup..?"

Smiling over Rin's adorable sleepy slurring, Makoto glanced at the rice cooker again and then sighed.

"Listen, do you think you can rush over tonight, right after your practice? I know it's short notice and I know it's unusual and it's a weekday and all but Rin, he- Haru really needs you."

"What's happened?" Rin asked with a note of extreme alarm. "Is everything okay? Is Haru feeling all ri-"

There was no way but saying as a quick, hard truth. "It's the anniversary of his grandmother's death."

"...oh."

Rin said it like he'd had the breath knocked out of him. He repeated it in no stronger a tone and Makoto was sympathetic to both his boyfriends' plights; as the only one who'd never lost a significant family member he didn't have the same sense of it that they did, but he could see how it affected them both and he always wished he could make their suffering stop.

"So can you come?"

"Y-yeah, of course. I'll... I don't have the time to put in the request for the night off campus before classes but I'll try during lunch. Barring that, I should definitely be able to get it during swim practice-"

"Oh Rin no, don't miss practice-"

"Mako, this- him, you- is more important than swim practice."

Makoto drew himself up and attempted his best ever effort of what Nagisa had called his 'mom voice'. "Not to Seijuurou-san it isn't."

Rin was suspiciously silent for a moment. "...Captain would understand."

Makoto deflated just like that. "But you can't keep missing these practices. He could kick you from events!"

"Nah, Captain is too proud of my swimming. And wants to keep dating Gou too much. I'll scrape through scot-free, watch me."

"Please go to swim practice, Rin. It's important. I'm going to be home with Haru all day, so everything will be fine! We'll just... need you tonight."

"All right," Rin sighed. "All right. I'll put in the request before practice and it should be fine by the time practice is over. And then I'll come running home."

Makoto smiled. "Looking forward to it, Rinrin."

Rin was completely scatterbrained all day. Luckily he'd perfected the practice of copying notes without ever truly hearing the words, something that had been invaluable in Australia, and so by the end of the day he had his notes and a whole slew of texts exchanged between him and Makoto. He'd been very worried when his phone showed no messages by lunch but following the class after lunch he had a couple, in which Makoto only told him he'd managed to get Haru up for breakfast and that they would be headed back to rest shortly. One class later another three said that they had agreed to sit in front of the TV, talk, and just relax. Haru seemed to be doing better. Two classes from the end of his day Rin's next messages were about the fact that they had cleaned Grandma Nanase's memorial, lit fresh incense, and both prayed for a while. Rin made a mental reminder to do the same when he got there that night. Apparently- unsurprisingly- Haru had needed to retreat once they'd done all of that and Makoto's last message was an "I love you" and a short warning that he might not reply again.

True to his warning, Makoto didn't text Rin again, and the redhead spent practice worrying his lip with sharp teeth. He was the focus of Seijuurou's scrutiny more than once and finally the Samezuka captain had stalked over. Rin hadn't noticed him until he got a stinging slap to the back that nearly sent him toppling into the pool. When he turned to glare at Seijuurou he quailed under the one the older teen was fixing on him. Golden eyes were three times as intimidating as any of Rin's could ever hope to be and with a low sigh he handed Seijuurou the stopwatch he'd been using to time Iwashimizu. Grumbling under his breath, Seijuurou's narrow gaze and sparkling white grin on his back, Rin pulled his swim cap on.

After their third bed rest of the day Makoto insisted they do their homework. Glaring at his boyfriend through red-rimmed eyes Haru reluctantly agreed that it needed to happen. They trekked down to the kotatsu together and Haru shuffled into the kitchen to make tea while Makoto plugged in the kotatsu and retrieved their homework.

"When did you even get that?" Haru asked when he came back.

"I got it from Amakata-sensei yesterday when I realized what today would be," Makoto replied softly, gauging Haruka's expression.

A slight smile and a mild-mannered shake of the head was the best response he'd get from the older boy. Haru knew Makoto and Makoto knew Haru; it was almost a given that they'd have each other's backs even in such a situation. Haru took his work with a murmured thanks and Makoto smiled his patented smile at his lover. As they settled into their homework- and Akiha into Haruka's lap- Makoto glanced up under his bangs at Haru and his pencil skritch-skratching over his papers. Biting his lip Makoto thought back to when he'd even gotten the assignments from their teacher.

The situation explained, Amakata-sensei had put a delicate hand to her lips and taken a second to disgust the information. Makoto had smiled, knowing it was awkward, but forcing the expression anyway because he wasn't sure how else to appear.

"You're a caring young man, Tachibana-kun," Amakata-sensei had said softly, taking a piece of paper and writing out their homework assignments.

Makoto felt the uneasiness of the smile stretch on his lips. While it was true that he cared about Haru, it was more worry for Haru that compelled him to keep an eye on his boyfriend. Haru had first fallen into his dark days of depression after Rin left, but the effect had become extreme after his grandmother had died too. Makoto worried about what Haru would do if left alone all day on the anniversary of her passing.

Amakata-sensei handed him the papers and waved him away with a summery smile.

"Any preferences for dinner, Makoto?"

The brunette jumped and brought his focus careening back to his boyfriend. Haru was smirking just slightly, one eyebrow tilted, something he had picked up from Rin ages ago. Makoto flushed and laughed and rubbed the back of his head.

"Er, sorry Haru! What was that?"

"You really were spacing out. What do you want for dinner?"

Makoto chuckled. "You caught me. Mackerel is fine, Haru-chan."

Haru seemed to know that Makoto was catering to his own whims but he allowed him to with a thankful smile. Half an hour later Haru stood and calmly went about making dinner, asking Makoto to quiz him while he cooked, the pair of them laughing quietly over Haru's rights and wrongs as they worked over their homework together.

Seijuurou finally clapped Rin on the back, wished him a good night, and handed him the permission slip for Rin's night away. Rin made to thank his captain but only got a roll of golden eyes and shoved toward the locker room.

"Don't keep them waiting. Obviously there's a significant reason if you're skipping campus on a weeknight."

Rin gripped his goggles, swallowing hard, mind absorbed with images he'd thought he'd never have to think of again. "...it is. Thanks, Capt- thanks, S-Seijuurou."

He rushed into the locker room and rushed through changing. Nitori didn't even bother to ask why his upperclassman was in such a hurry; he knew the expressions on Rin's face well enough by now. Sugimura joined his boyfriend and both of them watched Rin throw his school jacket on over his clothing.

"Rin-senpai!" Nitori yelped. "It's so cold out, you can't just run out there in just that-"

"I don't have time to go and collect my coat-" Rin grumbled, stuffing his phone in one pocket and slip in the other so he could give it to the front desk receptionist.

"The hell you don't."

Rin leapt a mile, whirling to see Seijuurou's imposing figure right behind him, arms crossed and golden gaze narrow again. The younger redhead almost brooked a complaint but Seijuurou held up a hand and the argument died in Rin's throat. He shifted irritably but didn't dare speak up.

"Nitori, go and fetch Matsuoka's coat and meet him at the front desk. Rin, get your ass in gear. Sugimura, take this and buy this idiot a drink before he exhausts himself."

The younger pair split off as fast as could be and Rin glanced nervously up at his captain.

"Captain look-"

"I don't know what's got you so worked up and I can bet it's serious but I'm not having one of my best swimmers downed by a cold because he was a knucklehead. Now get to the front desk and get out of here."

Rin grinned at the fiery redhead. At the door he paused and glanced over his shoulder. "...I owe you one."

Seijuurou snorted as he sauntered toward the showers. "You owe me some quality times. Get going."

Nitori did meet him at the front desk with his boyfriend and both passed over the items they'd been told to fetch. Nitori still looked worried but Rin ruffled his hair. Nitori looked shocked and Sugimura laughed but both of them turned scarlet when Rin quipped, "Enjoy the room tonight you two. Just please change my sheets afterward."

Before Nitori could stammer out a response Rin had been cleared to leave and he was jogging out the door, Burberry scarf warm around his neck and mouth.

The train ride was plainly torture because there had still been no further texts (from either of his lovers) and Rin was almost worried. He had no doubt Makoto had kept an eagle eye on their boyfriend all day but still he couldn't help the unease churning in his gut. He doubted Haru would ever do anything drastic, especially at this point. Haru was generally very happy with his current life- even if he didn't always speak the words they were easily seen- and Rin knew Haru would be depressed at most. Still... still he just wanted to see them, to hold them, to be near enough to smell and hear them.

Checking the time he sighed and leaned back in his seat. Another hour's ride. It'd be dark by the time he got there. He'd have to hurry to get there before he'd bother anyone else in the neighborhood. Hopefully Makoto had left him a key.

Rin ran from the station, pushing his limits, more worried for Haru than he could say even if he'd had the breath. Makoto hadn't overall been too descriptive but he didn't need to be: Rin knew how Haru did depression. Rin had been firsthand witness in the early days of his relationship with the older boy, days when all that could carry Haru out of the darkness was Makoto's warm presence, days when Rin had felt less than useless to his own boyfriend. To think they had ever thought being separate would work for the three of them when Haru needed Makoto's steady self at his back or his side always. If Makoto was the rock they could fall back on, then Rin was the light they headed toward, and Haru was their perfect counterpoint between who knew the merits of both ways and chose to balance everything. And right now, Haru needed both halves of himself.

Rin finally stopped to gasp for breath at the bottom of the stone steps. Hunched over, hands on his knees, breathing hard, he forced himself to recover. They may know why, but for the two to see him all ruffled and out of breath was Not Cool or Suave or any of that and for Rin it just wouldn't do. So he wiped his brow on his coat, took it off- he was sweating way too much as it was- and tied it around his waist.

Then he made the trek up the stairs.

Judging by the overall darkness of the home Rin's lovers had already retired to the sanctity of the bedroom. Especially, Rin thought as he circled the house to the back door, if the bathroom light was off. He tested the back door and found it unlocked and after a moment to ponder whether that was Haru's eternal negligence or Makoto's consideration he made his way in and locked the door behind him. The entire house was black, the moonlight threadbare in the night, and he sighed as he took out his phone and turned on its flashlight. Using that, he took off his shoes and delivered them to the proper entryway, leaving his overnight bag there as well, stripping off his every outer and unnecessary layer and leaving them in Haru's hamper for the owner of the house to wash when he had the chance. Then, clad only in his undershirt and boxers, Rin made his way up the stairs to find his boyfriends. He padded down the hallway to the master bedroom, pausing once with a sense of unease to check Haru's room and feeling instant relief when he noticed the room was empty of all but some spare dustbunnies. The door to the master was cracked open just a touch- so Akiha could come and go as her little feline heart desired- and Rin sighed to himself as he shut off his phone's light. Stepping into the bedroom his heart immediately ached: Haru looked stunningly small tonight, wrapped tightly in Makoto's embrace, held in the middle of the bed. With a startled blink Rin realized that this was how they normally slept together; there was always that gap to one side or the other where he belonged and it looked so empty and wrong that Rin couldn't fight the urge to just leap into the bed and make himself part of them again.

He took one more step into the room and green eyes snapped open. Rin froze in place, pinned by the ferocity of that one moonlit eye versus the one hiding in darkness, but after a moment Makoto visibly shifted to his normal self, all sunshine smiles and warmth. He held the blankets open for Rin and when Haru stirred uncomfortably he shushed the older boy.

"But why are you letting all the cold air in?" Haru said, his monotone broken by an unusual thickness and no small amount of petulancy.

"I just thought of a way to make us more warm is all!" Makoto lied with smooth ease.

"Like what?" Haru grumbled. "We'd be warmer if Rin was-"

Rin guessed it wasn't actually a lie Makoto had told as he slid in behind Haru, bracing the smaller body with his own. It WAS warmer this way. Haru stiffened, then turned his head, hope and happiness making red-rimmed eyes shimmer, and Rin was powerless against the urge to kiss his boyfriend.

"Rin..." Haru whispered once they'd parted. "What are you..?"

"Mako called me," Rin replied, kissing his way along the black-haired boy's shoulder under two pairs of watchful eyes. "I came as fast as I could. But I couldn't skip practice. I'm sorry."

Haru smiled slightly. "Don't be."

"It's you," Makoto agreed.

"But Makoto called you?" Haru asked, turning his azure gaze back on his boyfriend.

"At the beginning of the day, Haru-chan. I figured even if you didn't need us by the end of the day, we could still be here for you."

Haru closed his too-expressive eyes. "Thank you. Both of you. I do need you. I always need you."

Makoto's countenance was that expression of love he only ever made for them as he kissed Haru's forehead and Rin simultaneously pressed his lips to the back of Haru's neck. Haru appeared to be the first one who'd nod off, his breathing already deep and slow and even, but Rin could see Makoto's eyes struggling to stay aware too. In fact even he was feeling sleepy, which was ridiculous, because it was barely nine and Rin usually went to bed an hour if not two later than this.

Haru was suddenly more or less hugging the arm Rin had draped over his waist. "I want sex in the morning."

Makoto choked, eyes flashing open, awareness hitting both him and Rin like a freight train.

"Haruuuuu!" Makoto whined unhappily, horrified but amused.

"Fine by me," Rin muttered as he buried his nose in inky hair that smelt of chlorine. "But I have to wake up really fucking early to get back, so be prepared for that."

"We could do it now," Haru suggested, watching color creep up Makoto's neck with interested eyes.

"You're washing my clothes for me tomorrow anyway. I don't care. But Mako looks like he might die."

"I was tired!" The brunette hissed. "Not h-horny!"

Rin smirked. "Which are you now?"

Haru shifted and Makoto made a strangled noise that caused Rin to laugh. Haru slumped in defeat, however.
"He's tired."

Rin laughed harder than ever and Makoto whined, turning his face into his pillow, muttering a string of words into the fabric and feathers.

Haru patted Makoto's arm sympathetically.
"Rin's here. We can rest now."

Rin wished Haru's simple words like that didn't make his heart hurt in the absolute best way, but they did, and he was helpless against it.

"Love you too," he mumbled.

A cold nose pressed against Rin's neck and he laughed, reclaiming his hand from Haru and scratching the soft neck hovering above his head.

"Good night to you too, Akiha."