Hey, I just really wanted to put up a new chapter... yeah... I have no life :(
Disclaimer: Victorious belongs to Dan Schneider and Nickelodeon
If you asked her what if felt like to cut, she would say... it hurt. A lot. But it was the good kind of pain. Some people said that it doesn't hurt at all when you cut. But it did hurt. And it distracted her from the hurt inside. At least, it did. Years ago, when she would slice up her wrist day and night to ignore the pain that her father caused. But now... she did it just to feel... something, anything. Maybe to make sure she was still alive. On the outside, she seemed the same. Cold, bitter, heartless Jade West. But maybe... if you looked a little closer, you'd notice the way she hugged herself when she thought no one was looking. You'd notice that the ever present fire in her eyes was dimmed. You'd see how her confident stance seemed to lack energy.
You'd notice how she picked at her food.
You'd notice how she spent extended periods of time in the bathroom.
You'd hear how she would flush twice.
You'd notice the prominent scent of mint on her breath each time she exited the bathroom.
You'd realise that she stopped wearing short sleeves.
You'd see the scars on her wrist.
: : : : :
The metal door creaked shut behind him. The multiple imprints of thick combat boots embedded in the door only brought back painful memories. Memories of arguments and inner turmoil. Memories of the nights she would break into his RV, crying. Memories of angry insults that never should have been said. But the most painful memories of all... the ones when they would lay down together and dream of a future. Where Jade would let down her walls, just for him and let her true personality show. When they were still happy. Those were the memories he liked best. And the most painful ones to think about. But love doesn't come without a cost.
Why did everything in this damn RV have to remind him of her?
Her boots still at the door.
Her makeup bag was still in his bathroom cabinet.
Her coffee mug hadn't been moved from his kitchen cupboards.
Her perfume still lingered in the air.
And he could still smell her scent in his pillow.
Without realising it, Beck swung his fist into the RV walls, making the pictures rattle. A dent was left engraved into the metal. Muttering a few curse words, Beck cradled his now swollen hand, wrapping a few tissues around it in a makeshift bandage. Using his uninjured hand to grab the house keys and open the door, the Canadian teenager quickly hurried over to the house where his parents lived. Fumbling with the key, he managed to open the door.
"Mom? Dad?" he called out. No answer. Then he remembered. His parents were at a dinner party. They wouldn't be back for a few hours. Sighing, Beck grabbed a pack of frozen peas from the fridge and hurried over to the closet and pulled out the first aid kit. From the case he grabbed the cloth bandages and began to wrap his throbbing hand.
Finally, Beck managed to tend to his wounded hand. Leaning back into the kitchen chair, he looked around. Most things looked the same, a few pieces of furniture had been moved around, but other than that, everything was as he had last seen it. On the dining table, an array of expensive table wear was alined. The only thing out of place was one of his dad's half-drunken vodka bottles.
Now, normally Beck tried to avoid alcohol...
But, a few sips couldn't hurt...
: : : : :
The first time they spoke after the break up, had been painfully awkward.
How had something so beautiful turn into something so broken?
"So..."
"Yeah."
Silence.
"Look, Jade I-"
"I've gotta go."
Why was there so much pain behind her eyes?
Why was there alcohol on his breath?
: : : : :
She watched as Cat's cheeked turned as rosy as her hair. She watched as Robbie chuckled awkwardly, strumming his guitar.
And for the first time in weeks, she smiled.
: : : : :
Cat had loved taking pictures of her best friend and her boyfriend.
Her favourite picture was of the couple when they had first gotten together in 8th grade. The group had gotten together for summer break and had taken a trip to Oahu. Beck's hair was shorter and Jade's brown locks were void of any streaks.
The couple was lip locked, completely oblivious to the camera.
This was the times that Cat loved.
When Beck and Jade were happy.
When everyone was happy.
Because Beck without Jade became cold and frozen. And because Jade without Beck became torn and unrestrained.
: : : : :
When the earthquake hit, Beck wanted to grab Jade and wrap his arms around her.
He wanted to hold her close and tell her that it would all be okay.
But he didn't.
Instead, he grabbed Cat.
Because he wasn't Jade's boyfriend anymore.
. . .
When the earthquake hit, Jade wanted to reach out to Beck
She wanted to feel his heartbeat as a source of comfort.
But she couldn't.
Instead, she protected herself.
Because Jade West didn't need anyone.
: : : : :
Trina's lips weren't nearly as soft as Jade's.
They didn't taste of coffee and vanilla.
And that's why he had to teach her a lesson.
Because even if they were broken up, Beck was still Jade's.
: : : : :
"Yes, tell us oh great Beck, who knows everything but how to keep a girlfriend happy."
"You hate being happy!"
That wasn't true. They both knew it. Jade had been happy when she was with Beck. She loved being happy.
: : : : :
Maybe, if he kissed Tori, he could feel something again. Something besides pain, and emptiness.
. . .
Maybe, if she kissed Beck, she could feel what she felt on that second day of Hollywood Arts.
. . .
Maybe, if they kissed, Beck and Tori would become the new power couple of the school. The perfect couple that everyone had been anticipating.
But he couldn't do that to Jade.
And neither could she.
: : : : :
Was it bad that he took Cat's fear as an excuse to wrap his arms around his ex-girlfriend?
. . .
Was it bad that she secretly enjoyed the familiar feeling of his arms sliding across her waist?
. . .
Was it bad that Cat purposely waxed off Jade's eyebrows just to see Becky and Jadey smile in secret?
: : : : :
When Beck found the original lyrics for 365 Days, he didn't say anything. Because Andre would never try anything, and Jade would never leave him.
But when Jade and Andre went to Nozu's together, for the first time in his life, he felt... insecure? Jealous? No. Beck never felt anything like that. That was Jade's job.
Why didn't Jade say anything, when Trina sat on his lap?
: : : : :
"You're really okay with it?"
"Yeah."
"That's... really cool of you."
Secretly, Beck's heart broke inside when Jade smiled up at him. Was she really okay with him moving on? Truthfully, no. She wasn't. But although she never said it, she wanted Beck to be happy.
Maybe Tori was the only one who could do that.
I hope you liked it...
- Iz