Chapter Ten

Jacky and Steve spent the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon exploring the resort. A lot of the guests were friendly and the workers were nice as they showed them around. During the tour, Jacky just kept trying to imagine no buildings or anything like it was back in his great-grandfather's day. To breathe in the crisp, mountain air and just relax with the silence of nature. He got distracted a few times and went on his own for a little ways, but quickly caught himself and hurried after Steve and the guide. They caught a late lunch around 2 o'clock then headed back to their suite to get ready for the cookout that would be happening later tonight.

"Will this cookout be like the cookout we had at the ranch?" Jacky asked, sitting down on the bed. Steve was in the bathroom freshening up. "I'm hungry just thinkin' about it." He placed a hand on his stomach. He turned his head when Steve came out of the bathroom.

"A cookout's a cookout," Steve said. "And I heard they're gonna put on some sort of show in the barn later tonight. You can even participate if you want."

Jacky jumped to his feet, worried. "Me?" he asked, his voice a bit shaky. "I couldn't-"

"Relax," Steve said with a slight smile. "I didn't mean you specifically. I meant the audience can participate."

"Oh," Jacky said with a sigh of relief. "Can we go eat now?"

Steve crossed his arms as he looked at Jacky. "It's only been a couple of hours since you last ate," he said. "And you ate like a horse. It's a surprise you're actually still hungry."

"Just the thought of food makes me hungry," Jacky said. "Ain't that better than developing another severe case of homesickness?"

"Maybe," Steve said with a slight nod of his head. "As long as you don't gorge yourself. You might end up at the hospital with something worse than homesickness. Take it easy at the cookout, alright?"

"You sound like my mother."

"You sound like you need her." Steve placed his hand on Jacky's shoulder, nodding toward the door. "Let's go so we get there on good time." He patted Jacky on the back then headed for the door. Jacky followed.

The cookout was, as Steve had told Jacky earlier, a cookout. There was nothing special to it. All it did was make Steve miss supper time at the ranch. Surrounded by people he actually knew. He thought about calling Emily to see how things were going back there, but she'd only tell him that things were fine and that he should focus more on the trip he was on. Or the person he was with.

Steve leaned against the fence of the corral, watching as a few of the guests were led around on horses. Jacky was with that group and was near the back of the line. He looked like he was having a lot of fun. He needed to remember to reserve a spot for them on the upcoming horse trek through the mountain. It would be an all day thing and a good way to spend their last day here on Brokeback Mountain.

He looked down at the beer in his hand, wondering if he should take more time off from the ranch and spend some more time here. Once this trip was over, Jacky might head back home to New York City. He had grown fond of the kid and didn't really want to see him go yet.

"You're Mr. Del Mar, right?"

Steve turned to the man that had spoken. "Yeah, I am," he said, pushing away from the fence. "What can I do for you?"

"Well, we're getting ready to start our show and I was just asking around to see if anyone would want to take part in it," the man said. "It's sort of like a talent show. We started it last year and it became a big hit. Would you like to take part?"

Steve thought about it for a moment then nodded his head. "Sure, I'd like to," he said. "A singin' cowboy ain't too boring, is it?"

The man shook his head with a smile. "Not at all," he said. "I'll put you on for eight. When you pick a song, see Leslie at the back of the barn." He thanked Steve then turned and walked off.

Steve turned back to the corral just in time to see the horse ride over and Jacky was walking his way on the other side of the fence. "You're a natural on that horse, you know that?" he said. "Did ya have fun?"

"Movies don't show you how hard it is to get off a horse," Jacky said with a slight pout. He wiped the look off his face and replaced it with a smile. "Did you know there's gonna be a horse trek-"

"I know," Steve said with a nod. "And we're goin'."

Steve didn't think Jacky's smile could get any bigger, but he somehow managed it. "If only my birthday had been this much fun," he said. Steve stepped back as Jacky climbed over the fence. Steve caught his arm when he nearly fell over.

"They're gettin' ready to start the show in the barn," Steve said, letting go of Jacky's arm and lowering his hand. "And I'll be goin' on at eight. They're asking around for participants."

"What are you gonna do?" Jacky asked.

"Sing."

"You can sing?"

"I'm a cowboy," Steve said as if that was answer enough. "C'mon." He led the way to the barn.

The show wasn't as interesting as Jacky thought it would be. He found himself in the same mindset as he had been during the opera on his birthday. He fidgeted a lot, refusing to whip out his phone and play on it like he had at the opera. He didn't want to miss Steve's singing. Steve was somewhere "back stage" if you could call outside behind the barn that. Jacky hadn't seen him since the show started. He was sitting alone on the row near the back of the audience. Being around strangers without Steve made him feel nervous, so he wanted to be away from everyone.

Eight finally arrived and people clapped as Steve was introduced. Jacky clapped, straightening up in his seat to see over the crowd and rethinking his decision to sit all the way back here. He hoped he'd be able to hear Steve fine.

"Thank you," Steve said when he came out. The applause quieted down. Except for Jacky, who kept clapping longer then stopped and crossed his arms, embarrassing himself. "I'd like to do an old classic. A favorite of mine." He looked behind him and nodded and the music started playing. Jacky recognized it because he had heard it on the radio back at the ranch a time or two. Steve waited for the intro then started singing, "King of the Road."

"Trailer for sale or rent, rooms to let fifty cents
No phone, no pool, no pets, I ain't got no cigarettes
I am a, two hours of pushin' broom buys a
Eight by ten four-bit room
I'm a man of means by no means, cause I'm a king of the road."

Jacky had never heard Steve sing before. He definitely had a great voice. It was a wonder he hadn't done more with it. But, ranch life was Steve's life. Pursuing a career as a singer would pull him away from the core of his being. He was made for that ranch. No one could take him away from that.

"Third boxcar midnight train, destination Bangor, Maine
Old worn out suit and shoes, I don't pay no union dues
I smoke old stogies I have found, short but not too big around
I'm a man of means by no means,cause i'm a king of the road."

Jacky fidgeted in his seat again. Not out of boredom this time. He had a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach as he listened to Steve sing. He had never felt this way before, but he was starting to understand the reason why he enjoyed spending so much time with Steve Del Mar.

" I know every engineer on every train
All the children and all the good names
every handout in every town
And if it's locked it ain't locked if no-one's around
I say...
Trailer for sale or rent, rooms to let fifty cents
I'm a man of means by no means, king of the road
'Cause i'm a King of the Road
I'm just a King of the Road
King of the Road."

As the song came to a close and the music stopped and the applause started up again, Jacky got to his feet and left the barn, needing the fresh air. He stood outside for a few minutes, hearing music and laughter coming from inside. He turned to go back in, but all he could think about was Steve. He shook his head and turned, heading for the hotel.

Jacky had closed himself off in the bathroom when he heard Steve walk into the suite, asking him what had happened. When Jacky didn't answer, Steve banged on the door of the bathroom and asked again. Quickly, Jacky turned on the shower to pretend that he hadn't heard Steve's question. "What're you doin' in there?" Steve asked, his voice slightly muffled.

"Showering!" Jacky said, but he was standing too close to the door to make that believable. He turned and jumped into the shower fully dressed and pulled the curtain closed just as the door opened and Steve walked in. Then the curtain was pulled open to reveal a fully clothed and soaked Jacky. Steve didn't say anything for a moment then reached over and turned off the water. He crossed his arms, clearly waiting for an explanation.

"OK, looks like we gotta talk," Jacky said. He placed his hands on his hips and shook his head, sending drops of water everywhere. "But I can't take the situation seriously drenched." He pointed toward the door. "Could you get me my jammies? I laid them out on the bed."

Steve grabbed a towel and handed it to Jacky then left the room. Jacky stepped out of the shower and started undressing, tossing the wet clothes into the corner of the bathroom. He jumped, covering himself with the towel when Steve came back with Jacky's pajamas. "Don't you knock?" Jacky demanded.

"Shouldn't you have been expecting me?" Steve said. He handed over the pajamas then left.

A few minutes later, dressed now, Jacky came out of the bathroom, seeing Steve sitting on the bed wearing sweat pants and no shirt. He was in the process of getting dressed. Jacky didn't, couldn't, move until Steve pulled on a shirt and stood up. Jacky walked over. Steve turned when he heard him.

"I'm just gonna get right to the point," Jacky said, wondering if he should ask Steve to sit down. Or maybe he should sit down. He figured that standing would have to be good enough. If he had to run out quick, he wouldn't have to worry about standing up first. "I didn't know my sexuality until you started singing." He got the words out fast and they were one of the most hardest to say.

Steve stood there with a dumbfounded look on his face. "Excuse me?"

"I've never thought about a romantic relationship," Jacky said. "I was always the odd one at school. The nobody. The weird kid that everyone wants to avoid. Sure, I got the talk, but I never thought it'd come in handy."

"Until you heard me singing."

"No!" Jacky said quickly, realizing where Steve thought this conversation was going. "I may be admitting feelings here, but I'm definitely not going there." Them both standing there in their pjs next to a bed didn't help his thinking. "And I understand if you never want to talk to me again. Here I am, newly found gay guy developing feelings for the manliest man he's ever met!"

"It's not newly found," Steve said. He was taking this a lot better than Jacky had been imagining. But, what had he been imagining? He didn't even know. "Emily's been trying to set us up ever since we met."

"That's why she's been acting strange?" Jacky asked. Steve nodded. He nodded as well then paused. "Are you...? But you were flirting with that girl at the store!"

Steve, relaxed and unfazed, walked over to the table and lit a cigarette. He looked back at Jacky. "I play both teams, pally," he said. It was clear he had that seductive look in his eyes on purpose.

Jacky crossed his arms. "I'm sleeping in the tub tonight," he said.

Steve laughed and walked back over to him. "There's plenty of room on the bed," he said. "If it'll make you feel better, we can put some pillows between us." He stepped past Jacky and over to the bed.

"We're not gonna talk about this more?" Jacky asked, turning to him.

"What's there to talk about?" Steve asked. "Do you have that same feeling now as you did when I was singing?"

"No," Jacky said, not wanting to imagine how he'd feel if Steve had been singing a love song. "But that doesn't mean anything. Those feelings are still there."

"We're friends," Steve said, climbing into bed. "That's how it's gonna be." He put the cigarette out then rearranged the pillows then laid down.

Jacky didn't want it to hurt, but it did. He walked over to the other side of the bed and climbed in. He laid down, his back to Steve and the pillows.

Steve woke up in the middle of the night buried under pillows. He pushed them off and sat up and looked over at Jacky, who was still laying in the exact same position as he had been before. How Steve had gotten buried under the pillows, he didn't. He grabbed them and just tossed them off the bed and laid back down, but couldn't get back to sleep.

Now he started thinking about the conversation he and Jacky had had. It had been the strangest way of telling anyone his sexual orientation, but he wouldn't have changed anything. With how quickly Jacky had admitted feelings for him made Steve feel as if they had already been more than friends. He looked over at Jacky, who was snoring softly.

Steve lifted the covers and scooted over until he was laying right behind Jacky, who still didn't move. Cautiously, Steve put his arm around Jacky and got an unexpected reaction. Jacky moved back into the embrace, burying his face in the pillow with a soft moan. He didn't wake up. Steve watched him sleep even though it was too dark to see much. He wondered why he was even doing this. He had been the one to say they were friends and he had planned on keeping it that way. He didn't want a relationship. He couldn't handle a relationship.

But he felt pulled toward Jacky in a way he had never felt before. He didn't believe in destiny. Just because Jack and Ennis hadn't gotten a happy ending didn't mean that he and Jacky would have to find it. Things didn't work like that.

Did he have feelings for Jacky?

He thought back to earlier that night. After he had finished his song. He remembered seeing Jacky get up and leave rather quickly. He had to admit that that had hurt his feelings until Jacky explained it to him. He had been amused by it, sure, but had he also been flattered? How long had it been since someone saw him in that way? He had grown accustomed to the thought of living the rest of his life alone. He wasn't the type to commit to anything.

Jacky shifted slightly in his sleep and Steve was a bit surprised he hadn't just rolled over and snuggled into him. Steve laid his head down on Jacky's pillow, nuzzling the back of Jacky's neck a bit. He smiled as he closed his eyes, wondering what the morning would bring.

to be continued...