Chapter 24:
Katya had always considered herself smart but as she read each and every letter that Jay sent she was really starting to doubt herself. While Katya's had always been aware of her attraction to Jay it had taken everything that had happened with Joe to realise just how much Jay meant to her. But for Jay it seemed he had been in love with her for a very long time.
Each of his letters had been filled with tales of their childhood both good and bad. He told her things he wished he had said. Each and every single word made her love him more.
Do you remember the first time my mum was rushed to hospital? I was about 11 you couldn't have been no more than 9. I have never been more scared in my entire life and I was trying not to show it. But somehow you always knew. You knew when I was afraid and you became the brave one. It's always been like that with us, hasn't it? When one of us is weak the other one of us is strong. I don't think I have every thanked you for that. So thank you Kitty Kat for always been strong for me when I needed you to.
He spoke of how much he loved her smile.
Seeing you smile is breath taking. It lights up your whole face; your eyes seem bluer, your dimples seem cuter, you cheeks seems rosier and the moment you smile I can't help but smile along with you because nothing makes me happier than seeing you happy.
He told her of his time away and the friends he made. Careful never to give away details.
You would like Carter. He is smart but he hides behind his wicked sense of humour. Carter makes the dark stuff here less dark.
Today was hard. I have seen a lot of death but somehow this feels different. I know the things I am doing are for the greater good but sometimes it's too hard to find the good in any of this. But then I think of you and everything is worthwhile.
Sometimes Jay would sound lost. It was in those moments Katya wished she had been there whispering in his ear, giving him courage and love. But no matter what words filled his letter, Jay would always end with the same sentence.
I hope you read this but I understand you're mad so maybe you won't. I hope you are well and happy. Tell everyone I said hi.
Never forget that I love you.
I love you forever and always.
Love
Jay.
But it was his last letter that had Katya whipping her table clear determined to write back and tell him exactly what she meant to him.
Dear Katya,
I figured if you ever read this is because Felicity told you why I broke my promise to you. Don't be too mad with them for keeping it from you, I just didn't want you to feel guilty. It was my choice to go to Jackson and I would do it over and over again if it meant you were safe. It's just one of those things we do for the people we love.
Carter keeps asking why I keep writing even though you don't reply. In all honesty I don't know. I think it's because some part of me thinks if I write then we are still connected. That there is still a part of me next to you. Still a part of me in your heart. Maybe I am just delusional. I know you said you wouldn't wait but I am praying that you do because you are it for me. You are the one. It sounds soppy but I mean it. I honestly don't think I could love anyone the way I love you and I hope to hell that you feel the same.
Tomorrow I leave for another mission, I'm not sure when I'll get the chance to write again but if I don't get a chance before I come home I won't you to know that if you truly won't me to walk away I will because there is nothing that means more to me than your happiness and if you truly wish to move on I would never stand in your way. Tell me you don't love me and I promise I will walk away. But I need to hear you say it to my face because until then I will never give up hope.
I hope you read this and I hope you are well and happy. Tell everyone I said hi.
Never forget that I love you.
I love you forever and always.
Love
Jay.
Diggle sighed over at Roy and Oliver as they all tried to catch caught their breath.
"I am getting far too old for this crap." Diggle spat in between deep breaths.
Oliver nodded in agreement next to him.
Roy had meant to sneak into an old warehouse where the Russian mob had been hiding to help SCPD bring down its leader who had been responsible for killing a large number of people but somehow they had spotted him, Diggle and Oliver who has been waiting in the van in case Roy needed support but they ended up having to give chance to a couple of its members who tried to escape.
They had managed to salvage the situation but it had been hard. Too hard.
Oliver nodded his head in agreement.
"What are we going to do when the time comes for me to hang up the hood?" Roy asked seriously.
Diggle had been wondering the same thing, especially since Tommy had taken an interest in the background work of the arrow rather than the arrow job itself.
Tommy was more impressed with Felicity ability to hack pretty much anything then his dads or uncle ability to never miss a shot. Felicity had been so proud that she was giving Tommy lessons herself. Katya had made it pretty clear she found it too stressful in lair to be part of the arrow.
"Maybe it's time for the arrow to disappear." Oliver suggested.
But both Roy and Diggle shook their heads.
"It doesn't really matter who wears the hood, it matters what the hood represents." Diggle commented.
The arrow meant salvation in a time of darkness. The arrow gave the people hope when it seemed there was none. The arrow meant a lot to people and they had to keep that going.
"It's too bad Jay didn't stick around I thought he could of made one hell of an arrow." Roy commented.
"Jay's a good choice." Diggle couldn't help but agree.
Oliver nodded.
"I was thinking the same thing but if Felicity and Katya aren't Ok with then we will have to think of someone else." Oliver concluded.
Diggle nodded understanding.
Felicity loved her computers but sometimes, she really did need a break and with her gorgeous fiancé just walking through the door now seemed like a good as time as any.
"Your home early." Felicity called out in a greeting.
She walked to the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of wine before walking to the cupboard and taking out two glasses.
"None for me." Oliver voice called.
Felicity turn to face him. Oliver leaned against the door frame watching her with a contented smile.
"You sure?" Felicity questioned and Oliver nodded as he walked over to her.
Felicity smiled as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck. Felicity leant into his touch as she poured herself some wine.
"You heard from Katya today?" Oliver asked as he slowly pulled away.
Felicity sighed and nodded.
Katya was struggling without Jay, if Felicity thought she was bad beforehand, Katya was inconsolable now because now Katya new how much she meant to Jay.
"She said she loves him." Felicity told Oliver.
Oliver frowned and Felicity couldn't help but smile.
Although Oliver wanted both Katya and Jay to be happy he was still struggling to accept that them being happy would meant his daughter would be dating.
"So what is she going to do?" Oliver asked.
Felicity shrugged.
"She wrote back to him." Felicity informed him.
Oliver nodded.
"But she will find it hard with Jay constantly being on tour." Felicity added.
"You think Jay will volunteer for another tour?" Oliver asked and Felicity nodded.
"Jay believes in his cause and he is proud of what he does." Felicity told him.
Oliver sighed.
His nose scrunched up deep in thought and Felicity couldn't help but kiss him. She loved the faces his pulled.
Oliver kissed her back.
"Maybe he just needs another cause?" Oliver suggested a few minutes later.
Felicity frowned. Oliver and Diggle wouldn't be able to help Roy out much longer and Roy couldn't be the arrow alone, Oliver had learnt that the hard way. Diggle's children weren't an option and the only interest Tommy had shown in arrow activities was to be her replacement.
"You think Jay should be the next Arrow?" Felicity questioned and Oliver nodded.
"He has the skills and the heart." Oliver pointed out.
Felicity nodded. Jay would be perfect for it. She would worry about him of course but he would be perfect for the next arrow.
"It's a good idea." She muttered after a moment.
"Diggle thinks so too but I wasn't going to mention anything to Jay unless you and Katya are both ok with it." Oliver said.
Felicity smiled. Jay may not be her son but she loved him like he was and if she had her way one day he would.
Felicity wrapped her arms round Oliver waist and hugged him tight.
Oliver hugged her back.
"Katya will be ok with anything that keeps Jay close." Felicity told him.
"Somewhere where she can help him when he needs it." She added.
Oliver nodded.
Felicity pulled away after a moment.
"You never did say why you were home early." Felicity reminded him.
Oliver sighed.
"I think it's about time we go and see Laurel don't you." Oliver commented and Felicity couldn't help but nod in agreement.
Since the moment she found out, Felicity had been trying to find out what exactly Laurel had said to Katya. But Katya kept insisting it didn't matter, but it did and Felicity was not about to let Laurel get away with hurting her daughter.
Laurel Lance had always considered herself to be a good person but sometimes even a good person did bad things and she was no stranger to the odd bad thing. So when Oliver and Felicity turned up at her door she was under no illusion on why they were there. There were no pleasantries made at the door, no it's good to see you or you look well. Laurel just opened the door wider for them to enter.
Oliver looked the same as he always had strong, brave and so incredible handsome he took her breath away just like he always did. Felicity was just as beautiful as she remembered her to be if not more so.
"Can I get you anything to drink?" Laurel asked.
Felicity shook her head as she took a seat. Oliver sat on the arm of the chair next to her saying nothing.
They looked good together, but then again they always had.
Right from the first time Laurel had seen them together she had known something was between them but she fooled herself thinking that they were more between her and Oliver then him and Felicity. Even when Sara had told her Oliver would never love her the way he did Felicity she ignored it.
FLASHBACK
Laurel followed Sara around her apartment as she gathered her things.
"So that's it you're just going to leave right before my wedding?" Laurel demanded to know.
"I won't watch you make the biggest mistake of your life." Sara told her adamantly.
Laurel glared at her sister.
"How is marrying the love of my life a mistake." Laurel cried out in annoyance they had been over this what felt like a million times and Laurel couldn't understand why Sara refused to see her point.
"You know why." Sara pointed out.
Laurel shook her head. Yes Oliver had admitted to loving Felicity but she was gone and he had moved on.
"He loves me." Laurel protested.
"But he will never love you as much as he loves her." Sara yelled out in frustration.
Sara sighed and put her hand on Laurels arm.
"I'm sorry." Sara said softly.
"It's just you can't see what everyone else does because you never saw them together." Sara added.
"He loves me." Laurel repeated but she knew it was pointless. Sara had already made up her mind.
"I know he loves you, but I also know that if Felicity was still here you wouldn't stand a chance and so I won't watch you marry Oliver because I know you deserve better than being someone's second choice." Sara explained.
END OF FLASHBACK
She should have believed her sister but love isn't rational and she had loved Oliver more than anything, at least until she learnt to love herself more.
Laurel took a deep breath and looked over at Oliver and Felicity.
"She was a cute little thing." Laurel started.
"She told me my name was pretty and that she was looking for her dad." Laurel told them.
Laurel smiled sadly at the memory.
"She had this picture in her backpack and she handed it to me." Laurel added.
She looked over at Oliver.
"She said his name is Oliver Queen, she was as proud as she said it." Laurel told him.
Laurel could see the soft smile on Oliver's faces. His love for his daughter so clear to see.
"Why did you say to her?" Felicity asked. Her voice was calm, calmer then Laurel imagined she would be if their roles were reserved.
"I was so surprised," Laurel reasoned.
"And hurt." She added as if somehow her pained would mean more to them then their daughters.
"What did you say to her?" Oliver asked this time. His voice was cold, colder then she had ever heard it.
Laurel closed her eyes ashamed.
"I told her you weren't there thinking she would go away but she didn't she asked if I knew you." Laurel informed them.
"So I told her I was your wife and she left." Laurel told him.
Felicity shook her head.
"That wouldn't make her leave." Felicity said.
Oliver looked towards Felicity.
"I told Katya Laurel was a strong and amazing women." Felicity explained and guilt flooded Laurel.
Felicity stood up and begin pacing. Oliver's eyes followed her every move.
"She wouldn't have just walked away." Felicity told Oliver adamantly.
Oliver looked back over at Laurel.
"What did you say?" He demanded.
Laurel swallowed she hoped she wouldn't have to tell them what she regretted with all her heart.
"I told her soon we would have a family of our own and there wouldn't be any room for her." Laurel told them with regret.
Felicity moved quicker than Laurel had ever seen her and backhanded her across the face.
Laurel face turned to the right with the impact.
"She was a scared little girl and you told her there wouldn't be room for her, how heartless can you get." Felicity yelled.
Tears strolled down Laurel's face.
"I knew how much you meant to him and I knew the moment he found out about Katya he would be gone." Laurel reasoned.
"So you took it out on a little girl." Felicity yelled, her face flushed with anger.
"I regretted it the moment I said it." Laurel told her.
Felicity shook her head.
"But you still said it." She said.
Felicity looked at her with disgusted.
"I am so sorry." Laurel told her.
"I would like nothing more than to apologies to Katya." Laurel added.
Felicity took a frustrated breath and shook her head.
"You know what, what's done is done just stay away from me and stay the hell away from my daughter." Felicity told her.
Felicity looked at Oliver.
"I'll wait in the car." She told him and Oliver nodded.
Oliver watched her leave.
He had be rather silent during their whole exchanged but Laurel knew he would have much to say. It took a lot for Oliver to love someone but when he did he loved with his whole heart.
"Part of this is my fault." Oliver told her slowly.
"I loved you but not enough." he added softly.
He looked at her with gently eyes.
"But you hurt my daughter." Oliver reminded her his voice back to being cold.
Laurel closed her eyes.
"I am so sorry, I was afraid to lose you." Laurel reasoned.
"So when Katya came looking for me, you turned her away because you were jealous?" Oliver demanded to know.
"I was just scared I was going to lose you." Laurel repeated.
"That happened anyway." Oliver roared.
Laurel nodded. He was right.
"I will never be able to take back what I said I know that." Laurel said.
"And I will never be able to apologise enough." She added.
Oliver shook his head.
"Felicity is right." Oliver started.
"What's done is done." Oliver added and before Laurel could say anything else he was gone.