Chapter 11

October 1870 – Boston

The carriage ride had been silent and almost uncomfortable for Michaela. Landon had seemed rather preoccupied with his thoughts, and he hadn't even attempted to make conversation for the last half of the ride. They'd arrived at the restaurant a half hour ago, and now Michaela sat quietly across from Landon, seeing the discomfort in his face. She wanted to ask him what was wrong, but every time the least bit of concern crossed her face, he'd smile reassuringly. Now, the silence was becoming an annoyance, and Michaela didn't want to sit in it any longer.

"Is something bothering you, Landon?" she asked, taking a sip of water. He fidgeted nervously with his napkin, and she sighed heavily. "You know you can tell me. We are friends." She suddenly had that feeling of déjà vu, and her mind went back to Sully. She couldn't help it. Everything seemed to remind her of him and the way he smiled or the way his eyes twinkled when he looked at her. God, she'd never seen a man with such beautiful, blue eyes before. Landon's emerald green orbs paled in comparison.

"Well…I'm trying to think of a way to tell you this. I don't want to upset you." Michaela raised an eyebrow.

"What could you possibly have to say that would upset me?" Landon pondered his words carefully, and Michaela shifted uncomfortably in her seat. His green eyes were almost gray, and she knew that meant that he was nervous. She hoped he wasn't about to say something he'd regret, because frankly, she wasn't anywhere near ready to hear any declarations or proposals.

"Well, probably this," he replied with a chuckle. "Michaela…I don't know…how things were working out between us." Michaela sighed heavily, bracing herself. "We've been friends for a long time, and…people have been talking."

"Talking?" she asked quietly, feigning ignorance to the subject but knowing exactly what he was speaking of. The entire Quinn family had been abuzz with rumors or an impending engagement and nuptials, and Michaela couldn't convince them otherwise.

"Well, people assume that we're…we're something of an item." Michaela held back a groan. She had feared it would come to this. She cared for Landon, yes, but she certainly couldn't see anything romantic between them at all. She just didn't feel the spark she felt when she was with Sully. She couldn't look into his eyes and see a soul that yearned for hers as much as hers yearned for his. She couldn't see the reflection of her own love in those eyes. Only in one man's. Only in Sully's.

"I suppose so," she replied, clearing her throat, "but, Landon…I'm afraid that I may have given you the wrong idea."

"Michaela…"

"No," she said quietly, putting her hand up. "I'm sorry. Landon…I can't do this. We're good friends, but I don't…" When his expression turned to confusion, she flushed with embarrassment.

"Michaela, I've fallen in love with someone." Michaela swallowed hard, her eyes filled with worry still.

"You have?"

"She's amazing. Her name is Molly Jones, and she's a nurse at the hospital," he explained. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but…" Michaela shook her head, relief washing over her.

"No! No, I'm happy for you, Landon. I truly am. But…if you're in love with her, why are you out here with me tonight…at this place?" Landon sighed heavily.

"This is the part that you might get upset for," he pointed out. He took a deep breath. "I overheard my mother and father talking this afternoon. They don't know…but…I heard them talking about your mother." She raised an eyebrow.

"My mother?" Michaela asked, trying not to sound too surprised. Then again, her mother was always meddling. "What were they talking about her for?"

"It turns out that our parents have been working together to…ah…push us together," he admitted. Michaela's eyes went wide, and she felt her blood begin to boil. Her mother had taken it too far this time. She was sick and tired of her meddling! "I only came tonight because we'd already planned for dinner…and…I wanted to tell you about Molly. I haven't told my parents about her yet." Michaela wouldn't let her anger toward her mother ruin this evening. Her mother had done enough.

"I'm happy for you," Michaela grinned.

"And I want you to be happy. Have you heard from Sully?" Michaela nearly choked.

"Landon," she said quietly, "you honestly think…"

"Michaela, you talk about him constantly, even if you don't realize it. I see the look in your eyes when you talk about him." Michaela shook her head.

"Sully's my best friend…"

"Maybe once, but I see something more in your eyes when you speak of him, Michaela…something I see in Molly's eyes when she looks at me." Landon smiled and held his glass out to her. "Let's toast."

"To…you and Molly."

"And to you…" Michaela smiled, and they clinked their glasses. She shook her head. Once again, she knew her life was about to change very, very soon. She was free. She wondered if Sully could feel that. She wondered if he'd come back. She hoped so. She had to see him.

October 1870 – Somewhere Near El Paso

Sometime near dawn, Sully woke to the sound of a woman's screams. He stood quickly, and he looked around. All he could see were the cows and a couple of cowboys patrolling nearby. His shift was coming up in an hour or so, so since he was up, he figured he'd stay up. The silence told him that he'd probably been dreaming. Perhaps his nightmares were coming back. He honestly wouldn't have been surprised.

The scream came again, and Sully glanced toward the sound. A hawk screeched somewhere overhead, and Sully's mouth went dry. The only woman on the drive was Carrie, and he could see that her tent flap was open. He hurried over there, and he realized that she wasn't inside. His eyes scanned the area, but he couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. But, when he heard the scream again, he turned.

"Carrie?" he called out. The scream was close, and he waited for it again before he pinpointed the exact location it had come from. He didn't know what he would find, but all he knew was that someone needed help, and he was going to help her.

"Stop!" the screams came again. "Stop! Stop it!" Sully kept running, dodging branches and fallen trees. He could hear the screams. They were so close now. He could feel the heat from the flames; see Abagail's face. He shook his head. He had to concentrate. He couldn't let his past distract him now. "Help! No! No! Stop! HELP!" Then there was silence. He could feel the struggle, and he knew he was getting closer.

"Carrie!" he shouted out, jumping across a small creek. A moment later, a gunshot rang out, and Sully froze. Silence. A hawk screeched again, and his pulse was running a race inside of his body. What if she'd died before he could get to her? He couldn't let it happen. "Carrie!" He rushed toward the sound of the gunshot, and when he reached the clearing, he saw her standing over the lifeless body of one of the cowboys, Eddie. Her shoulders were slumped over, and her hands were still gripping the smoking gun. She was sobbing dryly, her shoulders shaking, and her knees about to give out underneath her. "Carrie…" She looked up, her eyes full of receding terror.

"Sully!" Her nightgown was torn, revealing the side of her right breast and part of her hip. Scratches were on her arms, and her cheek was cut, bleeding down onto a swollen lip. He could already see the ring around her eye. She was in bad shape. He stepped toward her, and she coughed heavily.

"Carrie…what'd he do to you?" he asked quickly, fearing the answer. He slowly reached out and took the gun from her hands. He tossed it into the bushes, and she fell to her knees. He knelt down beside her, not daring to touch her just yet. "Carrie?"

"I…I…" she breathed, hyperventilating. The tears were rolling down her cheeks now, and she was sobbing, trying to find her breath. Sully took off his coat and wrapped it around her shoulders. She was a far cry from the woman she'd been just a few hours ago. Now she was trembling and hurt and breathless.

"It's all right. You're safe now," he said quietly. "Don't worry. I'll tell your pa, and…"

"No! No…" she begged, her hands gripping his arms. She looked into his eyes. "Don't…please."

"Carrie, he's gotta know why Eddie's missin' and why you're all bruised up. Did he…" Carrie pulled her hands off of him and sat back on her haunches. She shook her head quickly, rocking a little bit.

"No. I didn't give him the satisfaction," she hissed. Sully moved toward Eddie and put his fingers to his neck. He sighed heavily and looked at Carrie.

"He's dead." Something about was already changing again. That trembling frown was turning into a scowl of hatred.

"Good. The bastard deserved it," she seethed through her teeth. She glanced at Sully, her entire form changing in the darkness. She placed her hands on the ground and leaned forward, her eyes flashing hotly. "What? You're probably thinkin' I deserved this, huh?"

"Nobody deserves to be treated the way he treated you," Sully replied quickly.

"Right," she laughed, shaking her head. "That's all it ever is. Ya get a reputation, and once ya get it…ya never get rid of it. Bet ya think I asked for it." Sully's head was about to spin.

"You're puttin' words in my mouth, Carrie. I think we need to get back to camp. Ya need to get cleaned up." He helped her up, and she surprisingly didn't struggle against him. Her arms fit loosely around his neck, and he began to carry her back. He could feel her giving into exhaustion, as her body grew heavier in his arms. Her head leaned on his shoulder, and he held her close, being careful with her. She'd been through enough, and he didn't expect any gratitude. He expected she'd brush it all off and not talk about it. He could already tell that she was one to bottle her emotions. She was certainly something else…a very unpredictable something else.

October 1870 – Boston

"How could you?" Michaela burst through the parlor doors, her eyes full of fury. Elizabeth calmly put down her knitting and looked up at her daughter, her eyes challenging her. "Mother, I know what you've been doing with Landon's parents. How dare you try to interfere with our relationship!" Elizabeth had expected this would be coming. She was going to stay calm and try to convince her daughter what was best.

"Michaela…" Michaela wouldn't hear it.

"You have no idea how I feel about Landon."

"He's a good man, Michaela. I only wanted you to be happy!" Michaela gritted her teeth momentarily.

"You mean you wanted me to marry someone as wealthy as we are! Mother, Landon is my friend…my friend! He and I don't have feelings for one another. Landon loves…someone else. He doesn't love me. I don't love him. I wish you could understand that!" Elizabeth stood slowly and moved toward her daughter's firm figure.

"I understand that you have dreams of marrying a man who'll sweep you off of your feet. You dream of adventure and romance and everything you read in those silly books as a child. It's not practical, Michaela. Landon is a practical choice."

"For you, maybe, but not for me. I refuse to marry someone I don't love." The words seemed to sting Elizabeth for a moment, as a look of remembrance of years past flashed across Elizabeth's exasperation-filled face. Finally, she collected her thoughts and continued with her lecture.

"Do you want to spend the rest of your life alone, Michaela? You're thirty-years-old, for goodness sakes! Your sisters were married ten years younger than that!"

"They made their choices. I made mine." Elizabeth watched her daughter, and she saw her starting to tremble.

"This is about Mr. Sully, isn't it?"

"Don't be absurd, Mother."

"He's a good man, Michaela, and I respect that. But, he's dirt poor and he has no home. He's not stable, Michaela. He has a past that…that I'm sure will haunt him for the rest of his life. The little I know of him tells me a lot." Hearing those words come from her mother's mouth made Michaela's blood begin to simmer. She hated when her mother started talking about everything that wasn't right with Sully. "Do you really want to live a life like that? I've seen him, Michaela. I've seen the way he grows silent at a moment's notice. Do you want to be second place to his memories? Something isn't right about him, and…" Michaela gripped the sides of her skirts, her knuckles whitening.

"Don't talk about him like that," Michaela breathed. "He's never done anything…"

"Please, spare me, Michaela. Like I said…he's a good man. But, he can't give you what you need." Michaela shook her head. Unbelievable!

"You don't know anything about what I need." Elizabeth finally sat down, pondering her daughter's words and choosing her own carefully. Michaela moved closer to her mother's chair, but she kept her distance, eyeing her; challenging her. "You've never wanted me to have the things I wanted. You fought father all the way through my schooling. You nearly disowned me when I decided to be a doctor. When you learned to accept it, you still tried to convince me to settle down with a husband. You need to accept that I'll make my own decisions and do what's best for me, but Landon isn't the man I want to spend my life with."

Elizabeth recalled a similar conversation she had had with her mother decades ago. She shook her head. That was the past. Her daughter's future was what was most important now, and from the looks of it, she was only hurting herself by pining after a man who could never give her the things she deserved.

"I'm your mother, and I know what's best for you. I want you to have a good future, Michaela. Living here…you're not letting yourself do what you've always wanted. You've wanted to be independent, yet you're living at home, and the few patients you see are healthy enough that you rarely see them. You're making no money, Michaela. Frankly, Boston doesn't need your medical help." Michaela closed her eyes, feeling the tears coming on. "I'd rather you find a husband and stay at home like a woman should, but I know that's not for you. I only hope you'll consider marrying a man that can…can support you and put up with this…chosen profession of yours." She took a deep breath. "Like it or not, Mr. Sully is not a suitable choice for a husband." Michaela went to speak again, and Elizabeth held her hand up. "You may not want me to see it, but I know it. He's gone. You can't depend on him to be here. Landon has been here…"

"I don't love Landon, Mother! I love Sully!" And at that point, something broke inside of Michaela…something frozen had shattered, and she felt as if her heart had burst. She'd said it out loud for the first time…she'd actually heard it with her own two ears, and it sounded so…so right. Her mother didn't look surprised at all, but Michaela turned and rushed out of the room, not willing to talk about it anymore.

October 1870 – Somewhere Near El Paso

When Sully reached the camp with Carrie sleeping in his arms, Carrie's father Tommy was standing outside of his tent with a few of the men. When he saw Carrie in Sully's arms, he rushed over.

"What on Earth? What'd ya do to my girl!" he demanded, as Carrie drifted in and out of consciousness, trying to fight sleep. But, she was worn out, hurt, and drained of her energy.

"I found her," he replied quickly. He swallowed hard. He looked down at Carrie and back up at Tommy. "Eddie did this. He dragged her out there and tried to…well…let's just say he ain't gonna hurt her no more."

"Ya killed him?" Daniel asked, stepping up beside him. Sully didn't say a word, and he handed Carrie to her father.

"She needs cleanin' up," Sully pointed out. "Her clothes are torn too. Might want to get her to a doctor in the mornin'." Tommy stared at Sully in disbelief, before he took his daughter back to her tent with Sully's coat still draped around her. Daniel watched Sully mount up on Bandit and started his own patrol. He quickly found his horse and followed after him.

"Sully?"

"Don't wanna talk about it, Daniel."

"You're good at not wantin' to talk about it, ain't ya?" he asked. Sully sighed with frustration. "Did ya kill that man, or did ya just not want to say that she did? I've seen that Carrie…she's got a mean streak in her."

"She killed him in self-defense. I could hear her screamin' from a half-mile away. He woulda killed her. She must've got his gun and…"

"She gonna be okay?"

"Seems like it," he replied, trying to convince himself.

"She getting to you?"

"What? She ain't never said more than two words to me 'til today," he replied quietly.

"But she sure took your mind off of…" Sully nudged Bandit's sides and sped up. Daniel did the same to his horse. "C'mon. Ya gotta admit that ya ain't thought about her tonight."

"Why do I gotta admit somethin' that ain't true?"

"C'mon, Sully. Ya gotta move on. Ya left, 'cause ya said ya didn't wanna hurt her."

"I don't."

"Well, ya obviously ain't convincin' yourself otherwise, so why don't ya just try to move on?" Sully fought the urge to push his friend off of his horse. But, Daniel was a good man. He was just trying to offer his own advice, no matter how painful it was.

"Ya don't understand, Daniel."

"Make me understand." Daniel reached over and put his hand on his friend's shoulder. "Ya ain't havin' the nightmares again, are ya?" Sully shook his head. "Well, maybe you're thinkin' 'bout how much of a fool ya were for leavin' a perfectly good woman behind." Sully glanced over at him, and Daniel chuckled.

"I wasn't in a good place," Sully pointed out. "She didn't deserve to watch me go through that."

"Did ya ever think she might've wanted to help ya?"

"I already put her through enough."

"She's your friend, Sully." Sully nodded.

"I don't wanna talk about this right now. Your shift is over. Go get some sleep." He rode off briskly, leaving Daniel in the dust. He looked up at the North Star. That was home now. Every time he looked up, he was there with her, holding her and happier than he'd ever been. He only wished it was that simple.

March 1858 – Colorado Springs

He'd finally gotten the girls settled down for a nap, though it had been hours since he'd seen his wife. He had wanted to go after her, but he couldn't leave the girls alone. He hadn't known what to say or do to calm Abby down, though he felt guilty for letting her run out like that. He hadn't expected her to be gone more than a few minutes. He'd hoped that she'd cool off outside and come back in, but she hadn't come back, and he was beginning to wonder if she ever would. He honestly wouldn't blame her if she didn't. He was rarely home in the daytime. He was either working or out at the reservation. When he was home, the girls were usually already calmed for the night, and he didn't have to be there for the tantrums and endless hours of screaming. Abby had been strong, so he supposed that it was her turn to get some time away.

By the time he'd cleaned up the kitchen and started picking the toys up off of the living room floor, he heard a horse riding off, and he hurried to the window. The rider was already gone, but Abby was walking up the steps, soaking wet.

"Abagail!" Sully exclaimed, rushing out to meet her. He pulled her into his arms. "God, Abby…are you okay?" Something about the way her arms pulled loosely around him made him instantly aware that something was different.

"I'm fine, Sully," she whispered. "I'm…I'm fine." Her eyes met his for only a moment before she backed out of the awkward embrace. She pushed past him and into the house to put on the kettle. Sully stood on the porch for a moment, wondering what that had been about. When he finally walked inside, Abby was ringing out her shawl in the sink basin.

"Who…who brought ya home." Abagail tensed, and she swallowed hard before continuing to dry out her shawl.

"Jake Slicker," she responded quietly. Sully sensed her tone, and he glanced at her awkwardly. "Ma and Pa are in Manitou, so Jake brought me back home." Sully moved across the kitchen.

"Ya were gone for over two hours, Abby." Abby turned quickly.

"What? Do ya think I'm lyin'?" she asked, her eyes flashing angrily. Sully backed off, shaking his head. "'Sides, when you're gone, it's for a whole lot longer." Sully knew he deserved that, but something was still very wrong.

"I think we need to talk."

"'Bout what?" she wondered. "What's there to talk about, Sully?" Before Sully could answer, Hanna woke and began to cry. Abby closed her eyes, gaining her composure. "I'm fine. I just needed some air." She quickly left the room and headed up the stairs to take care of her daughter, and Sully leaned against the counter. He couldn't help but feel like he was losing his wife, and he could do nothing to save her.