Chapter 14

November 1870

"Sully, come on!" she laughed, throwing her arms back, feeling free for once in her life, as she ran barefoot on the sandy beach. She could hear him chasing after her, and she suppressed the squeal of delight that was tickling the back of her throat. "I thought you were faster than that!" She laughed happily, leaping over a sharp-looking seashell.

"Why am I the one that's always chasin' after you?" His breaths were ragged, and she could hear him picking up speed. She giggled, leaping up and feeling like a young girl, as the tide rolled in, soaking her bare feet and the edge of her skirt. When she looked back, she couldn't see him, and her heart stopped for a moment. Where was he? Did he leave again? No. He wouldn't do that. He had promised not to leave.

"Sully!" she called, stopping, letting the cold water tingle her toes. "Sully!" Out of breath, she hunched over, holding her stomach, waiting for him. Where was he? Was he hurt? "Oh!" She felt two strong arms wrap around her from behind, pulling her close. For a moment, she panicked, but when she recognized the feel of his body, she knew it was him. She wriggled around in his arms, when she felt his lips against the pulse of her neck. She laughed, her face turning every shade of red. This was bliss. This was what it meant to be happy.

His hands moved to her waist, and she turned fully to face him, smiling up at him gleefully, her eyes glittering with tears of joy. Her fingers delicately traced his jaw, feeling the stubble against her fingertips. She sighed softly, as his hand ran through her hair and tucked a loose strand behind her ear.

"I've missed you."

"I missed you too," he answered, gently touching her lips with the pad of his thumb. She closed her eyes, as he drew her near, and she sank into him, when his lips covered hers. She breathed softly, letting his lips explore hers, and she held onto him, never wanting to let go.

The train jolted on the tracks, causing Michaela to stir from her dream. Her heart was still pounding, and she could almost feel his lips against hers. Her hand flew to her mouth, and she let out a few sharp breaths. She couldn't believe her dreams lately. This was the first one in a long time that had turned out well. The rest of them always ended up with her being left with a broken heart. She hoped to God those dreams weren't some sort of cruel premonition about the future.

She was fully awake, and her head hurt from leaning it against the window. She sighed heavily and shifted positions in her cot. The sleeper car held a few compartments, and she had one all to herself. She was thankful for that, though one couple had a toddler who hadn't stopped crying since St. Louis. She hoped they'd be arriving soon. In a matter of days, she would be arriving in San Francisco to start her new life with a new job.

Two weeks ago, Michaela had received confirmation from doctors in San Francisco that they wanted her to join their team. Having been first shocked and then wary, she had convinced herself that she had to trust her fate. Everything would turn out the way it was supposed to be. She didn't know how she knew, but she did. Now, she was on a train, moving across the country on her own for the first time. December was a few days away, and Michaela was grateful that the weather was stable. She'd been delayed twice due to snow already, and she was finally on the homestretch. Home. She had never though she'd call San Francisco home, though it held fond memories. She wondered if the beach she and Sully had first met at was still as perfect as it had been that night. What about the hotel she'd been staying in? Would the progress of the years have caused its demolition, or would it still be there, encasing within its walls many nights of happy dreams and wonderings?

She sighed softly and smiled to herself. She was free. She was absolutely free, but she didn't have a clue as to how to find Sully. Back in Boston, she had spent time with her mother and her sisters before she left, and she had even visited her father's grave. But, she'd had no way of finding Sully. What if he came back and she wasn't there? What if Elizabeth didn't tell him where she was. Oh, no. Her mother wouldn't do that. She knew that. They had an understanding now, didn't they?

The crying down the corridor started up again, and Michaela let out a heavy sigh. She'd never get back to sleep. But, her stomach was tied up in knots, and she was too nervous to sleep any longer. She couldn't wait to get to San Francisco and sink her toes into that soft sand again and feel the cold rush of the water on her feet. Those mere thoughts took her back to the night they'd met and the nights they'd spent talking…their first kiss. Her fingers moved to her lips, feeling a longing tingle. Had it ever gone away?

She sighed and glanced out the window and into the darkness of the night. She couldn't see their star tonight. The clouds were full of heavy, menacing clouds, and she felt lost. Every passing night they were apart made her love him even more and miss the way things could have been.

The train shuddered again, and Michaela pulled down the shade, blocking out the starless night. She could hear the snowflakes ticking against the windows, and she hoped they would make it out of the storm and not have to be delayed again. That was the last thing she needed…another delay.

Michaela closed her eyes and thought about her new life in San Francisco. She had never counted on going there again, and the idea that she would actually be living there, so close to the place that changed her life forever, made her heart skip a beat. She pressed her hand to the window glass beneath the fabric of the shade, and the cold against her warm hand was a comfort, as the snow continued to sting the windowpane like thousands of tiny needles. When she moved her hand away, a clear imprint of her hand was left on the glass, and as soon as she let out a warm breath, it clouded over again.

Just as her eyes began to droop shut, a panic rushed through the sleeper car. The crying child's screams grew louder, and a tall gentleman came out of his compartment.

"Help! Someone help!" Michaela quickly grabbed her medical bag and rushed out of her compartment.

"What's happened?" she demanded.

"I need a doctor!" the gentleman with peppered hair insisted. "My wife! She's…she's…she's having a baby!"

"I'm a doctor." The man looked her over once or twice, and he shook his head.

"A real doctor?"

"I am," Michaela replied, standing firmly on the floor of the shaking train car. He sighed and grabbed her hand, shocking her and dragging her into the compartment. A small boy of about two or three was crying in his little bed, while a younger woman was lying on the floor of the car covered in sweat and gripping the legs of the bolted down passenger seats.

"This lady says she's a doctor, honey."

"A lady doctor?" she panted.

"How long have you been in pain?"

"Most of the afternoon," the woman admitted, as Michaela moved to the floor. She instructed the gentleman to wait outside, and he did so willingly, taking the crying child with him.

"Come on, Nathaniel," he said quietly, trying to calm the child. Michaela noticed the way the man held his son, and it was as if he'd not had much experience with children. That was just a bit overwhelming, because baby number two was quickly making its debut.

"You're doing fine," Michaela coached, checking the woman's progress. She was surprised to find the baby's head already crowning. "I need you to listen to me. I need you to push. The baby's head is almost out. The hard part's nearly over." Tears streamed down the woman's cheeks, and she pushed as hard as she could. Michaela started throwing open bags and cases, until she found something to use as a blanket. Before too long, the baby was wriggling free of her mother, and she was crying as loudly as she could. The young woman was crying now, reaching for her baby, as Michaela cut the cord and swaddled her.

"My baby," she breathed. "Oh, thank you, doctor. Thank you. She's…"

"She's beautiful," Michaela replied, tears in her eyes. This had been a first. She could now add Delivering Baby on Train to her list of achievements. Actually, this wasn't her achievement at all. Each birth she helped with was always a miracle for the mother and the child. It was an amazing journey to witness, and it made her long for it too. "She appears to be healthy." Michaela stood, wiping her hands, and she opened the compartment doors. The little boy had stopped crying, and he was rubbing his eyes with the backs of his hands, wriggling in his father's arms.

"Is she…"

"They're both fine," Michaela assured him. "You have a beautiful little girl." His face was pale still, showing very little emotion, as if he'd been through this time and time again.

"My wife…"

"Your wife is fine. I assure you. But, as soon as we get to the next station, you'll need to take her immediately to a proper medical facility for a more thorough examination." The man nodded and pulled a few bills from his pockets. He placed them in Michaela's hand, and he walked away to check on his wife, before Michaela could refuse the money. She turned to go help her patient, and the gentleman was sitting on the floor beside his wife with his son in his lap; his arms around him protectively.

"How can I ever thank you, Dr…"

"Dr. Quinn," Michaela said with a smile, "and no thanks are necessary." The woman looked at her husband.

"We still haven't thought of a name." He looked up, his eyes searching Michaela's. Michaela shivered a little. He certainly had a way of trying to stare right through someone.

"Well, what's your first name, Dr. Quinn?" he asked. Michaela smiled.

"Michaela," she announced. "I was to be Michael, but I surprised my parents." The young woman laughed and held her newborn daughter close. She kissed her forehead.

"Michaela," she whispered. "I like that. What about you, Ethan? Michaela Lillian Cooper, after her mama and the lady who delivered her. How does that sound?" Ethan placed his arm around his young wife and kissed her temple.

"I think it's gonna suit her just fine."

November 1870 – Nevada/California Border

In three days, he'd be in San Francisco. He was exhausted. Every part of him wanted to give up and just lie down and die at that very moment. He was tired, hungry, cold and absolutely alone. He'd pushed Bandit on and on, and nights were their only chances to rest. Sully preferred sleeping under the stars, despite the cold, because he could stare up at the North Star until he fell asleep. Tonight was different though, and he couldn't take his mind off of what would be happening very soon.

He was going to go to that beach and watch the tides roll in. He was going to think of her, miss her, and pick himself up by his bootstraps. He would make a pledge to himself that there was no looking back. He had to make a life for himself. He had to prove to himself that he could move on. Then, he had to find a way to bring her back into his life without hurting her again.

His head ached, and his mouth was dry. He took a drink from his canteen and sprawled out in the dry grass, trying to see the stars. But, tonight, there were none. The sky was blanketed by thick clouds, and Sully didn't know whether to expect snow or rain. But, he'd prepared for both. He'd constructed a lean to out of branches and leaves, and he was pretty impressed with the end result.

He climbed inside and turned to his side, wrapping the blanket around himself. He closed his eyes, and Michaela's face automatically entered his thoughts, and when he drifted off to sleep, his memories of the past few weeks came creeping back.

Earlier November 1870

"Take care of yourself," Carrie whispered, holding onto him tightly. "It's gonna be different without ya here on the trail with us."

"You just look after yourself. Don't let them push ya around," Sully replied, waiting for Carrie to release her hold on him. "Ya deserve somebody who'll treat ya right." Sully's eyes met Daniel's, and Carrie pulled away, trying to hold back her emotions.

"Look, I ain't gonna be here to watch ya ride off. So, ya look after yourself, and I hope ya find what you're lookin' for."

"Thanks," Sully said with a nod. Carrie's eyes welled with tears, and she stood on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

"You're a good man. I hope she knows what she's got. She better hold onto you if she knows what's good for her." She winked and lingered for a moment longer, gently twirling her fingers around the fringe of his buckskin coat, wondering where he'd gotten it; what the story was behind it. It was too late to find out now.

Daniel moved up behind her, and he placed his hand on her shoulder. She looked at him, and Sully saw something there. "Well, I'll let you boys say goodbye." She walked off and mounted up on her horse. She didn't want to see him ride away, but she knew that he wasn't hers to love. He was for someone else…a very lucky someone else.

She sighed heavily and spurred her horse on. Meanwhile, Daniel and Sully embraced as brothers.

"She's strong, but…would ya watch after her?" Sully asked.

"I will," Daniel promised. "I'll miss ya. I know Carrie sure is gonna miss ya too." Sully swallowed hard.

"She deserves somebody who treats her right, Daniel. Ya make sure them cowboys don't hurt her." Daniel nodded and patted Sully's back.

"Ya know my place in Nevada. Whenever you settle yourself down someplace, drop me a letter, and I'll try to get back to ya." Sully nodded, understanding that his friend wasn't very good with reading. He mostly had his sister read the letters and write back for him.

"I will," Sully promised. He glanced toward Carrie, who was quickly disappearing into the trees on the back of her horse.

"She cares for ya."

"I know," Sully replied, "but I could never love her. She ain't Michaela." Daniel nodded.

"I hope ya find her. I hope ya work things out." He cleared his throat and stepped back. "So where ya headin' after San Francisco?"

"Back to Boston, I guess," Sully replied quietly. "I wanna make things right. I left, and she knew why, but she was tryin' to help." Daniel stopped him and put his hand on his shoulder.

"I think ya need to see her. It'd be a good idea, I think. Maybe ya can tell her…"

"She knows why I left." Sully cleared his throat and looked up at the sky. "I gotta be goin' now. I wanna get as far as I can today." Daniel nodded in understanding, and they shook hands, leading each other into another hug.

"You take care of yourself." Sully nodded.

"You too." He mounted up on Bandit and nodded. Daniel held his hand out in a wave, as Sully rode off. Daniel mounted up again, and he rode off toward the camp. Sully was a good man, and he wished him the best. He knew that his mind had been so preoccupied lately, and he hadn't seen the pain that Carrie was feeling having to say goodbye. She was the kind of girl who could fall fast for any man who would pay attention to her in a good way. Somehow, that made Daniel nervous. There were a lot of bad men out there, and several of the cowboys on the trail had taken advantage of her need to be loved. She had grown hard and callused over the years, yet there was this sweetness still inside of her that he had seen when she was with Sully. He didn't know how he would find her now.

When he saw Carrie's horse tethered to a low branch, he looked around, immediately alarmed that she wasn't there.

"Carrie?" He heard a noise from nearby, and he quickly pulled his gun from his holster in case one of those rowdy cowboys had sauntered away from camp. "Carrie? Ya there?"

"I'm fine. Go back to camp, Daniel," she replied, and he could hear the strain in her voice. He put his gun away, and he moved through the trees, peering through the dark woods. When he saw her squatting on the ground, her hair draped over her knees and her hands pressing into the ground, he saw her lurch forward and heave violently. He could hear the snap of a branch, the whinny of a horse, and he turned out just in time to see Carrie's horse ride off toward camp. He heard her cough again.

"Carrie…what…" She jumped, covering her mouth, and she sprinted into the bushes. He followed after her, however, and he could hear her choking and vomiting heavily. He looked away, grimacing at the terrible sounds.

"Go away, Daniel," she cried out. "Go back to camp."

"Not 'til I know you're ok."

"I'm fine," she lied. She moved out of the bushes, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Her eyes were glazed over and watery. She was a pitiful sight. "Don't ya dare tell nobody 'bout this."

"Wouldn't dream of it," he replied, holding his hand up in a silent oath. "Ya don't look good, Carrie."

"Just what every woman wants to hear," she replied, rolling her eyes. She stalked off, and Daniel followed. She groaned miserably, when she saw that her horse was gone, but his was still waiting patiently. "What the hell'd ya do with my horse?"

"He ran off. I think all that noise ya were makin' scared him off." Carrie shook her head. "What's wrong with ya?"

"Nothin'," she croaked, wiping the stray tears from her eyes. "I don't wanna talk about it." Putting two and two together, Daniel figured she was merely upset with Sully's leaving.

"Leavin' was what was best for him, Carrie," Daniel concluded.

"I know," she replied. "He deserves to be happy. I hope that…that Michaela woman can make him happy." Daniel smiled a little.

"If he's that crazy about her, I'm sure she can." He mounted up onto his horse again and held out his hand.

"What?"

"I'll ride ya back into camp."

"I'll walk," she replied.

"Ya ain't walkin'," Daniel replied. "Ya ain't feelin' right. I'm takin' ya back."

"I'm fine."

"Ya just got your heart broken. Ya ain't fine."

"My heart is anything but broke," she hissed, finally holding her hand out to him. He pulled her up in front of him in the saddle, and they rode off together, leaving the past behind them.