XXV. Nakoma, October 11 to 12

Nakoma was having trouble focusing. Today was the second Monday in October, Columbus Day, and also the second Monday since the Homecoming Dance—Nakoma hadn't seen Pocahontas since then. The two had not a single class together this year, the first time that had happened since early grade school. Usually, though, they would pass each other in the hallway at some point, but recently Nakoma hadn't seen her best friend at all. It was pretty clear that Pocahontas was avoiding Nakoma at all costs. Nakoma was upset by this, of course, but at the same time she sympathized—she imagined if the roles had been reversed she probably would do the same. She imagined if she had told Kocoum about her feelings and he had rejected her, she probably would have been ashamed to face him. Still, Nakoma had always felt that Pocahontas was so strong—not that she herself was not strong, but Nakoma had always seen her friend as being invincible and impervious to any kind of embarrassment.

Tonight Kocoum was taking Nakoma out for the second time that weekend. She was trying to think about their impending date as she combed her hair and fixed it into a bun, but the task required so little concentration that her mind kept drifting back to the scene in the bathroom. As the scene played on repeat in her mind, she couldn't help but imagine how it might have gone differently had she said something else, or omitted some of the things she had said… Perhaps, she thought, it hadn't been the best move telling Pocahontas that she was bi. She didn't want to give her friend false hope—but, judging by Pocahontas's absence in Nakoma's life, she didn't have any expectations of a future relationship. Maybe she thought they couldn't even be friends under the circumstances, but the idea of losing this girl whom she had known for her entire life made Nakoma feel sick.

Kocoum arrived the minute he said he would, and Nakoma was ready. She was grateful that he hadn't been late, as she probably would have spent that time sitting around playing the what-if game. She opened the door to find Kocoum standing holding a bouquet of sunflowers. Nakoma smiled widely, taking the flowers and giving Kocoum a sincere hug as he kissed her on the cheek.

"Thank you," she said, looking at the flowers and touching the petals. "They're beautiful."

"They reminded me of you," Kocoum said sweetly, "and your smile… so I had to get them."

"Thank you," Nakoma said.

She quickly ran to the kitchen to put the flowers in a vase, and then the two headed out to Kocoum's car. Kocoum had made reservations at a country club restaurant in Marceline called Club 33. Nakoma had never been to the country club, but she had driven by it many times, usually on her way to Buena Vista, as it was right on the border of the two towns. Nakoma didn't know much about the restaurant, either, but she did know that it was relatively upscale, mainly because Kocoum had informed her that she should dress up a bit. She had on a semi-formal black dress that reached midway down her thigh and a pair of black heels. It was basic, and she figured she couldn't go wrong with that.

Kocoum drove the car up to the curb in front of the entrance and came around to the passenger side to help Nakoma out. He handed the keys to a valet and took Nakoma's arm as they walked into the restaurant. She was surprised at how gentlemanly he was being. He was usually polite, yes, but now he was being downright chivalrous and romantic. Nakoma felt slightly uncomfortable with this, though she wasn't sure why. The restaurant was even more upscale than she had figured it would be, but she didn't feel underdressed. She marveled at the ornate design of the restaurant's interior and how polished everything was—from the wait staff and the trays they were carrying to the walls and ceiling. She felt slightly out of place, mainly because she felt as though she and Kocoum were probably the youngest patrons of the establishment.

The hostess led the two of them to their reserved table and a man whose only job seemed to be carrying a pitcher of water around came to the table to fill their glasses. The two picked up their menus and began glossing them over. The dishes had fancy names in French and little explanation as to what, exactly, they were. Nakoma raised an eyebrow as she scanned the booklet. She leaned across to whisper to Kocoum.

"This place is so…" she struggled to find an appropriate word, "swanky!"

Kocoum's face scrunched up in concern, "You don't like it?"

"Oh no, no," Nakoma quickly backtracked—Kocoum seemed extremely worried about impressing her or something. "I wasn't saying—well, I think it's great. I'm just not used to such… glamor. That's a good thing."

She tried to sound as reassuring as possible, and it seemed to work. Kocoum relaxed. Nakoma gave the menu another look, told Kocoum what she wanted to drink so he could order if the server came, and excused herself to the ladies' room. Not surprisingly, she didn't actually need to use the restroom. She found it to be extremely clean, with soft, warm lighting and stalls that had walls that stretched to the ground. She locked herself in one of them and pulled out her phone to Google the dishes she could remember the names of. She leaned her head against the wall and sighed. Normally she would have been calling Pocahontas now to tell her about how strangely the date was going, but obviously that wasn't an option right now. She opened her contacts list and scrolled to Pocahontas's name. Her finger rested over the send button for a moment, actually considering it.

"No," she muttered firmly to herself aloud and went back to Googling hopelessly. She couldn't help but think that Pocahontas could probably be really helpful in this situation.

Whoa. She suddenly felt an overwhelming frustration and that feeling was concentrated in the area of her eyes—yes, she was about to cry. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to convince herself to be reasonable. Whatever it was that was conjuring up these feelings, it was not reason. By all accounts, she was actually on a great date right now, in spite of the fact that she could not read a single word on the menu. Her boyfriend had taken her here, to this nice restaurant, and here she was in the bathroom moping about her estranged best friend. This was most certainly not the time to be thinking about that. She concentrated on searching for a suitable entrée until she finally found one that sounded like something she might like. She checked herself in the mirror before she left then headed back to the table.

Her drink was there when she arrived and Kocoum looked like he was ready to order. She pretended to take another look at the menu, and then set it down. The waiter came over and they ordered, and a little while later their food arrived. It was quite fancy looking—rather unnecessarily so, Nakoma thought, as it was soon going to be either in her stomach or spread about the plate. It looked so thoughtfully and neatly arranged, but Nakoma felt no shame in sticking a fork into it and ruining the "art."

"Did you see Pocahontas yesterday?" Kocoum asked Nakoma, and she nearly choked on a bit of food.

"What—no," she answered after she swallowed. "Why—why would you think that?"

Kocoum looked at her with surprise for a moment then responded, "Uh—I don't know. She's your best friend. You haven't mentioned her for a while, I figured since I'm occupying most of your time you would have spent yesterday with her."

"Oh. Oh, right," Nakoma nodded. "No, I didn't… Not yesterday, I had homework to do."

Nakoma, of course, had not told Kocoum about what had happened the previous weekend. She didn't feel it would be right to out the girl. She didn't feel as though Kocoum was in any way entitled to know, besides. Nakoma quickly steered the conversation in the direction of football, afraid that she would somehow betray the secret if the conversation continued in the direction of Pocahontas.

After the two had finished their food and the plates had been collected by a busboy, the waiter returned with dessert menus. Nakoma looked to Kocoum.

"It's up to you," he said, shrugging.

Knowing he would certainly insist on paying, Nakoma decided to forgo dessert. She was pretty full, anyway. She waved a hand as she turned the waiter down… but as she was waving the hand, she clumsily knocked the full glass of ice water into Kocoum's lap. Kocoum jumped up in surprise.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry," Nakoma said, leaping up quickly and trying to pat at Kocoum's shirt with her dry napkin.

For a moment he looked like he was about to be angry, but his look quickly turned to a softer one and he smiled at her. She couldn't tell if the smile was forced or not, but she was pretty sure it had to be.

"It's okay," Kocoum said. "It's no big deal."

He asked the waiter to bring the check and the two of them sat down, Kocoum dabbing at his lap occasionally. Nakoma could feel her face burning red. She couldn't remember the last time she had spilled something in a restaurant. She hadn't done anything that clumsy in public since she was a child. The waiter brought the check, Kocoum paid it despite Nakoma's protests, and the two headed outside. They stood on the curb while the valet retrieved the car. It was a bit chilly outside, and Nakoma worried about Kocoum's still wet garments making him cold. She felt terrible.

"I can't believe I did that," Nakoma said, wanting to apologize again. "I really… I feel like I ruined our night."

"Don't worry about it," Kocoum said. "It's fine. Really."

The car pulled up and the two got in. They began driving back towards Marceline.

"Do you want to come hang out at my house for a little while?" Kocoum asked.

"Sure," Nakoma said, surprised he was offering after the mess she had made of their date.

They pulled into the empty driveway and Nakoma followed Kocoum up to the dark house. It didn't look like anyone was home.

"Your parents are out?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said. "They're at a concert tonight, won't be back until late."

He unlocked the door and they went inside. Nakoma stood awkwardly in the foyer.

"I need to change into some drier clothes," Kocoum said, starting up the stairs.

"Okay, should I wait down—?" Nakoma began.

"We can just hang out upstairs," Kocoum said.

It was stated so casually that Nakoma couldn't see any reason to protest. She followed Kocoum up to his room. It was her first time being there. She hadn't been in Kocoum's house many times, and his family had always been home those times. Now they had the house to themselves, for once, and Nakoma doubted that Kocoum's parents knew anything about her coming over.

Kocoum's room was unexpectedly neat. Nakoma had just assumed that it would be messy—a stereotypical guy's room. Instead, it looked (and smelled) freshly cleaned. Kocoum took off his dampened shirt and tossed it into a hamper that sat by the door. Nakoma had seen him shirtless before—the shallow part of her whispered that it was a large part of the reason she was dating him. But seeing him without a shirt now made her feel like blushing again. She made her way over to the bed and sat down on the edge of it. Kocoum seemed to be examining the wetness on his trousers now, and then he seemed to be toying with the zipper and then he was taking his pants off, too. Nakoma prayed he wouldn't turn to look at her now because he would find her beet red. Surely this was just some casual thing to Kocoum, but Nakoma, though not so pure-minded, was not exactly experienced, either, and this was a situation she was fairly unfamiliar with. Kocoum, now wearing nothing but a pair of… rather revealing briefs (though Nakoma told herself not to look)… came over and sat on the bed next to Nakoma.

"I had a lot of fun tonight," Kocoum said.

Nakoma guffawed, "I spilled water all over you!"

"So what?" Kocoum said, with a gesture of indifference. "The rest of the night was good, and I got to be with you. Nothing could ruin that."

Nakoma looked at Kocoum. He was being so sweet tonight. He was always kind to her, but sweetness was not one of his usual qualities. He was surprising her over and over tonight. He leaned towards her and kissed her. As they kissed, he maneuvered their bodies so that she was lying back on the bed. This was an interesting progression, she thought, especially considering that Kocoum was basically half naked. She decided to enjoy it for the moment, though, and let her mind have a rest.

She ran her hands over Kocoum's bare chest, exploring those abs that she had admired for quite a while from a distance. He ran a hand over her chest and she decided she could allow that, especially since this was fairly tame, with her being fully clothed and all. Then she felt Kocoum's hand brush her bare outer thigh. At first she thought it might be an innocent gesture, but then his hand moved to her inner thigh. He ran his hand up and down it a couple of times, massaging her leg, until she stopped him.

"Um… sorry, I just," she swallowed, feeling extremely awkward. "I don't think… I'm quite ready to go there yet."

Nakoma knew in this day and age dating for three weeks was practically a lifetime, but she was kind of a traditional girl in some ways, and she felt as though she wanted to wait at least a couple of months. She hadn't really given the idea much consideration, as she hadn't expected it to come up so soon. In retrospect, it seemed a bit naïve.

"Sorry, I—" Kocoum seemed suddenly uncomfortable. "I shouldn't have assumed."

Suddenly there was a tenseness in the room and Nakoma didn't exactly feel welcome anymore. She grabbed her purse, which had fallen to the floor, and began walking backwards towards Kocoum's bedroom door.

"I should really… head home now," Nakoma said.

"I'll give you a ride," Kocoum said, standing and heading towards his dresser.

"No, no, that's alright," Nakoma said, forcing a smile. "You're all undressed, and it's not too far a walk. It's a, um, nice night anyway, so… Yeah. I'll be going now. See you tomorrow at school?"

She said goodbye and hurried down the stairs before Kocoum could put up any kind of protest. She felt relieved once she reached the outside and began heading home. Alone, she felt much more clear-headed and she began to consider the night's events. The fancy restaurant. The flowers. Kocoum's uncharacteristic sweetness. His reaction to the spill. His parent's conspicuous absence.

The thought formulated itself: Did he plan this whole thing?

Nakoma felt as though the color had drained from her face, and she was glad to be alone. Thinking about the night as a whole, she started to feel a bit used. It almost seemed as though Kocoum had been trying to butter her up, maybe so that she would feel obligated to… She didn't like to think about it. She wished she could call Pocahontas and talk it over, see if maybe she was just imagining things. Pocahontas was always the one who she called with problems and things like this. She had other friends, sure, but none she felt even remotely as close to as she did to Pocahontas. When she got home and crawled into bed, she pulled out her phone and wrote a message:

Can we meet tomorrow morning?

Her finger hovered over the send button for a moment, and then she finally hit it before she could give herself time to change her mind. She put the phone down, closed her eyes and hugged her pillow. After just a few moments, the phone buzzed and saw the light from the screen through her eyelids. She opened her eyes and looked at the screen.

Yes.

Nothing else had been said besides the two text messages the night before, so Nakoma assumed it would be the usual meeting place—right outside the main entrance. She got there earlier than usual, feeling anxious, and sat at a bench. She looked at her phone nervously, though nothing was happening except the numbers changing every sixty seconds.

"Hey."

Nakoma looked up. Pocahontas was standing in front of her. Nakoma's face lit up as she saw her friend.

"Pocahontas," she said warmly, standing and giving the girl a hug, which was returned weakly. "Sit with me."

Pocahontas obliged, sitting next to Nakoma on the bench.

"So… why did you want to meet me?"

"I miss you," Nakoma said.

Pocahontas looked touched for a moment, "I miss you, too."

"I've wanted to… call you asking for advice so many times, like we usually do," Nakoma said. "But I thought maybe you were angry with me."

Pocahontas shrugged.

"What did you need advice about?" she asked.

"It's about… well, it's about Kocoum," Nakoma said.

"Oh?" Pocahontas said, looking interested.

"Yeah, um…" Nakoma said. "Well, you know, we've been dating for three weeks, and… I mean, I'm definitely really into him and everything…"

"Oh," Pocahontas said, and Nakoma decided to overlook the disappointed sound she heard.

"Anyway," she continued. "Last night he took me on this really nice date and everything, but then… Well, long story short he tried to sleep with me afterwards and I just feel like… Like maybe all the nice things he did yesterday were just… well, so he could get into my pants."

Pocahontas seemed to be more interested in her fingernails now then in Nakoma's story, "So what did you do?"

"Well, I left, obviously," Nakoma said.

"So you didn't sleep with him?" Pocahontas asked.

"No, of course not," Nakoma said.

"Well, why not?" Pocahontas was looking at her watch now.

"Pocahontas, were you even listening?"

"Yeah, I've got to get to class now, so, um… It was nice, uh, catching up and everything. I guess I'll see you later."

Pocahontas left before Nakoma could get another word in. Nakoma sat at the bench in shock for a few moments. Pocahontas had never given her the cold shoulder before. Never. She could not fathom why she was acting this way. Surely it had something to do with the issue between them, but Nakoma did not ever expect Pocahontas to handle it like this. It was like she was losing her best friend fast and she had no idea how to make it stop.

By the final period of the day, Nakoma had gone through several different stages of distress, and now she was just feeling a bit cross. She sat in pre-calc trying not to tap her fingernails on the desk with impatience. She found herself continually glancing at the clock. She looked around at her classmates and couldn't help but find herself wondering. There were the two blondes, Ella and Aurora. Ella had been dating Charm since Homecoming. That was almost a week and a half ago. Had they done it? And what about Aurora and all the guys she had dated—how many of them had she slept with?

Nakoma turned and looked in the other direction. There was that guy Eric. He was dating that Vanessa girl, wasn't he? They had to be having sex. She bitterly looked around the classroom, playing this unhealthy game with everyone who had romantic attachments. She shook her head at herself, trying to tell herself to stop it. Finally, the bell rang and she dashed quickly out of the classroom. She saw Kocoum up ahead in the hallway and shouted after him. He stopped and let her catch up. She pulled him over to a corner. He looked at her with surprise as she pulled him down to whisper in his ear.

"Can we go someplace… private?"

"I… uh," Kocoum seemed a bit flustered. "Well my parents are home today, so I, um…"

"You have a car, don't you?" Nakoma said forwardly.

"Yeah… Yeah, I suppose I do," Kocoum said, nodding.

"Good," Nakoma smiled. "Let's go."

She took Kocoum's hand and turned. For a moment she caught a glimpse of Pocahontas down the hallway, watching them. Then she had dashed out of sight. In that moment, Nakoma felt a small pang of guilt, but it was fleeting. Soon it had been washed away by a mix of other emotions. Either way, she had made her decision and nothing was going to stop her now.