Chapter 22

December 1870 – St. Louis

"You're sure you don't wanna join us in March?" Tommy James asked, handing Daniel a wad of bills as payment for coming along to St. Louis. Daniel pushed the money back into Tommy's hands as if to say "keep it."

"No, I think I'm gonna go back to Nevada…settle down." He glanced toward a store window, where Carrie was standing still and looking in at a beautiful teal-colored gown…one that would bring out the beauty of her eyes.

"Well, if ya change your mind we could really use ya," Tommy pointed out. He turned to Carrie, and he sighed softly. "She's been real happy these past few days. I can't put my finger on it, but I think havin' you around is cheerin' her up." He coughed and spat on the sidewalk. "I'm goin' back to the hotel. Ya might want to turn in early if you're leavin' tomorrow." Daniel nodded and shook hands with Tommy. "See ya around, Danny Boy." Tommy chuckled and walked off, jingling the coins in his pocket and whistling an annoying tune he'd picked up on the cattle drive. Daniel couldn't recall what the song was called, but he'd heard it enough over the past week.

When he glanced back at Carrie, she was still admiring the beautiful dress. So, he walked up behind her and cleared his throat. She realized he was there and whipped around on her heels. Her eyes immediately darted around behind him, and for only a moment, she looked like a cornered animal. But, when she saw it was Daniel, she calmed and shifted her weight.

"Where'd Pa go?"

"Went back to the hotel. I can walk ya back. I got a early start tomorrow."

"Right," Carrie said, trying to mask the disappointment in her voice. "You're goin' home tomorrow." He nodded uncomfortably, placing his thumbs inside of his pockets, shifting his weight to one side. Carrie grinned a little bit. "Don't matter what ya do. You're a cowboy at heart." Daniel laughed and shook his head.

"Saw ya lookin' at that dress."

"It reminds me of a dress I saw a long time ago," she said thoughtfully, turning back toward the large glass window. "When I was real little, maybe three or four, and I snuck into this opera house. I saw this lady with hair so blonde it was yellow. Her skin was so white…like one of them china dolls. Her face was all painted up, and the dress she had on made her look so beautiful. I always wanted to look like that. But, I got stuck with dark hair…two different color eyes, and I'd never look right in somethin' like that." She sighed heavily and leaned her back against the window.

"I think you're pretty just the way ya are." Carrie turned her gaze up at him. "Ya know, for a cowgirl anyway." Carrie rolled her eyes, deciding to accept the compliment rather than dwell on it.

"I could never wear that anyway."

"Says who?"

"Says me. That's who," she said defiantly. "That ain't me." Daniel looked at the dress, and he glanced at Carrie. "What? What's that look in your eye?" With a mischievous smile, Daniel started for the door of the boutique.

"Ya comin'?"

"No!" she replied. "I ain't goin' in there!"

"Too girly for ya?" He chuckled, turning toward the door again. When he disappeared inside, Carrie groaned in frustration, but she smiled to herself before opening the door and following him inside.

December 1870 – Colorado Springs

Charlotte and Michaela huddled into the boarding house to keep warm, and each held a piping hot coffee cup in their hands. Charlotte could tell that Michaela's mind was elsewhere, however, and she decided to keep talking.

"It wasn't 'til I met my ex-husband that I moved out west," she explained, thinking about the man that had come into her life like a twister and swept her off of her feet. She'd fallen for his charms, and as she had learned over time, many other young ladies had as well.

"When did your husband pass?" Michaela wondered, her thoughts jumbled; her mind worried about Sully. She and Charlotte slowly sat down at the table. Charlotte let out a dry laugh.

"He didn't. He decided right after Brian was born that he was too young to be saddled with a family. Ran off to San Francisco with some young thing. Michaela should her head in disgust. "That's somethin' Brian and Johnny got in common. They don't remember their pa's." She cleared her throat. "Anyway, got the divorce papers a couple years later, and here we are."

"I'm sorry, Charlotte," Michaela sympathized, as she took a sip of coffee.

"That's one thing 'bout that man you got that you'll never have to worry about. Sully loves with his whole heart. He never gives up on love." She shook her head. "Even when things with Abagail got real bad, he worked to be a better husband and pa. That's why Loren cares for him so much. He saw Abagail was hurtin', and he saw Sully do everything in his power to make her happy. Since Sully's been gone, Loren's done some soul searchin'. He's not the same man he used to be…I'd say he's better. I think losin' Sully from his life taught him somethin' about himself…" Michaela smiled warmly.

"I know that Sully's a good man. You don't have to convince me of that." She hummed a soft breath. "I met him a few months after he lost his family. We…we were best friends." Charlotte grinned.

"I seen the way he looks at ya. You'd be a fool to let him go."

"I don't plan on it," Michaela laughed. She glanced at the mantle clock. "What time do you suppose it is?"

"'Bout time for school to let out, I reckon." Michaela nodded nervously. Charlotte finished her up of coffee and stood to go to the washbasin. She figured that she'd wash the cup up for Grace and save her some time. Michaela finished hers off too and handed it to Charlotte. "Have ya set a weddin' date yet?" Michaela frowned for a moment.

"Not yet," she admitted. Charlotte nodded.

"I think that's good. You're seein' how things go. See, when I got married, me and Ethan only knew each other for 'bout a month." That name struck a chord inside of Michaela, and she glanced curiously at Charlotte.

"Ethan?"

"Ethan Cooper," she repeated with a tired nod. She glanced at Michaela who now had her hand over her mouth. "What? You heard of him?" Flashes of the older gentleman on the train came seeping back from the back of her mind. Ethan Cooper. Ethan. Lillian. James. The baby.

"Heard of him? I've met him!" Charlotte's jaw dropped.

"Tall fella with dark hair?" The older woman thought it was too good to be true.

"It's graying now, but yes. He was with a woman…she was probably younger than me."

"Couldn't be the same woman." Charlotte pondered for a moment. "Last I heard, he was with some new gal named Lila…Lillian. Maybe that was…"

"Lillian." Michaela nodded. "Yes. That was her."

"Where'd ya meet them?" Now Michaela wasn't quite sure what to say, but she muddled through it.

"I…I met them on a train to San Francisco," she said nervously before clearing her throat. She looked toward the front window, her hands fidgeting with the sides of her skirt. Charlotte knew that behavior all too well.

"What ain't ya tellin' me? I know that look. I've seen it before. You're like one of the children when they don't like somethin' I cook but don't wanna hurt my feelin's." She walked across the room to stand beside the lady doctor. "We don't know each other very well yet, but you can tell me."

"Charlotte, I…I don't know how to…" How was she supposed to tell this woman that her ex-husband had not only moved on but had at least two other children? "I met them, because Mrs. Cooper was in labor." Charlotte's eyes widened in surprise.

"Mrs. Cooper? Re-married and a pa again, huh?" She shook her head with a dry laugh. "I imagine he'll be wantin' the kids to come visit and meet their new…" Michaela shifted uncomfortably. "What?"

"Well…as far as I know, she was having their…second child…a girl. They had a little boy with them too." The look on Charlotte's face turned from one of annoyance to one of anger. She slowly untied her apron and tossed it down on the table. She started to pace, and Michaela wondered if she should say something. Should she do something?

"He didn't even have the decency to tell his own kids they have a little brother and sister. I never expected him to be that low, and he's done a lot of cowardly things in his day." She ran her fingers through the frazzled locks that had fallen out of the clip behind her head. "I'm sorry, Doc. Ya don't need to be hearin' my life story. I'm know ya got plenty of other things to worry 'bout."

"That's fine, Charlotte," Michaela said with a smile. "I'd like to meet your children."

"Colleen and Brian'll be home just as soon as school's out. Ya already met Matthew, but you'll have more time to get to know him." Charlotte smiled a little. "Thanks for tellin' me, Doc. I know it wasn't an easy thing to do, but I appreciate it.

At that moment, the school bell rang, letting Charlotte know that the Reverend was letting the children out of school. Michaela stood and moved toward the window, pulling back the curtains. She could already see a few school children running down the dirt streets, eager to get home and tell their parents all about their day at school. She smiled, remembering her own school days. She hadn't been very popular with the other students, but she'd always found something positive to say about her experiences.

"C'mon, Doc. You can keep busy by helpin' me with supper." Michaela's face paled, and she turned to Charlotte. Charlotte grinned. "What? Ain't you ever cooked before?"

"Oh, I've cooked," Michaela replied, "just not well." Charlotte let out a laugh, and Michaela slowly joined her in the kitchen.

"Well, don't worry. Between me and Grace, we'll have you cookin' like a natural in no time." She tossed her a flour-dusted apron, and Michaela slowly tied it around her body. It sharply contrasted with her fancy Boston dress, and Charlotte shook her head. "Might wanna teach ya how to dress more accommodatin' too. Some days get real hot, and you'll want somethin' ya can wear without all them petticoats." Michaela smiled warmly as Charlotte began teaching her things that would be helpful for living in Colorado Springs, but all the while, Sully wasn't too far from her thoughts, and she kept stealing glances out the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of him with his little boy; something he had only dreamed about for so very long.

"School's out. He'll be home any minute. He always goes by Grace's with Brian Cooper first to get a cup of cider. He'll be along..." The schoolhouse bell was singing loud in the distance, and Sully's heart was thumping away in his chest. He felt like he couldn't breathe or move or live at that moment.

"I don't know what to say to him," Sully finally said, looking into Loren's eyes.

"Ya just say what's in your heart. I promise ya…he's been lookin' forward to this for a long, long time. He's asked me to tell him things 'bout ya, and I can only tell so much. It's your turn. It's your turn to tell him what ya can." Loren smiled a little, testing the waters. "Ya know…he even visits Cloud Dancin' from time to time." Sully's attention snapped back to Loren, and his eyes searched his.

"Cloud Dancin'?"

"Now don't look at me like that. After you left, me and Maude vowed that we'd teach the boy what you and Abby would've wanted. Cloud Dancin' came to us after ya left…he told us you were on a journey but would come back someday. I know now…he was right. He was able to tell him things we couldn't, and he goes out there once in a while. That boy adores ya, Sully, and I ain't in no place to keep him from learnin' more."

"Cloud Dancin'?" Sully repeated.

"Ya heard me," Loren said with a dry cough. "Now he'll be here any minute. Ya go down there." Sully felt completely vulnerable; terrified of what might happen.

"What if he's scared? What if he don't know me?"

"He's your boy. He'll know ya. He sleeps with a picture of ya by his bed every night. He talks to ya when he thinks I think he's asleep. He's a good boy. You're 'bout to make his wish come true." Sully couldn't believe he was actually terrified of meeting a child…a child he had helped to create…his child. He finally gathered up his courage and swallowed the lump in his throat. He walked to the door and opened it up. He left the door open a little ways and started down the hallway, feeling ten years of memories, ten years of checking for monsters under the bed, ten years of bedtime stories…it was all there, and he could feel his own absence.

His feet trembled on the stair steps, and his hand gripped the splintered railing. He couldn't move any longer. He could hear laughter nearing the building. He could hear the muffled voice of a child saying goodbye to someone else. He didn't know what to say or think anymore. What if he ruined everything his son had built up in his mind about him? What if he wasn't a good father? What if he couldn't be the man he needed to be for his son's sake?

The door rattled, and a pair of hands jerked on the knob. Sully had stopped breathing. He could see the silhouette of the boy through the faded beige curtains.

"Grandpa!" He heard the voice before the door even opened. "I'm home!" When the wooden door flew open, and an energetic little boy came running in, turning his back to close the heavy door, Sully wanted to hide and just watch him for a while. But it was too late. Johnny was already starting to turn around. "Gran—" He froze when he saw the man on the stairs. His little blue eyes stared into identical ones, wiser with age but tender and vulnerable with years of not knowing and of grieving.

The sunlight and shadows played across the room, and Johnny squinted, stepping a little closer and dropping his book bundle to the floor. It landed heavily, rattling the glass on top of the counter.

Sully swallowed hard, but nothing went down. His mouth was completely dry, and his heart was beating so fast that it seemed to be draining every ounce of energy out of his body. He was shaking, however, because those soft blue eyes, and that strong-willed spirit was staring back at him. This was his son. His heart recognized him.

Sully was able to gather up the strength to move down a couple of steps and into better sight of the boy. He couldn't believe how different he was. He was a growing boy of ten…but something about him was still baby-like. Sully could still see the same spirit he'd seen when he'd looked into his son's eyes ten years ago.

"I…" He tried to speak, but the words cracked and fell to pieces. The boy stepped a little bit closer.

Johnny wasn't sure if he should believe his eyes. He'd dreamed of this moment since before he could remember. Was this really his father, or was he just imagining it? He knew one way to be sure. He closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them again, the man was still there. This wasn't a dream. This was real. This was what he'd been waiting on for so long. But he had to be absolutely sure. He bit his trembling lower lip, much like Abagail did…like Michaela did too, Sully realized, and he stepped a little closer. In a shaky, small voice, he cried out, "Neho'e?" At that moment, Sully's heart fell to pieces. His son. His little boy had grown up without him, and now ten years seemed like ten minutes. Their hearts and minds had connected in that instant, and Sully stepped off of the last step, slowly kneeling to the boy's level with an understanding nod.

"Nae'ha…" Those little blue eyes now flooded with tears, and the child took a few apprehensive steps, but in a moment, he was falling into his father's arms, wrapping his arms strongly around the neck of the man that he couldn't remember being held by.

"Pa," he whispered.

"It's really you." Sully could hardly believe it himself.

"You're really here! I knew it. I knew it!" A little choked sob escaped Johnny's throat. Sully hugged him tighter before pulling away and cupping the boy's face in his hands.

"Let me look at you for a minute." Johnny's tears flowed over his father's fingers for the first time. "Let me look at ya." Johnny sniffled.

"You're here? Ya won't leave?"

Through broken gasps and tears of joy and sorrow together, Sully opened his mouth to speak again. "Never. I'll always be here. I ain't leavin' you ever again." Johnny wiped his own tears away with the backs of his hands. Sully gently touched his soft, brown hair. It was slightly darker than his own, and Sully knew that was because of Abagail.

"I knew you'd come. I been waitin', Pa." Sully pulled him close, standing on shaky legs and holding him close. Johnny held him tighter. "Cloud Dancin' said it'd be soon."

"I'm sorry I wasn't here. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Johnny. I…" He broke again, and his tears dampened his son's shoulder. But neither one of them cared…they were reunited. They were together, and it hadn't even seemed possible until now.

"Grandpa said to be good, 'cause you'd come for me again. I been real good, Pa. I knew you'd come back for me." Sully held his son closer, holding on for dear life. He couldn't explain the feeling of holding a child in his arms…a child he'd believed to be dead for ten years. Here he was…living, breathing…loving him.

"Listen to me," Sully said softly, "I'll never leave ya again. I shoulda known you were…I shoulda…" He choked back a sob, and he finally put his boy down, kneeling in front of him again. "Ya grew up."

"I'm ten now, Pa," Johnny said proudly. He looked down, a rush of energy; a need to make up for lost time was washing over him. "Look what I made!" Sully's watery eyes gazed down, as Johnny pulled something out of his pockets. "Cloud Dancin' taught me…" Sully took the item from his son's hand "I made it for you, Pa. I told 'im I'd give it to ya when we met." His eager fingers placed it into Sully's palm. "Do ya like it?" Sully was speechless for a moment, as he looked down at the imperfect dream catcher. When he looked up into his son's needing eyes, he wrapped his arm around him.

"Ya made this?" Johnny nodded.

"It'll chase away your bad dreams." Sully closed his eyes, remembering the many nights he had lay awake, trying not to let his mind go to the places it always did. The fire. The burning. The screams. The crying.

"I'll keep it with me. Always," Sully vowed. He placed the item in his own pocket, and Johnny smiled proudly.

"I knew you'd come for me. I knew it! Does Grandpa know?" Sully cleared his throat, unable to take his eyes off of his boy…his son.

"He knows," Sully assured him. "He's upstairs restin'." Johnny's eyes fell, and Sully's heart broke.

"Grandpa's sick."

"I know," Sully said softly, trying to see his child's fragile state for what it was. He wanted to be there completely, because in the past, he'd only been there in the boy's heart. He knew this child needed his love and support, and he was going to give him all of that. "He's told me a lot about ya…how…how you're a real good student, and…"

"He told me to make ya proud," Johnny said, sniffling.

"Ya did that, Johnny. I'm real proud of ya." Johnny moved away from his father, and Sully worried that he'd done something wrong. "Johnny…"

"When Grandpa…I mean…" He took a deep breath and turned toward Sully. "Am I gonna live with you now?" Sully cleared his throat. He knew what he wanted, but he also knew that he couldn't come into this boy's life making choices for him that he wasn't ready for.

"That…that's up to you," Sully said quietly. "I know this ain't gonna be easy. Ya don't remember me at all, and Loren's been…he's the one that raised ya up."

"Grandpa said he's been waitin' for you too, 'cause he knows you'll take care of me."

"I will," Sully assured him. Johnny frowned a little. "I don't want ya to go away. I used to have bad dreams that ya came back but…but ya left again."

"That ain't gonna happen, Johnny. I'm here for good. I'm not gonna leave." He knew now that it was going to take a lot more than words to assure him. He needed to prove it.

"You swear?"

"I swear," Sully replied. "C'mere." He pulled the boy in again, and Johnny let out a soft whimper. Sully recognized that whimper. It was almost the same as one he'd let out as an infant; it was one of relief after being comforted from a crying fit. When they finally pulled away, Johnny sniffled again.

"If I go up and see Grandpa, will you still be here when I get back?"

"I will. I'll be down here." Johnny smiled, and he took the steps two by two, looking back to make sure his father wasn't a dream…to make sure he hadn't disappeared. He was still there.

When his son was upstairs, Sully let out a sigh he'd been holding in for ten years. He leaned against the counter, his back trembling, as fresh tears spilled forth, burning his eyes and dripping down onto the glass, distorting his reflection.

Outside, Michaela stood in front of the mercantile, uncertain of whether or not to go in. She wasn't sure what she would find, and she didn't want to intrude. But, Charlotte had finally convinced her that she needed to go. Michaela had the feeling that Sully needed her now. So, she slowly stepped up onto the porch and peered into the window. The sight before her made her heart jump into her throat. She gently placed her fingertips against the glass, feeling the warmth from the shop.

He heard a slight tapping against the glass, and he looked up to see her beautiful eyes full of tears. He quickly moved from the counter and threw open the doors, drawing her into his arms, holding her so close right there on the porch where anybody could see. Curious eyes lingered, while conservative eyes reprimanded them. Sully and Michaela were oblivious.

She could feel his relief, as he heaved sighs of guilt and of revelation.

"Sully," she breathed, taking his hand in hers, when she pulled away. They walked into the shop, closing out the strangers. "How did…"

"He's everything I thought he'd be," Sully said softly. "He…he looks just like me, Michaela. He's so smart. He's such a good kid. I can't…I can't…" Michaela smiled widely.

"You have your little boy, Sully," she whispered, framing his face with her hands. "He's here. You're a father." Her own tears slipped down her face and down her lips, and Sully hugged her again. Sully hadn't been sure he'd ever hear those words again, but now…

"He's so beautiful, Michaela. He's…he's got such a good heart. I can feel it…W"

"Any son of yours would," Michaela pointed out, pulling back from their embrace; holding his hands lovingly in hers. "I can't wait to meet him, but…I can come back. You need this time alone."

"No. I need you here. I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with you. I wanna share this with ya, Michaela. He's…he's gonna love you." Michaela frowned with worry. "I want him to meet ya."

"Sully, I don't know if this is a good idea. I don't want him to…to think anything that…" Sully understood what she was getting at, and he softly kissed her.

"We'll take it slow," he promised. "We got time 'fore we need to decide on a weddin' date. We…we can just take our time, and he'll get used to the idea. I know everything…it's happenin' so fast, and…"

"Sully, this boy has lost everything," Michaela whispered. "He's about to lose his grandfather, and his father is just now back in his life. I'm sure he's very fragile right now." Sully swallowed hard. "I don't want him to think that I'm…trying to replace his real mother." Sully finally understood, and he nodded his head.

"We'll wait a while," he said softly, "but word gets 'round this town fast. We still…we need to tell Loren."

"We will," Michaela said reassuringly, squeezing his hands softly. "We'll tell him together."

Word list:
Neho'e – Father!
Nae'ha – My son.