Chapter 23

December 1870 – Colorado Springs

"Pa?" The sound of footsteps was coming down the stairs, and the boy spotted Sully and Michaela pulling away from one another. Michaela's eyes went wide at the sight of the beautiful little boy. "What's goin' on?" He stepped off of the last stair step and moved across the room. "Who's she?"

"Johnny," Sully said quietly, "this is the new doctor." Johnny glanced at her for a few moments.

"Mr. Bray called you Dr. Mike," Johnny said with a nod. "Hi."

"Hello, Johnny," Michaela said with a smile, sticking her hand out to shake his. He eyed her curiously, but he shook her hand.

"How'd ya know my name?" Michaela stood up slowly, feeling Sully's hand on her back. They were both obviously nervous, and Michaela quickly sought an answer.

"Your Grandpa was talking a lot about you," she said with a nod. Johnny seemed to accept that answer. "Pa, Grandpa said you should come up. He's feelin' kinda weak." Michaela and Sully stole a glance, and Michaela was up the stairs first. Johnny took Sully's hand.

"She's real nice. I'm glad she ain't mean like some doctors," Johnny said thoughtfully. Sully smiled happily.

"Ya like her, huh?"

"She's real pretty," Johnny replied with a nod. "She seems real nice. She got any kids?" Sully cleared his throat.

"Uh…no. Someday, maybe," he replied cautiously. Johnny nodded.

"Okay. Can we go see Grandpa now?" Sully nodded and quickly followed his son up the stairs, his heart pounding a million miles a minute. He hadn't expected his future wife and his son to meet so quickly, but he was glad they had. He only hoped things would be better from then on out.

December 1870 – St. Louis

Carrie looked at herself in front of the full-length mirror in her hotel room. She couldn't believe she was wearing that gorgeous green dress that she'd been admiring in the store window just an hour earlier. She felt guilty that Daniel had paid for it, but she'd felt so radiant in it. She hadn't had quite enough for it, and she had expected him to pay the difference. But, he'd paid for the entire thing.

Now, she was getting ready to change into something comfortable to sleep in, but she wanted to have her fun for a few more minutes. What she didn't know was that Daniel had his own plans.

She twirled around, feeling like she was fifteen again, and she smiled, running her fingers through her long black hair, watching her eyes sparkle in the light of the room. She felt foolish, but she didn't care. She hadn't had this much fun in a long time.

Her hands moved down the bodice of her gown and down the sides of the flowing skirt, picking it up so she could see the shiny black shoes that had come along with it. She felt so proper, but she knew in her heart than she was far from it.

She felt dizzy from spinning around, so she sat down on the edge of her bed, being careful not to wrinkle the skirt. Her hands clasped together in her lap, and she stretched her neck, feeling the strain of years on the cattle drive. Being calm and relaxed felt so much better, and she liked having so much time to think and do whatever she wanted. But, the more she thought, the more she remembered everything she'd gone through and some of the things she had put herself through on the drive.

Tears came to her eyes, but she held them back, not wanting to cry or to risk being caught crying. So, she stood up again and moved to the mirror, wiping the tears from her eyes before they could fall. She picked up her brush and ran it through her hair, feeling the softness there from the soaps she'd used the night before. She felt so comfortable in a dress like this. But, she felt hidden from the world. She knew who she was, and this was only hiding the truth from the rest of the world.

She put her brush away and wrapped her arms around herself, glancing at her figure in the mirror. She turned to the side and sighed softly. Before she could scrutinize herself further, a knock came to her door. She jumped, and she slowly moved across the room in the shoes that seemed to want to cut off the circulation to her feet. She cleared her throat and ran her fingers loosely through her hair.

When she opened the door, her eyes went wide at the sight of Daniel dressed up in a suit with a single rose in his hand.

"What are you doin'?" she asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Somehow I knew you'd still be wearin' that thing," he said with a laugh.

"That don't answer my question," she replied, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Can't a fella get dressed up and take a pretty lady out on the town?"

"Um, who are you, and what have ya done with Daniel Simon?"

"Oh, c'mon. I figured that if you're playin' dress-up, I could too. As long as we're all dressed up, we might as well make the most of it." Carrie smiled a little and shook her head.

"I just don't get you sometimes, Cowboy." Daniel cocked his head to the side, staring into her eyes.

"Why do ya call me that?"

"It suits ya," she pointed out.

"Ya called Sully that." She felt a hint of jealousy in his voice, and that stunned her.

"I was just playin' around, Daniel. Sorry," she said quickly, stepping into the room and starting to shut the door, but his foot quickly stopped the door from shutting in his face.

"Wait." He cleared his throat, wiping a sweaty palm on the side of his pants, while the other shakily held the rose. "I'm sorry. I just… Will ya come out with me tonight?"

"Where to?"

"You'll see. Just come with me?" Carrie pondered her options for a moment.

"Why should I?"

"'Cause I asked ya."

"So that means I gotta say 'yes,' right?" she asked with a laugh. Daniel shook his head, not being able to take his eyes off of hers.

"No it don't," he said quietly. "But I wish ya would..."

"Daniel, ya already bought this dress. I still intend to pay ya back for it."

"No need."

"Yes there is," Carrie retorted. "Daniel, this dress costs too much."

"I got plenty of money. Just…just take it as a gift, all right? Just…accept it." Carrie sighed softly and let her guard down a little.

"Don't go feelin' sorry for me."

"I won't if you'll come out with me tonight." Carrie looked down, trying to find a good reason why she shouldn't. But, she couldn't find one good reason for not wanting to go out with him that night. He was sweet and funny and good company all around. What wasn't to like?

"Fine. Since ya asked so nice, I s'pose I'll come out with ya." She gently took the rose between her fingers.

"Good," Daniel replied, breathing a sigh of relief. They could sense each other's nervousness.

"But ain't you got an early train tomorrow?"

"I can take the late one," he said quickly. Carrie raised an eyebrow.

"Alright, Cowb…Daniel. If you're payin', I'll go." Daniel laughed and nodded his head, holding his arm out. "Wait! I ain't done my hair yet."

"Ya look just fine the way ya are." Carrie felt the tears coming again, but she swore to herself that she wouldn't emotional tonight. She wanted to enjoy herself, and that was exactly what she was going to do.

December 1870 – Colorado Springs

The sun had settled into the horizon, and while Michaela sat at Loren's bedside, Sully sat on the opposite side with Johnny sitting on his knee. Loren had a smile on his face, as he listened to the boy tell his father everything he could possibly remember since his earlier childhood years. Michaela was enjoying listening to the boy's stories as well.

They had met, and Johnny had been very polite to her. They seemed to like one another, but Sully couldn't tell how well they would get along just yet. The boy had been solely focused on his father and getting to know him. Michaela didn't mind though. She liked hearing the two talking. It warmed her heart to know that Sully still had a son, and they were already bonding.

Loren tried to suppress a chuckle, as he watched Michaela and Sully eye one another from time to time. He could see something between them, and he saw the ring that Michaela had flipped around to hide the diamond. He knew they were together, and they were waiting for the right time to tell him. It amused him how oblivious they thought he was, but he knew they were only trying to protect him. He appreciated their efforts, but they certainly weren't necessary. He'd had years to accept the fact that his Abby was gone. He knew that his grandson deserved a happy home with two parents. He wanted to be assured that that boy would have such a thing before he could pass. He wanted his last moments on earth to be of seeing his grandson happy.

"And Cloud Dancin' told us 'bout the white buffalo," Johnny finished. Sully chuckled to himself. He hadn't heard his son take a breath for at least a minute, and he had started to get worried.

"Why don't ya save some stories for tomorrow, boy?" Loren asked tiredly.

"But…but, I might forget by then," Johnny pointed out. Michaela and Sully shared a smile between them.

"Ain't you got homework to do?" Loren asked as sternly as he could sound, but that didn't sound so strong.

"But, can't it wait?" Johnny asked. Sully squeezed his son's shoulder.

"Loren's right," he said with a nod. "Ya need to keep up with your schoolin'."

"But Pa…"

"Go on. I'll come check on ya in a few minutes." Johnny nodded slowly.

"Do I gotta go to school tomorrow?"

"Yes, boy," Loren insisted. "Your Pa's home for good now. You'll have plenty of time with him after ya get home tomorrow." Johnny sighed heavily and stood up.

"Alright," he agreed. He reluctantly left the room and went to do his homework. Michaela yawned softly and checked Loren's pulse again. She had drained a portion of the fluid from Loren's lungs earlier, and he seemed to be doing better.

"How are you feeling, Mr. Bray?"

"Better," he said quietly. His color was a little better too. Michaela smiled.

"Good. That's what I like to hear." She gave Sully a sad but encouraging smile to tell him that Loren might be around a little longer than she initially expected, though that was still uncertain.

"Johnny's real glad to have ya here," Loren said quietly, looking at Sully. "I'm glad you're here. Ya got here just in time…"

"Loren," Sully started, "I don't know how to thank ya for…for everything."

"Don't thank me. Takin' care of Johnny was the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. Leavin' everything to you…well, that makes me feel better. You're a good man, Sully, and I know you'll give him a good life."

"I will," Sully said, feeling the lump rising in his throat.

"It's getting late," Michaela said quietly, realizing she hadn't slept much in the past twenty-four hours. "I'm supposed to stay at Charlotte's boarding house tonight, but I could…"

"Don't think anything of it. The both of ya have come a long way. Charlotte's beds are comfortable enough, and all I got is a couple lousy cots that've been around since I was Johnny's age. If I need anything, I'll send the boy."

"Loren, I could stay," Sully offered.

"I know. But, ya need to sleep. Both of ya do. But, I'll expect ya to be here in the mornin' to see Johnny off to school." Sully smiled a little.

"I'll be here," Sully promised. Michaela picked up her medical bag, and both she and Sully started for the door.

"So when were ya gonna tell me?" Loren asked out of the blue. Both turned to face his bed.

"I beg your pardon?" Michaela wondered.

"When were ya gonna tell me that the two of ya are getting married?" Sully and Michaela glanced at each other briefly before turning their attention back to Loren. "Don't try to deny it. I know. I seen the way you two look at each other. The ring…I saw it too."

"Loren," Sully said, clearing his throat.

"Now look here," he said sternly, causing Michaela and Sully to prepare themselves for the worst. "I've had a long, long time to think 'bout what the future holds, and now I know. I ain't got much time left in this world, and I don't wanna spend it bein' angry or bitter. I ain't either of those two things. What I want is to know that my grandson is gonna have a good family to look after him when I'm gone." Sully slowly walked toward the bed.

"He's gonna have that, Loren. I…I want ya to know that it took me ten years to get to where I am now. I loved Abby with all my heart, ya know?" Loren nodded understandingly.

"I know," Loren said softly, as Michaela shifted uncomfortably in the doorway. "She loved you too, and no matter what, she'd have wanted ya to move on…be happy."

"I am," Sully said quietly, glancing over his shoulder at Michaela. She smiled nervously. "Took me too long to realize what I had…and I nearly lost it. I ain't goin' through that again." Loren motioned toward Michaela.

"C'mere." She stepped forward apprehensively, and Loren cleared his throat. "I don't know ya very well at all, but I know that if my grandson's pa loves ya, ya gotta be somethin' special. My Abby woulda liked you."

"Mr. Bray…Sully and I have decided not to tell Johnny right away…we don't want to worry him or…"

"The boy's gonna find out sooner or later. Word gets around town fast."

"We'll tell him as soon as we get the chance to really sit down with him. He's been through a lot lately," Sully said quietly, feeling guilty for causing such a turn of events in the boy's young life.

"He's gonna be fine," Loren said with a promising nod. "All three of ya will. You'll see."

Johnny chewed on his lower lip, as he finished the last few sentences of his homework assignment. He'd completely re-written his essay, and this one was now centering on his father coming back into his life. He couldn't wait to read it to his pa.

A knock came to his door, and he looked over to see Sully standing there.

"All finished, Pa," Johnny said proudly.

"Good. It's pretty late. What time does your grandpa send ya to bed?"

"'Round now," Johnny admitted. "I ain't tired though." Sully smiled and moved to kneel beside his son's chair.

"But ya gotta be up early for school."

"I know," Johnny answered, "but I'd rather stay home with you tomorrow."

"The weekend's comin' up. Whaddya say me and you spend all Saturday together?" Sully wondered.

"Ya mean it!"

"Sure I do," Sully replied. "We got some things to talk about."

"I'm ain't in trouble, am I?" Sully grinned and shook his head.

"Ya ain't in trouble," he assured him. "I just got some things I need to tell ya, and I think it'll take more than a few minutes."

"Oh. Ok, Pa," Johnny said with a quick nod.

"You get ready for bed now."

"I will." Johnny wrapped his arms around Sully's neck and hugged him tightly.

"I'll see ya first thing in the mornin'." Sully reluctantly let his son go, and he kissed the top of his head.

"G'nite, Pa."

"G'nite," Sully answered before shutting the bedroom door. Michaela was waiting on the landing of the stairs, and she smiled, when she saw the look of relief and happiness in Sully's eyes. She reached for his hand, and he took it, and they left the mercantile together.

Once outside, Sully pulled Michaela close to shield out some of the cold.

"It feels like a dream," Sully said softly, looking up at the cloudy sky. "Loren gave us his blessin'…I got my son back. I almost didn't wanna leave."

"You could still stay."

"I know. Johnny needs time though," he realized. "I don't wanna crowd him too much, even though I just wanna take him and hold him forever." Michaela smiled.

"I'm so happy for you, Sully," Michaela said softly, leaning in closer for his warmth.

"I can't believe Loren left it all to me. I just…when Abby and the kids…well, I didn't know how I was gonna give 'em a future. But, Michaela, we got enough money to build us a nice house…put Johnny through school and have a little left over."

"We?"

"It's your money too. It's our money, Michaela. You're gonna be my wife. You're a part of this now." Michaela nodded slowly, as they crossed the street and turned a corner to the boarding house. Once on the porch, Sully pulled Michaela into a slow, sensual kiss that left her breathless. When they pulled away, Sully leaned his forehead against hers and chuckled softly. "I been wantin' to do that all day." Michaela giggled, and their lips met again under the light of the moon, and at the same time, both silently realized that they hadn't needed the guidance of their star in quite some time. They had each other now, and they had found their way.

"He does need to know. Loren's right," Michaela said softly, as they opened the back door to the boarding house. They warmed themselves in the darkness of the room for a few moments, keeping quiet as to not wake Charlotte or the children.

"On Saturday…we'll tell him together." Michaela nodded. "I need a little time with him."

"I agree," Michaela whispered. "I want him to be comfortable, and if he's not, he might not…"

"He likes ya, Michaela. I could see it today. We just gotta give him time." Michaela looked up into his eyes, as he drew her closer.

"How does it feel to have your son?" she asked softly, peering into the darkness just to see his eyes.

"I can't explain it," he said shaking his head. "I never thought it'd be possible, but he's here, Michaela. He's really here." Michaela nodded, gently tracing her thumb over his jaw line, feeling it quiver beneath her touch. Suddenly, worry spread throughout him. "What about you?"

"Me?"

"Ya weren't plannin' on havin' a boy to raise," he said softly. Michaela grinned.

"Not right away, no," she responded, "but if he's anything like his father, he'll be a wonderful part of our family." Relief filled his entire being. He didn't want to lose either one of them. He knew Michaela's heart, but he had wanted to make sure to ask her. She and Johnny were the most important people in his life, and he wanted her to realize that.

"Thanks for bein' here with me."

"I'll always be here," she promised. "Always." With that, he pulled her closer, needing to feel her against him again. She hesitated, looking for any signs of prying eyes, before she gave in to his touch and opened her lips to his.

His hands moved from her face to her neck to her shoulders and down, down, down to her hips. He pulled her closer, gently caressing her back and feeling her heart beating in time against his.

When Michaela allowed an eager moan to escape her throat, her cheeks flushed furiously, but she continued to let him kiss her, feeling his lips and tongue move against her own. That single moan held so many promises for the future, and it only made him want to kiss her…hold her…make love to her even more.

"Sully," she whispered, finally gaining her composure and pushing gently on his chest. They broke from their kiss, and Sully's eyes peered down into hers. "We should get some sleep." He nodded, smiling a little. His thumb brushed against her swollen lips, feeling the heat between them still there. She gently kissed the pad of his thumb, and he pulled her in, holding her close for a moment, stroking her soft hair with his hand. "Things are going to be different," Michaela concluded. Sully sighed softly.

"It don't change anything. We're still getting married, Michaela. I want ya in my life, and…"

"Sully, if Johnny doesn't…"

"Shh," Sully urged, kissing her again. "We got plenty of time, Michaela." Tears welled in her eyes, and she nodded.

"I suppose so. I just…I want things to be perfect." She chuckled a little. "I know perfect is next to impossible, but these past couple of weeks, Sully…I wouldn't give them up for the world."

"Me neither," he assured her. "I love you, Michaela."

"I love you too," she breathed, kissing his lips for only a moment, making herself pull back before she could go too far. Hand in hand, they ascended the stairs and kissed goodnight once more before retiring to their separate rooms.

Michaela felt happy, but at the same time, she couldn't help but feel that the warm welcome they had received wouldn't continue for very much longer. Things couldn't be this easy, could they?

Meanwhile, as Sully stretched out across the still made bed in his room, he closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands. His return to Colorado Springs had been much different than he'd imagined, and not only was he mostly welcomed back, but he had a son. He had a son and Loren's blessing to marry Michaela. What more could he ask for? He couldn't help but wonder if it was all too good to be true.

August 1860 – Colorado Springs

Jake's head was spinning, as he threw a leg off the horse and tried to find his footing. Instead, he tumbled right onto the ground. He hit his knees, luckily, because his head was already pounding from the whiskey.

He could see the warm glow of a fire inside of the homestead, and he wondered what coming home to that every night would be like. Sully knew. Well, he would if he came home every night.

Jake took a swig of whatever he'd filled his flask with that day, and he placed it back in his pocket, trying to straighten out his shirt and dust the dirt off of his pants.

He could hear the cries of two little girls inside, and through the window he could see Abagail moving from room to room, trying to calm the girls and get them into bed.

He swallowed hard and took a deep breath. Slowly, he stumbled up the porch steps and knocked on the door. He heard the girls continue to cry, but footsteps were nearing the door. When it swung open, Abagail greeted him with an exasperated smile.

"Jake! What're you doin' here?"

"I came to talk," he said quietly, his hands shaking in his pockets. Abagail sighed softly, smelling the whiskey on his breath.

"Jake…not now. You're drunk, and my girls are sick."

"Please?" he begged. "Just for a few minutes?" Abagail heard Hanna let out a scream inside, and she cautiously motioned for him to come in.

"Well, let me get the girls tucked in. You just sit down. I'll be back in a minute." Jake nodded solemnly and moved inside, taking in the warmth of the home. Abagail scooped up both girls and carried them up the stairs, struggling with them, as they kicked and screamed.

Jake saw the a few pictures on the mantle. One was Sully and Abagail's wedding portrait. Another was one done after the girls were born. They'd had one taken a week ago with baby Johnny, but Loren had that at the store, and he was waiting for the frame to come in.

He could hear her voice floating down the stairs melodiously, as she sang the girls to sleep. Her voice wasn't perfect at all, but it was beautiful to him.

Soon, all was quiet upstairs, and Jake tried hard to focus on the sound of her footsteps. When she finally came back downstairs, he tried to stand, but he failed miserably.

"Stay there. I'll make ya some coffee." She didn't look him in the eye, and she passed through the room and into the kitchen, where a pot of coffee steamed on top of the stove. She poured him a cup and placed it in front of him.

"Thanks," he muttered. Abagail slowly sat down across from him, picking at a loose string on her sleeve.

"What brings ya out here, Jake? Don't see ya out here much when Sully's here."

"Ya know why," Jake slurred, sipping at the hot liquid. Abagail sighed heavily.

"What's goin' on?"

"I just needed…to…to talk to ya. That's all. Needed to see ya. Had a bad feelin'." Abagail cleared her throat, and her entire body tensed. "Ya got my letters? Ya read 'em?"

"You gave 'em to me, Jake. 'Course I got 'em. I read 'em too." Several moments passed in silence.

"Well…what…what'd ya think of 'em?"

"I…I think you're getting real good with words." Jake looked down into his coffee cup.

"Ya know what I mean." He took another drink, and he closed his eyes, the pounding growing stronger.

"Jake, I can't answer that," she said softly. "I'm married. I'm a mother. I got a life here, and…"

"And he's not here!" Jake blurted out, spreading out his arms, his eyes full of pain and need and worry.

"That's not his fault, Jake. He's helpin' somebody that needs him. Ya know Sully. He's a good man."

"What about you? You're a good woman, Abagail. Ya need somebody here."

"He's doin' what he can to support us, Jake! I can't ask any more of him." Jake shook his head.

"Ya can ask a lot more!"

"Sully loves us, Jake. He's the man I love; the man I married. I don't want…"

"Ya deserve better than what he can give ya."

"Better?" Abagail shook her head, standing up. "Do you think you're what I deserve?" Her eyes dared him, and he stood slowly.

"Ya know how I feel about ya."

"I do," she said softly, "but I don't feel the same, Jake. What…what this is…it can't be more than what it is."

"Why not?"

"'Cause I'm married, and I love my husband!" she exclaimed.

"Mama!" Two pair of eyes stared back at her from the stairs. Abagail sighed with frustration.

"Girls, I just put ya in bed."

"Can't sleep," Lily cried. Abagail started to go to the girls, but Jake reached out, putting his hands on her shoulders.

"Wait," he pleaded.

"Stop, Jake!" she insisted. "I need to go to my girls!"

"Just wait…I need to tell you, Abagail!" He was stuttering in his drunkenness now. Lily and Hanna cowered on the landing of the stairs, frightened at the strange man's outburst.

"Stop, Jake! Just calm down, and I'll be back…"

"No! I…I love you! I can love ya more than…"

"No!" she screamed. "Stop, Jake! Just stop!"

"But…"

"Mama!" Hanna cried. "No hurt Mama!"

"Abagail, I could…"

"Just get out!" His hands tightened on her shoulders.

"No. Please…please listen!" His head was spinning now.

"Just get out, please!" Abagail was more terrified for her little girls than for herself. She knew Jake would never hurt her, but she couldn't take the chance of her little ones getting hurt.

"I love you, Abagail. Please…" She pushed him off of her and moved toward the door. He followed.

"Get away from me. Get away from my children! I could never love you! Never!" Her heart was racing, and her entire body was frustrated and exhausted. She cared for Jake, but she couldn't let him hurt her family. It was already fragile enough as it was. She knew what she had to do now. "Get out! You're drunk. You're nothing but a drunk. You'll never change." Her words stung him, and he couldn't speak any longer. He saw the hurt in her eyes, and it reflected the same hurt in his own. "Just leave. Please. Please."

He couldn't speak any longer. His heart was too broken, and his mind was too drunk. He stumbled out the door, and he could hear the lock turning behind him. He could hear the girls crying and Abagail's own sobs, as he slowly climbed back up onto his horse and rode away, knowing he'd never forget the look in her eyes when she told him she would never love him.