Chapter 26

December 1870 – Colorado Springs

"I can't do this," Michaela breathed, pacing the kitchen of the boarding house. "I can't sit here and wait. I want to go after him. I want to make sure they're not hurt…"

"You can't even ride a horse." Michaela flashed Charlotte an exasperated glance.

"Can't I?" Michaela asked briskly. Charlotte raised an eyebrow. Michaela frowned and crossed her arms across her chest. "I can ride. I just haven't had much experience."

"You ain't doin' 'em any good by goin' and getting yourself hurt," Charlotte scolded.

"What if they get hurt?"

"Nothin' is gonna happen to them. Ya hear me? Ya just relax." Charlotte stooped down to grab a few potatoes from underneath the counter, and when she stood up, she swooned and leaned heavily on the table.

"Charlotte?" Michaela rushed to her side.

"It's nothin'," Charlotte assured her.

"How often has this been happening?" Michaela asked, pulling out her stethoscope.

"Off and on for the past few weeks," Charlotte admitted, trying to regain her breath.

"Just breathe, Charlotte. I'm going to listen to your heart." Charlotte flinched when Michaela pressed the cold instrument to her chest. She studied the doctor's face, and Michaela's eyes looked down.

"What is it, Doc? I can take it," she said softly. Michaela slowly pulled the listening pieces from her ears. "I'm dyin', ain't I?" Michaela shook her head.

"Not necessarily. You have an arrhythmia."

"What's that?" Michaela cleared her throat and chose her words carefully.

"The heart is like a pump, Charlotte. There are four chambers, and it pumps blood throughout your body. Normally, the heart pumps at its own pace, but an arrhythmia is when that normal sequence of heartbeats is interrupted or changed. It can be only momentarily, but…it could be more serious."

"Mine's serious?"

"It can be treated," Michaela said quietly, pulling a small packet from her bag. "This is Digitalis. Anytime you feel pain in your chest or you feel like you just did now, take a pinch and it'll slow your racing heart." Charlotte eyed her cautiously.

"You sure about this?" Michaela smiled.

"Yes. Very sure. As soon as my supplies arrive, which will hopefully be soon, I'll have more."

"What do I owe ya?" Michaela shook her head again.

"This one is on me." Charlotte smiled gratefully.

"Thanks, Doc," she said softly. Michaela put her instruments away, and she realized she hadn't thought about Sully in those few minutes. With a heavy sigh, she moved toward the window and gazed out at the afternoon. People were bustling from shop to shop, and mothers were pacing around with infants clutched to their chests. She wondered if Johnny's mother had done the same with him.

"Charlotte?" Michaela turned toward Charlotte, who was studying the little packet of medicine.

"Hmm?"

"Do you think Johnny could ever accept me?" Charlotte smiled a little.

"Some children don't take well to change, but once in a while, they get used to an idea. He liked ya, Doc. He's just goin' through a lot right now. He's a good boy. I've known him all his life. He'll come around. He's like his pa. He needs time." Michaela nodded slowly and moved toward the window. She only hoped it didn't take him ten years too.

Sully's horse let out a wheezing whinny, and he slowed him down to a stop. Robert E. came rushing around the bend on his horse.

"Whoaaaaa," he called. Slowly, his horse stopped, and he trotted over to Sully. Sully was surveying the land, and he knew he was looking for any sign of his son.

"Ya think he came out this far?"

"I think he went farther," Sully replied, pointing to a line of trees. "Just past there."

"That's the Cheyenne Reservation."

"I know that."

"Ya think he went all the way there?"

"Loren said that Johnny and Cloud Dancin' were close. That's probably the only place he thought he could go." Sully inhaled sharply and coughed, feeling the icy air bite his lungs.

"Sully, we ought to be careful."

"They won't hurt us."

"Maybe not you, but I'm a stranger, Sully," Robert E. warned. Sully shook his head again.

"You're with me. They won't hurt you."

"Ya been gone a long time. There've been attacks…they don't trust as easily, Sully."

"They'll trust me," Sully replied quickly. He nudged his horse on, and Robert E. shook his head before reluctantly following behind his friend.

"Neho'eehe. Ehoo'e." The little boy collapsed into his Cheyenne father's arms. Cloud Dancing scooped him up.

"Ehaomohtahe!" he cried. Several Cheyenne gathered, and Cloud Dancing instructed them to prepare a teepee. He then carried the boy to his own tent. Johnny moaned, as Cloud Dancing wiped the sweat from his brow. The boy was shivering in his thin coat, and Cloud Dancing quickly wrapped the boy in warm furs.

"Byron," Johnny muttered tiredly.

"We are taking care of your horse. You must worry about yourself now. You must heal."

"Pa…" Cloud Dancing brushed the hair out of the boy's eyes.

"Rest now. We will find your father."

"He'll find me," Johnny whispered, closing his eyes. "He'll find me…" Cloud Dancing gently tucked the blankets around the boy, making sure he was warm enough. He stepped out of the teepee and looked around, seeing his people struggling to keep warm and reinforce their teepees for the coming storm.

The breeze changed direction, and Cloud Dancing closed his eyes, thinking and searching. He could see him riding furiously through the snow. His heart was full of sorrow and fear. He was healed, yet he was breaking again. At the sound of a whinny in the distance, Cloud Dancing's eyes flew open.

"He is here."

December 1870 – St. Louis

After hours of trying to convince him, Carrie had made Daniel go back to the hotel and get her father. He hadn't been gone more than a half hour when both he and Tommy came walking into the room. Tommy's face was full of fear and worry over his daughter, and Daniel knew they needed some time alone.

"Pa," she whispered softly, slowly sitting up in bed. Daniel swallowed hard and left the room, closing them inside.

"How are ya feelin'?" Tommy asked gently, pushing the hair out of his daughter's face.

"I'm gonna be ok," she said with massive uncertainty in her voice.

"I ain't so sure about that, Carrie," Tommy said softly. "I don't want ya getting hurt again." Carrie had to swallow the urge to ask her father what he meant by hurt. Getting herself pregnant? That was probably what he meant.

"Don't worry 'bout me, Pa," she said quietly. "I'm done with all that."

"Good. So ya won't have no problems with me sendin' ya off with Daniel." Carrie sat up quickly, and despite the pain, she spoke again.

"No! I ain't goin' nowhere."

"Ya ain't fit to be on the cattle drive no more. It's time for ya to see the world. Settle down. Start a family." Carrie shook her head.

"Pa…"

"I already bought ya a train ticket for two days from now. Daniel exchanged his, and you're gonna go with him as far as ya can stand. I want ya to send word from the first place ya find that ya like, and I want ya to find yourself a place to live."

"Pa! No!" Carrie demanded. "I ain't…"

"Ya ain't in no shape to be goin' back out there with them cowboys. If I ever find the fella that did this to you, I'll kill him. Who was it, Carrie?" Carrie looked away in shame. She didn't know. She felt disgusting at that very moment. "Carrie, who was it?"

"Pa, please don't do this," she begged. "I don't wanna talk about it. It's over now. It's over." Tommy folded his hands in his lap.

"Carrie, I don't know what else to say to ya. I wish your ma was here…she…" Carrie felt the tears burning her eyes.

"Well, so do I, but she ain't here!" she shouted, surprising even herself. Carrie's eyes flooded over, and she turned to her side. "She left me with you, and I didn't have a choice." Tommy felt that cut him deeply, and Carrie sobbed silently. "Ya brought me there…"

"I thought it was what was best. Ya were my little girl…I was all ya had left…you were all I had left."

"A cattle drive ain't no place for a kid, Pa," she said softly. "No place at all." Tommy stood slowly, and he bent down to kiss the side of his daughter's head.

"I'm sorry I let ya down. I'm sorry, Carrie. You're safe now. I love you…just remember that." He started toward the door, and Carrie's eyes blinked her back to the present.

"Wait," she begged. "Wait, Pa." She pulled back her covers and stumbled out of the bed. Tommy turned back toward her, holding back his emotions. She moved toward him slowly but deliberately, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I love you too." Tommy gently rubbed her back and held her close, knowing this would be the last time he got to do this. He had to go. He couldn't keep her in his life if it was only going to hurt her. It had hurt her too much already. He had to leave.

"Goodbye," he whispered, stroking her long, dark hair. He slowly let her out of his arms, and he couldn't look her in the eye. "Things'll be ok now. I promise." He quickly left the room, and she felt her heart break. He couldn't leave! No! He couldn't.

"Pa!" she cried, after he'd already shut the door. She jerked it open and started out into the hall, but she felt dizzy and collapsed when she saw him round the corner. She reached out, trying to break her fall, but two strong arms caught her first.

"It's alright," he whispered. "I got ya." Daniel scooped her up and held her close. "Let's get you back to bed." Carrie decided not to struggle any longer, and she gave in to her exhaustion. She was free, so why did it hurt so much?

December 1870 – Cheyenne Reservation

As they reached the top of the hill, Sully looked down at the snow-covered reservation, and memories from so long ago came rushing back. Some faces looked new. Some looked older. Several small children ran around, bundled up in warm skins, as the snow started to fall again.

"Ya sure about this?" Robert E. asked, as his horse stamped his hoof impatiently. Sully didn't respond. He merely nudged his horse on, and Robert E. followed behind.

A few Cheyenne children went running to their teepees, shouting "ve'ho'e! Ve'ho'e!" Sully dismounted his horse a few yards away at the tree line, and Robert E. followed his actions. Sully put his hands up and tugged a small brown pouch out of his shirt. A medicine bag. He said something in Cheyenne, and Robert E. glanced sideways at him, not knowing what to do or say.

"What're they doin'?" Robert E. asked quickly.

"Just stay still," Sully replied. He said something else in Cheyenne, and one of the elders came forth with something wrapped in an animal hide. He said something that Robert E. couldn't understand. Sully merely nodded, and the man held the item out to him. Sully swallowed hard and unwrapped it. Robert E. glanced over to see a fine leather belt containing a large hunting knife and one of the finest tomahawks he'd ever seen.

"What…"

"These were mine," Sully said quietly. "I left 'em with the Cheyenne the night of the fire. I forgot to take 'em with me…" Sully looked into the man's eyes. "Nea'eše." He cleared his throat. "I'm lookin' for my son. Nae'ha." The older man turned, and he pointed the way to a teepee near Black Kettle's. Sully saw a Cheyenne woman standing outside, pouring snow into a kettle to melt over a fire. "Snow Bird!" Her eyes widened in surprise and happiness, and Sully started over. Robert E. glanced at the older Cheyenne man, and the man nodded firmly. So, he followed after Sully, hoping that he wasn't looked upon as the enemy.

"Sully. It has been many moons since we've seen you last," Snow Bird said calmly, smiling at him and at Robert E.

"My son…"

"Your son," she said with a nod. "He is very sick."

"Johnny? What happened?"

"He came looking for Cloud Dancing and collapsed upon his arrival," she said quietly, taking the steaming kettle into her hands. "I will tell him you are here." She disappeared inside of the teepee, and a few moments later, Sully's Cheyenne brother emerged.

"The Spirits told me you would come," He said quietly, extending his hand. His eyes were full of delight to see his friend, yet he knew that the circumstances were not the cause to celebrate. Sully slowly reached out, overcome with emotion at the sight. His brother had aged slightly. His face was creased with a few lines of age, yet his hair was still as black as the night. "They tell me you are happy now, but your eyes tell a different story."

"My son is sick," Sully said quietly.

"He came to me in a fever." Without a moment's thought, Sully turned to Robert E.

"Go back into town. Get Michaela…bring her back here. Johnny needs her. I need her." Robert E. nodded and hurried off to mount up again. When he took off, Sully and Cloud Dancing entered the teepee, where Snow Bird was now brewing herbs in the kettle of hot water. Johnny was sleeping, and his body was drenched in sweat. "God," Sully whispered.

"He is strong, but he is hurting."

"Yeah…his Grandpa…Loren just died." Cloud Dancing nodded sadly.

"I am sad to hear this. The boy has you now, does he not?"

"He does. I just don't…I don't know if he wants me." He moved to sit beside his son, pulling his head up and resting it in his lap. "Just hold on, Johnny. You're gonna be ok."

Michaela crossed the bridge from the churchyard and started toward town. She had just met with the Reverend to make preparations for Loren's funeral. Reverend Johnson had already taken care of sending a telegram to Olive Davis, Loren's sister, though he wasn't certain she would even receive the news.

As she walked, she spotted the saloonkeeper eyeing her from the porch of his establishment. She wondered why he chose to sit out in the freezing cold to smoke his cigar, when smoke was rolling out into the streets from the inside.

"Afternoon, Doc," he said with a snicker.

"Good afternoon," Michaela replied, stepping onto the porch of the boarding house. She glanced at him again to see a grin spreading across his face. She saw him looking toward the barbershop, and she shivered.

"Dr. Mike!" Brian Cooper came running up with his schoolbooks in his hands.

"Hello, Brian."

"Is Johnny here? I wanna talk to him. I heard 'bout his Grandpa…'bout Mr. Bray." Michaela swallowed hard and put her hand on his shoulder.

"Brian, Johnny isn't here right now, but I'm sure his father will be brining him home any minute. Why don't you come inside? I'm sure your mother would appreciate a little help in the kitchen."

"Okay. When ya see him, will ya tell him I'm lookin' for him?"

"I will," Michaela said with her best smile.

"Thanks, Dr. Mike." He hurried into the boarding house and closed the door sharply behind him. Michaela wrapped her arms around herself and surveyed the town, looking for any sign of the men coming back with Johnny.

"Dr. Mike?" Michaela turned at the sound of the girl's voice.

"Hello, Colleen," she said with a smile.

"I heard about Mr. Bray," she said sadly.

"Yes…he will be missed," Michaela said, feeling as if she was lacking in words. That man had been deeply connected to a lot of people in that town, and her own loved ones were mourning his loss.

"There wasn't anything you could do?"

"I did everything I could, Colleen," Michaela said gently. "Sometimes being a doctor means realizing that you can't save everyone. I'd like to, but I know that…I know that it isn't possible."

"I don't think I could ever do that," Colleen said, shaking her head. "I couldn't watch people be in pain and die all the time."

"It's not just about that, Colleen. It's about so much more. The feeling you get when you save a life or deliver a baby…there's nothing quite like it."

"That's why you became a doctor?" Michaela thought for a moment.

"Honestly?" Colleen nodded. "I wanted to perform miracles. I didn't think about death. I just wanted to preserve life, but when I did lose a patient, I realized how difficult it could be. I've learned to accept that miracles happen when they're supposed to." Colleen smiled a little.

"That's beautiful. I never really thought about it that way. I prayed for miracles before, but I guess if we really needed one, it woulda happened already." Michaela smiled at the girl's maturity.

"Colleen? Is that you out there?" Charlotte's voice rattled through the door. Colleen smiled a little.

"I better go help my ma. You comin' in?"

"I'll be along in a few minutes," Michaela assured her. Colleen nodded and disappeared inside. With a sigh, Michaela sat down on the porch bench and looked around, feeling the cold biting at her face and tearing through her clothes.

She felt so alone. She was being welcomed a lot more warmly than she had expected, but after having lost Loren, she wasn't sure what people would think, say, or do. She was the doctor. These people would eventually have to trust her with their lives. She hoped that she could get to know them all better. She was already forming friendships, and she was beginning to realize that she really could make a life for herself out there.

Then she thought about Sully. She knew he needed her patience. Neither one of them had expected Johnny to be alive. Neither one of them had expected they would have any obstacles in their way of getting married. What if Johnny didn't want anything to do with her? She couldn't stand the idea of losing Sully, but she knew that if he had to choose, she would be left heartbroken and alone once again. She cared for the little boy dearly, but she didn't want to do anything to upset or hurt his fragile relationship with his father. What if he wanted her to leave? What if that was what was best?

Before she had the chance to think further, Robert E. came riding into town as fast as lightning and stopped right in front of the boarding house.

"Dr. Mike!" he called. "There's trouble." Several curious townsfolk came walking over.

"Oh God," Michaela breathed. "Where are they?"

"It's the boy. It's Johnny. Sully says ya need to come quick." Michaela was almost paralyzed with fear, but she couldn't let that get in her way. She quickly grabbed her medical bag from beside her and hurried over to Robert E.'s horse. He pulled her up in front of him and took off toward the reservation, leaving several confused townspeople in a rain of dust and snow.

Word List:
Neho'eehe – My father
Ehoo'e – He is here.
Ehaomohtahe – He is sick.
Ve'ho'e – White man.
Nea'eše – Thank you.
Nae'ha – My son.