Reid was watching the Christmas special Doctor Who episode and as the Doctor pulled out his sonic screwdriver, Reid realized something. He pressed the spacebar on Garcia's laptop, pausing the video.
"Hey, what up with dat?" Garcia said, trying to sound annoyed but letting her voice shake with laughter. Reid ignored her and turned to Hotch, who was sitting in the chair beside Reid's bed, staring at him, concerned.
"Hotch, where are my effects?" He asked. Hotch cocked an eyebrow as he stood and wordlessly crossed the room to a table by the window. He picked up a large plastic bag and handed it to Reid.
Reid opened it and fished through his belongings. His jeans, converse, blood stained shirt, and boxers were all in the bag. All of his clothes had at least small splatter of dried blood. It made him sick. But he did manage to notice there were a few things missing. He dug his hand in the pants pocket. Nothing. Reid groaned. "My badge and gun." He said.
"What about them?" Garcia asked. Hotch had a look on his face that indicated he knew what Reid was going to say.
"They're gone." Reid answered.
"Are you sure you didn't just leave them at your apartment?" Garcia asked hopefully.
"I would remember if I did." Reid answered. "Eidetic memory."
"You were shot, you passed out before she took her out of there." Garcia was trying to deny the conclusion her colleagues were jumping to.
"Hotch, you guys went to my apartment. Did you find them?" Reid asked, glancing at his superior.
"We didn't look for them." Hotch said.
"I was holding my gun when she shot me. I had my badge in my pocket. . Along with my credentials." Reid griped.
"They weren't there." Hotch said softly.
Reid sighed. "Jenny has them."
Reid was visited that night by the all too familiar nightmare he had been having since his third year at the BAU. He had had it many times more after Gideon left. There was the baby, in the middle of a circle. How has this baby not grown at all? There's someone on the other side.
No, I can't let them hurt this baby. No. Suddenly, the baby grew and turned into a five year old boy. Riley Jenkins. He sat up and looked at Reid with wide eyes. "Why aren't you helping me?" He cried. The figure on the other side of the circle was moving closer. Reid had to save this boy. He started to run, but the circle moved away from him with each step, taking the boy with it. It was getting closer to the killer. Then, it turned into something he did not expect.
"Spencer, help me!" came Maeve's voice. She was sitting cross legged with her hands clasped as if they were tied together with invisible rope. A shot rang out and Maeve slumped to the ground.
"Reid? Reid, wake up." He felt a hand on his shoulder and whirled around. "Reid, wake up." The hand stayed on his shoulder no matter how hard he tried to get it off.
Reid had been sleeping peacefully until he started turning his head from side to side, silent tears rolling down his cheeks as he murmured, "No. . . No, no, no. Please." Morgan and Gideon were alarmed. (Hotch had gone home to be with Jack). Gideon got up and shook Reid's shoulder gently. "Reid? Reid, wake up." His face was stoic but his voice betrayed how worried he was. "Reid, wake up." Out of nowhere, the young agent started flailing his arms around, trying to get free of Gideon's grasp.
"C'mon, pretty boy, wake up. You're scaring us." Morgan said, joining Gideon at Reid's side. Reid was turning his head back and forth, murmuring one word that worried the hell out of his friends: Maeve.
Morgan looked at Gideon with panic and Gideon shook Reid's shoulder harder. It wasn't working. He wasn't waking up. Whatever was happening with him and Maeve was pulling him deep into his mind and they weren't sure how to get him out of it. Gideon looked sad and reached for the glass of water on Reid's bedside table. Morgan looked at him and shook his head, but Gideon wasn't looking at him. Morgan braced himself. Gideon lifted the glass that was half full of water over Reid's face and turned it over.
Reid gasped in shock and turned paler than ever as he sat straight up, his eyes wide and unblinking. He gasped several more time and started breathing heavily.
"Should I get a nurse?" Morgan asked nervously.
"Give it a minute." Gideon said, holding up a finger to silence the dark skinned agent.
Reid was wheezing and clutching his stomach. "Gideon, he needs a nurse." Morgan said urgently.
"You didn't give it a minute." Gideon said. Reid's breathing gradually slowed and he looked at Gideon and Morgan as if he could finally see them.
"What the hell, Gideon?" He asked. He knew it was the older former profiler, partly because of the empty glass in Gideon's hand and partly because of the guilty look on his face.
"You weren't waking up." Gideon said. "You were having a nightmare, I assume."
Reid looked down at his lap and felt the tears run freely over his already soaked cheeks.
"Was it about Maeve?" Morgan asked softly. Reid looked at him with hurt and surprise. How could Morgan mention her so bluntly? "You were calling her name." Morgan stared at the ground. The sight of his friend crying again was too much for him to handle. He had seen Reid in so much pain.
Gideon wrapped an arm around Reid's shoulder. He had found out about Maeve from the team and felt horrible about what had happened to the only other girl he had gotten involved with since Lila Archer. The room was silent for a long time, save for Reid sobs that were let out into Gideon's shoulder. Finally, Gideon spoke up," A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love."
Reid glanced up at him. "Frederick Nietzche." He said. The entire team knew Reid could never argue with wise words such as those, such as those uttered or written by Shakespeare, Ayn Rand, Roberts Frost, Plato, Thomas Merton. . . Etc.
The young profiler pondered Gideon's words. Was it true? Was he being blinded by his love for Maeve? She was gone and nothing he did could change that. Yet, he needed to do something to fill the emptiness in his heart. Why was it so hard to move on? Maybe he just needed spectacles. He needed to see the truth. Maeve was gone. The hole in his heart was going to close. . . in time. He just needed to stop thinking about her. He needed to stop blaming himself.
As these thoughts raced through his agonizingly slow, he stopped. He blamed himself? Of corse he did. "It's all my fault." He whispered. He was staring down at his hands when Morgan said, quite loudly, "What?"
Reid jumped but kept his eyes trained downwards. He thought back to a conversation he'd had with Morgan and cried harder, ashamed his friends had to see him like this.
"All right, kid. Talk to me." Morgan said, noticing Reid's extreme unease and lack of his usual charisma. This case was getting to him big time. He was wearing a familiar expression as he stared down at the ground. "I can tell you're adding something up in your head. What is it?"
"2,412," Reid burst out before Morgan could even finish the sentence. He walked around him and turned to face his older colleague, still not looking him in the eye."It's the number of hours we spent communicating. Counting phone calls and letters." It was killing him. 2,412 hours. That wasn't enough.
Morgan didn't realize its significance. "That's about a hundred days." He said.
"100.5," Reid corrected, looking up to meet his colleague's gaze. "What if that's all I get?" His voice broke as he struggled not to cry.
"Well, it's not." Morgan said firmly.
Reid looked down again. "You can't say that." He said softly.
"Yes, I can." Morgan said with such confidence that Reid had to look up once more. "Because when we find her alive, and you finally get to lay your eyes on her, what's the first thing you're going to say to her?" Reid thought about this. He wasn't sure he needed to lay his eyes on her to know. She was the most beautiful girl in the world to him. He was crazy about her. And had never even gotten a chance to tell her how he felt. He would tell her that. He would tell her that he loved her.
Morgan was still waiting for an answer. Reid finally said, "A couple of months ago, we were getting off the phone, and she said, "Bye. Love you." Just like that. "Bye. Love you."" He repeated it again. Mostly for himself. It had been so easy for her to say it. Why couldn't he? He knew he loved her. Why hadn't he said it? "I know it was just a slip, but-"
"But she said it, Reid." Morgan interrupted. "She said it." He realized what his friend was saying when he saw the pained look in his eyes. "You didn't say it back to her, did you?" He knew the answer.
Reid shook his head, taking a deep breath to keep his composure. "I was waiting for when we finally met." That's what he would say. When he first saw Maeve, he would say, "Hi, I'm Spencer. It's great to finally meet you in person. I love you." He could only imagine how they would take down the UNSUB. He prayed that Maeve wouldn't get hurt.
Thinking about this hurt too much. He had known what he wanted to saw. He had wanted to tell her he loved her, but done the exact opposite and told her he didn't in a desperate attempt to save her life. He had hurt her. . . and it hadn't even worked.
"It's not your fault, Reid." Morgan said, bringing him back to the present.
"Yes, it is. She killed Maeve because I lied to her." Reid said, the pain in his voice was heart breaking.
"No, she didn't" Morgan said firmly, scaring Reid so that he buried himself deeper into Gideon's chest. Morgan noticed his fear and softened his tone. "Diane killed Maeve because of Maeve rejecting her. It had nothing to do with you. She was stalking her before you came into the picture."
"But if I hadn't lied-"
"If you hadn't lied, you would be dead, too." Morgan finished. "I hate to say it, Reid, but you got off lucky." Reid cringed. "If you hadn't lied, she would have shot you, too"
"She did shoot me." Reid said. "In the arm. It was just a flesh wound, though." Morgan did remember hearing shots fired being the reason they entered the building. No one had really considered after that that she was shooting at Reid. "She tried to kill me. I just moved her arm. . . and she missed. So me lying didn't help anything." Reid snapped. "I should have just killed that bitch."
"Reid," Gideon spoke up. "I wasn't there for this, but it sounds to me like you had no choice. It sounds like it wasn't your fault, and if you keep thinking it is, you're going to go insane and we may never get you back again. It's not your fault, but I understand that you miss her. You're allowed to. What was the last thing you said to her?"
Reid was overcome with remorse. "I said, "I don't love you." I was trying to play into Diane's wishes."
"Were those the very last words she heard from you?" Gideon asked.
Reid's eyes widened as he thought back to the rest of the interaction. "No. . . Diane kissed me and called me a liar and shot at me, then when the team came in, she had her gun to Maeve's head and I told her I wanted to make the deal, me for her. And I said I would kill myself for her." His eyes showed so much pain.
"So, she died knowing how much you loved her." Gideon said. Reid had never thought of that. He had only been focusing on what had upset her the most, but of course Maeve knew how he felt. She had known the minute Diane yelled, "Liar". Reid was comforted thinking this. Maeve had know that he loved her.
Reid yawned, his eyes were red and bloodshot from crying and his eyelids were drooping. He couldn't fight it any longer. As all the pent up guilt about Maeve's death left him, he fell asleep, still leaning against Gideon.
Gideon noticed Reid's breathing becoming light and regular and looked at the bed. "Go get another pillow." He whispered to Morgan upon seeing the soaking wet one that had been a result of Reid's bad dream and Gideon's not so gentle way of waking him up. Morgan got up and walked over to the closet, pulling out a pillow and a towel. Gideon took away Reid's wet pillow and Morgan put the towel down on the wet sheets, placing the towel on top of it. Gideon lay Reid down gently, then leaned back in his chair and closed his own eyes. Listening to Reid's pain had been excruciating and caused Gideon and Morgan to shed their own tears. They were both exhausted; neither had gotten much sleep at all and salty tears don't exactly keep one's eyes open.
They were both fast asleep so they didn't notice someone come in and sit by the bed. They didn't notice the girl holding the syringe and the tourniquet. They didn't notice the girl inject a small amount of Dilaudid into their friend's arm. A small enough amount that he wouldn't be out of it when they woke up, a large enough amount that he would start to get cravings. Jenny smiled and got up from the chair, closing the door quietly and taking the syringe and tourniquet with her.
She met Nurse Paisley in the hallway. "Hello, dear. Volunteering at this late hour?" Paisley, a kind middle aged woman with blond hair and blue eyes, greeted her warmly.
"Yes, ma'am. I couldn't sleep, so I figured I'd check in on my favorite hospital." Jenny said, grinning her charming grin full of straight white teeth.
"Oh, dear, you're an angel. But you know it's against protocol to allow volunteers during nonvisitation hours, don't you?" Paisley said with a mock serious face as the two started toward the nurses' station. It was extremely early in the morning and Paisley and another girl, Lulu, were the only two nurses there at that hour. Someone had to mind the store.
"Surely, you can bend the rules for your favorite volunteer." Jenny said innocently.
"Well, you can never have too much help, can you?" Paisley said, giving her a grateful smile. "Would you mind checking on Mr. Adams for me?"
"Not at all." Jenny said, taking the clipboard from Paisley.
"He's still in room 204, where he's been the past couple of months." Paisley said.
"I remember." Jenny said. And she followed the familiar route to Mr. Adam's room. She knew this hospital like the back of her hand. There was no way the FBI agents could find her here.
Jenny smirked as she thought about how stupid they were. They couldn't see what was right in front of them. She had even been there when they found Reid, yet none of them had given her a second glance. As she finished checking up on Mr. Adams, she pulled the badge and FBI credentials out of her pocket and looked down at them. Now was as good a time as any. She walked over to the nurses' station.
Paisley looked up. "Is everything alright, dear?" She asked.
Jenny nodded. "Oh, yes, everything's fine. I just wanted to let you know that I need to be going. Is there anyone else you need me to check up on?"
Paisley shook her head. "I think I can handle it. You do what you gotta do, dear." She said with a smile.
"Thank you, Paisley. Have a lovely day." Jenny said cheerily.
"You too, dear." Was Paisley's reply, but Jenny was already skipping down the hallway.
"Jenny, you do realize it's three in the morning, don't you?" Kirk grumbled as he opened the door to his apartment to see the happy, smiling firecracker he called his sister standing in the hallway.
"Yes, I know the time, bubba." Jenny said cheerfully, using a nickname she loved, but knew Kirk hated. "I just came over because I forgot to give you these." And with that she handed a gun, badge, and FBI credentials to her brother. He gaped at her
"Jenny, what have you gotten yourself into now?" He asked.
"Ask me no questions and I'll tell ye no lies." Jenny said mysteriously.
"Yeah, It's probably better that you don't tell me. I really don't want to know." Kirk said.
"Okay, fine I'll tell you." Jenny said.
"I really don't want to know, just tell me what I'm supposed to do with these things." Kirk said, holding up the gun uneasily in one hand and the badge and credentials in the other.
"Send them down to Amy in Nevada. She'll know what to do with them." Jenny said. "Tell her operation 'crazy bitch' is ready to be used in case I get arrested."
"Arrested?" Kirk asked.
"It's better that you not know." Jenny decided.
"You can't expect me to drive all the way to Nevada." Kirk said incredulously.
"Well, it's either that or hitchhiking. I don't want you to mail a loaded gun-"
"This thing's loaded?" Kirk cried, dropping the weapon, but Jenny caught it.
"Yes, be a man. Grow a set." Jenny said, handing him the gun. "Anyways, seeing as how you can't mail it and you can't fly to Nevada with a gun, and you're terrified of trains, I would suggest you drive. I must warn you, though. It would make you an accessory in a murder, or attempted murder at least. And assaulting of a Federal Agent. Actually, that was just me. Scratch that last one. "
Kirk stared at her, mouth agape. When he finally found his words, he said, "Nope, I am not going to jail for you." And he closed the door in his little sister's face.
He could hear Jenny out in the hall saying things like, "Kirk, open this door. Kirk, Kirk, Kirk,Kirk,Kirk,Kirk,Kirk,Kirk,Kirk,Kirk,Kirk,Kirk,Kirk,Kirk,Kirk" Repeating his name over and over was another arrow in her quiver of tricks she used to annoy him. She had been developing one since her terrible twos. " … . Kirk, please." He finally gave in when he heard her say, "Kirk, please. To heal my broken heart. To help me deal with the fact that she's gone. That they both are."
Kirk sighed and opened the door to see his sister with tears running down her pale cheeks. "Come here." He said, opening his arms. Jenny threw her arms around him and cried. "It's alright. . . I'll do it." He said. He couldn't stand seeing his sister this upset. If whatever was going on would help her move on, then he would just have to go along with it.