Chapter 28

December 1870 – Cheyenne Reservation

The teepee was dim, but the light filtering in from the outside woke Michaela. She was turned onto her side and facing Sully now, and he was facing her. She didn't know how they'd turned toward one another in their sleep without waking up, but they had, and they were still holding hands.

She smiled a little, studying his sleeping face. His chin and upper lip were covered with stubble, and she wanted to reach out and feel it under her fingers. The way his soft lips were set made her want to kiss him and feel his lips against hers.

Her cheeks reddened at the thought, but she realized these were little embarrassments she was going to have to get used to. She and Sully would one day break through their fears, and they would be one. They would be husband and wife.

She suppressed a yawn and let out a slow breath of air. The rush of her breath against his skin caused Sully to stir, and Michaela put her hand over her mouth, trying not to laugh. She felt his hand clutch hers, and she gently squeezed it back, playing with his fingers, and hoping he wouldn't wake up just yet.

When he yawned and kept his eyes closed, Michaela knew he would wake up at any moment. She tried to pry her hand out of his, but before she had the chance, his eyes flew open, and he trapped her hand between their bodies. She almost let out a laugh, but she remembered that Sully's little boy was sleeping just a couple of feet away.

"Mornin'," he teased.

"You," she breathed. He gently reached over and stroked her rosy cheek.

"Sleep ok?" She thought back to her dream, one that had come back to her even after she had woken up and gone back to sleep. She flushed furiously, and he raised an eyebrow. "I guess that'd be a 'yes.'" Michaela wanted to swat him, but she decided against it. She was smiling until his arms slowly circled around her body. She shivered, and he felt it. "I'm sorry…" He went to pull away, but Michaela's heart was screaming louder than her brain. She couldn't continue to push him away like that. He just wanted to hold her. She wanted him to hold her, because she felt peaceful in his arms.

"No, don't," she whispered, encircling her arms around him as slowly as she could. A grin spread across Sully's face, and he nuzzled her neck for a moment. She closed her eyes, feeling new sensations wash over her body. When his lips gently pressed against her skin, she took a deep breath, trying to keep her wits about her. "Sully," she whispered, having flashbacks from her dream the night before. When his lips moved up her neck and to her jaw, tracing a line of kisses to her lips, she moaned softly and let him explore her. She slowly opened her mouth to him, letting his tongue tease her lower lip before torturing her tongue in the same way.

His heart was pounding fast against hers, and he couldn't believe she'd let it go this far. He knew he needed to stop, but he needed one more moment, one more kiss…one more touch of her gentle hand. He couldn't get enough.

She was falling into his kiss. Falling into his embrace. Falling into the feel of his body against hers under the warmth of the fur blankets. She couldn't get enough of the sensation of his heart against hers and their arms around each other's bodies. Just as she felt herself starting to roll onto her back, she realized that if she continued to fall, she might not be able to stop herself, so she gently pushed on his chest.

"Your son," she whispered. "We can't do this!" Sully quickly moved away, and he glanced over his shoulder to see Johnny curled up with his back to his father. Michaela quickly sat up, trying to run her fingers through her hair and finding that rather difficult with the pins there. She groaned softly, and Sully looked over to see her fighting with the little pieces of metal.

"Here. Let me." He moved behind her, and he slowly pulled her into his lap. She bit her lower lip, as she sat between his legs and pressed her back against his chest. He inhaled the scent of her hair, and it drove him wild, as he began to let her hair down, running his fingers through it as he worked. "I missed ya." His fingers left tingling trails down her back and her neck, as he worked slowly with her hair.

"Sully, I've been right here," Michaela said with a grin.

"Ya know what I meant. The past couple of days have been…"

"Life changing," Michaela said quietly. She smiled a little. "I've missed you too." She sighed peacefully, as his hands moved from her hair to her shoulders, gently massaging them. She hadn't realized how tense she had been until his fingers worked out the tiny knots that had managed to twist up inside of her over the past few days. "That feels good." She swallowed hard, as his one hand continued to knead her shoulder, and the other moved to finish taking out the pins in her hair.

Once he'd found all of the pins, he placed them aside and began running his fingers through her hair again, gently massaging her scalp, helping her to release some of the tension.

"How's that feel?" She smiled a little and couldn't even utter a word at that point. She was so relaxed that she felt as if she could fall asleep and dream for days with his arms wrapped around her.

Just as she was about to melt into his arms, a small moan from nearby startled them both. They quickly turned to see Johnny stirring from his sleep. After a few moments, his mouth turned up a little at the side before falling flat again. He tried to stretch, but he was tangled in his sheets. A small whimper was followed by, "Pa…"

December 1870 – St. Louis

Daniel woke in an uncomfortable chair outside of Carrie's hospital room. He stretched miserably and found that his entire body was sore. He had stayed with her as long as he could until the nurses kicked him out. He knew she expected him to go back to the hotel, but he was determined to stay close in case she needed him.

He was scared for her, because he didn't know what she was going through. He had never lost a child, and he knew that he would never go through the pain that she had gone through. She hadn't known about the child, but she had been its mother. She hadn't known what she had had until it was already gone.

Inside of the room, Carrie slowly walked over to the window, pulling her robe tightly around her body. She looked out at the blindingly bright morning, seeing the way the sun reflected off of rooftops and other windows. She felt blinded, and that hurt less than knowing that she had lost her chance at motherhood. What other chance would she have? What man would want her? She was far from being the obedient little housewife that most men wanted. She didn't want to be taken advantage of or controlled. She was free.

With a heavy sigh, she crawled onto the window ledge, pressing her body against the cold glass and looking out. She looked down at her hands, calloused and scarred from those rough years on the drive. She wasn't perfect. She had scars in places that weren't visible. She had scars inside that nobody but herself could see or feel.

He gently rapped on the door with his knuckles, hoping she was up for a visitor. When he let the door creak open, he saw her sitting by the window, looking out over the town.

"Carrie?" She briefly glanced toward him, taking in the sight of him. She turned back toward the window and sighed heavily.

"Why didn't ya go back to the hotel?" Daniel looked down, remembering that he was still in his clothes from the day before.

"I didn't wanna leave ya," he pointed out. Carrie smiled a little.

"I'll be glad to get outta here. I'm sick of this place. It's stale. It's boring. It's…it's…"

"A hospital."

"Yeah." She sighed heavily and beat her fist against the thick glass. She pulled herself up and scuffed across the floor to her bed. When she climbed back under the covers, she looked at Daniel curiously. "So I guess we're stuck with each other for a while. But, ya know…you could leave already. Pa left my ticket…"

"I ain't leavin'. You ain't goin' nowhere by yourself."

"Ya think I can't handle it?"

"Oh, I know you could. I just ain't sure if the world's ready for Carrie James all by her lonesome." Carrie smiled a little.

"Well, someday it'll have to be." She looked up at the ceiling and shook her head. "I swear I spent most of the night lookin' at this ceiling, wishin' mornin' would get here already. I hate bein' cooped up like this. I ain't used to sleepin' without seein' the stars." She frowned and brushed her hair back. Daniel smiled a little, and he got up to walk toward the window.

"It's pretty out there," he said quietly. "It ain't Nevada though."

"Tell me about your place there," Carrie said quietly. "I'd like to hear about it."

"Ya would?" She nodded.

"Sure. Go on. Tell me." Daniel sat down slowly and took a deep breath.

"It's near the top of a hill, so when it storms, the rain runs down. I got some cattle and horses and other animals there."

"It's a farm?"

"More like a ranch. My sister and her husband take care of it for me when I ain't there."

"What does it look like?" she wondered.

"It's a little two-story place with a few bedrooms upstairs. I don't know why I built a house so big for one person, but my sister's got a couple kids, so they make use of it." Carrie nodded slowly. "The nearest neighbor's two miles away, and it's nice and peaceful. Don't have much problems 'round there, but the walk to buy supplies is a half-day trip." Carrie's eyes widened.

"By horse?"

"Might make it there in a couple hours."

"That sounds relaxing. Peaceful," she said quietly. "Sounds like nobody'd bother ya 'cause you're out in the middle of nowhere."

"Most times," Daniel replied.

"I like it that way. Bein' in a busy city makes me nervous…makes me feel trapped." Daniel smiled and nodded his head.

"Me too." Daniel leaned his head back tiredly and looked up at the ceiling, while Carrie obliviously smiled at the sight of him. Something about him made her care for him a little more each day, and it confused her, because she had never experienced such a feeling toward someone before…not even Sully. That had been pure fascination, because she'd never met a man quite like him. He hadn't looked at her like she was dirt or worse, but now that she thought about it, neither had Daniel.

The door opened, and a nurse came in.

"I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to leave. I need to prepare her for an examination with the doctor." Daniel swallowed nervously and glanced at Carrie.

"I'll be ok. You go back to the hotel and get cleaned up."

"Ya sure?"

"Go on," she replied with a laugh. "Ya don't need my permission, and ya don't gotta baby-sit me every minute."

"I'll be back in an hour."

"Take a couple," she replied. "Ya look like ya could use a nap." Daniel shook his head and gave her a wave before heading out the door. He closed himself out into the hallway and leaned against the door for a minute. He hated the idea of leaving her there, but he knew she could take care of herself. She wasn't like most women. She could take care of herself better than most men, but a part of him still wanted to stay behind and protect her. But, he knew she needed her space, and he had to try to give her that.

December 1870 – Cheyenne Reservation

"Johnny?" Sully gently touched the side of his son's face, and he looked at Michaela. "His temperature feels normal." Michaela felt the boy's forehead, and she nodded.

"Johnny," she said soothingly. "Johnny, wake up…" The boy groaned gently and turned to his stomach, stretching out and burying his face in his arms. Michaela and Sully glanced apprehensively at one another. "Perhaps I should leave for a…"

"No. No, ya need to be here," Sully replied quickly. "I want ya here." He squeezed her hand, and she breathed a sigh of relief she hadn't known she'd been holding.

"Grandpa," Johnny whimpered. Sully gently touched the boy's back with the palm of his hand.

"Johnny…"

"Grandpa! " He immediately turned over in his sleep, and his eyes flew open. When he saw his father, he sat up quickly and scooted away. "Where's Grandpa!"

"Johnny?" Sully asked slowly, reaching out to his son. Johnny's eyes darted to Michaela.

"Johnny, do you remember why you came out there?" Michaela asked..

"Grandpa! I want Grandpa!" he screamed.

"Johnny!" Sully urged. "Don't ya…"

"Why'd ya leave him alone? He shouldn't be alone! He's sick. Ya need to go to him! Ya need to help him!" Johnny cried. Sully reached out to his son again, but Johnny slapped his hand away.

"Johnny, Grandpa's gone," Sully said quickly, taking the boy's shoulders in his hands. Johnny tried to struggle away, but Sully held him firmly. "He's gone."

"No! He can't…he can't be! It was a dream! He's alive. He's alive!" The boy's eyes were flooded with tears, and Michaela found her own tears welling up.

"No. I'm sorry, Johnny. He's gone. Grandpa's gone," Sully said quietly but firmly, trying to make him realize. Johnny shook his head, devastated.

"No! No! No! Bring him back! I want him back! We were gonna go fishin'! He was gonna help me find the biggest catfish. He promised!" Michaela was at a loss for what to do. She was certain Johnny would reject her, but she had to try to reach him.

"Johnny, " she started calmly, "your Grandpa's gone, but he made sure you and your father could…could live a good life together."

"I want Grandpa," Johnny cried, brushing his tears away.

"I know. I know what it's like to lose a grandpa. I lost mine when I was your age," she said softly. "He was a lot like Loren, but he never took us fishing." Sully watched in amazement, as Michaela's soothing voice seemed to calm Johnny considerably. "What you had with your grandpa is a wonderful thing, Johnny, and I'm sure he'd want you to remember how much fun the two of you had."

"Why'd he leave?"

"It was his time, Johnny," Michaela said soothingly, surprised when he didn't pull back from her touch. "He knew how much your father loves you, and he knew that you were in good hands now."

"I want him back," he whispered, sniffling.

"I know. I know what you mean. I would give anything to have my grandfather back. I'd give anything…to have my father back." Johnny looked up at her.

"Your Pa died?"

"He did," she said sadly, swallowing the lump in her throat. "I would give anything to have him back. I would give anything to…to be able to make right all of the arguments we ever had. We didn't have many, and I loved him very much, but there were things left unsaid…unfinished." Johnny looked at Sully, but Sully was staring in amazement at his future wife.

"He took care of me. Who…who's gonna take care of me now?" he asked sadly, pulling his arms around his knees. Sully shook his head.

"I swear to ya, Johnny. I'm here to stay. I ain't leavin'. I'm your pa, and I wanna be here for ya." Johnny looked down sadly for a moment, not sure of what to say anymore. He rested his chin on his arms and looked down at his feet. For a moment, Sully wasn't sure his son was going to speak to him anymore. But then…

"Pa…why'd ya come back?" Johnny asked after a few moments of silence. Sully swallowed hard. He wanted to tell him it was because he felt that his son was alive, but that wasn't true. He had to be honest.

"I…I came back 'cause I thought it was time. I needed to make things right in my past," he said gently. "I never counted on you bein' here. I never thought I'd see ya…"

"He promised he'd find ya."

"Sometimes…sometimes things happen for reasons we don't know, Johnny. I'm glad it happened though. I'm glad I came back, 'cause that brought me back to you." Johnny sniffled and blinked his eyes a few times. He wasn't sure what to do or say to his father. He did love him. He wanted his father in his life, but he was too grief-stricken to think straight.

"Can I be alone for a little while?" the boy finally asked. Sully sighed softly and nodded his head.

"Sure. We'll be just outside." He looked at Michaela for a moment. "Wanna help me get some snow to melt? We're gonna need water." Michaela knew Sully could do it on his own, but she also realized that the boy needed time alone. She nodded her head, and she followed him out of the teepee, closing the flap and letting Johnny sit alone for a while.

"Do you think he'll be alright?" she wondered. This time, Sully didn't say anything, and she took his hand in hers, and they walked into the cold December snowstorm, hoping that the worst was over.

Cloud Dancing and Snow Bird stood outside of their teepee, stirring a kettle tirelessly, and Snow Bird looked up at her husband.

"They are afraid," she said softly. Cloud Dancing nodded his head solemnly.

"Their journey has begun."

As they held two buckets between them and moved toward the center of the reservation to melt their snow and bring it back for drinking water, Sully glanced at Michaela. She glanced at him, and she blushed.

"What is it?" she wondered.

"You," he replied.

"What about me?"

"The way…the way ya were with Johnny. Ya…you were incredible." She shook her head, but he nodded.

"Ya were. He responded to ya, Michaela. You tellin' him about your grandpa…and your pa…ya connected with him."

"You've connected with him too," Michaela said with a nod. "He's your son, Sully. He loves you. You love him. It's…it's that simple, but I know it seems so complicated right now." Sully sighed heavily and put his bucket down. Michaela did the same, and they turned toward one another.

"Thank you for bein' here."

"I'm glad to be here, Sully. I want to help in any way that I can."

"You have," he whispered, gently lifting her chin and leaning down to press his lips to hers. She didn't pull back or shiver with fright. No. Something had changed, and she leaned into the kiss, enjoying it as much as he was. When they finally pulled out of the kiss, Sully grinned and looked into her eyes.

"What?" she asked, her cheeks flushing again.

"Somethin' changed," he pointed out.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…in San Francisco, we were…we were like this," he pointed out. "When we got here, ya were nervous, and ya started…ya started getting tense when I held ya. Now…now things are like they were before. What's goin' on?" Michaela swallowed hard, feeling embarrassed. She turned away, but his hands found her shoulders, and he gently turned her around. "It's nothin' to be ashamed of, Michaela. I just…I was wonderin' if somethin' happened."

"No," she answered timidly, shaking her head. "I don't know, Sully. I just feel closer to you somehow. Perhaps it's this place." She looked up at the sky, watching the millions of snowflakes flutter down in a fury. She felt as if she was in a snow globe, and she smiled, letting the soft flakes shower her face. Sully frowned a little.

"We're away from town…away from judgin' eyes." He slowly turned, and Michaela realized what he'd meant.

"Oh, Sully…" She moved to stand in front of him again, and she gently framed his face with her hands. "That's not what I meant. Sully, I love you. I…I love you. I just feel like…" She sighed sadly. "I don't know what I feel." Sully eyed her curiously.

"You're afraid people might think things they shouldn't." Michaela blushed.

"I'm not used to this, Sully! You know that. I love you. What people think is their own business. All I want is to start a new life…a good life in this town. I want to be a good doctor. I want to be a good wife to you. I love you, and that's what matters, Sully. When I'm with you, I feel things I haven't felt before, and…"

"And ya get scared." She nodded.

"Like I said…ain't nothin' to be afraid of. But I know where you're comin' from. I know what it's like to do somethin' ya never done before." He pulled her in close, gently kissing her forehead. "But I'd never hurt ya, Michaela. Never." Michaela nodded.

"Oh, I know that, Sully. I know you…your heart. I'm just adjusting. I want to show you how much I love you, but sometimes I don't know how…or I'm too…"

"Afraid?" He smiled at her. She leaned into him, and he held her to him, as her head rested against his heart. "We're takin' things slow, Michaela. Nothin' has to happen 'til you're ready. I'm willin' to wait for ya. I love ya too much to let ya go." Michaela gently lifted her head and looked into his eyes.

"Thank you." Their lips met again, warming them both from the cold, snowy morning. Just as they were about to break apart and head back to the teepee, a gunshot rang out. As children screamed and ran behind their mothers and fathers, Michaela and Sully's eyes were paralyzed on one another, and as they began to fall, their hearts beat life into one another, and their breaths gave air to each other's lungs. They were both screaming out, both feeling the pain but only one feeling the searing sting of the bullet.

When she felt the warm blood on her hands, she screamed out, landing on top of him with a thud.

"SULLYYYYYYYYYYY!" She was the last flicker of beauty he saw before everything went dark.