A/N- Thank you so much, GJ115 and Morgan for reviewing! And extra thanks to Starfire Tamaran! It really means a lot, and it's been awesome chatting with you these last couple of weeks! XD

Chapter Seven- A Number One Hit

"Three, two, one," Mandy counted down, before thrusting her leg out and kicking in the apartment door of Saul or Sole or whatever the fuck the dealer was called. Budlofsky spun round the corner with his gun cocked and aimed, whilst Matheson walked around the apartment, looking through Saul's stuff for any sign of where he and the witness had gone.

"Red said he'd be here," he said, pulling a wooden bowl down from a shelf.

"Yeah, because Red's a really reliable source," Mandy snapped, rolling her eyes as she stood up from looking under the sofa. She headed over to the wall and looked at a vintage Scarface poster. "The guy's got sweet taste in décor, I'll give him that." She reached up and pulled the poster down, rolling it up and stashing it in the interior pocket of her leather jacket.

Matheson made himself comfortable on the couch and started fiddling with the weed set out on the coffee table. "Mmhmm!" he hummed gleefully. "Them some drugs!" He picked up a still-lit roach and placed it in his mouth.

"Smells like vomit in this house," Budlofsky said, wrinkling his nose as he pressed his cell phone to his ear.

"Found the culprit," Mandy said disgustedly, eyeing up the splatter of sick on a printer by the door.

"Want a hit, man?" Matheson offered Bud, holding the joint out. "It's still lit."

"I'm having dinner with my wife," he refused. "She can always tell. Smell it on my sweater."

"For real?" laughed Matheson, about to take another hit.

"Wait," Mandy said quickly, hurrying over and snatching the joint from his hand, despite his protests. "It's still lit. Fuck! That means they were here! Like, really recently, otherwise this would have gone out! Fuck shit balls! We must have just fucking missed their sorry asses! Great. So there goes my style of never missing a target."

"You ain't got no style, motherfucker," chuckled Matheson, and Mandy scowled at him with such ferocity that he quickly scooted over to the furthest point of the sofa that he could.

"Ted, it's Budlofsky," Bud suddenly said into the phone. "We're here. Saul's gone."

"And Mathe-" Matheson's shout was cut off by a swift punch to the gut from Mandy that caused him to start choking as he inhaled his smoke wrong. "And Matheson!" he shouted anyway.

"I think he knew we were coming," Budlofsky continued.

"They not here, Ted," Matheson called. "Hi Ted!"

"Give me the fucking phone!" Mandy snarled, ripping the phone out of Bud's hand. "Boss, it's Mandy. Mandy Averlage. The fucker made a run for it before we got here. But it was definitely him." She picked up a bag of Pineapple Express from the coffee table between her thumb and forefinger. "The Pineapple Express is here. We're now going to beat the fuck out of Red so he tells us where they went. Ciao."

The three of them arrived at Red's fifteen minutes later, with Mandy again kicking the door down. It took some scuffling, some punches and Mandy drawing her Micro SMG to eventually persuade Red to sit the fuck down and wait for Saul to contact him.

Almost laughably quickly, the phone started ringing. Mandy cracked Red around the head to get him to answer.

"Hello?" he said casually. He waited for the answer. "Yeah, Saul. Yeah, I'm fine, man. I just stubbed my toe." A long pause. "I would never talk to anyone about the stuff that I do with you involving drugs." He looked up at Mandy, who positioned her finger tighter on her trigger. There was another pause. "Per-fect."

There was another pause, and Red covered the mouthpiece of the phone to look back at Mandy and Matheson whilst Budlofsky dithered in the background. "There's somebody else on the phone with him," he informed them.

"What the fuck? Who?!" demanded Mandy.

"I don't know!" Red whispered. "He's whispering to another man."

"The witness," Mandy muttered.

"So you're coming by tomorrow?" Red said into the phone. Pause. "Just heard you whispering to that other guy you were talking to. Who is that?" Pause number six. "Is that the bubby that's on Forty-First and River Street? The one where we played shuffleboard that one time?" Mandy made note of the address. "Noon it is, bromosexual." Red motioned at Matheson that everything was confirmed. "Okay yeah. We'll definitely hit the casino up." Red hung up the phone.

Mandy stood up, stashing her SMG away and rubbing her fingerless glove-clad hands together. "Well boys, looks like retirement is coming earlier than anticipated."

-Pineapple Express, 2008

We sat Emma down at the table, gave her some food and a blanket and let her tell her tale of what life was like outside walls.

"I hid in a drainpipe for days," she told us. "Like, three or four, I don't even know how many. And then I stopped hearing people and I started hearing growling noises." Oh, fuck me, that did not sound good in any way, shape or form.

"Out there, in your travels, er, did you see anything that you would describe as…apocalyptish?" Jay asked her, and we all groaned.

"Jay! Knock it off!" I hissed at him.

"I mean, no," Emma replied. "But, er, I would say it's completely obvious what…what's going on here. I mean, it's a, it's a zombie invasion."

"Fuck!" exclaimed Seth.

"I'm the one who said it's been zombies," said Danny.

"You said zombies?" asked James.

"I said zombies the whole time," Danny answered.

"I don't think…you never said zombies!" argued Seth, while James and Danny high-fived.

"Great, so we've gone from Evan Almighty to 28 Days Later in the space of about thirty seconds," I groaned, dragging my hands down my face.

"Wait a second, you guys haven't been proven right," Jay reasoned. "These are still just theories."

"Honestly, I'm just so relieved that you guys are here," Emma said thankfully. "And I'm very happy about the idea of sleeping and just-"

"You tired?" James asked her.

"Yeah." She nodded.

"If you want to take a little rest, you're welcome to do that upstairs," he offered.

She nodded again. "Thank you."

I hopped down from the worktop I'd been sitting on and offered my hand to her. "Come on then, Em. I'll show you the way."

"I can do it!" James protested.

"Okay, fine," I said, holding up my hands. "You do it then, Franco."

"Thanks guys," she said gratefully, picking up her axe. "Seriously, you're awesome, really!"

"You're awesome!" Jonah said as she and James walked past. He looked back at the rest of us, grinning. "So fucking tight."

We still followed James upstairs anyway, the five of us waiting out in the little hallway. He was in the room with Emma for a minute or so, then stepped out saying, "We'll be right out here, okay?" Quite literally, as he was about to find out. He frowned at us as he closed the bedroom door. "The fuck are you guys doing out here?"

"Here's what I think we should do," said Seth. "She's British, right? She's used to eating shitty food anyway. Let's just give her all the shitty food that we don't want!"

"Dude!" I exclaimed. "That is way, way too mean! She's been living in a fucking drainpipe for the last four days, for fuck sake!"

"That's fucked up!" agreed James. "Look how tiny she is, she's not even a full seven! She's like half a seven!"

"And anyway, British food is great!" I said. "Have you ever had proper English fish and chips? When Jonah and I were in London promoting Jump Street, it's all I ate! That shit is good food!"

"This is a fucking cool thing, man," chipped in Danny. "I, for one, am very excited. I'm a massive Harry Potter fan."

"Haha, yes, Danny!" I cheered, high-fiving him. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good!"

"Mischief fucking managed," Danny replied, grinning. "Fuck yeah, Kenzie!" High-five number two.

"What?!" James sounded and looked like he could barely comprehend what we were saying.

"Yes, I love fucking Harry Potter!" Danny defended. "I cannot wait till she wakes up and I can ask her all these amazing about how they made those motion pictures!"

"Take it easy, Dumbledore!" James exclaimed.

"Guys, listen, listen," Jay cut in. "I think we need to address the elephant in the room."

"Woah. Jay, don't talk about Craig like that!" Seth hissed.

"That's fucked up. I'm right here, man," said Craig, sounding offended.

"I'm not calling Craig an elephant!" Jay said quickly. The guys didn't listen to this, and continued defending Craig, despite the fact he hadn't actually been offending Craig.

It cumulated with James informing him, "That's racist."

"I wasn't referring to him!" Jay insisted. "I was referring to the issue that's on all of our minds!"

"What?" said James.

"This is one girl, in a house with six males and a girl who's a penis away from being a male," Jay whispered.

"Okay, thanks for that," I said, rolling my eyes. "Look, I really don't care about what this 'issue' is, so I'm gonna go in there and make sure that Emma is okay. This is a situation that requires a woman's touch, and I am that woman. You guys just fuck off downstairs, for God's sake!" I didn't wait for their reply; instead, I just walked into James' bedroom, shutting the door firmly behind me.

"Hey Emma," I said, sitting down next to her on the trunk at the end of James' bed.

"Hi Mackenzie," she replied, smiling tiredly at me.

"No no," I said quickly, sitting down cross-legged in the middle of the bed. "Just call me Mack, seriously. Formalities were thrown out the window around the same time the Hollywood Hills imploded."

"So how's everything been in here with the boys?" she asked.

"It could be…worse," I said carefully. "Like, they act like children ninety-four percent of the time, but we're alive, we're relatively safe and we're all close enough that the constant company isn't bugging us." Y'know, that much.

"So have…" she began delicately. "Have you heard anything from your boyfriend? He's James' brother, isn't he?"

I sighed and tried not to let it show how much the question had unsettled me. "No. I tried to phone him as soon as the…whatever this is hit, but there's absolutely no phone signal, not internet…nothing. And I'm so scared for him." My voice cracked on 'scared' and a couple of tears started to streak down my cheeks. Again. Could I not just have one day where I didn't start crying?!

"Oh my God, Mack, I'm so sorry!" Emma exclaimed quickly, taking hold of my hand. "I didn't want to upset you or anything!"

"No, I know," I sniffed, wiping my eyes. I hadn't worn make-up for days; the smears coming off on my hands was dirt. "It's just…you know, I can sit here and act like despite everything I'm okay, but I have this constant underlying sick feeling because I just don't know anything."

"None of us know anything," Emma said, leaning down to unzip her shoes. "And I think that maybe that's the best. I think the truth will end up killing us."

"I think you might be right," I said grimly. "The thing is-" I didn't get a chance to finish my sentence, because suddenly I could hear the boys' raised voices through the door.

It was Danny. "If anyone's gonna rape somebody, it's Jay!" Emma and I both snapped our heads up. What the fuck?

"What!?" Jay's tone was incredulous.

"He came up with the rape idea!" Danny was saying.

"What the fuck are they talking about?!" Emma demanded, hastily zipping her shoes back on and jumping to her feet, axe firmly in her grasp.

"Emma, I'm pretty sure it's not what it sounds like!" I said quickly, clambering to my feet.

"They're going to rape us!" she exclaimed fearfully. "That's what they said!"

"No, Emma, there's gonna be a logical explanation for this!" I insisted.

"No! Mack, we need to get out of here!" she asserted, gripping her axe tighter. "They've lost it!"

"No, Emma, I really-" I didn't even have time to finish my sentence as Emma ripped the bedroom door and stepped into the hall with an angry yell of, "Hey!" Her axe was primed to kill.

"Woah! Easy, easy!" I heard the guys shout.

"Back the fuck up!" she warned, which was when I hurried out into the hall too. Things were about to go very south, very quickly.

"What's wrong?" Seth asked her.

"What's wrong!?" she repeated disbelievingly. "We just heard you guys talking about which one of you's gonna get to rape us!"

"No, no, no, no!" the guys all shouted.

"Look!" I yelled over all the hubbub, stepping in between Emma and the guys with my arms out like I was blocking them back. "Let's all just take a second to talk this over, okay!"

"I got this," Seth said, stepping out of the group. "It's funny, it's funny! We were specifically talking about not raping you!" His words fell on deaf ears, as Emma took four steps forward and whacked Seth clean in the face with her axe handle. There was a crack, and Seth stumbled back clutching his face, groaning in pain.

"BACK. UP!" Emma shouted, herding the guys down the stairs as I walked behind her, trying to convince her that it was all a misunderstanding, I was sure, how the guys were anything but rapists, how I'd been locked in here for days with them and hadn't even had one rapey advance made towards me.

It didn't matter; Emma had hit that state of anger where no rational thought could be made. She was swinging her axe at the guys like a madwoman, and as she drew it back for a sixth time I grabbed hold of the handle in the middle, forcing her to stop.

"Mackenzie, get the fuck off!" she snarled, pushing the handle hard into my chest so I was winded and forced to let go, falling down onto my ass with a pained cry. Fuck me, that floor was hard!

"It's me, Jonah Hill!" Jonah suddenly exclaimed soothingly, attempting to reach out to her. "America's sweetheart! J-Bug, J-Bone! Your friend! I would never hurt you!"

"Get back!" she cried, swinging the axe yet again and causing the guys to flinch back. Yet again. This time, when I clambered to my feet I rushed over and joined the group of guys. There was no way I was hanging around with this crazy biatch.

"Give me everything you have to drink! Put it in the bag!" she demanded hysterically.

"There is seven of us! You cannot rob us!" Seth shouted.

"I'm not fucking around!" she screamed, and she swung her axe round and decapitated the dick statue.

"Give her the drinks! Give her the drinks!" yelled Craig, pointing at the island top where we'd set up our watering hole. Seth and James grabbed hold of a green duffle bag and pretty much sprinted over to fill it up with our various beers, wines, whiskeys et cetera.

"Hurry the fuck up!" Emma shouted.

"Calm the fuck down!" I retorted, getting seriously pissed off. "They're getting the drinks! Just put the motherfucking axe down, you psycho!"

"Don't give the Milky Way away!" Seth hissed back at James as he cautiously handed Emma the bag.

"Now, Franco! Shoot her face!" shouted Danny. "Shoot her!"

"I'm not gonna shoot Emma Watson!" James shouted back.

"Mackenzie, are you coming with me?!" Emma asked me demandingly. She wanted an answer, now.

"Emma, look, man," I said calmly, stepping forward so we were only a few steps apart. "Please just stay here with us! It isn't safe out there!"

"It isn't safe here!" she said pleadingly. "It's safer out there, trust me! Out there, nothing's tried to fucking rape me!"

"Okay fine," I said firmly, folding my arms. "If that's how you feel, then go. But I'm not going. No way. I'm not leaving my best friends. And there is no fucking way you're leaving here with all our drinks." I reached out and seized hold of the strap of the bag, and I pulled.

"Mack, what the fuck are you doing?!" hissed Seth. "Just let her go, she's crazy, man!"

"Give me the fucking bag!" I snarled at her, which was when Emma pulled her hand back and bitch-slapped me straight across the face. The force floored me, and when I say floored I mean I literally skidded back about five foot on my ass, stopping just shy of the guys.

"Oh, fuck no!" I screeched, getting ready to rip Hermione a new asshole, but I was too late. With a scream, Emma axed down the few barricades we'd reapplied to the door and vanished into the smoke with the last of our liquid-based provisions.

I remained on the floor, and I looked up at the guys with my eyebrows raised. They all looked down at me with the same expression, and I knew we were all thinking the same thing: things had just gotten so, so much worse around here.

"So today's not exactly been that chill," I said to the camera in James' library. "Emma Watson turned up." I clapped my hands together once. "Yeah, sounds cool, right? Turns out, not so much. There was a slight misapprehension when we heard the guys discussing rape…I know that sounds bad, but it was actually conversation about how nobody was going to be raped, rather than who would be. Um, Emma didn't really see it that way and basically tried to murder us all with an axe. No Avada Kedavra or anything clean, she was just gonna go all Friday the 13th on our asses. And I'm talking the original, not that pile of shit they called a reboot."

I had to take a moment there to pause and not get too het up on that. Horror movies were a passion of mine, anything from Hitchcock's Psycho to The Blair Witch Project. If it was a horror made between 1960 and 2000, I loved it.

However, I had a strict reboot rule; no watching the remake if I hadn't seen the original. And after seeing the original Friday the 13th, I immediately viewed the reboot. I have never been so disappointed in my whole life. I got bored, and this was after I'd seen someone bear-trapped and stabbed in the head, seen a girl roasted inside her own sleeping bag and seen a topless girl in the lake also get macheted through the scalp. As far as I was concerned, reboots were the work of Lucifer himself.

"I'm digressing here. Look, long story short is that Watson jacked all our drink. We have no vodka, no wine, no beer, no nothing. We don't even have any water since Danny fucking used it all to wash his fucking hair and God knows what else. So now, there's seven of us trapped in a house with no liquid sustenance, and I'm pretty sure it'll be about twenty-four hours before we've killed one of us to drink his blood. And I specifically say 'his'. Ain't no one killing me."

I looked desperately at the ceiling. "Seriously, God. If you can hear me, just help us! We've done nothing wrong! We're good people! We deserve to be up there with you! We deserve the Rapture! Christ, if you can hear me, just help! I'm begging you!" And with a sigh, I reached over and switched off the video camera.

A/N- Sorry, I know this chapter is a lot shorter than usual, but I figured that was a pretty apt place to end the chapter. I'm back at school now, so updates may take a little longer. But I hope you liked the chapter, I'd love to get me some more of them reviews! Xx Gee xX

PS- Don't forget to check out my Polyvore, guys!