Chapter 31

Warning: If adult situations make you uncomfortable, skip over the first scene in italics.

As his hand grazed against her bare thigh, she sighed, splaying her hand against his damp chest. She smiled, as his fingers tangled in her hair, bringing her mouth to his in a loving kiss.

"Sully," she breathed, her heart swelling with pride and happiness, as she looked into his eyes. "I never believed I could be this happy."

"Me neither," he whispered, gently kissing her forehead.

"This is what it's like…to be your wife." She smoothed back his hair and captured his lips with her own. "I think I could get used to it." Sully chuckled against her, and he moved to kiss her neck, as his hand cupped her breast, kneading her softly for a moment.

"I love you," he whispered, kissing her earlobe and biting it gently. She sighed happily, eager for more of his touch and his kisses. "You're so beautiful." Michaela flushed, and she buried her face in his neck, pressing warm kisses against his pulse. Her hand boldly traveled under the sheet, and Sully sucked in a sharp breath, moaning her name and taking her lips with his again. Slowly, he rolled over, rolling her on top of him. She smiled down at him. Her eyes were twinkling stars, guiding him home again. He was home in her arms.

She pressed her hands against his chest, gently stroking down his torso, as his arms circled around her waist.

"Bein' with you ain't like I imagined." Michaela frowned, hoping she hadn't disappointed him.

"It isn't?" she asked, resting her chin upon his sternum.

"Nope. It's better." Michaela smiled, burying her face in his chest, as her hair drooped over him. He brushed her hair out of the way and tilted her chin to look her in the eyes. "Ain't nothin' to be embarrassed about. There ain't nothin' wrong with two people sharin' their love for one another."

His hands framed her face, and they stared at one another for a little while, taking in the sight of one another, grateful for having each other to hold and to love.

"I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with ya. I can't wait to start a family with ya. Our family." His hands grazed over her smooth stomach, and she giggled, feeling her muscles clench and draw back in response.

"A family," she whispered, rubbing her nose against his before their lips met again. She went to speak again, but he flipped her onto her back again and showered her face with kisses. She was reduced to fits of laughter before silence and passion overtook once again.

December 1870 – St. Louis

"Mr. Simon," the doctor said sternly, as he stepped out of Carrie's hospital room.

"Is she ok?" he asked, his voice trembling. He'd almost lost her twice, and he wasn't sure he could take it again.

"She's resting now. We've given her something to calm her. She…"

"What happened in there? She…" His hands were shaking, and he wasn't sure he was even speaking. Everything was so confusing. Why? What was wrong?

"She collapsed," the doctor confirmed. "She hasn't been getting enough to eat or enough sleep. She's exhausted, and I think what she needs is a vacation…she needs to relax and rest."

"She wants out," Daniel said softly.

"She does," the doctor agreed. "Mr. Simon, I think it's best for Ms. James if we keep her here for a while. There's a women's ward that deals with women who have been through…"

"Ya wanna lock her up?" Daniel asked, shaking his head. "No! I can't let ya do that."

"I'm sorry, sir, but you have no say in this. You aren't married."

"I have a say. I know her better than you do!" Daniel yelled, taking the doctor by the collar. He pushed him against the wall. "The only thing you're doin' by keepin' her here is makin' it worse! She wants out!" Before Daniel could say more, two men were grabbing a hold of him from behind and pulling him off of the doctor.

"Please escort Mr. Simon out of the building. He can come back tomorrow once he's calmed down."

"She needs me!" Daniel screamed, as they pulled him away. "I need to see her!" The doctor shook his head and walked back into Carrie's room to tell her what was about to happen.

December 1870 – Cheyenne Reservation

At sunrise the next morning, Michaela woke to the feel of a hand against her cheek, and she smiled a little, thinking of the dream she'd just woken from. Sully had been holding her, kissing her softly and smoothing back her hair. He'd been whispering sweet words into her ears –words that had made her blush– but she couldn't stop smiling.

"Sully," she whispered.

"Mornin'," a whisper followed. Michaela's eyes fluttered open slowly, and she stared right into Sully's soft, loving eyes. A smile crept over her mouth, red rushed to her cheeks, and she reached out to stroke his cheek.

"How're you feeling?" she asked gently.

"Better," he said with a nod. "You ok?"

"I'm fine, Sully…physically. You're the one I'm worried about. You were shot."

"I'll be ok," Sully assured her.

"You let me be the judge of that," Michaela warned.

She suddenly realized that she had fallen asleep before Johnny had come back the night before, and her heart began to race inside of her chest. "Oh God! Johnny!"

"Shh," Sully whispered. He motioned to Michaela's other side, and she slowly turned to see Johnny nestled under the covers there. She sighed softly in relief and gently ran her fingers through his soft hair. He looked so tired, and she hoped that he was feeling better, though she wouldn't be sure of that until he woke.

"He's certainly like his father in the respect that he causes me to worry more often than not," she teased.

"Don't mean to make ya worry," Sully said quietly, straining in pain. Michaela swallowed hard and lay back down beside him.

"I know that." She sighed heavily. "I hate seeing you in pain."

"It ain't as bad as it was yesterday," he pointed out.

"Good. I…I only wish there was someone to…to confront. They say it was an accident, Sully."

"Ya don't buy that," he said quietly. Michaela shook her head.

"No. I don't think I do." She ran her fingers through her hair, and she sighed helplessly. "It doesn't feel right that they've given up the search. They called it an accident, Sully. The Cheyenne are your family too. So, why did they just accept…"

"Things ain't easy for 'em right now, Michaela. If they go pointin' fingers, the army is gonna be brought in. I'd rather not be the cause of another war." Michaela nodded in realization.

"It isn't fair, Sully. You shouldn't have been hurt."

"I'm glad it was me. It coulda easily been you…or…or Johnny. I couldn't stand…" He groaned in pain again, and Michaela gently placed her hand on his back.

"Just lie still. I don't want you rupturing your stitches," she warned.

"I'm feelin' better now," he pointed out. "Havin' you here helps."

"Well, we may just be stuck together for awhile," she said thoughtfully. "The snow keeps falling, and it doesn't seem to want to let up." Sully grinned tiredly at her.

"They're gonna miss ya in Colorado Springs for a little while."

"They hardly know me," Michaela laughed.

"Guess they don't know ya as well as I know ya." Michaela shook her head.

"No one does. It's amazing how well we know each other."

"We've only been best friends for ten years," Sully chuckled painfully.

"Shh," she scolded. "We should be quiet. I don't want you straining yourself."

"I ain't strainin' myself. I just wanna look at ya…talk to ya." He reached for her hand, and she smiled playfully. "Touch ya." He brought her hand to his lips, and she couldn't help but grin. "I'm sorry this…"

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Sully. How were we to know what was going to happen?" She lay back down beside him, squeezing his hand. "I'm grateful you're here with me…right now. That's what matters." She felt the tension of the past couple of days rising, and she swallowed hard. "If I had lost you…."

"Ya didn't," he said quickly.

"I almost did, Sully. Your life was literally in my hands. I…for a moment, I didn't even know how to be a doctor anymore. All I could think was that the man I loved was lying there dying, and I was paralyzed…powerless to stop it." She felt the tears coming forward, but she didn't try to hold them back any longer. The moment I felt that something was wrong, I was terrified that I was about to lose you…lose everything for the rest of my life. That's how powerful this is for me, Sully. I need you. I need you here with me."

"I'm here," he breathed. "I don't want ya thinkin'…"

"Sully, it almost happened. I almost lost you. I don't…I don't ever want that to happen again." The tears flowed freely down her face, and Sully swallowed hard. He hated seeing her like this, but he knew he couldn't stop it. He couldn't say anything to make her feel better at that very moment. He was about to reach out for her again, but Johnny sat up, rubbing his eyes.

"Dr. Mike?" he asked with a yawn. When he pulled his hands away he saw that his father was awake. A smile spread across his face, and he hurried over to him. "Pa! You're awake!"

"Hey Johnny," Sully said with a weak smile. "You ok?"

"I'm ok, Pa! You? Do ya hurt?"

"Not as much as I did yesterday," Sully assured him. "C'mere." He tried to move into a sitting position, but he winced in pain. Johnny backed up, worried, and Michaela put her hand on Sully's shoulder. "No. NO. I wanna sit up. I wanna see my boy." Michaela checked his stitches again, and she nodded.

"Alright. Johnny, would you like to help me?"

"I don't wanna hurt him," Johnny said softly.

"You won't. Just do what I do. Ok?" Johnny nodded, and he helped Michaela help Sully to sit up. Michaela bunched up a few blankets and propped them up behind him to support his sore back. "Sully? Are you…"

"Just a little dizzy."

"That's no surprise. You've been lying on your stomach for days," she said with a worried tone in her voice. "If you need to lie back down, tell me, alright?" Sully nodded. His eyes moved from Michaela to his son, but Johnny was sitting on his knees with his hands folded against his legs, and he was staring down into them.

Michaela understood that Sully and his son needed a moment alone together.

"I'm going to go tell Cloud Dancing that you're doing much better. I'll see if I can bring anything back for us to eat." Sully nodded thankfully, and before she left, their hands lingered together for a moment. Once she had stepped outside, Sully turned his attention back to his son. He cleared his throat, but Johnny didn't look up.

"I…I know things've been hard on ya lately, Johnny," Sully said softly. "I'm sorry about that. I never meant for ya to feel like this." Johnny didn't move. "I know that everything is happenin' real fast for ya. I came here and ya…ya lost your grandpa. Me and Dr. Mike…"

"I don't wanna talk about it," Johnny said quietly.

"I know, but ya need to. Ya shouldn't hold it all inside. Just…just tell me what's on your mind."

"Nothin'."

"Not nothin'," Sully encouraged. "If you're anything like me or your ma, there's somethin' goin' on in that head of yours. Tell me."

"I don't wanna talk about it." At that moment, Sully saw himself in that little boy. He cleared his throat and reached out to the boy. He winced in pain, and Johnny backed up, still not looking him in the eye.

"Don't do that. Please, Johnny," Sully begged. "I'm your pa, and I want ya to know that I'll always be here to talk to."

"Ya almost wasn't," Johnny cried. "It's my fault."

"What?"

"It's my fault!" Johnny yelled. "You wouldn't be hurt if it wasn't for me." Sully shook his head. He had expected this, but it still worried him.

"It ain't your fault. Not at all."

"Yes it is! I ran off. Ya came after me, and ya got stuck here. If I wasn't out here, ya wouldn't have got shot!"

"Ya didn't know it was gonna happen, son. Ya couldn't have."

"I know. But…but I shoulda stayed. I shouldn't have said what I said. I didn't mean it, Pa."

"I know," Sully said with a short smile. "Ya were hurtin'. When I was grievin' over losin' you and your ma and sisters, I said things to people I never should've. I just couldn't deal with not havin' ya in my life. But, I know now that most of the things I said…I didn't mean." Johnny frowned and scooted closer to his father. "Johnny, I hoped what ya said wasn't true. I didn't want ya to hate me."

"I don't, Pa," Johnny said sadly. "I don't. I just miss Grandpa." Sully nodded. "I'm sorry, Pa. I never meant to say those things. I do want us to be a family." He wiped his eyes. "If ya love Dr. Mike…then I want us all to be a family." Sully raised his eyebrows and put his hand on his shoulder.

"Johnny, I don't want ya pretendin' for my sake. I love her, but…I don't want ya to be unhappy."

"She makes you happy, Pa," Johnny said quietly. "She's real nice. She took good care of me when I was sick, and she's takin' good care of you too. I like her." Sully smiled, and he motioned for his son to come closer. Johnny hesitantly scooted next to his father, and Sully wrapped his arm around him.

"I never thought I'd be havin' this conversation with ya, Johnny. I spent so much time away, and I wanna give ya a good home and a good family. I want ya to have all the things I didn't have when I was growin' up. Things ain't always gonna be easy, but we'll do the best we can." Johnny nodded.

"Do ya forgive me for runnin' away?" Johnny asked, sniffling and wiping his nose. Sully nodded and kissed the top of his son's head.

"I forgive ya if ya forgive me for bein' gone so long." Johnny smiled and held his hand out. "Deal?"

"It's a deal."