Chapter 32
Warning: Are you sure you want to continue? You might see some naked body parts, some touching and feeling, and a lot of enthusiasm. Please go no further if these offend you. If you ignore my warning, well, not my fault. Don't start kicking and screaming then because you think it was improper. (Thanks to Anne, for the brilliant warning suggestion!)
December 1870 – Cheyenne ReservationLater in the evening, Cloud Dancing handed Michaela a steaming cup, and she frowned, sniffing it.
"What is it?" she wondered.
"It is for my brother. It will give him strength." Michaela smiled gratefully at Cloud Dancing, and she shifted her weight to the balls of her feet..
"He is strong," she pointed out, "but he hasn't eaten anything in days. Thank you, Cloud Dancing." Before Cloud Dancing could speak, Johnny came running up. Michaela startled, but she knelt down in the snow. "Johnny? Is your father alright?" Johnny nodded.
"He's restin'," Johnny pointed out. "I told him I'd come get ya."
"Thank you," Michaela said with a smile. "Why don't you go back to the teepee? I'll be along in a few minutes.."
"Um…" Johnny shifted uncomfortably. "Cloud Dancin' promised to show me somethin'. I'm gonna stay with him and Snow Bird tonight." Michaela looked at Cloud Dancing, who seemed to be suppressing a baffled look. But she didn't question it.
"Alright. Well…we'll see you in the morning." Johnny nodded, and he stood beside Cloud Dancing. Michaela awkwardly walked away to take the cup of brewed herbs to Sully. Cloud Dancing looked down at Johnny.
"Why did you tell her that?"
"I don't know," he said with a shrug. "I just…I thought that maybe they'd want to talk."
"What makes you think this?"
"I know they're getting married. They love each other. They…they should get to be alone so they can talk." She sighed heavily. "I got to get used to it, 'cause I know I can't have my pa all to myself."
"And how do you feel about your father marrying again?"
"I wasn't sure 'bout it at first," he said quietly, watching Michaela walk toward the teepee. "But, I know Pa loves her. He's happy."
"He is fortunate to have a son like you." Cloud Dancing patted the boy on the back. "Come. You must ask Snow Bird's permission to stay with us tonight." Cloud Dancing had an amused look upon his face. Snow Bird adored Johnny, so he knew it would be no problem.
He watched Johnny walk away, and he glanced back toward the teepee that Michaela was disappearing into. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
"The Spirits are right. Their journey is beginning," he said quietly to himself. With that, he turned on his heel and started after Johnny.
Michaela smiled as she stepped into the teepee. She found Sully lying on his back now with a blanket propped against his bandage. She closed the flap tightly, and she knelt down beside Sully.
"Here you are." Sully eyed her.
"What is it?"
"Cloud Dancing says it will give you strength." Sully was about to protest, but she held the cup to his lips. "Don't argue with me," she said softly. "I am your doctor, after all." She winked at him and gently ran her fingers through his curls.
"Well, since ya got such a good bedside manner, I guess I'll cooperate."
"Good." She grinned and handed him the cup before she rubbed her hands together to keep them warm.
"You're cold?"
"A little chilly," she admitted. "I'll be fine." Sully pulled back a blanket and nodded for her to join him.
"C'mere." Michaela's cheeks flushed red. "Don't those fancy medical schools teach ya that body heat keeps a person warm?" Michaela swallowed hard.
"They do," she replied, "but they also teach us what…"
"What?" he asked, daring her to finish that sentence.
"Never mind, Mr. Sully. I'm not having this conversation with you." He sensed the playful tone in her voice, and he patted the empty spot next to him.
"I'm getting awful cold, and ain't it the doctor's job to take care of the patient?" Michaela sighed heavily, knowing he was only playing around, and she pulled herself across Sully before settling down beside him on the pile of furs. She looked down at him, and he sipped the last of the warm liquid. When he placed the cup aside, he reached for her hand. "You're shakin'."
"I'm fine," she replied.
"I don't want you getting sick," Sully said worriedly. He moved slowly, being gentle with his own condition, and he pulled the blankets up around Michaela's lap. She wanted to lie down, but she knew exactly what could happen if she did so. Those dreams always seemed so real, and her emotions were working double time lately. She had nearly lost him, and now that she had him back, her life with him was even more important.
Sully watched her as she slowly settled down on the blanket. She rolled to her side to face him, and her hands fidgeted nervously with the blanket, when he brought his arm around her slowly.
"We need to talk," he whispered. She knew exactly what he meant. She had been quite upset before Johnny woke up, and he knew she was still frightened of what had happened out there in the snow.
"I know," she replied quietly. She ran her fingers through her hair and gazed into his eyes. They were penetrating her soul, and her heart was ready to pour itself before him.
"I know you're scared," he said quietly. "It's okay. I'm fine now, Michaela. I'm gonna be fine, and that's 'cause ya saved my life."
"It shouldn't have happened, Sully. You are a good man…a good man."
"Sometimes…sometimes bad things happen to good people, and there ain't a way of stoppin' it."
"But I'm a doctor. My job is to preserve life and save it. I almost lost you, and all we know is that it was an accident. Sully…it's not fair. People die because they're sick or because someone decides that…that it's time for them. It's not fair, but it happens. But, an accident, Sully? What is accidental about it? It was a blizzard. The snow was coming down so fast… Sully, who would be hunting in that weather? Who…"
"Michaela," he said quietly, taking her hand in his. "Sometimes it's best if we don't…we don't…"
"How can you act like nothing's wrong, Sully? I was terrified for you! I had your blood on my hands, and I could feel your life slipping away. An accident…it isn't right!" She shook her head and wiped at her eyes, feeling fresh tears forming. "I can't lose you. I lost you once before…I refuse to go through that again…especially when there's no chance of us finding one another again." Sully's hands sought hers, and he slowly pulled his arms around her. She pulled away just as slowly. "No, Sully. I don't want to hurt you. You're…"
"You could never hurt me," he whispered. "Never." He pulled her close and kissed her forehead. He swallowed hard and rolled to his back, letting her lean her head against his chest. He felt her tears spill forth and soak through his shirt. "I'm sorry ya had to go through that, Michaela. Things shoulda turned out…"
"Differently?" She shook her head. "No. They turned out right. We're here…we're both alive, aren't we?" She gently stroked his stubbled cheek. He felt her fingers trembling, and he pulled them to his lips. "We're together, and that's what matters."
"All that matters," Sully breathed. His lips sought hers, and she didn't pull back. Instead, her hands framed his face, and she kissed him back with as much urgency as he kissed her. Their tears mixed together, and when realization struck her, Michaela pulled back.
"No. We shouldn't…" She tried to pull away, but she found herself clinging to him, wanting to be there in his arms. "It isn't…"
"I know," he said simply. "I know." Michaela looked into his eyes, and she saw everything there. She saw ten years of friendship, laughter, loving, holding, kissing, needing, crying, heartbreaking…it was all there. Every moment was there. Then she saw the sadness in his heart as he watched Loren slowly slipping away…the happiness in his eyes when he saw his little boy…the pain in his eyes in a split second. It could have killed him. It could have killed her. It was too much. Too close. She could have lost everything in a moment, including her life and his.
"I don't want to lose you," she breathed. "I can't lose you."
"Ya never will. I'll never leave ya. I swear, Michaela. I'll always be here for ya." She felt the truth in his words, and she pulled her arms around his neck, easily pulling his lips down onto hers. She couldn't stand being apart from him. She needed to be closer. Closer…
As she kissed him with insistency, he gently pulled back, brushing his lips across her cheek first.
"Michaela…what…what are ya doin'?"
"I need you," she whispered, her lower lip trembling. "I need…" She couldn't finish her words. She was drawn to him again, and her brain was screaming everything she wanted and didn't want to hear at the same time. It was right. It was wrong. It was everything she needed. It was everything she didn't need. It was…it was everything.
"I need you too," he breathed, gently caressing her thigh with his hand. He felt her tremble under his touch, and when he went to pull away, she held him closer. "I know how ya feel about…"
"That doesn't matter," she said quietly, her eyes searing his soul.
"Michaela…"
"Just…let me say this," she said quietly, sitting up slowly, boldly. "I've never…never in my life felt the way I feel when I'm with you, Sully. I've always been told how to act, what to say, how to…to feel in certain situations, but nothing…none of that matters when I'm with you. Rules…being proper…I know that that doesn't matter with us. Who has the right to tell us what's proper anyway?" Sully tried to make sense of her words in his head, but he was still a little groggy and trying to keep up with her.
"What are ya sayin'?" Sully asked quietly, adjusting himself on the bed of furs. Michaela turned away, looking around the teepee, as the darkness of the evening began to settle in.
"I'm saying…I'm tired of…of waiting for time to pass us by. Time…that's always been against us, Sully. We've had years separate us. We've had miles…but…but we've always been connected. We've felt that. I've felt that. Haven't you?" Sully nodded. "I would look up at that star at night, and I'd see everything I felt for you. I'd imagine you wrapping me in your arms and dancing with me…telling me things I wanted to hear." Sully reached out for her, and she gently fell back into his arms, letting them envelop her and hold her close.
"We got the rest of our lives for that, Michaela," he said quietly. Michaela nodded.
"I know we do," she whispered. "But the rest of our lives was almost a few days ago. Sully…just knowing that any moment…something could happen to change the rest of our lives…I just can't let myself…"
"Let yourself do what?" he asked, feeling her shudder softly. But before she answered, her lips touched his again, drawing him in…pulling him away from words and reality and knowing that what they were doing was about to change their lives forever.
Before she could ask herself what she was doing, her body was covering his, and her knees were framing his hips. He couldn't protest, as her mouth was against his, taking his breath away, as she breathed new life into him. He felt stronger with her in his arms, but he couldn't help but wonder if she realized exactly what she was getting herself into.
"Michaela," he said quietly, pushing back on her shoulders, "I don't think…" Thinking. No thinking. They didn't need to think right now. But, Michaela was growing increasingly aware of the fact that she was being forward, and she covered her face with her hands.
"Sully…I'm so sorry."
"No…no. Don't be sorry. Never be sorry," he whispered.
"I just…I don't want to lose you without letting you know..."
"You won't."
"You can't promise me that."
"I can try."
"I know. I know. All we can do is try, but we never know, Sully. We never know." She closed her eyes for only a moment, and when she opened them again, her heart filled with certainty, and her body responded in kind. She smiled slowly and nervously, and when she leaned down to kiss Sully, he held her back a breath away from his lips.
"Are ya sure?"
"I'm sure that I don't want to spend the rest of my life holding back from loving you." Slowly, Michaela lowered her lips to his, and she kissed him with feather-light pecks. He couldn't believe what she was doing. She was terrified of losing him, but she was about to do something that she had never done before…something he wasn't sure if she would regret later on down the line.
"Michaela…I don't want ya doin' something ya…ya don't want to do," he said, pushing back on her shoulders and looking into her eyes. But she didn't respond. His words were enough to spur her on. This man was her friend…her best friend…the man she was going to marry. What was wrong about it? Why did a little piece of paper matter to tell them they were husband and wife? Why did a reverend and a ring matter, when they had already promised themselves to one another for eternity? They would promise themselves to one another for God and in front of a congregation, yes, but in Michaela's heart, they had already made their vows before God that night on the beach…underneath their star.
"Sully, in my heart, I'm already your wife," she whispered, gently stroking his cheek. He couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth, and when she bent down to kiss him again, he didn't push her back. This was what she wanted, and it was what he'd been wanting for so very long. He had been waiting for her. Was it right for him to do this with her when he knew that she wanted to wait until they were married? He had to be absolutely certain.
"Michaela," he breathed, as her hands gently ran through his hair. He saw the worry in her eyes, but so much determination, need and love shined through it. "Is this what ya really want?" She started to kiss him, but he pushed her back again. It was taking all of his strength to keep her away. He had to be sure. "I need to hear it. I need to know I ain't dreamin'. I need to know this is what ya want, 'cause there ain't no turnin' back once it happens." Michaela swallowed hard, feeling her body trembling with nerves and anticipation. "I gotta hear it, Michaela. If ya ain't ready…"
"I'm ready," she whispered. "I've just been afraid to say so…afraid of what you'd think of me." She gently wiped tears from her eyes. "I've been dreaming about this, Sully. I can't…I can't describe it."
"Michaela…"
"If I had lost you without showing you how much I love you…I don't think I could have lived with myself. Sully, I need you…more than anything in this world." She breathed softly. "Nothing matters right now except for how we feel, and I'm not about to ignore that." He slowly reached up and ran his fingers through her hair, softly massaging her scalp as he went. She closed her eyes and rested her hands in his chest, gently massaging his bare torso. "Am I hurting you?" He shook his head.
"No," he whispered, as he brought her lips to his in a tantalizing, earth-shattering kiss. She moaned softly into his mouth, as he kissed her deeper than he ever had before, letting his hands roam down her shoulders to gently clasp her waist and tug at the sides of her skirt. She blushed heavily, but she didn't care. The night was growing darker, and they could barely see one another anymore.
"Sully," she breathed, as her lips met his neck, suckling softly upon his flesh. She felt him gasp for breath, and she pulled back a little.
"It's alright," he assured her.
"You're in pain, Sully."
"I ain't," he promised. "I'm fine, Michaela. I'm just fine."
"You're certain?" Sully nodded his head and brought her down to kiss him once more, feeling her melt into his arms. She was driving him wild, and she couldn't even realize it. She had never done this before, and she felt as if she was going into it blindly. She was terrified of the thought of the unknown, but at the same time, a sense of peace washed over her body, calming her and telling her that this was right. This was right. "If you start to hurt, please tell me."
"Spoken like a true doctor," he said with a chuckle. Michaela shook her head.
"It isn't funny, Sully. I don't want to hurt you…I don't want…" She closed her eyes, feeling his hands on her hips. "Oh, Sully…" In an instant, his hands were on the sides of her skirt, freshly washed by the Cheyenne women. Michaela shivered, as he gently unfastened the clasp and began to un-tuck her shirt. Her hands ran up his torso and down his arms, before their hands met and held each other for one moment.
"Michaela Quinn…will you be my wife tonight?" She smiled lovingly.
"I'll be your wife forever," she whispered, letting his hands go so he could finish his task. Suddenly, she wasn't afraid any longer. She wasn't afraid of the unknown. She was here with him.
She leaned down to kiss him again, feeling him relaxing underneath her. She felt powerful, and that made her nervous. She was doing the one thing she never thought she would do before marriage, and it was like a cold splash in the face. But, as his hands began to rake at her stockings, she felt sparks erupt from his hands and ignite a burning trail all the way through her veins…striking dangerously near to her heart.
"Yes," she breathed unknowingly, letting her senses take over, as she felt something she'd never felt before. She sucked in a sharp breath, and Sully's hands began to work with the buttons of her blouse. She leaned her head back as he popped the shirt open button by button, and within moments she could feel his warm hands against her bare flesh, gently unlacing her camisole.
Through the darkness, she peered down, and she could see a flicker in his eyes, lighting the way and letting her know that this was going to be all right. She was ready. She had been ready to love him for a long time, and tonight was her chance.
"I need you," she whispered, as her arms grew cold from the absence of her blouse. Sully moaned in pain, when he strained to help her with her camisole. She gently pushed him onto his back, making sure he was comfortable. She couldn't let him hurt, and she found herself blushing red as she removed her own camisole. His hands immediately claimed her full, heavy breasts and kneaded them lovingly in his palms. The feeling of his hands on her sent Michaela into a spinning vortex of emotions and feelings. Her skin was on fire, and she couldn't explain the sensation.
He gently pulled her down, and she felt his mouth upon her breast and her nipples hardening with his loving attention. She groaned softly, and her hair fell against him. He inhaled her scent and let out a hot breath, causing her to jump back at the feeling of warmth against her sensitive body.
"Sully…" His hands moved back down to her skirt, trying to rid her of the confines. Slowly, she pulled herself off of him, much to his disappointment, but when she returned in the darkness, he felt her bare flesh against his buckskins. She was trembling harder than ever, and he knew she was even surprising herself.
She couldn't believe what she was doing. Her nerves were coming back. Her body was shaking, as she felt his desire for her growing by the minute.
His hands gently explored her lower half, trailing down her thighs and legs and back up to move around to her backside. She moaned softly, as his hand slipped underneath her, teasing her flesh as he moved lower…lower…lower.
"Sully!" she cried out into his neck, as he touched her. He started to pull back, but she stopped him. Their lips met again, and she shuddered against his mouth, feeling his tongue explore hers, as his hands stroked and loved her like never before.
"Michaela," he breathed, as his own passion began to mount. He couldn't wait to be one with her, but he knew she needed time. She needed his patience, but he was feeling himself spinning out of control by the second.
Her hands gently moved down his body and to the button of his buckskins. She didn't know what she was doing anymore. It was as if instinct had taken over. She was ready, but she wasn't sure what to expect or how she would feel, but when she felt Sully's hands upon her neck, bringing her down for another kiss, she let go.
"Listen to me," he breathed, holding onto her bare hips, trying to steady her quaking body. "I never wanna hurt you. If I…well…I…" He swallowed hard, losing his train of thought, as he strained against his buckskins.
A moment later, his hands were guiding hers, and she was shivering violently, as he helped her with the button of his buckskins. She swallowed hard, not being able to see him any longer. What time was it? They'd completely lost track of the world around them, and they were certain they were the only ones that existed anymore.
Together, their hands slid his buckskins down his legs, and soon, she was working by herself, as he lay back, relaxing the tension in his back. He groaned softly, and when he felt her breath against his neck again, he searched for her lips, pulling her hair back and running his fingers through it.
"Ya scared?" he asked softly.
"A little," she admitted. "But, I don't care. I'm with you. In my heart, it's right." Her body pressed against his, and they relaxed together. They explored one another with tender kisses and caresses, and Michaela's nerves began to fade away. She started to relax just a little in the arms of the man she loved; the man she was going to spend her life with.
When their lips met once again, Sully gently began to join with Michaela. He heard her gasp into his mouth, and he pulled back, waiting for her trembling to ease.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
"No. No, it's alright," she promised.
"We don't…"
"Sully," she moaned, kissing his lips softly. "If you think I'll regret this…you're wrong." With those final words of reassurance, he kissed her and joined with her, feeling her warmth surround him and ignite his body with the flames of passion.
"Oh God," he breathed, burying his hands in her hair, feeling her but not seeing her. Their bodies sought each other out in the darkness, and he heard her cry out. "I don't wanna hurt ya."
"You aren't," she whispered. "I love you." Her breathing was ragged, but her kisses were fervent and filled with desire. He held her close, as he began to guide her hips to a slow, rocking rhythm. The pain in his back was still present, but it was nothing compared to the incredible feeling of her body wrapped up in his…surrounding him. "Oh….Sully!" Her cries pierced his heart, and he arched his neck, seeking out the flesh of her breast again.
The screeching sound of a Cheyenne infant infiltrated their passion, and they realized they had to be still. They had to stay silent.
They buried their silent moans in each other's kisses, treading desperately on the brink of sanity and rapture. Michaela's pain-filled but pleasurable moans drove Sully wild, and he only wanted to make it more comfortable for her. Their mutual pain, however, retreated and opened up a new beginning; a new life. Everything was changing. In an instant, the next step of their journey would be planted.
As she moved against him, feeling him inside of her and pulsating against her body, she felt something she'd never felt before. She was tensing up and clenching around him, and her entire body was writhing in need of release. She tried to breathe, but the air had escaped her lungs, and she was biting her lip so tightly that she forgot to breathe. She had never felt such intense pleasure before, and as she felt Sully shuddering and his fingers dig into her hips, something inside of her knew he was feeling the same thing.
He felt the pain of her nails against his chest, gently raking down. He could feel her struggling to hold on, and he struggled too, fighting for the strength to keep going and bring her the pleasure he felt she deserved. He wanted her to feel his love and to know that she could feel this way with him and not be ashamed. He wanted her to let go, and as his hands reached her shoulders and moved down, down, down to her backside again, he pulled her closer, bringing her just close enough to the edge for her to come crashing down. She wanted to scream as she fell, but his lips breathed air into her body and caught the sounds of her pleasure. As her breathing grew more ragged, and her breasts rose and fell against his chest, he cried out into her mouth and poured new life into her in a shattering climax.
Ten years. Ten years of longing. Ten years of mourning. Ten years of wondering. Ten years of hoping. Ten years of absolute solitude without one another. It had all come crashing together in a few minutes of sheer pleasure and their expressions of love. And, as Michaela and Sully pulled apart, Michaela rolled onto her back, covering her body with a blanket, unsure of what to do or what to say. She could hear his shallow breaths just a few inches away. She couldn't see him, but she felt his hand reach for hers. She felt his pulse racing in time with hers. She felt as if they were still one. She felt his love, heard his thoughts, and she knew that she had made the right decision. They were one.