Chapter 40

January 1871 – Colorado Springs

Daniel slowly walked into the room with his hat in his hands. He didn't know what to say to her. She probably hated him. He knew she was hurting. She was furious with him, but he'd told the doctor for her own good. He only hoped she'd realize that with time.

"Carrie?" Her eyes flew open at the sound of his voice.

"Go away, Daniel. I don't wanna see you."

"Why not?" he asked, continuing his slow saunter across the room.

"'Cause I don't," she replied, unable to fight for an answer.

"Is it 'cause I told the doctor 'bout the baby?" She was silent. "If it's that, well, you can be mad at me all ya want, but I won't take it back. I did it to save your life, ya know?"

"I was doin' just fine."

"I don't think passin' out on a train is considered fine," Daniel pointed out, pulling a chair out from the corner and sitting backward in it, placing his hands on the backrest. Carrie glared at him.

"I wanna see Sully." She certainly knew how to hurt him where it counted.

"Why?"

"Is that really your business?" Daniel wished she wouldn't try so hard to push him away.

"Why do ya need him so bad, Carrie? Huh? Ya done without him all this time. 'Sides, he's gonna be getting married soon. He's got a son." Carrie's eyes flickered. "Told me he just found him. He's got a family. Ya don't have no business chasin' after him." Carrie tried to adjust herself in the bed but failed miserably.

"I ain't doin' that!" she seethed, feeling pain rip through her body. She cried out, and Daniel felt immediately guilty.

"Carrie, I'm sorry…"

"Just go away, Daniel," she pleaded, her angry façade cracking, as she fought to stay conscious. "I don't wanna see you right now." He sighed in exasperation.

"Why are ya bein' like this, huh? Ya wasn't like this that night in the hospital room."

"Yeah? Well, things changed."

"What things? Did that kiss scare ya off? Huh? Did it scare ya? Why are ya so afraid of…"

"Daniel, stop it," she warned. She rested against her pillow, and Daniel ran his hands through his hair.

"I'm sorry, Carrie. I don't wanna make ya upset. That's the last thing I wanna do. I just…I can't help but wonder why ya won't let me in. Why won't ya trust me?" Carrie let out a shaky breath, and her eyes welled with tears.

"I can't talk about this now."

"Why not?"

"I just…I just can't. Daniel, please let me get some rest."

"Will you talk to me later?" She hesitated for a moment before nodding her head.

"Good," he said softly, gently reaching for her hand. She didn't pull away at first, but when his fingers curled around hers, she pulled back, closing her eyes so she wouldn't have to look at him. He looked away and stood up. "I'll let you rest." He headed for the door, and he stopped at her voice.

"Daniel?" He turned back with hope in his eyes.

"Yeah?" She knew she was going to break his heart again, but she couldn't stop it.

"I wanna see Sully."

Sully slowly stepped into Carrie's room, seeing her pale form lying on the bed. He closed the door behind him and stepped cautiously toward her.

"Hey Cowboy," she said with a weak smile. "I'm glad you're here."

"You feelin' ok?"

"Yeah. The doc gave me somethin' good, I think. I can't feel nothin' right now." She chuckled.

"Michaela's a good doctor," he replied, taking a seat in the chair near her bed. Carrie sighed softly and swallowed hard.

"She tell ya what she had to do to me?" she asked. Sully didn't respond. "It's ok if she did. I trust you."

"I…"

"It's ok anyhow. I didn't want kids." She looked toward the window.

"That right?" She shrugged her shoulders, biting her trembling lower lip. "You're young, Carrie. Ya ought to be mad that this is happenin' to ya."

"Bein' mad won't do no good. I learned that a long time ago."

"But ya are mad. You're just bottlin' it up inside." Carrie shook her head. She let out a slow breath. Sully slowly stood. "I'll let ya rest." But, she reached out and grabbed his hand. "Don't go." Slowly, he sat back down, and he swallowed hard.

"You're the only one I trust," she said softly. "My daddy…he ain't here. He sent me with Daniel."

"You made up your own mind. Ya obviously trusted Daniel enough to go with him."

"I…" She swallowed hard.

"You're hurtin' him Carrie. He loves you." Her eyes searched his.

"How could he love me, Sully? How? I ain't worth it."

"If ya believe that, ya obviously don't know yourself very well." He shook his head. "Ya keep pushin' him away. Ya keep askin' for me. Ya know how I feel, Carrie. Ya know things could never…"

"I know," she answered quickly. "Very few people in my life have convinced me to trust. Daniel…I trust him, but I…I don't know how to explain it."

"Try," Sully urged, clearing his throat. "But tell him. Let me go get him."

"No!" she called out. "Let me tell you first."

"I ain't the one ya need…"

"I know. I know, Sully. I keep hurtin' him, and I don't want to. But…hurtin' him is my way of keepin' him at a distance so I can think. He expects a relationship. He kissed me once, Sully. He kissed me, and I wanted him to. And everythin' from the drive came back to haunt me. I let people in, and I got hurt. I trusted, and I got hurt."

"Ya trust me."

"I do. Ya never expected nothin' of me. That's why you're so easy to talk to. That's why I trust ya."

"Then believe me when I tell ya that Daniel would never hurt ya. He's scared to death, Carrie. Ya gotta stop pushin' him away, 'cause if ya keep pushin', you're only gonna hurt yourself." He shook his head. "Ya got that man so wound up he can't think straight. He thinks ya love me."

"I do, Cowboy," she said with a grin.

"Not like that. 'Sides, ya know…" She rolled her eyes.

"C'mon, Cowboy. Lighten up. Ya know what I mean." Sully smiled a little. There was the Carrie he remembered. "Look. I'll promise to talk to Daniel and try to talk some sense into him…if ya promise me somethin'." She cleared her dry throat.

"What's that?"

"Go tell that doctor that ya love her. Ya spent so much time thinkin' 'bout her on the drive that I figured…once ya had her in your sights, you'd never let her out of 'em." Sully laughed a little.

"You get some rest." She nodded, and he stood up.

"Thanks for bein' here, Sully. You were always there when I needed ya."

"I tried to be. You did a pretty good job of takin' care of yourself." She smiled a little and closed her eyes.

"I had to," she whispered, as he closed the door and headed out to find Michaela.

At the mercantile, Olive figured up the price of Michaela's items, as Michaela fished through her money purse.

"What's this I hear 'bout some girl faintin' on the train?" Olive asked calmly, setting Michaela's items back into her shopping basket. "Dollar fifty." Michaela handed her the money. "Thanks."

"Who told you that?" Michaela wondered.

"Oh, just everybody that came off the train and into my store," Olive replied. "What on earth happened?"

"Well, I can't discuss my patient's condition, but she's doing much better," Michaela assured her.

"Somebody said she came with Daniel Simon."

"She did," Michaela said, cocking an eyebrow.

"Haven't seen that boy since before Sully and Abby got married," she said, shaking her head. "Him and Sully were inseparable 'til Abby came into the picture. Guess girls have a way of doin' that to a friendship." She chuckled and shook her head again. "Oh, listen to me carryin' on. I got things to do. I hope Daniel's friend is feelin' better."

"I'm sure she would appreciate that," Michaela said with a smile. "Have a good day, Olive." Olive nodded and waved her off. Just as Michaela was about to step out onto the porch, two arms seized her from behind and pulled her into a loving kiss. She gasped, as she pulled back to look into Sully's eyes. He grinned and kissed her again.

"I love you," he whispered. Michaela giggled, as his stubble tickled her chin. She flushed, when she saw Olive raise an amused eyebrow from inside of the store.

"Sully!" she laughed. "What's gotten…into you?" He kissed her once more.

"Just came back from talkin' to Carrie."

"Well, what a relief to know she's had this affect on you," she scoffed teasingly. He laughed and took her hand.

"Ya know what I mean," he pointed out.

"How is she doing?" Michaela asked, as they started out across the street, arm in arm.

"She's holdin' her own. She's real confused, but I think I might've figured out what's goin' on."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. See, the reason why she kept askin' for me…is 'cause she knows I don't expect nothin' of her. Daniel really needs for her to love him, ya know? He needs to know she feels the same, but she ain't ready for that." Michaela nodded in understanding. "She loves him. She trusts him. She's just…she's just afraid that if she lets him know, he'll keep pushin' for more. She needs a friend, and Daniel is that, but…"

"But he needs to slow down," Michaela concluded. She felt Sully relax a little, and she knew he was pushing to change the subject already.

"C'mon."

"What?"

"I wanna take ya somewhere." Michaela's eyes widened.

"Now! Sully, I have a patient to see, and…"

"It won't take long. I promise. I just wanna show ya somethin'." Michaela eyed him suspiciously, but she finally nodded. She saw the sparkle in his eyes, so she knew he was really eager about this.

"Alright," she said softly, leaning into him, as they made their way to the horses. They spotted Daniel walking into the clinic, and Michaela looked at Sully.

"Don't worry. He knows where I'm goin', and he promised to look after Johnny." Michaela breathed a sigh or relief, as Sully helped her mount up on Flash. Sully found his own horse, one he'd gotten from Robert E. for a good price, and he and Michaela rode off away from town.

"Where are we going?" Michaela asked, as their horses took a turn onto a road leading further away from town.

"You'll see," Sully replied with a laugh. Michaela sighed, realizing she wasn't going to get any answers out of him. So, she kept up with him easily and caught him stealing glances at her now and again for a good ten minutes.

"You said it wouldn't take very long," she pointed out.

"Not much farther," he promised. "Be patient." She sighed happily and continued on with him, growing more and more eager for his surprise by the moment.

"Patient, Mr. Sully?" she asked. "I have been patient. I'm just exhausted, and I have a…"

"Relax," he chuckled. "We'll take a shortcut back to town. See, I still remember my way 'round this place." She smiled, and she hurried to catch up to him. Slowly, his hand reached out for hers, and she took it.

"It's been a long day," Michaela said with a quiet yawn. Sully said nothing, as he stopped his horse in the middle of the snow. "Sully?"

"Here," he said, looking out at the vast spread of land before his eyes. The white snow glistened in the sun, and Michaela looked around, taking in the breathtaking scenery.

"What's here?" she asked. Sully grinned at her, dismounted, and helped her off of her own horse. His hand squeezed her, and they began trudging through the snow. Michaela laughed merrily, as Sully picked up the pace. "Sully! We're…we're going to fall!" She couldn't help but laugh still, because she was having so much fun. "Sully!" He scooped her up into his arms and twirled her about, lovingly kissing her chilled lips, warming them instantly. When they pulled away, she gazed up into his eyes and softly drew her gloved fingers over his cheek. "What's here?"

"Home," he replied with a nod, looking around. "This is where I'm gonna build our homestead." Michaela's beautifully mismatched eyes glistened in the winter sun, and she looked around, taking in the scenery with an entirely new appreciation.

"Sully," she breathed, putting her hand to her mouth.

"What do ya think?"

"I…I love it, Sully! It's beautiful," she said with a smile.

"See? It ain't too far from town, but we still got lots of privacy out here." Michaela grinned.

"With a ten year old boy, privacy must certainly be something completely different." Sully gently nuzzled her cheek, pulling her coat and bringing her closer. She sighed, as his lips closed over hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and fell into bliss.

His arms encircled her body, and he heard her sigh against his lips, urging him onward. Her fingers gently tangled in his hair, and his in hers. She giggled, as his hands moved from her head and slid down her body and to her waist, almost tickling her.

"Where will the house go?" Michaela wondered, as she pulled back.

"Well…" He took her hand in his. "I figured the barn could go 'bout there," he pointed. "And the house…just there. There'll be 2 stories. The kitchen and the…the livin' room'll be downstairs. Upstairs'll be our room, Johnny's and…and a few extras."

"Extras?" Sully nodded.

"Just in case." Michaela smiled nervously, but he kissed her cheek.

"Do you think you can finish this in five months?" she wondered.

"I can try. Soon as the snow clears, I'll start workin' on it with the money Loren left me." Michaela finally slipped an arm around his waist.

"I love it, Sully. Even if the house isn't finished in time, we'll make it work." After a few more precious moments alone together, Sully took her hand and started back toward the horses.

Carrie lay in bed, unable to sleep. She could hear Daniel pacing the hallway outside. She knew he was waiting on her to wake up. She didn't have the strength to holler for him. She was afraid. What if he wanted more than she could give him now? What if…

She put her hand to her neck and felt the cold, silver chain with a star-shaped locket lying there against her pulse. She gently unfastened the clasp and pulled it into her hands. The dainty little necklace had been hers since before she could remember. She opened it up to see a picture of herself as a baby and the other picture was of her mother. But, it was so, so faded. All she could see was a pair of eyes, barely distinguishable through the faded material.

"Mama," she whispered, holding it to her cheek. "I wish you were here with me." She swallowed the tears that streamed down the back of her throat. "I need you. I need you to tell me it's gonna be ok. I ain't so sure no more."

She curled the necklace up in her fist and held it tightly, wanting to feel her mother there with her. She'd never felt her there. Her mother was gone. Dead. She'd left her long before anybody else. She'd left her without the love of a mother, but she'd left her that chain so she could feel her love always.

"I wish I had you here," she breathed. "I wish I could remember you." Hot, thick tears streamed down her face, and she brushed at them furiously. She didn't want to cry, but she couldn't help herself. "I wish I knew how to miss you…"

August 1850

"You're here…"

"It's been a while."

"You…you look…"

"I need your help."

"Anything. You know I'd do anything for ya."

"Anything?"

"'Course. What's this all about?"

"I have somethin' to tell ya. It's changed everythin'."

"What has?"

"Her."