Chapter 44

January 1871 – Colorado Springs

Jake stared out of the window of his barbershop, seeing Sully over by the livery, as Johnny introduced some prim, proper little girl to that beast of a horse. Byron. What a stupid name for a horse. What a stupid name for a man. A no-good, deadbeat of a man.

He scoffed and sat down on the bench against his window. He looked around his empty, whiskey-scented place of establishment. With a shake of his head, he wondered if he should give it all up. Perhaps he should sell his place and leave again. He'd left after Abby died and lost himself in cattle drive upon cattle drive. Who was to say he couldn't do it again?

He placed his hand against his temple, feeling his hangover throbbing inside of him like a band of bass drums.

A flash of eyes infiltrated his thoughts. One green and one brown. The way they flashed pity, sympathy, comfort and then absolute disgust and fear. Those lips. Something about the way those lips smiled and then quivered and formed sobs and screams so deafening. Something about the way he could almost feel them on his own. Who was she? Why couldn't he remember her? She was so real…so very real, yet he could only remember those eyes and those lips.

He took a deep breath. He'd seen those eyes before. He'd seen her. Something about her had drawn him to her, but he couldn't remember. His brain was muddled from years of whiskey and suppression. What was she? Who was she? God, why couldn't he remember? Did he want to remember?

Then he thought of Abby. Abby's eyes. Abby's lips. It wasn't her, but God, she was his angel. Nobody had ever compared to Abby. Not before. Not after. Her eyes had changed his life for just a little while, but when they closed for the last time, nothing could save him.

"I wish I could remember you," he breathed, seeing those eyes again. "I wish I could remember…"

After the crowd outside of the clinic dispersed, Michaela searched for Sully, finding him leaning against the corral at the livery. She saw her mother and Rebecca on the porch of the general store and quickly decided that she would rather speak with Sully for the time being.

With an exasperated frown, she walked over to him, and the first thing he felt was her hand on his back. He turned quickly, and relief flooded his eyes when he saw her beautiful face.

"Hey," he whispered, gently drawing her into his arms. "You ok?"

"I am now," she admitted, as he leaned down to press his lips against her forehead. "Charlotte's with her children, and Rebecca is keeping mother occupied."

"Yeah. I guess Olive is takin' 'em to the new boardin' house at the other end of town. They'll stay there."

"They could stay above the clinic," Michaela replied, stepping away from him and watching Johnny with Mary.

"Figured that with Carrie and Charlotte there, it'd be best if they slept somewhere quiet where they wouldn't disturb nobody." Michaela nodded in understanding. She smiled, when Mary giggled, as Byron licked her hand.

"He likes ya," Johnny laughed as Mary was once again reduced to fits of giggles.

"They seem to be getting along," Michaela said with an approving smile at the sight of her little niece having so much fun. Sully nodded, squeezing her hand.

"They sure are." Sully nuzzled her cheek for a moment. "So. My eyes sparkle, huh?" Michaela spun around, her eyes wide and her cheeks red.

"Excuse me?" she choked.

"Kids say the darndest things," he chortled, nodding toward Mary. Michaela covered her face with her hands.

"Oh my," she breathed. "I can't believe…"

"Don't worry," he whispered, drawing her in for a tender kiss. "They only sparkle when I'm lookin' at you." She blushed heavily, but their moment was interrupted shortly thereafter.

"Michaela!" Michaela smiled at the sound of her sister's voice, and when Olive, Rebecca, and Elizabeth came walking over, Johnny and Mary rushed over to join the little group. "Michaela, Miss Davis was just about to take us to the little boarding house at the end of town. We thought we would stop by and say goodnight."

"Goodnight. I hope you all sleep well."

"Oh, do we have to go in now, Mother?" Mary asked, her little lip quivering. "I want to ride the horse!" Rebecca chuckled and took the girl's hand.

"Some other time, sweetheart. We need to get settled in." Mary cast a sad glance at Johnny. "Don't worry. You two can play tomorrow." Her face brightened a little.

"Nehvestâhemêstse!" The sound of a Cheyenne brave pierced through the town, and Sully and Michaela immediately rushed into the middle of the street, as a frightened Elizabeth held onto the corral for support.

A young man that Sully recognized as Chasing Sun leapt from his horse, startling several townspeople and causing many mothers to draw their children behind their skirts.

Sully exchanged words in Cheyenne with the young man, as Michaela apprehensively held onto his arm. When Sully's eyes met hers again, he swallowed hard.

"It's Snow Bird. Cloud Dancin' sent Chasin' Sun for ya. She needs ya."

"I'll get my bag," Michaela promised.

"But," Elizabeth protested. "Where is she going!"

"A friend needs our help," Sully pointed out. He looked down at Johnny.

"I wanna go!" Johnny stammered. "Let me go, Pa!"

"'Fraid not this time, Johnny," Sully said quietly.

"Mother, can he stay with us?" Mary asked with wide eyes. Rebecca looked from her mother to Sully, and a moment later, she nodded.

"Of course. We'll watch him."

"Thanks, Ma'am."

"I'll go get ya some supplies," Olive offered. Sully nodded his thanks and rushed off to gather the horses, leaving Elizabeth and Rebecca absolutely baffled.

November 1863

Carrie placed her hand over her already swollen belly and rolled over in her cot. She wasn't certain how far they had traveled in the past two months, but she was incredibly uncomfortable. She didn't dare to let her father see how incredibly uncomfortable she was. She wanted to make him proud to overshadow the embarrassment that she was causing him due to her pregnancy.

She closed her eyes and pulled herself slowly out of bed, feeling her expanding belly lurch. She placed her hand over her mouth, praying that she wouldn't be sick. When the feeling subsided, she pulled on her clothes and ventured out of the tent to see her father already hard at work with the cowboys.

She sighed softly and placed her hand on her tummy, feeling more like a mother than ever before. Over the past two months, she had accepted the fact that she was going to have a baby at her young age. She wasn't ready. She didn't think she wanted it, but it was happening. She had vowed to herself that despite the circumstances, she was going to make sure her baby was healthy, happy, and protected. She refused to let him or her go through the kinds of things she had in silence. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to hold so many burdens at such an age.

"Carrie?" She turned at the voice of one of the kinder cowboys, Marcus. His hair was soft and dark, and his eyes sparkled green like emeralds. He had never tried anything with her, and they had friends for a while.

"Hi Marcus," she said softly, placing her hand to her forehead.

"You feelin' alright?"

"I'm fine."

"Why don't ya go lay down? I can tell your pa, and he'll understand."

"No. I'm feelin' fine. I can work. I just…I just need a minute." Marcus sighed heavily and shook his head.

"I gotta get back to work. Just…take care of yourself, Carrie." She nodded, and she watched him walk off. She looked down and put her hand on her stomach. Marcus was the only cowboy that didn't give her a hard time, and for that, she was grateful.

"Maybe you'll have a pa like him someday," she whispered. "He's a real nice guy." She swallowed hard, and she shielded the sun from her eyes. She felt ill again and turned to rush back into the tent, hoping that her misery would end soon.

January 1871 – Colorado Springs

"Please, Mother!" Mary begged, as she stood at the door. "Please, can we go outside? Just for a little while?"

"Mary, dear, please don't whine," Elizabeth scolded. "You're worse than a parlor dog."

"But," Mary protested. She looked at Johnny. He merely shrugged, uncertain of what tactics to use now.

"Sweetheart, it's freezing out there," Rebecca noted.

"I don't mind! I love the snow! Really. I never get to play outside in Boston!" Mary whimpered.

"What's Boston like?" Johnny asked.

"It's big," Mary said with wide eyes. "There's a candy store there. A big one."

"Candy?"

"Though Mother never lets me go except at Christmas. She says candy is bad for your teeth." Johnny nodded.

"My grandpa told me the same thing." He made a face, and Mary giggled.

"Aren't either one of you tired yet?" Elizabeth asked, looking up from her reading.

"No!" Mary insisted. "Mother, just for a little while?" With a sigh, Rebecca gave in.

"Alright. Both of you bundle up." With triumphant looks upon their faces, Johnny and Mary both bundled up and rushed outside with Rebecca right behind them. As soon as she stepped out onto the porch, she spotted a rider coming up dressed in black with a white collar. She recognized him to be a Reverend of some sort, and she smiled. He spotted her right away and tipped his hat, slowing his horse to a stop.

"Evening," he said with a smile, capturing her gaze. "I don't believe we've met." Rebecca shook her head, as he dismounted the horse. He was tall and lean and handsome, and he had a kind look in his eyes.

"Good evening," she replied. "We haven't. My daughter and I are visiting with my mother."

"Oh. Who are you visiting, if I may ask?"

"My sister. Dr. Michaela Quinn." His eyes widened in surprise.

"Oh!" he replied. "Yes, of course. Welcome to Colorado Springs, Miss Quinn."

"Mrs. Rebecca Buchanan," she corrected him, but she smiled to let him know she wasn't offended.

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"That's alright. I still carry my husband's name."

"Oh. I'm…"

"It's alright. It was a long time ago." He nodded. "And you are?"

"Oh. Right. Yes. I'm Reverend Timothy Johnson."

"It's lovely to meet you." Mary and Johnny squealed with laughter, as they chased one another with large snowballs.

"Are you in town long?"

"I'm not sure, Reverend," Rebecca replied. "I suppose it depends on how quickly my mother and sister work things out." Timothy raised an eyebrow, but he knew it was none of his business, and judging by the flush on Rebecca's cheeks, she felt she had said too much.

"Well, whatever happens, it's nice to meet you, and I hope to see you in church on Sunday."

"Certainly, Reverend. Thank you." He nodded and re-mounted his horse before heading off toward the church, glancing over his shoulder once, just in time to see a snowball land right into Rebecca's skirt. He smiled to himself and went on, while Rebecca chased after her daughter, the little culprit who had certainly learned now to enjoy herself in Colorado Springs.

January 1871 – Cheyenne Reservation

Sully and Cloud Dancing stood around the fire, as they waited for Michaela to come out from checking on Snow Bird. Cloud Dancing had been quiet and full of thought and worry, while Sully looked around apprehensively. Both sensed tension in the other's soul.

"I have never seen her so ill before," Cloud Dancing said quietly. "Even the Spirits could not give me an answer. But I must say that my mind was too full of thought to concentrate. The Spirits have spoken to me on other matters."

"What's goin' on?" Sully asked, folding his arms across his chest.

"I've had many dreams. The same dream," he said quietly, searching his white brother's eyes.

"What about?" Sully wondered.

"You and the medicine woman." Sully swallowed hard and shivered at the tone of Cloud Dancing's voice.

"What were they about?" Sully dared.

"I am afraid those dreams are not for me to tell," he spoke, "but I must deliver a message from the Spirits."

"What message?" Cloud Dancing's eyes darted toward the teepee. He swallowed hard, and he put his hand on his brother's shoulder.

"Your love for her is strong, is it not?"

"It is," Sully replied. "I love her more than anything."

"Then you must do what is right." A momentary pause seemed like an hour, and Cloud Dancing spoke again. "Your love has taken you places you have not ventured before." Sully shifted nervously, understanding what the medicine man was getting at. He wondered how Cloud Dancing knew of his intimacy with Michaela, but Cloud Dancing was insightful, and he had a more powerful connection with the Spirits than anybody Sully had ever known. "The Spirits know all, my brother. They tell me that you have made decisions."

"What are ya tellin' me?" Sully asked. "The Spirits told ya this, so what does it have to do with…"

"The Spirits say that if you know what is best, you will not marry her until the time is right."

"What?"

"You wish to marry her?"

"'Course I do. May twentieth. That's…that's the day." Cloud Dancing nodded.

"It must be no sooner than that day, my brother, and it must not be for any reason other than love." Sully shook his head in confusion. Why else…? "The Spirits will not tell me what day that is, but they tell me that you will know. You and she will know alone when the time is right."

"We'll both know?" Cloud Dancing nodded.

"It will be a day of great sadness, but out if it will come pure joy. In that moment, you will both know. The stars will guide you, and you will be married. There are many obstacles in your journey, but you must not let them lead you from your path. Only you and she will know. You will count your blessings that day. Your family will be gathered, and you will celebrate in front of your God and your loved ones." Cloud Dancing's words were causing his head to spin, and Sully wasn't certain what to make of it all.

"Cloud Dancin'…you're not tellin' me somethin'." Just then, Michaela stepped out of the teepee, and she smiled tiredly at Cloud Dancing. He turned and rushed to her, as Sully followed along behind.

"How is she?" Cloud Dancing asked, fear coating his voice.

"She's resting now."

"What is wrong?" he demanded.

"Nothing," Michaela assured him, placing her hand on his arm. "You're going to be a father is all." She watched Cloud Dancing's face light up with joy, and his chest swelled with pride. Sully chuckled and hugged his brother in congratulations. "Now go see your wife. She needs you now." Cloud Dancing thanked the medicine woman, let out a triumphant cry and turned to leave his friends. Michaela turned to Sully, and he smiled at her, gently caressing her face, remembering all of Cloud Dancing's words.

"It's getting late," he pointed out.

"Too late to venture back into town, don't you think?" She looked up at the moon and shivered. He nodded.

"C'mon. That teepee's still set up." Michaela flushed, remembering their days and nights in the teepee, and she nodded her head, leaning in to let him kiss her. "'Sides…I think we need to talk."

January 1871 – Colorado Springs

"You feelin' any better?" Daniel asked, as he let Carrie drink down the water. Michaela had administered morphine before she'd left for the reservation, and Carrie had been in a daze for the past few hours.

"Mmmhmm," she muttered. "I had a dream."

"'Bout what?" She smiled.

"You'll think it's silly."

"I won't. Promise." She rolled her eyes and thought about her words. She swallowed hard, drawing out the suspense a little longer.

"I had a dream we were dancin' in St. Louis. I had my green dress on, and…and you were all dressed up. It was….the middle of the sidewalk in front of a big opera house. It was real pretty, and it was nighttime. We could hear the music comin' from inside, and…I know it's silly."

"Naw, that sounds like a real nice dream." He gently kissed her hand, and she didn't pull away. "'Sides, it makes me happy that you were dreamin' about me." Carrie rolled her eyes again.

"'Course it does. Now go on. You get to bed, 'cause I'm gonna make you run out and get me breakfast in the mornin', and I don't wanna have to scream at ya to get ya awake." Daniel laughed and nodded.

"Alright. Alright. I'll turn down the lamp. You just don't try to escape, and I won't prop my cot in front of the door." Carrie grinned, and she sighed with contentment. "Night."

"Night."

Rebecca and Elizabeth sat finishing their sewing long after the children went to sleep. Elizabeth kept glancing out of the window, and Rebecca had finally had enough.

"Mother, I'm sure they'll be home in the morning."

"In the morning? She can't stay all night in the woods with that…that heathen and a bunch of Indians!"

"Mother, you know as well as I do that Mr. Sully is not a heathen. He and Michaela are good for one another." Elizabeth shook her head.

"That is a matter of opinion." Rebecca shook her head.

"Honestly, Mother, I think you're only making up excuses. It's as plain as day that those two love one another, and I don't see either one of them starving or in need of money. Even that little boy is happy. Can't you see it?"

"They're blind fools."

"What's wrong with that?" Rebecca wondered. Elizabeth didn't respond, and Rebecca shook her head. With that, Rebecca turned and went to bed.

January 1871 – Cheyenne Reservation

"And that's everything he said?" Michaela asked with concern, tossing her outer layers to the side and curling up under the piles of furs in nothing but her chemise. Sully settled in beside her, removing his buckskins and moccasins that had been dampened by the snow. He tossed his shirt aside, and he found his future wife blushing in the darkness.

"I don't know 'bout you, Michaela, but it worried me." She nodded.

"Well, we do know the time is right, Sully," she said softly, as he drew his arm around her.

"I just don't know…I mean…he said it'd be a sad day. Michaela, what if that means…what if it means that somethin' is gonna happen to…"

"Sully," Michaela said gently, kissing his cheek. "I think Cloud Dancing was merely telling us that if we rush into marriage as we've rushed into…well…" Her voice trailed off, and his hand gently rubbed her arm to urge her on. "I think he was telling us that…if we let this pressure us into getting married, it will be like we are ashamed, and we aren't. It's certainly the right thing to do, according to most people, but just because it's considered proper doesn't mean…it doesn't mean that it's always the right thing or the right time." She sighed softly.

"But that don't mean anything 'bout the sadness. He said that out of that sadness we'd find joy. What if the Sprits are warnin' us that somethin' is about to happen?" Michaela frowned. "We already been through so much."

"You're right." He felt her tense a little in his arms. "But, Sully, we love one another. We don't have anyone to answer to but ourselves. We're getting married, because we love one another, and that's what matters. That's how we know. We're going to be married on May twentieth, Sully. It will be the proudest day of my life. As for the sadness, Sully, we've gotten through many things before. Nothing says we can't get through this. Besides, didn't he say we would find joy?" Sully paused for a moment.

"Ya got a good way of lookin' at things," he said with a smile. Michaela smiled back. The truth was that Cloud Dancing's warning did worry her, but they were going to be married anyway, and it felt right. It all felt right, didn't it? They had the rest of their lives to look forward to.

Before she could speak again, she felt the warmth of his body against hers, and all of her thoughts were gone. She smiled, gently running her hand up his arm, and boldly bringing her lips to his, initiating the kiss. Her touch startled him for only a moment, not being used to her advances, but when she pulled away, he wanted more.

"I'm sorry if…"

"Don't apologize," he chuckled, feeling the heat from her blushing cheeks. "I don't mind. I told ya before…all ya gotta do is kiss me, and I'll know." He heard her sigh raggedly for a moment, before her lips found his in the darkness, and all of her reservations were gone.

His body lay over hers, and they fell into a deep, sensual kiss, as they listened to the rhythms of their bodies and souls. And, they made love under the twinkling stars, as the Spirits smiled down upon them. They had a long way to go. They still had a long journey to make, and little did they know, the Sprits were about to put them to the biggest test of their entire lives.