Chapter 47

January 1871 – Colorado Springs

"Mother!" Rebecca turned around at the sound of her daughter's voice.

"What is it, sweetheart?" she asked, as Johnny and Mary came running up. Mary was dressed in an old dress that Colleen Cooper had given her from her childhood years. Her Boston clothes had all run out and were in need of a good washing, but she looked much more comfortable in a casual dress instead of all of that lace and frill.

"Reverend Johnson is looking for you!" she panted.

"The Reverend?" Rebecca asked from her seat on the porch of the boarding house.

"Yeah," Johnny said with a nod. "His face turned all red, and he kept puttin' his hands in his pockets and then takin' 'em out again. Must be something real important!" Rebecca's eyes widened for a moment, as she stared toward the church.

"Thank you for letting me know," Rebecca said with a smile. "Why don't you both go inside?"

"But…"

"But what?" Rebecca asked.

"Well," Johnny began, "my Pa is goin' out to the Reservation, and I was hopin' I could take Mary too. She wants to meet the Indians."

"I do, Mother! I do," she said with a curious smile and wide eyes. The initial apprehension that settled into Rebecca's stomach calmed, when she saw Sully walking over with his horse and Michaela's. Michaela was rushing down the street from the opposite end with her medical bag in her hands.

"Dr. Mike's goin' too," Johnny pointed out.

"Michaela?"

"Yes?" Michaela asked breathlessly, as she made her way over to the little group.

"Would it be alright if Mary went along? Would she be safe?" Rebecca asked. "I'm supposed to meet Reverend Johnson, and…"

"Well, I don't see what harm it would do. Sully?" Sully shook his head.

"Things are peaceful right now, and the Cheyenne would welcome any friend of Johnny's." Mary smiled.

"May I, Mother? Please?" Mary's beautiful eyes twinkled up at her mother, and she smiled warmly.

"If you'll stay close to your Aunt Michaela, I'll allow you to go."

"Oh, thank you!" She hugged at her mother's skirts. At that moment, Elizabeth stepped out onto the porch.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"I get to meet real-life Indians, Grandma!" Mary said excitedly. Elizabeth's face paled, and dread balled into the pit of her stomach.

"Michaela! You are not taking your five-year-old niece out onto savage land, are you?" Elizabeth asked with shock in her eyes and her face.

"Of course not, Mother. The Cheyenne are not savages. They are decent human beings. Good people." She took Mary's hand. Elizabeth shook her head, deciding not to try to reason with Michaela yet.

"Rebecca, you reason with her."

"I actually think it's a good idea."

"You what!"

"I want Mary to have a knowledge of different cultures, and I think that our time in Colorado Springs is the perfect opportunity."

"She's already dressing like a peasant, Rebecca. What more do you want?" Rebecca shook her head, not in the mood to put up with her mother's criticism.

"Thank you for taking her," she said to Sully and Michaela. "I appreciate it."

"It's no trouble," Sully assured her. "We'll be back 'fore nightfall." Rebecca nodded and gave her little girl a tight hug.

"I'll go get Byron. Mary can ride with me," Johnny professed.

"Ah," Sully laughed, "we best let her ride with Dr. Mike. She'll be safer." Johnny was about to protest, but he heard Byron whinny from the livery and ran off to get him. Sully turned to Michaela, searching her eyes.

"You sure you're up to goin'? I know you're feelin' better, but we can do this some other time."

"No, no. I think it's a perfect opportunity to administer the vaccinations. They aren't immune to Small Pox, and…" Her voice trailed off, as her eyes met her mother's. Elizabeth said nothing, and she turned around to walk inside, angry at her daughter's choices that seemed to directly disregard any hopes her mother had for her.

Michaela mounted up onto Flash and hooked her medical bag over the saddle horn. Sully lifted Mary up, and she slid into the saddle, resting her back against Michaela's stomach. Sully mounted up, and Johnny came rushing out of the corral on Byron's back.

"Can we stay all night?" Johnny asked, as they galloped off.

"Sorry, Johnny," Sully said quickly. "It's a school night." The sound of Johnny groaning in protest was the last sound Rebecca heard from the group, as they headed out of town. She pulled her shawl tightly around her shoulders and began her march across town to the church.

Elizabeth settled down into a rocking chair and pulled her travel case into her lap. She opened it up, taking out the one thing she took with her everywhere. Her scrapbook. It was an album that contained the most precious documents and rare photographs she had collected over her lifetime, and it contained something that held meaning only to her.

She ran her fingers over a dried, pressed rose petal that had been hidden between the pages for so many years. One single rose petal was crinkled and dead, but it held so many memories…memories of a night that was meant to be the most romantic night of her life.

She gently touched the petal, and it crinkled a little more. She sighed heavily and stared down at it, remembering every moment. She'd never felt such pure joy in her young life until that night.

February 1830 – Boston

She opened her eyes in the bright morning light, feeling the touch of rose petals against her skin. She smiled, feeling as she never had before. She blinked a few times, letting her eyes adjust, and she rolled to her side, as her long hair cascaded down her bare arms. She smiled a little at the sight before her. Stephen was sprawled out in the bed, taking up more than half of it. His mouth was twisted up in a silly smile, and his face was covered in stubble, and his lips were lightly stained with the tint from hers.

With a smile, she gently inched toward him and placed a kiss to his forehead. When he didn't move, she tried not to giggle and pressed her lips to his nose, leaving a small pink stain there from her lips. She stifled a laugh, and just as she was about to kiss his lips, his eyes flew open, and he grabbed her by the waist, pulling her down onto him. A boisterous laugh bubbled out of her mouth, and she collapsed against him, letting him press loving kisses to her lips.

She grinned, as his hands began to roam. She still wasn't used to it, but they had the rest of their lives to love one another and to get accustomed to the joys of marriage.

"Good morning, Mrs. O'Connor," Stephen said with a chuckle.

"Good morning, Mr. O'Connor," she whispered, pressing her lips against his again. Stephen took her hand in his and gently ran his thumb over the ring on Elizabeth's finger. "My parents will be mortified."

"How do you want to tell them, Elizabeth?" he asked, brushing the hair out of her face. She frowned a little, but the smile on his lips brought a smile back to hers.

"We'll tell them together," she whispered. "It's better that way."

"Together?"

"Mmm," she moaned, softly pressing her lips to his cheek. When she pulled back, his hands tangled in her hair, and she'd never felt such fulfillment before. She'd never thought she could be so happy. There she was in the arms of her lover. Her husband. Life couldn't get much sweeter.

January 1871 – Colorado Springs

Elizabeth slowly closed the book and placed it back in her travel case. Her eyes glistened with tears, and her memories began to consume her very being. She let out a grief-stricken sigh, and the tears bled forth from her eyelids. She couldn't control her daughter's life anymore than she could control her own, but what she wanted was to insure a safe future. She wouldn't always be there, and if Michaela were to be hurt…well, she couldn't leave this earth not knowing what her daughter's future held. There was no way of knowing, but…

She stood up and moved to the window. Her eyes stared at Rebecca, as she stepped across the footbridge and crossed into the churchyard. She saw so much of her young self in her eldest daughter. Rebecca was free-spirited in a refined way, and they had never completely seen eye to eye. Yet, she got along better with Rebecca than any of the other Quinn daughters. Unfortunately, she felt as if her relationship with Rebecca was as strained as ever. She couldn't accept losing another daughter to Colorado Springs, and she was certain that Mary would never be the same after her experience out of civilization.

Rebecca slowly stepped into the church, uncertain of why the Reverend was looking for her. She had never been summoned by any man before, except for her late husband, and that had been to surprise her on their engagement night. That was a long time ago, and though she had put it behind her, it still brought a familiar smile to her face.

"Reverend Johnson?" she asked, slowly removing her gloves and twisting them in her hands. She looked around, seeing that the side door was open, and she began to walk up the aisle, feeling strange being all alone in the silent, abandoned church. "Reverend?" His awkward form finally appeared, as he shut the cold air out behind him.

"Ah, Mrs. Buchanan," he said with a smile. "Thank you for coming."

"It was no trouble. I was told you needed to speak with me. Is it about Mary?"

"No, no, it isn't," he said quickly, shoving his hands into his pockets, unable to look her in the eye. He had been acting like this around her more frequently lately, and though it was endearing, it was starting to worry her. She had never seen someone so uncomfortable around her.

"Reverend? What seems to be the problem?"

"Well, I was wondering if…well, if you'd like to help me with something."

"What's that?" Rebecca wondered with a smile.

"Well, more and more folks have been needing me in the day. It's not so much of a problem right now, but with the children at the school, well, I'm finding my time is becomin' limited. Now, I heard ya say that ya have a teachin' license?"

"I do. Before I married my husband I received my teaching degree, but once I was married, I never had the time to work, and sadly, the positions that needed filled were too far away for me to travel," she said sadly. "My husband preferred me to stay home." He sensed a bit of irritation in her voice, but she shook her head. "I still have my license, Reverend, but I'm afraid I haven't had much experience."

"Oh, it wouldn't be very long. Just a few hours in the mornin', and I could take over after lunch. The town council would pay ya and everything." Rebecca's eyes widened. "We know you're plannin' to go back to Boston, but it could be as temporary as ya like. The truth is, I need you. Your help, that is." She saw his cheeks redden, and she blushed too.

"Well, I would love to make myself useful for a while." She nodded, considering her options. "I suppose we could try."

"Wonderful!" he exclaimed with obvious relief. Rebecca laughed, as he extended his hand to her. She slowly reached out, and when their hands touched, their eyes met, and the smiles faded. But, Rebecca felt his fingers linger on hers, and she slowly pulled back. He cleared his throat. "Um, you can start tomorrow. 8 A.M." She nodded.

"I'll be there."

Sully had taken the lead some minutes ago, and the group was following him at their own speed. Michaela was feeling content to take it slow due to Mary's inexperience on a horse and her own discomfort. She was feeling ill again, and she couldn't deny that.

Johnny stayed behind with Michaela, and he was talking to Mary about something from school. Michaela was enjoying the children's chatter, but she couldn't deny the ill feeling that crept through her body, threatening her composure by the minute.

"Aunt Michaela?" Mary finally asked, tugging at Michaela's skirt.

"What is it, sweetheart?"

"When you and Sully get married, will that make you Johnny's mother?" Michaela and Johnny exchanged awkward glances.

"Well, sweetheart…"

"My ma died a long time ago," Johnny interfered. "I don't have a ma no more." He looked ahead for a moment, and Mary looked up at Michaela, who had tensed up.

"It's a complicated situation, Mary," Michaela finally said, gently patting her atop the head. Michaela looked ahead to see Sully stopped and waiting for them. She and Johnny quickly caught up with him.

"Everything alright?" he asked.

"Everything's fine," Michaela said with a nod. She noticed Johnny tighten his hold on his reins and nod. "Would you mind taking Mary up ahead with you?" Sully glanced at her and then at Johnny.

"Sure," he finally replied slowly. Mary reached out, and Sully picked her up, sliding her into the front of his saddle. He gave Michaela another look before heading on up to keep ahead of the group. Michaela and Johnny followed behind, and neither said a word for a few minutes. Things hadn't been awkward until Mary had begun her little inquisition.

"Things are gonna change when ya get married, ain't they?" Johnny finally asked, looking up at Michaela, staring her in the eyes like a young man. Michaela searched for the words, and she stared ahead, looking at Sully, knowing that he was the one person she was meant for on the entire earth. He was meant for her, and they had found a way to be together after so long.

"Yes, I suppose they will," Michaela said with a nod, glancing at Johnny. "You knew that, didn't you?"

"I did," he replied. "I just…I been thinkin' a lot about my ma. I don't remember her."

"You were very young, Johnny," Michaela said quietly. "You have an entire lifetime ahead of you, and I know your mother would want you to be happy."

"But…I feel like when you marry Pa, Ma might think I forgot about her." Michaela shook her head and she reached across to touch his shoulder.

"Your mother knows you'll never forget her."

"But I can't remember…"

"You carry her in your heart. You carry the fact that she loved you and wanted you in this world, Johnny. You'll carry her there with your sisters and your grandparents." Johnny slowly nodded, liking her explanation. "And I do want us to be a family, but I don't expect to replace your mother. But, I do expect to be there for you if you need me and to help guide you."

"Just like a ma," Johnny pointed out. "I wish I could remember my ma." He looked down, and Michaela's heart went out to him. "I feel real bad…"

"Why?"

"'Cause…"

"Because?" She watched Johnny fidget nervously.

"Never mind," he muttered. "Let's…"

"Johnny," Michaela said quietly, reaching out to turn his chin toward her. "I want you to trust me. I want you to realize that you can tell me anything." Johnny shook his head.

"No. I can't."

"Why not?"

"'Cause. It'll hurt my ma." Michaela studied him carefully, as their horses continued at a steady speed. She didn't want to push him, but she knew he needed to talk about whatever he was bottling up inside.

"Johnny…" He said nothing. "If you don't want to tell me, that's alright, but I wish you would. You might feel better, and—"

"I want you to be my ma, alright!" he finally exploded, tears in his eyes. Michaela was taken aback, and she felt tears spring to her own eyes.

"Oh, Johnny," she whispered, as he brushed his tears away.

"My real ma probably hates me now." Michaela shook her head, wishing she knew of some way to comfort the boy.

"Of course she doesn't. Sweetheart, she loved you. From what your father said, she was so proud of you when you were born." Johnny slowly nodded, and he looked at Michaela. "And I want you to know that I'm just as proud of you. The first time I met you, I knew you were going to be a handful just like your father. But, you have such a big heart for such a little boy. You make me proud, and I know you make your father proud every day." Johnny smiled a little, feeling better by the moment.

"She won't be mad for me wantin' you to be my ma?" Michaela smiled a little.

"I don't think so. She'd want you to be happy, and if that's what you want…" He nodded. Michaela grinned.

"Then I'm certain she won't be angry."

"Really?"

"Really," she whispered.

"Thanks, Dr. Mike." Michaela briskly brushed a tear from the boy's cheek, and she nodded.

"Come along. We should catch up with your father." Johnny nodded, and he and Michaela hurried Flash and Byron to catch up with Sully and little Mary.

Olive had closed up the shop early and retired upstairs to Sully's room, not quite ready to head out to the ranch. She sat in a chair and held the locket in her hand. She remembered every precious moment she'd had with that baby. She remembered leaving her without a name. She remembered leaving her for the sake of love.

With a gentle breath, she pressed her lips to the cold locket before opening it up to see a picture of her baby girl. She'd had it taken shortly before she'd brought the baby to Tommy. She had wanted to keep a reminder with her, yet she had never worn the necklace. She had never wanted her husband to know. How could she have let him know that she had had a child with another man?

August 1850

She slowly climbed out of her wagon, keeping an eye on the tiny form sleeping in the woven basket. She wrapped her coat tightly around herself, and she looked around, seeing a few cowboys tipping their hats. "Hello, Miss Olive," one of them said, remembering her from so long ago. "Mornin'," she said with a smile. The youthful look that was once in her eyes was replaced by exhaustion and deep regret and guilt.

"What can we do for ya?" another cowboy asked.

"Is Tommy around?" Olive wondered.

"He's out with his pa. They're tendin' to the cattle."

"Could ya get him? It's important." They sensed the urgency in her voice and complied with her wishes. She moved back toward the wagon and checked on the sleeping child. She smiled with so much sadness in her eyes.

"I don't want to do this," she whispered. "I wish I had a choice, but things ain't easy. They never seem to be. I just…I want ya to know that if it was any other way, I wouldn't be doin' this." She sighed softly, smoothing down the blankets, as the child grunted in her sleep.

"You're here…" Olive turned briskly and peered into the eyes of the man she'd fallen in love with once before.

"It's been a while." She easily could have fallen back into his charm and that gorgeous smile. She couldn't believe she was standing before him again. She couldn't believe what she was about to do. She couldn't believe she had let herself leave him too.

"You…you look…" There was no time for that.

"I need your help." It hurt her to hurt him like that. It hurt her to realize that she was leaving him again. But she had things to do. She had a promise to patch up. She had to fix her marriage. And when he nodded, her heart broke into smaller pieces.

"Anything. You know I'd do anything for ya."

"Anything?" She took a deep breath, waiting. She didn't have to wait long.

"'Course. What's this all about?" Her hands knotted in her skirt, and she looked down.

"I have somethin' to tell ya. It's changed everythin'." He stepped toward her, gently touching her cheek, and she trembled. She was losing sight of what she was there to do. She had to stay strong. She had been raised strong. It was time to stand tall and proud and end this once and for all.

"What has?" She turned toward the wagon, and he followed her gaze.

"Her." Her eyes met his. "Our daughter."

January 1871 – Colorado Springs

The train came to a halt at the depot, and he looked around, seeing the unfamiliar territory before him. His mind wandered back to twenty years ago. She couldn't possibly still be here. No. She couldn't be. Besides, that wasn't the point. He was here for someone else.

"Welcome to Colorado Springs," a man with slick black hair said with an awkward smile. He stepped off of the train and turned toward the man, chewing on the tip of an unlit cigar. "Can I help ya?"

"Ya sure can, if ya can tell me where the doctor is."

"Well, she just rode outta town, but ya can find the clinic just down that way," Horace responded, pointing him in the direction. "Ya hurt?"

"No, no. I'm lookin' for my daughter. Maybe ya heard of her. Her name's Carrie James."

January 1871 – Cheyenne Reservation

"Something troubles you," Cloud Dancing concluded, as he and Sully walked the perimeter of the land. While Michaela was giving vaccinations, Johnny and Mary were playing with a few Cheyenne children, and Mary was already making friends, while Johnny helped her to communicate with them.

"Yeah," Sully said quietly. "It's Michaela."

"She is troubled with dreams."

"Bad dreams," Sully said with a nod.

"The Spirits say she fears losing you." Sully nodded guiltily, thinking about the past and how she had almost lost him more than once.

"That's what her dreams are about. I keep tellin' her she ain't gonna lose me, but after what ya said to her, she's worried somethin' is gonna happen." Cloud Dancing nodded. "But it's my fault too. I nearly died out here. I left her in Boston. I…I was lost."

"And you've begun to find your way again," Cloud Dancing pointed out. Sully nodded tiredly.

"She is my way."

"Your love for one another is strong. I see myself and Snow Bird in your eyes. You are young still. You know you have a long road to travel. You know you must trust in each other to walk that path."

"We do trust each other. But, she's worryin' herself sick. She ain't been feelin' like herself, and she's just been…she's been real tired. She ain't sleepin' well."

"She knows what is wrong."

"She keeps tellin' me she's fine."

"Perhaps she is," Cloud Dancing pointed out with a wise smile. Sully folded his arms across his chest, uncertain of where Cloud Dancing was going with this. "The Spirits have smiled upon you. You should not take that lightly. You must be certain that you both have what you want and need before this marriage takes place."

"What's that mean?"

"It means that there are unfinished circumstances in your lives that you must deal with before you are ready to start a new life with one another." Sully shook his head.

"We're ready."

"You may believe you are." Cloud Dancing shook his head. "Do not worry. You have a lifetime of happiness to look forward to. But, no happiness comes without pain." Just as Sully was going to speak again, Michaela came over with a smile upon her face.

"All finished," she said with a tired but pleased sigh.

"Thank you," Cloud Dancing said with a grateful smile. "I will prepare your horses." He glanced at Sully. "Remember what I said." He walked away, and Michaela glanced curiously at her future husband.

"What did he say?"

"Nothin' new," he promised, drawing her in for a kiss. "Just that we gotta be sure everything's right 'fore we get married. I'll explain on the way home." He startled to make his way from her lips to her neck, and she giggled, trying to pull away.

"Sully!" she laughed. "The children!"

"Sorry. Couldn't resist," he teased. Just as she was pulling back, he tugged at her coat, claiming one more kiss before he released her. She grinned up at him with sparkling eyes and wished they wouldn't have to part as soon as they got back to town. She knew he had work to do on the house, and she had patients to see. "Ya ready?" She nodded, and she let him take her hand.

Johnny and Mary came rushing over, and Mary's pale cheeks were red from the cold.

"Oh, I want to come back!" she insisted. "May we?" Michaela grinned at her niece.

"If it's alright with your mother, you can certainly come back." Mary and Johnny cheered and hurried over to where Cloud Dancing was with the horses. Michaela looked up at Sully.

"It's so temptin' to stay the night again…stay in our teepee." Michaela's cheeks reddened.

"Sully," she warned with a mischievous glint in her eyes. "We should leave now. If we don't get home by nightfall, Rebecca and Mother will be worried." Sully sighed with understanding.

"I know." He kissed her hand and gently ran the pad of his thumb over her knuckles, causing her mind to drift to thoughts more pleasant than riding back into town. But, she shook her head and gave him a look that told him that they were going to have to wait, and when Johnny and Mary's voices snapped them out of their thoughts, they started over toward the horses and prepared to return to town, both wanting a little more time alone, but they knew it was going to have to wait. These days, it seemed that they always had to wait.

"I love you," she whispered, before they made it to the horses.

"I love you," he repeated, squeezing her hand. And, then they were pulled into various conversations with Johnny and Mary, and they knew that the ride to town would be anything but silent.

"Can we race home?" Johnny begged, as they mounted up. Sully and Michaela gave each other exasperated winks, and Sully shook his head.

"We'll race another time." Mary was already nodding off, however, as she yawned and rested her head against Michaela's breast. Michaela wrapped one arm securely around the little girl and held onto the reins herself.

Dusk was approaching quickly, and as the group started off, Cloud Dancing watched them with a wise twinkle in his eyes. He only hoped they wouldn't get lost along their path.