Remember, this story is from Toby's POV. So if flashbacks and memories aren't identical to Let's Go Back to the Start it's because he might remember it differently or different things might stand out to him. Just keep that in mind.

Next chapter is done, and I SOOOOOBBED when I wrote it. THIS WAS A HORRIBLE IDEA. If I'm giving myself feels I'm going to kill you all. :(. SORRY NOT SORRY. Just review and tell me how much you hate me for making you cry lol.

ALSO THE REVIEWS?! I got to give KrisTheFangirl a shoutout, because that was the sweetest review ever! Happy Birthday! Mine was the 22nd, so we're almost birthday twins! I'll consider your AMAZING REVIEW your present to me :)

Chapter 2

The cold blast of the air conditioning hit him like punch to the gut. He had hoped that a good night's sleep would help him feel better, but it hadn't. He supposed that in a way he felt better. He felt less sick and more weak. Dragging himself into the hospital felt like an impossible task. And to Spencer's chagrin more mysterious bruises popped up on his body. The more he thought about it the more convinced he was that something was wrong. But he wouldn't let himself worry about it until he knew for sure, if not for his own sake than for Spencer's. Because she was much more prone to irrational panic than he was.

"Toby Cavanaugh?"

He had scarcely entered the waiting room before a nurse called his name. His wife must have put the fear of God into these poor people to inspire such prompt admittance, but he shouldn't have been surprised. She had always been good at that. He smiled at the woman and followed her into the examining room. He absentmindedly went through the motions: getting weighed, blood pressure, temperature, awkward questions about his sex life. That part was easy.

As the nurse left he picked up a pamphlet about syphilis and skimmed the symptoms and effects, feeling sorry for the poor bastards that were cursed with that particular disease. Doctor's offices always had the worst reading material.

Just as he was about to skim over a booklet about the problem's of the second trimester of pregnancy the door squeaked open revealing his doctor. "Hello, Mr. Cavanaugh. I've been told that you aren't feeling well?"

Toby gave the man a friendly smile and moved to the examining table. His body ached with every step that he took, and he was still freezing, although he was certain that he had a fever. "Yeah, it's been a couple days now. Fever, chills, general weakness, aches and pains, random bruises... I'm pretty sure that it's just the flu, but my wife was worried."

Dr. Green smiled indulgently. "The things we do for the women that we love. You're probably right, but it's much better to be safe than sorry. So I'm going to send my nurse back in here to draw some blood. I'll call you later tonight with the results, but I wouldn't lose sleep over it."

He nodded and picked up the pamphlet on pregnancy as Dr. Green left the room. He couldn't stop his mind from wondering to a pregnant Spencer. It might have been premature, but he couldn't wait to see his wife one day carrying their child. She was always beautiful, but there would be something extraordinary about watching something that they created from their love growing inside of her.

Needles had never been his favorite thing, but the nurse was quick and efficient. It only took a moment, and he walked out of the hospital with the promise that they'd call him soon. Everyone seemed so optimistic, but he couldn't help but focus on the sense of dread that was settling in his stomach. What if something was wrong?

He only remembered feeling like this once before, only it was so much worse.

Something was wrong. He didn't know what it was, but he knew deep in his gut that something bad was going to happen.

"Man, I just killed you like eighteen times in a row. What's wrong with you?" Caleb tossed a throw pillow at him as he paused the game.

"I just have a horrible feeling," he shrugged. "I'm probably being paranoid, but I can't shake it."

Caleb opened his mouth to respond, but was distracted by the ringing of his phone. He glanced at the screen. "Hanna," he sighed, flipping it open. "It's guys' night, baby. Shouldn't you be doing girly things with the girls?"

Toby watched as his face changed from amusement to concern in the span of a couple seconds. "What happened? Han, are you alright?"

When Caleb's eyes shot up to meet his he immediately knew. Spencer. "Where is she?"

"Where are you, babe? Try to calm down, okay? We'll be there soon." Caleb listened to her response and nodded shortly. "Okay. Give us five minutes, alright?"

Caleb ended the call and grabbed his keys off of the counter. "Don't even argue with me, Toby. We both know that you're in no shape to drive."

"Where are they?" His voice was flat and emotionless. Anyone would think that he didn't care, but that wasn't the case at all. He cared so much it felt like his heart may burst. But if he collapsed to the ground, an emotional wreck, he would be of no use to his girlfriend, who apparently needed him.

"The hospital." He pocketed his keys. "I think it might actually be quicker if we walk."

Everything from there was a blur. The walk to the hospital, Hanna throwing herself into Caleb's arms when they entered the waiting room, Emily's hushed description of the car accident that had sent his girlfriend to the emergency room, the allusive behavior of the elder Hastings... it all ran together in his mind. He sat on a rigid chair in the corner of the room, absolutely set on not speaking until he found out whether or not Spencer was alright.

He didn't know how long he had been sitting there for when Mrs. Hastings walked into the waiting room, her eyes searching the chairs. It might have been five minutes or five hours. Her eyes landed on him. "She's been asking for you."

He wanted to question her endlessly about Spencer's condition but knew that it wouldn't yield the results that he was hoping for. Her parents had never liked him, and they probably never would. It was more worthwhile to just go see her for himself. He committed her room number to memory and rushed through the hallways, wanting nothing more than to see her. He just needed to see that she was still breathing. He had to see it for himself, because he wouldn't believe it if he heard it from anyone else.

His heart nearly leapt from his chest. When he entered the room the first thing he was struck by was how tiny she looked in the hospital bed surrounded by all of the life saving machinery. The second thing was that she was sitting on the bed as awake as he was. He supposed he should have known that considering her mother had said that she was asking for him, but logic was failing him right now.

"Spence," he murmured, lingering at the door. She looked okay, but he was scared to move from his spot. He looked down at his trembling hands and he tried to remember what it felt like to hold her, to feel her hands against his body. But it was like every thought and memory of the good times that he had had with her were wiped from his mind as he pushed down a choking worry.

"Come here," she said softly, reaching an arm out for him.

He didn't have to be told twice. He crossed the room in three strides and settled in on the edge of the bed, putting a soft hand on the side of her face. "What happened? Are you okay?"

She nodded and leaned into his hand. "I was following after Hanna and Em in my car, and this truck came out of nowhere. It hit my side of the car, which caused me to hit my head. I'm fine besides a concussion."

He leaned down and brushed his lips over the unbruised portion of her forehead. "I was so scared." He admitted quietly. "I just- I can't lose you Spencer. I don't think- I just- My mom, my dad... everything with Jenna... I can't change that. But I can try to move on. But I would never move on if I lost you."

"I'm not going anywhere, Toby," she muttered, her eyes drifting shut.

"Should I be letting you sleep?" He asked her, scanning his brain for anything he knew about concussions.

She shook her head and leaned it against his shoulder. "Looks like you have to distract me."

"Hmm," he teased her. "What a hardship." His words were teasing, but his worry was still at an all time high. They were 17 years old. When you're 17 you felt a sense of immortality that you never again felt for you entire life. You believed yourself and your loved ones to be invincible. But today he was awoken to the stark reality of the fragility of life. He could have lost her. He could have had to bury her in the ground... he could have never seen her again, never felt her lips against his or her skin against his skin.

She could have died.

At least this was about him. Because if it was about Spencer he would be infinitely more worried. Although, that made him incredibly apprehensive to explain to Spencer what happened. Although, with any luck he would have heard the all clear from the doctor before she got home from school.

Or not. He sighed to himself as he pulled up behind her sensible, black SUV. He should have known that she would cut out early. She was so nosy, and he thought it was adorable nine times out of ten. But right now he just wanted a chance to process before he had to figure out what to tell her.

He expected to see her on the couch, but she was no where to be found. Her purse was neatly hung on its designated hook, so he knew that she had to be somewhere inside. "Spence?"

He walked into the bedroom and smiled at the sight of his wife curled up on the bed still fully dressed in her professional clothing. He smoothed her hair back and slipped her shoes off, tossing them aside. Spencer had always been a very mobile sleeper when she wasn't sharing a bed with anyone, so he stooped down and carefully positioned the comforter over her slim shoulders, her warmth an ongoing concern for him.

At first he had planned on catching up with the most recent episode of Game of Thrones so that he could tease Spencer with spoilers, but the spot next to her was too tempting to pass up. He kicked his shoes off and stretched out next to her. Immediately, his aching body thanked him for the opportunity to relax. Even unconsciously, Spencer cuddled up against his chest. He couldn't remember a time where he and Spencer shared a bed and weren't touching in every way possible.

His eyes drifted shut without much prompting at all, exhaustion overwhelming him in an unprecedented way. It didn't take him long to fall asleep when he had Spencer in his arms.

He awoke some time later to the sound of clanging pots and the shrill ringing of the phone. He didn't know how long he had been asleep for, but it had been quite awhile ago judging by the cool spot that used to house his wife. Before he could think too hard about it he rolled over and snagged the phone off of the receiver. "Hello?"

"Hello, this is Mindy from Dr. Green's office. Could I speak to a Toby Cavanaugh?"

"This is Toby. What's up?" He sat up, hoping to hear an all clear from the woman.

"Dr. Green asked me to request that you visit his office for a follow up appointment? Today if at all possible? There's something that he needs to discuss with you."

"What are you talking about? Why? What can't you just tell me over the phone?" He stood up and walked into the kitchen, looking for Spencer.

"I really can't say, Mr. Cavanaugh. Please just come in."

He walked in on Spencer throwing chopped vegetables into a pot. She smiled happily at him, but it slid off of her face when she saw him. 'What's wrong?' She mouthed, eyeing the phone in his hand.

He sighed. "Yeah, I'll be there in a half an hour." He shut the phone off without another word.

"Toby," Spencer said softly. "What's going on?"

"I need to go back to the doctor. Apparently they want to discuss some test results with me. But I need to go now. Will you be alright?" He knew she would be, but he had to ask. Taking care of Spencer's well being was as ingrained into him as taking care of his own.

She snorted and reached for her jacket on the back of the chair. "The food just needs to cook for a couple hours. I'm coming with you."

He sighed and nodded, reaching a hand out for her. She tucked herself into his side, and he wrapped an arm around her, pulling her in close. He knew he loved her for about a million reasons, not the least of which was the fact that they fit perfectly together. Her curves fit into his side like she was made for no other person than to walk next to him. His arm was just long enough to reach around her shoulders, like his purpose in life was to hold her. He loved her.

And he loved her because she could tell that he didn't want to talk. She just silently sat next to him during the outrageously short drive to the hospital. The silence continued as they walked through the hallways and back to the office he had vacated a few hours ago.

As they sat on the unyielding waiting room chairs he really looked at Spencer for the first time. And when he caught sight of the dull brown he knew that she wasn't being silent for his benefit alone, but that she was also lost in her thoughts. But she didn't internalize everything like he did. She wanted to talk it out. "Spencer..." he mumbled, reaching out to grab her hand. "Spence, everything will be fine."

"They don't call you back to the doctor to tell you that your test results came back fine," she retorted, putting her free hand on top of their intertwined fingers. "What if something's seriously wrong? I just-"

"Hey," he said softly enough that his words lingered just between the two of them. "I'm not going anywhere Spencer."

"But-"

He shook his head, silencing her with a chaste kiss. "No buts," he murmured. "I'll never leave you."

She looked relieved for a moment, but when the nurse called his name sheer terror filled her eyes. "Look," he said, soothing before it could heighten too much. "Maybe they're calling me back in to tell me that I have the best white blood cell count that they've ever seen. I could get an award or something."

She shook her head indulgently, but she had cracked a smile, and that was what he had been going for. "Don't think that's a real thing, Tobes."

The way she shortened his name always filled his stomach with butterflies. He had heard it said that love and attraction died down after so many years together, but if that were the case he hadn't found it yet. From the second Spencer had saved him from typical high school bullying to right at this moment his love for that girl only grew.

The nurse led him to the office, and he was shocked as hell to see that Dr. Green was waiting in there for him with a solemn face. This couldn't be normal.

"Mr. Cavanaugh," Dr. Green said softly. "And this is your wife, I presume."

Spencer, always polite, reached out and shook his hand. "Spencer," she smiled nervously. "Now do you want to let us know why we're here?"

In high school the idiot jocks had often made fun of him, saying that Spencer wore the pants in their relationship. They had failed to grasp that his normal soft spoken demeanor could vanish in a second if he felt threatened or thought that someone were to hurt Spencer. But more often than not he walked through life, much more content to observe than to burst out with whatever opinion he may have.

Spencer was the exact opposite. She liked to talk, to get all the information that she could. And she liked to ask the questions. She liked to make sure that the important ones were getting asked. And he was content to let her do that right now. He needed to process, and it would be more easily done if he didn't have to talk.

"Mr. Cavanaugh," the doctor hesitated. "I don't know how to say this, so I'll just come out with it. Your blood tests came back abnormal. You-" he paused, looking pained. "You have cancer. Leukemia to be more specific."