I keep writing mega long chapters I have to split into two. WHOOPS. Oh well, you get more updates this way :).
Yay to caitycaites for being the only one to catch the Game of Thrones quote in the last chapter. "How can someone be brave when they're afraid." "That's the only time you can be brave."
REVIEW! Because reviews are the thing that keep me motivate to write another chapter that makes me CRYYYYY. Speaking of tears... this chapter lol. I think I might write Spoby too lovey, but oh well.
Chapter 5
Spencer was silent as she drove the two of them home from the hospital. Her eyes were trained on the road ahead.
"Spencer." He wanted to reach for her, but he wouldn't push her. This had to have been near impossible for her. If the worst happened and he died it would be over for him. He wouldn't feel anymore pain, and he wouldn't have to deal with the aftermath. But Spencer would. He had promised her forever, and he would fight like hell to give that to her.
She reached across the seat and intertwined their fingers together, her shorter digits fitting perfectly between his longer ones. "I- I'm going to do something, and you're not going to like it."
"What are you talking about?" Was she going to leave him? He wouldn't blame her. It would be too much for the strongest of people to handle, but he sincerely hoped that he wouldn't have to go through this without her.
She gave him a side glanced before flipped her turn signal on and turning in a direction that only could have meant that she was taking them up to their spot overlooking the city. "Spence-"
"Get that look off your face, Toby." She rolled her eyes and squeezed his hand. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Then what?" He looked out the window as she pulled into a space close to the edge.
"Walk with me?" She asked him quietly. "It's nothing bad, Toby."
He nodded and kept by her side as the walked down the path and settled on their favorite bench. His eyes studied the twinkling lights of the city being slowly cloaked by the night. Twilight was always his favorite time of day. It was an ending, sure. But it came with the promise of a new day, fresh with no mistakes. It was a chance to do better, to make things right.
"I'm going to quit my job," she said softly.
That had his immediate attention. His eyes swiveled from the city to her face; now she was decidedly avoiding his eyes. "No." He couldn't think of anything else to say, because she wasn't doing it. She wasn't giving anything up for him.
"I mean, I appreciate your input, but I wasn't asking. I'm politely informing my husband of my intent." Usually a speech like that would have been accompanied by fire in her voice, but right now she just sounded sad.
"Spencer, I-" He began, but he didn't know what to say. She loved her job. It was a stupid job through the grad school, nothing related to her career. But she loved the people that she got to interact with, and she loved that she didn't have to use her parents' money. She couldn't give that up for him. But he was also touched beyond imagination that she was willing to do that for him. He had gone through majority of his life never knowing that kind of love. His mom loved him, but she was so sick- it was hard to believe in her sometimes. His dad always treated him as a burden, and he was never the best at making friends. But Spencer loved him to an extent that he had never quite experienced, and she consistently loved him more than he deserved.
"I know," she murmured, always understanding what he meant when he couldn't speak. "I know, but it's okay. It's not a sacrifice. I would do anything for you, baby. There's not a single thing in the world that I wouldn't do for you. This is so small."
"It might seem small to you, but it's too much for me." He put his hand on the side of her face and gently nudged her until she looked at him. "You've worked so hard, Spencer. I can't- Please don't do that for me."
"Would you do it for me?"
She knew that he would do it in a literal heart beat, and that's why she asked. Nothing would be able to stop him from spending every second by her side. It wasn't incomprehensible to believe that she would want to do the same for him, but it was unbearable for him to think about her giving up something she enjoyed for him. "I don't want you to grow to resent me, Spence."
"Toby," she breathed, her voice barely audible. But the volume didn't decrease her sincerity. When she said his name like that he sometimes wondered if it were possible to go the first sixteen years of your life without ever hearing what your name truly sounded like.
With his heart in his throat he bend down and pressed his lips to her head. It wasn't meant to be anything romantic. He just couldn't bear the thought of being even an inch from her. As long as he had her he'd be okay. He'd never been more certain of that fact.
She leaned into him and grabbed a fistful of his shirt's fabric with either hand. "That's never going to happen, Toby. Never. I can't predict the future, but I can promise you that much. You act like you're taking something away from me, but don't ever forget everything you give to me by just being yourself."
"I just- God, Spencer I can't imagine doing this without you. But you giving up anything for me literally makes me feel sick to my stomach. What about school?"
"I only have two classes this semester, baby. I can talk to my professors and figure something out. The rest of the time I just need to work on my thesis, which I can do from your bedside. School will still get done." She hesitated before continuing. "And because I know what your next question will be, money is absolutely not an issue. We can live off of my trust fund for awhile."
She didn't want to spend that. She wanted to live independent from her family. He couldn't count the number of times she complained about how she was treated because of her family's wealth. She claimed that she didn't do anything to earn it, so having it didn't make her anything special. And she was so proud of herself for making it without her trust fund. She never told him any of this, but he knew her well enough to know that it was true. "Spencer-"
"Stop," she interrupted him with one firmly spoken syllable. "Stop it. You don't get to feel guilty for this." She framed his face with her hands and waited for him to maintain eye contact before continuing. "You are worth it," she said slowly and clearly. "You are so worth it. It's not a sacrifice. It's not, baby. The money's just sitting there, and I literally cannot think of a better use for it than this. There's plenty in there for us to live frugally and pay for your medical treatments for quite a few years."
He didn't like it. He didn't like how much his illness was effecting her. But what he did know was that he would have done it for her with zero hesitation. He would happily sacrifice every single thing in his life if it would make hers a little easier. And he knew the treatments would be so much easier with her by his side. "We need to tell everyone."
"Do you want to do it now?" She moved one hand from his face to hover over her pocket and used the thumb of her other hand to gently stroke his face. "I can call Han, if you want. She'll get everyone together faster and easier than we ever could."
He nodded. "We might as well get it over with."
She didn't respond verbally. Her head rested on his shoulder as she made her phone call. He played with her hair and thought about the first time he brought her up here with her low murmurs as the soundtrack to his thoughts.
They had had their spot overlooking Rosewood. Now that they were both in Philadelphia they needed something similar, but it took him far longer than he liked to find something appropriate. But now that he had he couldn't wait to show her.
It was November 6, honestly his favorite day of the year. Christmas was nice, Thanksgiving had a lot of great food, the Fourth of July was a lot of fun... but nothing was comparable to the day that Spencer agreed to be his. Nothing could ever compare to that.
He sent her a soft smile and gently took her hand. "Close your eyes, okay?"
"Are you really going to murder me this time?" She laughed. But she nodded, complying with his ridiculous wishes. He knew there were very few people in the world that she'd have done that for, and he appreciated it.
He led her down the path, keeping diligent eyes on the ground for any tripping hazards. He wouldn't let her fall. "Yep. You've gotten a bit tiresome, and I've decided that it's better to start from the beginning."
"Well as long as you're honest," she laughed. Her hand tightened around his as they walked down the slight slope to the picnic table he had snagged. "Toby?"
"You're alright. I've got you." He let go of her hand and wrapped an arm around her waist, guiding her to a sitting position on the bench. "You can open your eyes."
He kept his eyes on her face as she took in the view and the arrangement of food and candles on the table. "Toby..."
"Do you like it?" He asked. His pulse felt irregular as he waited for her reaction. Part of him wanted to take his hand back before she noticed his sweaty palms, but he didn't know how to do it subtly.
"I love it. I love you." She leaned in to kiss him, her lips telling him far more than any words ever could. He always knew that he loved Spencer, and honestly, how could he not? After everything she had done for him his love for her was firmly cemented in his very soul. But his absolute and intrinsic adoration for that girl had never been deeper than in that moment.
"Toby?"
He looked at her with wet eyes. The emotions, the memories, the potential life-ending illness... it was all too much. He was so scared, and he didn't know how to get rid of it. He thought he had a lifetime of anniversaries with her. He thought that there'd be a lifetime to make memories, but now he was finding out that that might now necessarily be true.
"Toby." She slid a soft hand down his arm and laced her fingers with his. "Hey, I know you're scared. I can see it written all over your face. You're so much stronger than you think you are, though. You've made it through so much. Other people would have given up by now, but you're still fighting. You can do this, sweetheart. You can do anything."
He nodded. She was right. He could do this; as long as she was with him he could do anything. "I love you."
She smiled at him. "I love you too, baby. Hanna said she'd get everyone together and meet us at our apartment in a half an hour."
He wrapped both of his arms around her and pulled her securely against him. "We don't have to go right away though, right?"
"I think they can wait a minute or two." He could hear the smile in her voice as she curled against his chest. "Are you alright?"
"I honestly am better than I could ever imagine I would be. As cheesy as it sounds, it's always alright when you're here." He pressed her lips to the top of her head and closed his eyes, content to sit there with her as long as they could.
By the time they finally reached their apartment Caleb, Hanna, and Emily had already arrived. And judging by their comfortable positions scattered throughout the living room they had been there for quite awhile. "Nice of you guys to join us!" Hanna sang out from the couch. Her head was in Caleb's lap, and her feet were sticking up in the air. "By the way, you two have the shittiest food in the world."
"Spencer won't let me buy anything good." He grinned at Spencer's incredulous stare. Throwing her under the health food bus was kind of fun.
Hanna groaned. "No cheesy puffs? You wound me, Hastings."
"Cavanaugh," she corrected with a halfhearted laugh. And nine years into their relationship that laugh still made him happy. As long as Spencer was happy and healthy he could handle whatever life threw at him.
She glanced at him before looking back at their friends. "We need to talk to you guys."
"Yeah, we got that by your frantic phone call, Spence. What's going on?" Caleb pushed Hanna up and swiveled to face them. "Are you guys alright?"
"I um-" he kept his eyes on Spencer. "I'm sick."
"Do you need some medicine? I can run to CVS and grab you some medicine..." Emily suggested sweetly. She was genuinely the nicest person he had ever met, and that was why he couldn't look at her when he said this. He couldn't bear to see the sympathy in her eyes, or Caleb or Hanna's for that matter. Spencer already knew. And she knew without his saying that sympathy was the last thing he would want.
He shook his head. "No. I- I have cancer."