Chapter 54

January 1871 – Colorado Springs

After several moments of silence that was only shattered by Michaela's soft breaths and sniffles, Sully finally spoke up, massaging slow, steady circles in her back.

"Michaela? Are ya sure about tellin' him?" She slowly pulled back, and she took his hands in hers.

"I'm not certain about much of anything right now," she admitted, "but I do know what it's like to find something out at the wrong time. I shouldn't have pushed her to tell me today. I should have waited, but…but I can't change that. I don't want Johnny to feel that way about us. I don't want him to feel that we're keeping it from him. He's a smart boy, Sully. He…he deserves to know. I don't want him to stop trusting us."

"Michaela, I trust my son, but he's a ten-year-old boy. Sometimes things slip out, and…" Michaela took a deep breath and shook her head. She knew what she had to do.

"You're right. I…I know that. I just don't want him to be upset with us. He needs to know before anyone else." Sully nodded.

"I know," Sully said with a nod, helping her stand. "Why don't we wait just a little bit? We still ain't had time to let it sink in." She nodded.

"You're right. I'm sorry, Sully."

"Ain't no need to apologize. Why don't ya go lie down?"

"No. I couldn't rest if I tried." She took a deep breath. Suddenly, realization and remembrance spread across her face. "Sully…Charlotte knows."

"What?"

"She knows. She's not going to tell anyone. It's…it's a comfort though." Sully nodded in understanding and pulled her into an embrace. She sighed heavily against him. "This isn't supposed to be easy. I should know that."

"I know," he said quietly. "And I'm pretty sure it's gonna be hard every step of the way, but ya know what? We can handle it. We can handle anything." Michaela nodded slowly, pulling her arms around him and resting her head upon his chest. They stood that way for several moments, listening to the silence and feeling their hearts beating against one another. Finally, she pulled back and stared up into his eyes, another ounce of courage seeping through.

"If that's the case…I need to speak with my mother." Sully watched her move across the room anxiously. "She needs to know that…that I don't want her to go. No matter how upset she makes me, she's still my mother. I can't…I can't lose her. I know she makes things difficult, Sully, but I need her." Sully nodded slowly.

"I understand." He took her hand and squeezed it softly. "Ya want me to go with ya?" Just as Michaela was about to respond, a loud, frantic knock came to the door. Michaela and Sully glanced at one another with worry, before Michaela rushed over to open it up. She was shocked to see Rebecca standing there with a sleepy Mary beside her.

"Rebecca!"

"It's Mother! She's…she's leaving!"

"Already!" Michaela asked.

"Yes! I tried to stop her, but…the train's going to take off any moment!" Without a moment of warning, Michaela shot off across town to try to get her mother off of that train before it left the depot. Sully, Rebecca, and Mary were next out the door, but by the time they reached the depot, Michaela was standing on the platform watching the train chug off into the distance.

She couldn't believe her mother had just left.

"Why did you tell me?" she whispered. "What was the point?" She brought her hand to her mouth and tried to ward off the tears and the sadness, but it was a futile attempt, and by the time Sully reached her side, she had been reduced to tears again.

"Michaela?" Without words, she wrapped her arms around his neck and clung to him, not certain of anything anymore.

Elizabeth closed her eyes and leaned her head against the back of the seat. This was for the best. She hated leaving them like that, but it was the only way to avoid the truth. She scolded herself for telling them in the first place. Her initial intention was to show Michaela that happiness didn't always mean marrying your first true love. But, somewhere along the way, her message had become confused with her own emotions regarding the past.

She wanted them to know the truth to spare herself from carrying the burden any longer, but at the same time, she didn't want to hurt them. She had spent her entire life trying to make up for her mistakes in the past and to make them feel loved.

"Stephen," she whispered softly. He always made her smile when she was sad. Where was he when she needed him the most? With a trembling lower lip, she closed her eyes and thought back to that fateful day.

March 1830

"I was going to tell you," he said softly, as she slowly settled by his side, her hand trembling. "I thought it was just a common cold. I thought I would get over it. But everyday, I felt worse. I tried to hide it."

"I never even knew. I should have paid more attention."

"I didn't want you to know." He gently kissed her hand.

"Stephen, I wish you'd have told me sooner. Perhaps Jo…Dr. Quinn could have prevented this."

"I'm going to get better, Elizabeth. You'll see. I keep my promises." Elizabeth smiled and nodded her head.

"You had better," she said quietly. "Because Dr. Quinn has given us an incentive for your recovery." Stephen tried to sit up in bed but failed miserably. "He told me just a few days ago, but I wanted to wait until you were stronger to tell you." She swallowed hard, feeling guilty. He hadn't gotten any stronger, so she knew that if she didn't tell him now, she might never get the chance.

"What's that?" Elizabeth blinked back her tears and swallowed hard.

"A baby," she whispered.

"A baby?" he asked. She smiled and nodded, as his eyes widened in realization.

"You're…we're…a baby!" Elizabeth nodded again, her happiness overshadowed by the grief of her husband lying on his sickbed. His eyes filled with tears of his own, and he squeezed her hands joyously.

"If that's not a reason to get well, I don't know what is." Elizabeth smiled a little, and she bent down to kiss his forehead. "I bet she's a beautiful girl just like her mother."

"Stephen," she said softly. "You have to get well now. Promise me that?" He smiled and nodded his head.

"I promise, Elizabeth. I'll always be here." She sighed softly, as he closed his eyes.

"Rest now," she whispered. "I'll be here when you wake." A peaceful smile spread over his face, and he fell asleep holding her hand and dreaming of their child. A gentle tap sounded at the door, and Josef poked his head in. Elizabeth slowly pried her hand from her husband's and left the room to meet Josef in the hall.

"How is he?" Josef wondered.

"I told him about the baby," Elizabeth said with a stiff nod. "His color seemed to improve when I did. Hopefully…hopefully that gives him something to hold on for." Josef nodded grimly.

"I want you to know that I'm doing everything in my power…"

"I know. I trust you, Josef. You're doing a wonderful job with him." He nodded slowly and looked into her eyes.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better now that I've told him. Perhaps I should have told him as soon as I found out."

"You've had a lot to deal with lately, Elizabeth." He cleared his throat. "Your maid has prepared lunch. You really should eat something."

"Thank you, but I'm…"

"I'm not speaking as your friend. I'm speaking as your doctor." He smiled, when she finally complied. As they walked, he continued. "I've also given Fiona a list of foods to buy at the market."

"You what?"

"The reason you've been so weak is because you haven't been nourishing yourself properly since Stephen became ill. You need to build up your strength or you could jeopardize your pregnancy." Elizabeth froze in her shoes and turned toward him.

"Just because you are our physician doesn't mean that you can…can barge in here and order our maid around, Josef Quinn." Josef let out a heavy breath. "But, I appreciate your concern." They moved into the dining room, where Fiona was serving lunch, and Josef held a chair out for Elizabeth. She felt strangely about his actions, but she brushed it off as good manners. He was of a good family, and even though she knew very little about him, she knew he was very well mannered and kind-hearted.

"I think we need to start talking about the future," Josef said quietly, taking a glass of water in his hands. Elizabeth eyed him.

"Excuse me?"

"Perhaps it's time you contacted your husband's lawyer. Perhaps his family…"

"His father is out of town, and his mother…well, she was unreachable. I sent a telegram to Mr. O'Connor, and he replied back, saying he'd be here as soon as he could. He is coming from New York, so it may be a few days." Josef's gaze faltered. "You truly don't think he's going to make it, do you?" He looked up into her eyes; eyes that had been dampened with tears more often than not.

"There is a possibility…"

"Tell me straight, Josef. My husband is going to die isn't he?" Josef knew he couldn't lie to her, and trying to make her feel better would only make her feel worse in the long run.

"I…I believe so, yes. I'm sorry, Elizabeth." Elizabeth took a deep breath and closed her eyes, letting her tears lap against her eyelids. She swallowed hard and folded her hands in her lap. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. They were newlyweds. They had the rest of their lives, and some ridiculous illness was breaking it apart. It wasn't fair! It wasn't right. Stephen deserved so much better…and she couldn't help but wonder if this was her punishment for going against her mother's wishes.

"I can't lose him," she whispered. Josef didn't know if she was talking to him or God, but he knew that somehow he had to do something to make her realize that even if Stephen's life on this earth was almost over, hers wasn't.

January 1871 – Colorado Springs

"Mother? Why did Grandma Elizabeth go home?" Mary asked, as they walked hand-in-hand behind Michaela and Sully on the way to the clinic. "Did I do something bad?"

"Oh, sweetheart, of course not. She just had a few things to take care of back home. She's not angry with you."

"Promise?"

"I promise." Rebecca gave her little girl's hand a firm squeeze, and they continued on in silence, as Sully and Michaela walked up ahead quietly too.

"You feelin' any better?" Sully asked.

"A little," she said with a nod. "I'm just trying to figure out why she told me some things…why she told me some things and not the entire story. She left me here to deal with it all alone, and I have no idea what to make of it." She looked down. "Sully, my mother has never run from anything in her life. If anything, she's taken it by the ears and stared it straight in the eyes. Why now? What could have happened between her and this…this Stephen?"

"Maybe it's too painful for her to talk about?"

"If that's true then why? Why did she tell me about him in the first place?" Knowing that he didn't have an answer, Sully stayed quiet, and when they arrived at the porch of the clinic, he gave her a kiss upon the cheek.

"Do ya want me to stay tonight?"

"I appreciate that, but I think I need to be alone." Sully nodded in understanding.

"You're sure?"

"Yes. Thank you." He nodded and gently kissed her, causing her cheeks to blush. She smiled a little, and he was relieved to see a break in her sadness for a few moments.

"Ya know where I am if ya need me." She nodded. "I love you."

"I love you."

When Rebecca and Mary caught up, Sully left them to head to the mercantile. Rebecca and Michaela turned to one another and embraced each other. Mary stood by quietly, watching her mother and aunt.

"Will you be alright tonight, Michaela?" Rebecca asked softly.

"I'll be fine," she promised. Rebecca nodded slowly.

"Mother told me, Michaela. She told me what she said to you about…about Mr. O'Connor." Michaela's eyes flashed in surprise.

"She did?"

"After we talked about him, she decided that she had to leave. I don't understand what's gotten into her. I wish I did, but for the first time in my life, Mother is acting like a stranger to me." She shook her head. "I'm worried about her."

"So am I," Michaela answered with a nod. She noticed Mary and knew this wasn't the right time to talk about this. She yawned a little, unable to control her exhaustion after the events of the day.

"We'll leave you to rest, Michaela. I'm so sorry Mother's put you through this."

"It isn't your fault, Rebecca…"

"I should have stopped her from coming."

"No! No, I'm glad you didn't. Believe it or not, I do think Mother and I made some progress. That's better than nothing, I suppose." Rebecca was uncertain, but she decided to drop the subject.

"Alright. Well, come along, Mary." Mary nodded, and she took her mother's hand again. Michaela watched them walk off before disappearing inside of the clinic to be alone.

Timothy Johnson walked out of the church wearing a simple suit and a hat upon his head. He nervously smoothed his hands down the length of his grey suit jacket and started across the meadow toward town.

He knew he was being forward, and he knew that the fellas in town wouldn't let him live this down, but he enjoyed her company, and he wanted to treat her to a lovely meal. He only hoped she would accept.

He saw her walking with young Mary toward the boarding house, and after clearing his throat, he crossed the bridge and took large strides. Rebecca saw him out of the corner of her eye, and she saw him tip his hat to her. She was taken aback by the fact that he was dressed down from his usual attire.

"Reverend?"

"Please…call me Timothy." Hesitating a moment, she looked down at Mary who only grinned up at her.

"Is there something you need…Timothy?" With a uncertain smile, he took his hat in his hands and fidgeted with the brim.

"Well…I…I was wondering if…if I might ask you…well…." He continued on for a few moments. "I came to ask ya somethin'."

"What's that, Reverend?" Rebecca asked, trying to hide her anxiety and amusement.

"Well…I was wondering if…if you and Mary would like to join me for supper tonight." Rebecca stared at him for a moment. Was he truly asking her to dinner? She had to admit that she was flattered and very tempted. He was a charming man, and his kindness to her had been proper and professional. But…did he see something more between them? Something more than she?

"Oh," Rebecca said quietly.

"Can we, Mother?" Mary wondered. "I'm hungry, and Miss Grace has the best—"

"I…" Rebecca stuttered, forgetting the proper way to decline, but she couldn't see a reason. She hadn't had many dinner invitations from men before, and the idea of entertaining the idea at this point in her life surprised her.

He was standing there with his hat in his hands and a nervous tremble in his hands. It was endearing, and she couldn't help but smile. Perhaps…perhaps just this once.

"I'd be honored…Timothy," she finally announced. The look in his eyes was one of surprise. Had he expected she would turn him down? She was more confused than ever, but she did enjoy his offer. She couldn't see any reason not to join him. A flush filled her cheeks, as his smile grew wider. He held his arm out to her, and she slowly linked hers through his.

Mary watched her mother and the Reverend for a moment, and a grin twisted up at the corners of her mouth, and she quickly squeezed her mother's hand and followed her and Reverend Johnson to the café, as visions of the future began to piece together inside of her imagination.

After turning the lamp down low, Michaela settled into bed with a book of Emerson's finest poetry in her lap. Her head was swimming with the day's events, and she couldn't put into words how incredibly overwhelmed she was.

Her hand was resting on her flat belly, and she could only imagine what a child of hers and Sully's would look like. She was eager to be a mother, nervous about being one so soon, and even more anxious about how the town would treat her and her family after the news was broken.

She knew that the responsible thing would be to marry Sully, but she couldn't get over Cloud Dancing's warning. He was a smart man, and she knew that if they did get married just to cover up this unplanned pregnancy—not that they had done anything to stop it from happening—they would forever live with that secret and know that they didn't wait for their true wedding day, because they were afraid of what the town would say.

She let out a deep breath and closed her eyes. What would her mother say when she found out? She almost wished Elizabeth knew now so she wouldn't have to cause her further distress later. She almost wished that things were simpler, but simple wasn't the way to live a life. She worked hard for what she believed in, and she refused to do anything less.

"I don't know what we're going to do," she whispered, as she traced slow circles over her stomach. "But, I can promise you one thing. Your father and I are going to love you so much. You're coming into a very…very difficult situation, but your father and I will protect you. We will make sure you are loved and cared for, and we won't let anything get in our way of being a family."

Her eyes closed slowly, and she turned the lamp the rest of the way down, bathing the room in darkness. September was so close yet so far away. It didn't seem possible, but it was happening. It was really happening, and if she had any power over this child's life, she was going to make certain that everything was made right before she brought it into the world.