A/N- Jo your help and beta is absolutely amazing!

Thanks to everyone who is reading this! You are all fantastic! I was a little under the weather this week so I'm sorry if I didn't personally respond to your messages. They were all appreciated! Thank you.

Joanna and Jan - thanks for the being my daily cheerleaders and my guinea pigs with my ideas :)

Disclaimer- Castle is not mine, but all the mistakes are. Also- you will recognize a few lines of dialogue that was borrowed from a Season 2 episode.

The More Things Change…

…the more they stay the same. Kate Beckett is bored with life, but when a serial killer starts dedicating murders to her- someone enters the scene to aid with the investigation and her life may never be the same. Season 2- AU Caskett meeting.

Chapter 9

She had fallen asleep with her face in the file. Studying it. Memorizing every last detail. Every line that described the scene. Every word that covered up the truth. The lies that her mother hid all these years. Lies that her mom apparently tried to protect her from. Her father's accident report read like a work of fiction; Castle could've probably written something more convincing at this point.

Rubbing the back of her neck, Kate stretched her body and looked at the clock. It was already 7 a.m. and she was no closer to figuring out the details than when she started. The next step she needed to take would be to look in that box in her mom's closet. There had to be a reason that she had all that information and if her mother wouldn't give her the information; well she would just have to investigate on her own.

Her cell phone started to buzz on her nightstand. A place deep in her mind wished it was Castle but at this hour, she knew better. Reaching for the device, Kate could see it was dispatch. Early morning case.

"Beckett," she barked into the receiver. The voice on the line gave her directions to the fresh body drop and hung up. She rubbed her hands into her eye sockets and sighed. Her impromptu late night research plan hadn't been the smartest thing to do when she was on call. "Coffee. I need all of the coffee possible," she muttered to herself before dragging her body toward the shower.

She almost didn't call him assuming he wouldn't show up, but true to his word he did. New case; he was standing there with coffee in hand.

"Hey," he greeted her, as he gave her one of the cups.

"Hey. Thanks. I didn't think I'd see you."

"Well this is a new case and we're in luck because I don't see your detective boyfriend," he said with a tinge of annoyance.

"Castle, about that—" She needed to get him to listen to her so he could understand that Demming was not an issue.

"Hey Beckett. The body's back here," Esposito called out to her, interrupting her explanation to Castle. She looked in Castle's direction, wanting to continue but he shrugged.

"Not important, Beckett. We're here for the case." So coffee obviously didn't mean that things were okay. Coffee was just him being nice. Her eyes followed as he walked off toward Esposito, leaving her lost in thought. Gaining her composure, she walked back into the kitchen to find the guys all huddled around the body.

"Victim's name is Balthazar Wolf. He was the head chef here at Q3."

"Big Bad Wolf from Kitchen Wars! No! I never got to taste his foie gras sandwich," Castle whined.

"I'm sorry for your loss," Kate sneered in his direction. "Do you need to mourn elsewhere or can you handle us investigating the scene?" she asked, walking around the orange cones.

"I'm good," he stated, recovering from his shock.

"Pastry Chef, Spike Ridenhauer and the dishwasher Juan Costa found him this morning when they arrived to start prepping for the day," Ryan explained, walking over to Esposito, Castle and her. "They said that when they left him yesterday he was finishing up a special order cake."

"What the COD?" Kate asked.

"Well if you can't tell by now, he was frozen using LN2 or what's commonly known as liquid nitrogen," Perlmutter replied dryly.

"How cool!" Castle squealed, earning him a glare from both Perlmutter and herself.

"Detective Beckett, can you control your shadow? He's stepping on parts of the victim's finger," the ME snapped.

"Castle!"

"Oops. Sorry. Does that mean I have finger stuck in the sole of my shoe?" Castle asked, faking a shiver down his spine. She tried her best to cover up the small smile that wanted to form on her lips. He was such a child sometimes.

"Castle, dead body. Please show some respect. Perlmutter, do you have a time of death?"

"Not yet. I'll have to take him back to the morgue to see if I can get him to thaw a bit," he replied and then went back to documenting the scene.

"Okay, call me when you find something." They walked out to the dining area and found the tall blonde owner standing by the hostess desk.

"Owner's name is—" Espo started before she cut him off.

"Madison?!" she called, realizing that she knew the owner.

"Becks?!" Madison excused herself from the hostess and walked toward where they were standing.

"I take it they know each other," Castle quipped to Esposito. Esposito shook his head and laughed before walking off with Ryan.

"This is Madison Queller, a friend from high school. Madison, this is Richard Castle," Kate said, with a polite smile.

"Oooh, high school friend. So you must know where all the bodies are buried." His eyes lit up and she could tell the wheels were turning in his head.

"Castle, this is investigation time. Not book research time," she reprimanded him before turning her attention back to Madison. "Rick is writing a book based on NYPD detectives."

"How exciting, Becks! Anything I can do to help, Rick," Madison said with a small wink. Sure it wasn't a huge gesture, but the flirtation was enough to cause a pang of jealous in Kate's stomach. "I still can't believe Kate Beckett became a cop! I would've never guessed that girl I met in ninth grade French would end up as a detective."

"Yeah well, people change. So how well did you know Wolf," Kate asked, trying to redirect the conversation back to the investigation. There was a weird energy here. They hadn't exactly ended their friendship on the best terms, and sitting here with Castle who had avoided talking to her about his feelings or lack thereof, the awkwardness level was growing to an uncomfortably high level.

Back at the precinct, Kate stormed off of the elevator toward the break room with Castle hot on her heels.

"So you're going out on a date with her?" she snapped.

"Not a date. I'm lending your old friend some moral support, all while getting to try out Rocco's new menu. I've been dying to sample the food at his new place." Castle seemed to be trying to calm her, but at the same time, she saw a gleam of amusement in his eyes.

"Mmhmm. I see." This was obviously not worth the fight. She needed to work through the case and then have a decent conversation with Castle.

"Well you seemed to be busy when she asked you. So obviously you have a date. Demming?" He wasn't dropping the idea, was he? Kate could feel her cheeks start to burn as the irritation grew in her system

"Castle, we're in the middle of a murder investigation. I can't be having dinner with a possible suspect."

"One, way to side step and avoid the date comment. Two, you think Madison could've actually killed him?" He was trying to get under her skin, she knew it. She could see it coming, but her head couldn't prevent her emotions from boiling over.

"No I don't think she killed him, but I can't rule it out until we have hard evidence. And I'm not sidestepping anything! About Demming—"

"Hey Beckett, we have Wolf's next of kin here," Ryan said, interrupting her. This was getting ridiculous. She needed to finish a sentence—finish a thought - without someone stopping her.

"Thanks Ryan, we'll be right there." He turned back and went off toward his desk. Castle started to walk out of the break room, but she grabbed his arm to hold him back.

"Beckett, we shouldn't leave his family to wait—"

"You won't talk to me and we keep getting interrupted anytime I try to explain to you," she said, frustration coloring her words.

"There's nothing to explain."

"I'm not dating Demming." She rushed the words out in one breath and then met his eyes. "I'm not dating anyone. I meant what I said—it's not a good time for me to be in a relationship. It doesn't mean—I just don't understand this date with Maddie," she said, changing her train of thought. She wanted him to know that she was still interested. That she still thought about their kiss, but the words sounded petty even in her own head.

"You are unbelievable!" he snapped. "Detective Beckett is jealous that her play thing has a date with someone else. For the record, this isn't a date either. I was viewing it as book research, but Kate, seriously. If you don't want me, am I just supposed to be alone until you get lonely again?"

"Castle—" Is that what he really thought? That she was just trying to string him along? He was world famous and could find someone different, someone better. And while that reality hurt her, his words confused her. They've known each other for a little over a month. When had she fallen this hard?

"What, Kate?" His voice laced with hurt and rejection. Maybe she wasn't the only one who had fallen, and what was worse was now they were both hurt.

"I'm sorry—" Her voice was almost a whisper, all confidence drained.

"I bet," he snapped and stalked out of the break room.

Everything about this hurt and she really didn't have a right. He had made his feelings known. Castle liked her, she was the problem. She was always the problem.

Hours later, she was walking toward the murder board when she noticed Maddie stepping off of the elevator.

"Madison, what are you doing here? I thought you had dinner with Castle?" Kate asked her friend, meeting her by the elevator.

"Oh, yes. I'm on my way to the restaurant now, but I wanted to drop off this basket as a way to thank you for your help with the investigation," Madison said with a grin, handing Kate the gift.

"It's our job. You really didn't need to, but baked goods are always welcome. Oatmeal cookies! Oh my God, did you remember these were my favorite?"

"Of course. We used to be best friends." Kate looked through the basket some more, before looking up at Madison with a smile.

"Yeah. Seems so long ago. Crazy to think that after all these years, we ran into each other through a murder."

"New York is a crazy place," Maddie said with a laugh.

"That's for sure," Kate said with a nervous giggle before she straightened her face and took a deep breath. "Madison, this dinner—you guys are just going as friends right? You're not interested in Castle, are you?" She couldn't believe she was actually doing this. If she couldn't have a conversation with Castle, she needed to at least find out somehow.

"Rick's hot, Kate. I wouldn't mind for something to happen with him. He seems like a lot of fun. Why? Is there something going on with you two?" Her tone changed when it seemed to dawn on her the reason for Kate's question.

"It's complicated. We made out last week. So I guess you could say," Kate replied, with the guilt of Castle's earlier words ringing in her head. She didn't have any right to him. What was she doing? But he'd told Demming she was his girlfriend, so it was no different, she insisted to herself. If he could lie about their relationship - or lack thereof - so could she.

"Becks, you just kissed him? That's it? You can't really stake claim on him for that," Maddie stated with a smile.

"Not trying to stake claim. Like I said—complicated," she said, backpedaling and trying to bring back an iota of dignity to her being.

"Well maybe my date tonight can ease some of your complications." Madison smirked at Kate, leaving her speechless. God, she was always such a bitch in high school.

"He's a good guy, Maddie. Please don't hurt him."

"Because you're doing such a great job of that? Maybe you should take your own advice, Becks. I'll try to make sure he's home by curfew," she shot over her back as she stepped back on the elevator.

Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and didn't open them until she heard the doors close. True Madison was being her usual self. This was the reason they stopped talking in high school. Brent Edwards from English class. Kate had had the biggest crush on him, but Maddie decided to date him fully aware of Kate's feelings. God, this was senior year all over again! Only this time, she was the only one to blame. She'd pushed Castle away, but maybe it was for the best. Maddie was fun loving and uncomplicated, or at least she used to be. She was a better option for Castle. A better option than dark and damaged which is what Kate seemed to be lately.

Later that night, in a fit of poetic justice, Kate had to find Madison at the restaurant. Standing there watching as they fed each other a forkful of food, this was the absolute last place she wanted like to be. Of course, evidence had to be found giving Madison motive in Wolf's murder and of course this had to happen while Madison and Castle were having dinner. So now she had the grand honor of storming in like the fun police in a fit of jealousy. Nothing could be more perfect. Kate cringed, already imagining their reactions, and forced herself to trudge forward.

"Becks, what are you doing here?" Maddie greeted her with a glare.

"Kate," Castle said nearly choking as he dropped his fork. His expression made it clear that he was well aware that she had caught him feeding Madison.

"Madison, I need to ask you a couple questions," she stated, her tone void of emotion.

"Well, did you have to interrupt dinner?" the blonde asked.

"Yes, they can't wait."

"Well, then pull up a chair," Madison replied with a shrug.

"No, Maddie. It needs to be down at the station and it needs to be now." Her voice was stern, and the dinner companions both appeared a little jarred by her intrusion. Madison huffed and made her way to the exit with Beckett, Castle and the uniforms trailing behind.

"Now look who's trying to mark their territory," Castle said under his breath as they walked into the precinct. "Isn't that what you accused me of last week?"

"I'm not marking territory. I'm sorry I interrupted your date. It wasn't my intention." Maybe it wasn't her intention, but she could only imagine how it had looked to him.

"Mmhmm," he said with a smirk. He started to follow her into the interrogation room where Maddie was waiting, when she turned her body back to face him. With her index finger to his chest, she pushed him back from the door.

"Um no, Rick. You were just making love eyeballs at the suspect over a gourmet meal. You can watch from the observation room."

"Wow, Beckett. Power trip galore!" Castle snapped.

"I'm the cop! You're the cop helper person!" She argued with her hand, motioning to the observation room to reaffirm her point.

"How eloquent! "

"You go over there!" she said and opened the interrogation room door to find a very irritated suspect. When the door slammed shut, Kate walked over to set her file onto the table and turned to Madison.

"Nice move, Becks. I get that you liked him and I should've listened—but did you really need to haul me down to the station to stop the date," she yelled.

"Madison, that's not why I did it!"

"Oh sure it is. You're hot for Castle. You want to make little Castle babies!" Sure, Castle already knew that she liked him. She just didn't appreciate it being thrown in her face, nor did the rest of the precinct need to hear about this little outburst.

"Maddie!" she hissed. "He can hear you through the glass!"

"Oh! It's a two-way mirror, like on TV? How cool!" Madison walked up to the mirror and waved to where she assumed Castle would be standing. Beckett rubbed her hands against her temples and sat down in the chair.

"No, not cool. You have motive. Now sit down. Tell me about the insurance policy."

Madison looked down at her and sighed. Slumping down in the seat across the table, she explained herself to Kate.

Luckily Madison wasn't the killer. As mixed as their history was, Kate had never wanted her to be guilty. She was hunched over her desk now, sorting through papers and trying to make some sense out of the evidence when Maddie walked out from booking.

"So I guess I'm free to go," she said.

"Yes. Your alibi confirmed it couldn't possibly be you, and you helped us with a new potential suspect."

"So I guess this wasn't a total waste," she joked, the previous edge to her voice all but vanished. "Becks, can you walk me out?"

"Uh, yeah sure," Kate replied with a smile. They walked to the elevator before Maddie turned to face her.

"I wanted to apologize. It's obvious there is something between Castle and you. I shouldn't have tried to interfere. This isn't high school anymore"

"No. It's not," she agreed.

"And I'm sorry I tried to regress back. Castle's not Brent Edwards and this isn't senior year. Make sure he knows how you feel, Kate. You and I may have a lot of catching up to do, but your feelings for him are painted across your face."

"It's comp—"

"Don't say it's complicated. Because it's not. You're hiding behind that word. I can tell." She gave her a quick hug and stepped into the elevator.

"It was nice seeing you, Madison," she replied.

"We need to catch up over drinks sometime soon."

"I would love that," Kate agreed and then waved goodbye as the doors shut. Her mind wandered, thinking over her friend's words. How could someone whom she hasn't spoken to in over ten years be so right about this?

"Hey, Madison left without saying goodbye," Castle stated, snapping her out of the daydream. She didn't even notice him walk over to her.

"Oh. Guess your date is over," she said, almost apologetically, walking with him over to the break room.

"Just as well, though I am devastated that I didn't get to finish that menu tasting."

She looked up at him for a brief moment, but their eyes met before she diverted her eyes.

"I really am sorry, Castle. About everything."

"No more apologies. Kate, it is what it is. You and I both know that Madison and I were never going to work."

"That's not all I'm apologizing for," she whispered.

"I know, but I meant it. Not necessary," he replied. She met his eyes again; long enough to notice the anger from earlier was gone. Maybe not completely happy, but the look from their fight wasn't anywhere to be found.

"Go get some rest Castle." She could tell he was about to object, but she cut his words off. "I'm not far behind you. Nothing more we can do today."

"Okay. Until tomorrow, Detective," he said, holding out his hand for her to shake. The gesture was way too formal and left her with an ache inside. She was losing him.

"Night, Castle." She walked over to her desk and flopped down onto her chair. At least he was being civil with her, but she didn't want civil. Their connection extended far passed civil.

On her way home for the day, Kate finally broke down, unable to fight her stubbornness anymore. Grabbing her cell from her purse, she called her mom, trying to mend what was possibly forever broken. The call went unanswered. Johanna's voicemail happily greeted her and it felt like a blow to her stomach. What if it was too late? What if it wasn't fixable?

'Mom, I need you. I'm still angry. I still don't know what to think, but I do know I need my mom. Please don't let me lose you, too.'

Tears flooded her eyes after leaving the message, and she was outright sobbing by the time she walked through her front door. Never in her life had she felt more alone, and she felt responsible for all of it. Throwing her keys and bags on the kitchen counter and wiping away the moisture from her face, she decided that she needed to relax in a bath. While the water filled up the tub, she went back into the kitchen to pour herself a glass of her favorite red. With her glass in hand, Kate checked the water and sighed in relief seeing it was ready.

Sinking into the hot liquid, she rested her head against the ledge. Her heart was at war with her head and she was sick of her head winning. Tears streamed down her face again as the true weight of her actions consumed her. Castle had completely gotten under her skin. It didn't matter how different they were. It didn't matter how long they had known each other. What mattered was that she cared about him and he brought joy to her life. It didn't need to make sense on paper.

She had seen the pain in his eyes; the light within them slightly dimmer because of the mixed messages she'd been sending. Pushing him away was the best answer she could come up with in her head at the time, but in the end she'd proven herself wrong. Maybe she wasn't ready for a full relationship right now, but that didn't mean she wouldn't be in the future. Castle hadn't even asked for a relationship, he'd just asked for her to be there. She could give him that much. Nothing deeper. She wasn't ready to let him in all the way. The details around her father's death, those needed to remain close to the vest. That was too personal for whatever this could be with Castle. That still needed her wall around her heart and it still needed to be protected.

However, she needed fun, and she wanted to forget. He could make her forget. Wiping the tears away from her eyes, she reached for her cell off of the table and dialed his number, fully expecting that it would go straight to voicemail.

"Hello." She froze when he picked up. Words were on the tip of her tongue, but no sound would come out. "Kate?"

"Ca—Castle. Hi." Hi? That was all she could muster?

"Beckett? It's midnight. You just called to say hi?" he asked, his voice groggy.

"No. I called to say I'm sorry." The randomness of her words continued. She really should have figured this out before she dialed his number.

"Kate I told you, no more apologies."

"No, I know. But I mean it, because I care what you think and I hate that you're upset," she rambled with tears rolling down her cheeks. She was on the verge of being an incoherent mess and she never let anyone see or hear her like this. Hell, at this rate, she was probably scaring him off. She wasn't really eluding at the fun she was hoping to have with him.

"Hey—hey. Do you need me to come over?" Concern flooded his words, and she could only imagine the look of worry on his face right now.

"No, you don't need to. Not now, but I know this may sound stupid—" she said, with her voice still thick with emotion. Taking a deep breath, she cleared her throat and got to her point. "Castle. I've made a mess of things and I pushed you away. I don't want to do that anymore."

"This doesn't sound like a phone call type of conversation—" he interjected.

"It needs to be. I don't want to be distracted or lose sight of what I'm trying to say."

"Okay."

"I'm not ready for a relationship, Castle."

"You've made that abundantly clear," he whispered. She wasn't completely sure if he meant for her to hear the statement or not.

"But—" she continued.

"But?"

"Yes, there's a but," she said, smiling into the phone. "Just because I may not be ready and I don't want titles doesn't mean we can't be around each other in a way that's more than friends. We can still have fun and I really could use some fun."

"Detective Beckett, are you propositioning me for friends with benefits?" Castle chuckled his question into the phone.

"No—no! God I'm horrible at this. I just want to know if we can start fresh? Maybe go on a date?" she asked in a hurry.

"Wow, 'Ms. I don't want a relationship', is asking me on a date," he joked.

"You're right. Maybe this was a bad idea," Kate said, wishing she could unsay her entire speech.

"I'd love to." Oh. Maybe she wasn't so horrible at this after all. Her face broke out into a smile while they finished up their conversation. They were going on a real date. She shook her head in complete disbelief about how her life had taken a complete turn in the month since she had met him. She had a date with Richard Castle.

Her internal celebration was interrupted when she heard her phone buzz. A text from her mom.

'Katie, I got your message. We need to talk. Can we meet tomorrow? I need you to be safe.'

Her smile fell.

TBC

Thank you for reading!