Chapter 57

February 1871 – Colorado Springs

Sitting on the steps of the church, Carrie let out a soft breath. She had asked Daniel to leave her there for a little while, because she wanted to be alone. He had been reluctant, but finally, he had decided to go talk about hiring a sheriff, though she knew that he had himself in mind for the job. She didn't mind that anymore, but the fact that Jake Slicker was there made her skin crawl.

When she looked up, Tommy was rushing across the field.

"Papa," she said softly, standing up, as he bridged the gap and took her into his arms.

"Carrie! You alright? I heard that somebody tried to…"

"Jake Slicker, Pa."

"Slicker?" he asked. She nodded. "He came after me."

"What for? What was he thinkin'?" Tommy removed his hat and stepped back from Carrie, wringing the rim of his hat between his tightening fingers.

"Pa," Carrie said quickly.

"What business did he have comin' after you? Huh?" Tommy began to pace. "Ya just had surgery, and…and…"

"Pa, stop!"

"I ain't! He crossed the line. How could somebody hurt ya like that?"

"He didn't? If anybody got hurt, it's Dr. Mike. She got in the way to try and help me. He didn't hurt me though, Pa. Please, believe me," Carrie pleaded.

"Why'd he come after ya?"

"He…he was drunk!"

"He had to have a reason, Carrie. What the hell was he thinkin'?"

"Pa, ya don't understand. I just…"

"I wanna understand. Tell me, Carrie, or I'm gonna go after him and find out for myself." Carrie's eyes widened in fear, as Tommy turned to head back into town. But, she grabbed his hands, unwilling to let him go.

"No! Wait. Pa, I'll tell ya everything. Just…just wait!" He turned on his heels to look into her eyes. "It's him, Pa. It's him!" She looked down at the ground, as Tommy's heart swelled with anger.

"Him?"

"He's the one, Pa. He's the one who…" She swallowed hard. Tommy's eyes widened in realization, and he took a step backward.

"He's the…he's the fella that hurt you?"

"He…he was drunk, and…"

"That don't matter! I'll kill him!"

"No you won't! You won't! Do ya hear me? You won't touch him! It won't do no good!"

"You were just a little girl, Carrie! That ain't right!" Carrie's eyes welled further with tears.

"I don't wanna start nothin'. I just wanna let it go."

"I don't! He deserves to pay for what he done!"

"I agree, Pa, but…but sometimes it's just best to let it go. Please. Please promise me ya ain't gonna go after him." Tommy clenched his fists again.

"I can't do that, Carrie. I can't promise ya that."

"Please…please try." She wrapped her arms around his neck, and she cried silent tears against his shirt. His hands gently soothed her back, and all he could think of was how this was his fault. Had he been a better father, she probably would be feeling this way now. Had Olive never brought her to him, she might have a better life. Either way, she still would have ended up with Jake Slicker in her life, and the thought of that made his blood boil.

"Dr. Mike's gonna have a baby?" Johnny's voice was soft and full of surprise. His eyes searched his father's, searching for a kind of truth that he wasn't sure he could understand. Sully's eyes were full of concern and tremendous…what was it? Guilt? No.

"That's right," Sully replied quietly. Johnny swallowed hard and gently strummed his fingers against the table to break the silence.

"But…I don't understand. Grandpa always said that it was married people that had babies. You and Dr. Mike ain't married yet."

"That's right," Sully pointed out. He cleared his throat. He could see uncertainty in his son's eyes, as if he wanted to be excited but wasn't certain it was the right time or place for it. "How do ya feel about that?"

"I don't…know. I always wanted a little brother or sister," Johnny said quietly. "But, Grandpa said…"

"Did your grandpa tell ya about…about the birds and the bees?" Sully shifted uncomfortably again, and Johnny nodded.

"Yeah. He…he told me that when folks get married, they…they…well, ya know." Sully felt his face growing warm. "Folks who ain't married can have babies too?" He thought for a moment. "Like the animals. The animals have new babies every year, and they ain't married."

"Ah, yeah," Sully said quickly. "See, Dr. Mike and me…well, we've known each other a long time, and we…well, we love each other very much." Johnny nodded, sitting up straight in his chair.

"I'm confused, Pa."

"What about?" Johnny shifted nervously.

"Well, I heard folks say that…like the girls that work for Hank…well, they're sinners, 'cause they ain't married." Sully cleared his throat, and he swallowed hard.

"Son, there are people who are gonna judge folks for lots of things for the rest of their lives. Folks do what they feel is right in their heart, and what me and Dr. Mike…well, we love each other, and this baby is…is special to us." Johnny nodded. "Do ya understand?"

"I think…a little. You're sayin' that just 'cause you're not married don't mean…it don't mean it's wrong." Sully ran his hand over his stubble-covered chin. This was even more difficult than he had imagined it would be.

"I'm sayin' that me and Dr. Mike love each other, and we made a choice even though we knew what could happen. It might not be the right choice for other folks, but for us…" Johnny shifted in his seat, one question strongly pressing on his mind.

"Are ya still getting married?"

"'Course we are." Johnny breathed a sigh of relief.

"Good. I want us to be a family." Sully smiled a little.

"Me too. Very much." Johnny nodded his head again.

"Can I tell Mary?" he asked, his eyes wide. Sully froze. He knew this was coming.

"Ah, I think it's best if we keep this between us for now," Sully said quietly.

"But…why?"

"Well, that's how Dr. Mike wants it. The way things are right now, it might be better that way." Johnny nodded his head.

"Alright, Pa. I won't say nothin'."

"Your word? I know it's hard to keep a secret so big, Johnny." Johnny nodded.

"I promise!" he said with an assuring smile. "So, ya think it's a boy or a girl?" Sully swallowed the lump in his throat.

"I don't know, son." The truth was, he didn't know if they would even get the chance to know. He only hoped that that wasn't so. He wanted this child so badly that he could already see himself rocking her to sleep at night and changing her diapers. He couldn't wait to become a father all over again.

"Alright," Charlotte said quietly, wiping her hands on her skirt. "Since ya seem to be feelin' better, I'm gonna go see if Sully's back. I'll let him know what's goin' on and tell him to get himself up here and sit with ya." Michaela smiled gratefully at her friend.

"Charlotte, thank you so much," she said softly. "You don't know how much it means to me that you're here."

"Hey, I'll be here to help ya 'til the good Lord says I can't get up and about no more." She smiled a little. "You rest easy, Dr. Mike." Michaela nodded and closed her eyes, settling back against the pillows, as Charlotte left the room.

A draft was blowing about the room, so Michaela pulled the covers up around her, burying herself in the warmth and comfort of the blankets. She closed her eyes, imagining herself cradling her baby on a cold winter's night, bundling her up in a soft blanket, and rocking her to sleep.

A smile spread over her face, as she pictured Sully holding the baby and kissing her goodnight. She pictured a little girl, the spitting image of her mother with her father's gorgeous eyes. She pictured a little boy with her eyes and his father's smile. She couldn't wait to find out what a child created from their love could look like. She couldn't wait to feel that life moving within her and to know that all was well. She couldn't wait to feel the pain that came with giving life. She couldn't wait to hear her baby's first cries and pull that wriggling, squalling infant into her arms for the first time.

The sound of something moving outside of the door startled her from her thoughts, and she sat up a little in bed to look over at the door.

"Sully?" Slowly, the door opened, and Michaela was surprised to see Johnny step inside.

"Hi, Dr. Mike."

"Johnny…where's your father?"

"Widow Cooper's talkin' to him. I snuck up." Michaela frowned, as he shut the door. "You ok?" He moved toward the bed slowly, as if he was afraid he was going to hurt her.

"I'm alright," she said with a tired smile, worry coating her words. "Did your father tell you…?" Johnny nodded again.

"He said…he said you're gonna have a baby." Michaela nodded slowly.

"That's right."

"So…" Johnny moved closer to the bed, but he still kept his distance.

"How do you feel about that, Johnny?" She cocked her head to the side and sat up a little, leaning her back against the headboard. Johnny shrugged for a moment and shoved his hands into his pocket. Then he removed them and fidgeted. "You can be honest, Johnny. It's alright."

"Well…I…I always wanted a brother and sister." She smiled a little.

"Good. I'm…I'm glad to hear that."

"Pa said that even though some folks think it's wrong, ya love each other, and that's what counts." Michaela's heart skipped a beat. She was grateful that Sully's son was so much like him.

"Yes. Yes, that's true. But, it's more than that." Johnny furrowed his brow.

"It is?" She motioned for him to come closer, and he did.

"Yes. We love you and this baby too, Johnny. We're worried about what you think and…and how you feel about things."

"How I feel?" Michaela nodded and looked into his eyes.

"Yes. We're concerned that…maybe you would feel differently…"

"Why?"

"Well, it's a delicate situation, and it's…"

"It's 'cause you and Pa ain't married yet. It's 'cause some folks might think bad things." Michaela slowly nodded her head and let out a slow breath.

"People believe what they want to believe, Johnny."

"Well, I don't think you and Pa are bad. Ya both do so much to help folks. It ain't right that people should say bad things." He slowly sat down on the edge of his future stepmother's bed.

"You are such a smart boy, Johnny."

"I am?"

"You are," she grinned. "You remind me of your father,. You think with your heart just as much as you do with your mind." She reached out and took his hand in hers. "Do you understand what all of this means? It's not going to be easy, and the last thing your father or I want is to hurt you."

"I know. But, we're family. I won't let folks say bad things. They'd be lyin' if they did anyway. Don't worry. I won't say nothin'. Not even to Mary or Brian!" They shared a smile together, before the door opened again. Sully appeared, and he sighed with relief, looking at Johnny.

"There ya are."

"Sorry, Pa. I wanted to check on Dr. Mike." Sully smiled, walking into the room.

"Ya did?"

"Yep."

"And how is our patient doin'?"

"She looks like she needs to rest." Michaela and Sully shared an amused smile.

"That's probably a real good idea, Johnny. Why don't ya go check on the pups, and I'll make sure Dr. Mike is alright."

"Okay, Pa." He turned back to Michaela, and without a word, he gave her a gentle hug. Michaela's eyes welled with tears at the gesture, and a moment later, the boy was hurrying out of the room, closing the door behind himself. Sully raised and eyebrow and sat down on the edge of Michaela's bed.

"Everything ok?"

"It's more than ok," she said with a sigh. "Now that he knows, we just have to figure out a way to tell everyone else." Sully nodded.

"Well, we won't think about that right now." Michaela smiled and adjusted herself in the bed, motioning for Sully to lie down beside her. He did so, and their hands intertwined. She closed her eyes for a moment, as his thumb began to caress the top of her hand. "You feelin' better?"

"Emotionally or physically?" Michaela asked, opening her eyes to let the tears flood through again. "Physically, I'm feeling much better. I'm just tired. Emotionally…well, I'm so worried, Sully. I'm afraid that…that it's only a matter of time before I lose this…"

"Hey, hey," Sully interrupted. "Don't think about bad things. Everything's gonna be alright."

"You don't know that," she breathed. "You don't." Sully shook his head.

"No, but I know you," he whispered. "I know your heart. I know ya love this baby with everything ya have, and you'd do anything for it."

"That's true, but…Sully, no matter how much I love this child, that doesn't mean that this pregnancy…" She swallowed hard and shook her head. "I'm sorry. I know I should be positive. I know that…" She mentally scolded herself, as Sully leaned over to gently cup her cheek and kiss her lips.

"Just rest now," he whispered. "You're gonna need your strength." Michaela only nodded. "You hungry?" She shook her head. "Thirsty?" She shook her head again. "Do ya need anything?" She smiled a little and nodded. "What?" She gently reached over to brush her fingertips against his lips.

"You."

May 1830 – Boston

"Josef?" Elizabeth asked, stepping into Josef's office. Josef tiredly looked up from his files to see his beautiful wife walking across the room. He couldn't hide the fact that he desired her, but she still wasn't ready. They still had so much keeping them apart.

"What is it, Elizabeth?"

"Are you busy?"

"Not particularly," he replied. "What's wrong? Is it the baby?"

"No, no. I think the baby's fine." She smiled stiffly, tapping her fingers against the oak desk. "I'm getting ready to go visit with Mother." Josef's eyes brightened.

"Now that's what I like to hear." Over the past couple of months, they had slowly begun to reform their bond as mother and daughter, though Elizabeth made sure to maintain some sort of emotional distance. She didn't want to fool herself. She knew her mother was only speaking to her again, because she had married Josef Quinn.

"I'll be back later this afternoon," she said quietly. "Will you be here all day?"

"Yes. I have a few patients to see, but other than that, I'll be right here at my desk working on these charts." Elizabeth nodded. "Is there something you needed?"

"No…no, I was just wondering." Her eyes met his for a moment before she looked away. Josef eyed her.

"Is something bothering you?"

"No. Nothing." She turned quickly and walked from the room. Josef sat there with a dumbfounded look upon his face. Slowly, he stood and walked toward the double doors. He opened them up and spotted Elizabeth leaning against the wall, tears in her eyes.

"Elizabeth?" She quickly straightened up and turned her back. "What's the matter with you? Is it the baby?" He hurried over to her and gently spun her around to look into his eyes. "Elizabeth? Talk to me."

"No. I can't," she whispered. "I just…I can't." She tried to move away from him, but he held onto her.

"I wish you would," he whispered. "I'm your husband now. I know…I know it isn't the way you wanted things to be. I know you'd rather be with Stephen. If you want out of this, Elizabeth, just say the word. I'll gladly do whatever it takes to make you happy…even if, God forbid, I have to let you go. But I won't stop supporting you and watching after you. I promised Stephen, and that's what I intend to do until the day I die." Elizabeth's heart broke, and she turned in his arms. She looked down and placed her hand on her belly. His hands rounded her shoulders, and his chin rested on her shoulder. She could feel his breath on the back of her neck, and it sent shivers down her spine. Her heart began to thump wildly. Her blood was pumping faster than ever through her veins, and she felt so warm. No! She wasn't supposed to feel like this. How could she betray Stephen?

"I have to leave, Josef," she cried quietly. She pulled away and started for the door. Josef's hands fell at his sides. He didn't know what to do to get through to her.

"I'll see you later." But she was already out the door before she could hear his words.

February 1871 – Boston


With great difficulty, Elizabeth moved up the stairs, feeling her bones growing tired and her legs trembling underneath her. She knew she was getting weaker by the day, but she hid it well from those who didn't visit often, and when the house was empty, she felt that she could stretch out in her increasing feebleness. She didn't have to put up a strong front for anybody anymore. She knew she had started fighting for her life after Stephen died, and she had clawed her way up from a terrible melancholy with Josef's help. It had taken a lot of time and effort, but in the end, it had been worth it.

She reached the door to her bedroom and walked back inside. It had been her haven as of late. She was comfortable in there. She felt as if she had enclosed all of her memories inside that one room. She could lie there and remember perfectly clearly her precious moments with Stephen and that first pregnancy. It had been one of the most difficult times of her life, but she had come out of it stronger than before.

Slowly, she slipped into a comfortable chair and leaned her head back, feeling her bones settling and her muscles tensing and relaxing. Her heart pounded unevenly in her chest, and she thought of her daughters. She thought of her granddaughter. She thought of the future and what it might be like without her, and suddenly, she realized that if she was gone, nothing much would change. What had she done that was so great? What had she done to try to change lives? She hadn't gone to medical school. She hadn't moved to a new, strange place to make a new life. She had merely tried her hardest to keep her daughters close. They were all that was left of her younger years.

All she had left was pieces of her past and the shards that were left of her broken heart; her broken heart had never truly healed from it's first shattering. Stephen had gone, she'd married Josef, and they had lived out the rest of their lives, until he'd left too. Now she was breaking her youngest daughter's heart by being so selfish and stubborn. What would Stephen have thought of her? Josef, for that matter?

She closed her eyes and let a few tears slip out. She shook her head, angry with herself. She wished she could take some things back. She wished she could tell her daughter to live her life without fear. She wished she were as brave as her.

"You have my blessing," she whispered softly. "Don't make the same mistakes that I did. Don't let yourself be afraid to love with your entire heart. I deprived your father of that for too long."

With a sigh, she picked up a piece of paper and one of Josef's old pens, and she began to write.