Chapter 58

February 1871 – Colorado Springs

Two days later, Michaela stood in the examination room of her own clinic under the care of another doctor.

"I want to thank you for coming so quickly, Dr. Bernard," Michaela said quietly, as she slowly did up the buttons behind the changing screen. Dr. Bernard was finishing up cleaning his examination instruments.

"I'm glad Mr. Sully contacted me when he did. Mrs. Cooper was correct when she instructed you to stay in bed. You will hear the same thing from me. I'd like you to stay off of your feet for the next week, relax, and don't overexcite yourself." Michaela sighed softly and nodded her head. "I would also suggest staying away from those who could put you back into this predicament."

"Mr. Slicker was called before the council yesterday," Michaela said with a nod. "They've decided to hire a sheriff, Dr. Bernard."

"Good. I don't want my favorite patient put in anymore danger." Michaela smiled a little and came out from behind the screen. "You and your child seem to be in fine health, but I would like to keep a close eye on you. Have you given any thought to my offer to schedule appointments every month?"

"Yes, Dr. Bernard. I have," she said with a certain nod. "I'd like to meet with you. It's…it's going to be difficult."

"You've faced difficulties all of your life, Dr. Quinn, and I'm certain you will do fine with these. But, if you need any assistance with…with anything, please let me know. I know there are some women who would rather…"

"No!" Michaela exclaimed quickly. "I wouldn't. Don't get me wrong, Dr. Bernard. This is a difficult situation, but I want this child. I want this family. I know Sully and I have approached it with an…unorthodox view, but…but we still want what everybody else wants. We want to be happy…and loved." Dr. Bernard smiled a little.

"Good. That's just what I like to hear. I wish you luck, Dr. Quinn, and I will see you next month. If you need anything at all, please send word to Denver."

"I will. Thank you, Dr. Bernard." She handed him his hat, as he finished packing up his instruments and started toward the door.

"Ah, thank you." He started to leave, but he turned back around. "Oh, and Dr. Quinn?"

"Yes?"

"I hear a dance is coming up in a few days?"

"Yes?" Michaela asked quietly.

"I take it you know to…to use caution and take it easy?"

"Yes, of course." Dr. Bernard nodded, and he placed his hat upon his head before heading out to meet the train. Just as he left, Sully came rushing down the stairs with one of the wolf pups, the little white one, Snowball.

"Sully! What on earth?"

"Ah, the pup had a little accident," he said with a frown. "I came down to get somethin' to clean it up with."

"I can take care of it," Michaela offered.

"Nah," Sully said, shaking his head. "Hey, what'd the doctor say?" She smiled a little.

"Everything's fine…for now. But, I'm afraid you're going to have to find yourself a new dance partner for the Sweetheart's Dance. Dr. Bernard wants me off my feet as much as possible." Sully smiled a little, gently bending down to place his lips against hers.

"Well, I think I'm alright with that," he teased. She put her hand against his chest and looked up into his eyes.

"He also wants me to avoid being…overexcited." The tone of her voice dropped on that last word, and it sent shivers through Sully's core. She smiled a little at the look in his eyes, and a deep blush filled her cheeks.

"Well, I'll try to make things as dull and boring for ya as possible then," he laughed. Michaela shook her head.

"That's impossible, Mr. Sully. You could never bore me." A moment later, he pulled her into a tender kiss, and the only thing that broke them apart was the squeak of an annoyed Snowball. Michaela laughed and took the pup into her arms, gently brushing the soft coat against her cheek. Sully sighed softly, watching how delicate Michaela was with the wolf pup, and he couldn't wait to see her with a newborn baby…their baby.

"C'mon, Miss Olive," Carrie said, as they stitched pieces of her dress in the back room of the mercantile. Olive shook her head.

"No means no, Carrie," she said with exasperation. "I know ya want me to go, but I ain't."

"But my pa might ask ya. I talked to him just this mornin', and he…"

"He probably ran off in the other direction," Olive replied.

"Well, he said just about as much as you did. C'mon, Miss Olive. Ya know you'll have fun." Olive put down her stitch work and looked across at her daughter. She knew she had no right to deny her of anything after everything she'd put her through, but she knew Carrie had no idea. But this was one thing she just didn't think she could do. She couldn't spend an evening in the arms of a man that she'd once loved…that she still might love.

"I didn't think you'd wanna be goin' nowhere anyway. Not with what happened with Jake. I can't see why he was all riled up to go after ya. He ain't said a word to nobody." She saw Carrie distance herself emotionally, and she looked down into her lap.

"It's a long story, Miss Olive. It don't matter anyhow. He ain't gonna come near me again. If he does, he's gonna get himself arrested."'

"Ya really think a sheriff is gonna be here by then?" Olive raised an eyebrow, and she waited for Carrie's reply.

"Don't worry 'bout Jake, Miss Olive. I'm sure he ain't gonna try nothin'. Too many folks are gonna be around, and I'm not gonna let him ruin my fun. He's done enough of that for a lifetime." Her eyes looked downward, and she began to stitch in silence. A sudden, new guilt filled Olive's heart.

"Carrie?"

"Hmm?"

"I…I'm sorry if I brought up a sore subject. I…I know ya don't talk much about your past, but I…"

"There's nothin' to talk about," was her quick reply. "Jake ain't gonna hurt me no more. That's all over. I…I'm through with worryin'. I'm through with wonderin' what bad thing is gonna happen next." She finally looked up from her piece.

"He must've done somethin'…."

"Please, Miss Olive," Carrie interrupted before she could finish that sentence. "I just don't wanna talk about it no more. It's over now. Thank God he didn't hurt nobody. That's all there is to it. He drinks, and he hurts folks, and next time, he ain't gonna be lucky enough to walk free. He's the mayor, for God's sakes. What kind of town lets their mayor go 'round terrorizin' folks anyhow?" She was flustered now, and Olive knew it was time to drop the subject, even though part of her wanted desperately to know what it was about Jake that haunted Carrie.

"Alright. I'll drop it, Carrie, but I want ya to know that you can talk to me. I'd like it if ya could trust me." Carrie swallowed hard.

"I do trust ya. That ain't easy for me neither…to trust people. Thanks for listenin' to me, Miss Olive, but I promise ya…I'm fine." Olive sighed heavily, wishing she could believe that, but she knew she had to accept it for now. "Pa!" Olive snapped out of her thoughts and looked up to see Tommy standing at the counter of the mercantile. He turned around and smiled nervously.

"Uh…hey," he said quietly.

"I was just talkin' to Miss Olive about the dance."

"That's…that's real nice, darlin'," Tommy said quietly, shifting in his boots. He caught Olive's gaze before she quickly went back to her stitching.

"Well, ain't ya gonna…"

"I best be headin' out, Carrie," Tommy said quickly.

"What?" Carrie asked, shaking her head. "But ya just got here. Come sit down."

"No, I mean…outta town, darlin'. I got to go get some things together, and…"

"But, I thought ya said ya was stayin'. If not for the dance, at least stay 'til they choose a new sheriff."

"Danny Boy's gonna do just fine."

"Well, ya never know. Daniel and me ain't makin' plans or anything, but I don't think he's gonna wanna stay if I don't." Olive looked over at her.

"I figured you was fixin' on stayin' here?"

"Well, I still ain't sure, Miss Olive. I didn't like the idea one bit at first, but…but this place is growin' on me." She swallowed hard and looked over at her father. "I ain't really ever had a place I could really call home before, so stayin' put in one place is hard for me. I know it is for Daniel too…" Olive and Tommy's faces both shared the same guilty expressions.

At that moment, another voice joined the group.

"Carrie?" Carrie looked up to see Daniel walk into the mercantile.

"Daniel," she said with a smile. "Oh, I forgot." She shook her head. "Are you ready to go to Grace's?"

"Sure am," he answered with a nod. He nodded to the other two. "Tommy…Miss Olive." Tommy started to leave, but Carrie put her hand on his shoulder with a smile.

"Why don't ya stay and sit for a while? Maybe Miss Olive will teach ya a cross stitch," she teased. She quickly hurried out of the mercantile with Daniel and Carrie, and Tommy continued to stand awkwardly in the mercantile with Olive until he gave up the courage to speak with her about anything at all and walked out the back.

"You're really tryin' to push them together, ain't ya?" Daniel asked, as he and Carrie headed across town to Grace's. Carrie merely shrugged.

"They both seem like two people who need somebody to share things with, ya know? They…they ain't got nobody."

"Well, maybe that ain't true…"

"They both lost the loves of their lives, Daniel. Miss Olive lost her husband, and Pa lost my ma a long, long time ago. I think they'd have a lot in common if they just talked to each other. They're both cattle drivers, and…"

"Don't ya think it's up to them?" Daniel asked. Carrie shook her head and sighed.

"Well, I didn't expect you to see any sense in it." They continued on, and Daniel looked down at her.

"What's that s'posed to mean?"

"Nothin'."

"I don't believe ya."

"You callin' me a liar, Danny Boy?" she asked, lightening the mood.

"Hey now. Ya know I hate that…"

"I know," she laughed. Daniel shook his head, as she tightened her hold on his arm. For once, everything was light and cheerful between them. They didn't have pain or unpleasant things to discuss, and they were both relieved to have found someone they could be so comfortable with. This was the kind of love they could live with forever.

February 1871 – Boston

"Mother?" Marjorie walked into the Quinn household, feeling like an intruder. Her mother had scarcely let herself out of the house for the past few weeks, and each time she came by to visit, Elizabeth insisted on staying in her room. Over the past few days, she had been writing something. Writing what?

"Oh, Miss Marjorie," Martha said with a pleased smile. "It's lovely to see you."

"Hello Martha," Marjorie said a tad stiffly, pushing her red hair over her shoulder. "Is my mother awake?"

"Yes, yes, she is, Ma'am, but she's not seeing any visitors."

"Not even her own daughter?" Before Martha could respond, Marjorie forgot her manners and pushed her way past the servant and up the stairs. Shaking her head in exasperation, Martha went back to her cleaning. "Mother!" Marjorie burst into Elizabeth's room to find her sitting by the window, staring out onto the Boston cobblestone streets.

"Marjorie? What on Earth?" Elizabeth asked, startled and turning to look at her second youngest daughter. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to put a stop to this."

"To what?"

"I received a telegram from Michaela. And one from Rebecca. They're both concerned about you. They've said you haven't returned their messages."

"I haven't been out of the house, Marjorie. I'll get around to…"

"No, Mother. Right now, we're going down to the post, and you're going to send your daughters a message before I have to do it myself. Do you really want me to tell them that you've locked yourself up inside of your home and refuse to see visitors? Do you want me to concern them that much?" Marjorie paused, and she crossed her arms across her chest. "That's it, isn't it?" She let out a dry chuckle and shook her head, placing her hand against her forehead. "Oh, Mother."

"What?"

"You want to concern them so they'll come back home. You're upset because they refuse to come home, aren't you?"

"Well, of course I am, but do you honestly think I would stoop so low as to…"

"Yes, I do!" Marjorie replied quickly. Elizabeth was taken aback by Marjorie's accusation. She knew she deserved it, but this time it wasn't true. She simply didn't want to see people. She wanted to sit and think about her past and her memories. She wanted so much to remember every detail of her life before it was too late.

"Well, you're wrong. I just haven't felt like myself lately, and…"

"Are you ill, Mother?" Elizabeth said nothing. "Mother, why are you being like this? I've always known you to be stubborn, but if something is wrong…if it's troubling you, I wish you could tell me. I am your daughter. I know I'm not your favorite like Rebecca, and I know I'm not the one you feel you can control like Michaela, but I'm here, Mother. I'm here right now, and you're pretending as if…as if everything is all right."

"Everything is fine, Marjorie. Don't worry yourself!" Elizabeth exclaimed. "Besides, is it so wrong to want to keep something to myself? If something is wrong, it's nobody's business but my own. I don't see why it's your business or anybody else's for that matter." Marjorie shook her head.

"Well, whatever it is you're doing up here, Mother, it isn't helping anyone. It's only worrying everybody who cares about you. The other three daughters you have—if you even remember us for that matter—are just as concerned, but you only want Rebecca and Michaela."

"You don't know what you're talking about," Elizabeth said quietly. "I love you all equally, Marjorie. I simply want all of my children here. Is that too much to ask for?" Marjorie turned her back on her mother for a moment and started for the door. But, she paused and took a deep breath.

"Maybe not," she said quietly, "but being selfish gets you nowhere. I learned that the hard way, Mother. Look where it got me. I have a failing marriage and children that don't even speak to me. Do you want that for Michaela with Mr. Sully? Do you want Rebecca to be miserable too?" When she received no answer, Marjorie turned angrily and stormed out of Elizabeth's bedroom, leaving Elizabeth, once again, with the solitude of her memory.

May 1830 - Boston

Elizabeth paced nervously in the parlor. It was eleven thirty. It was storming. The clock was ticking louder than ever. Where was he? He had promised to be in by ten. Fiona had gone to bed an hour ago, even though she'd offered to stay up and keep Elizabeth company.

Eleven thirty one. This was ridiculous! What was he thinking? He had gone to make rounds to his patient's houses after leaving the hospital, but he had never been this late before. He wasn't entertaining another woman's company was he? Oh, no. No, he couldn't be doing that. She had to take that thought out of her mind. She knew Josef loved her. He'd never betray her like that. But, a part of her wouldn't be able to blame him. They had been husband and wife for almost over two months, and she had yet to give herself to him, afraid that doing so would break that bond she shared with Stephen. She was terrified of opening up to another man, because she feared that if she did, she'd lose him just as quickly as she'd lost the last.

Eleven thirty six. "Josef Quinn, where are you?" Normally, she wouldn't have waited up, but recently, she'd been hit with bouts of insomnia, so worrying seemed to be her latest hobby.

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Elizabeth groaned in frustration, turning around, as her let-down hair flew over her shoulders with each direction she moved in. She placed her hand on her stomach, worrying about the safety of her child, worrying about Josef's commitment, and worrying about all of the possibilities of what could have actually happened to him.

"Eleven fifty," she hissed, realizing now that her fingers were numb and her shoulders were trembling.

The snapping of footsteps on wet pavement startled Elizabeth out of her worry, and she rushed to the door, surprising Josef, as he stood there, dripping from head to foot in the downpour.

"Josef Quinn! Where on God's Green Earth have you been?" she demanded, her voice quivering as much as her shoulders. Josef was too exhausted to argue, and arguing was the furthest thing from his mind.

"I'm sorry I worried you, Elizabeth," he said gently. "I…I didn't mean to."

"You're late," she said quietly. "I thought something…something terrible had happened!"

"Something terrible did happen," he said gently, shutting the door and locking it tightly behind him. Elizabeth covered her mouth worriedly, afraid of what he would say next. "I lost a patient tonight. Mr. O'Malley."

"Oh…oh, Josef, I'm sorry," she said softly. "I didn't…I didn't realize."

"That's where I've been. I was making arrangements, and I would have been home sooner. The priest didn't get there until an hour ago, and it took twice as long to get home due to the rain." He put his damp coat in the closet along with his medical bag, and Elizabeth she gently put her hand on his back, feeling the rain soaking him to the skin.

"You're soaking wet, Josef. I…"

"What are you doing up, Elizabeth? I hope you weren't just waiting up for me."

"I…I couldn't sleep." Josef turned to her quickly.

"Is it the baby? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

"I do, Elizabeth. I always worry." He sighed softly. "I didn't mean to worry you. I…I can't promise it won't happen again." He saw the tears forming in her eyes, and she turned away, but he took her hand in his. "What is it?" She finally let go and let them fall, and he brought her into his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck and began to weep into his neck. He closed his eyes and rocked her gently back and forth, stroking her long hair and soothing her back.

"I'm sorry, Josef. I don't…I don't know what's gotten into me," she whispered, as she clung tightly around his neck. "I'm just…I don't know…I can't stand the thought of losing you…" The words had escaped her mouth before she'd realized, and Josef froze a little. He swallowed hard and slowly pulled back from the embrace. As they pulled back, their eyes met, and he saw so much sorrow and loneliness and need there. He couldn't deny that he had wanted her to reach out to him like this, but he couldn't help but listen to his head, that told him that she was simply vulnerable.

But, before he could think again, their lips met in a tender kiss…one that shocked and moved them both. Elizabeth drew in a sharp gasp, as she realized she was kissing him. But, feelings of betraying Stephen were surprisingly not there, and her heart felt at ease. And, when she drew back, her heavily-lidded eyes met his again.

"I want to be a good wife to you," she whispered, as her breath coaxed his lips. He shivered, but he knew what he had to do. He gently pulled back and swallowed hard.

"I…I think you had better go up to bed and try to get some sleep." He turned, and Elizabeth stood there, stunned at his reaction. She had just let go of the pain and had allowed herself to be comfortable with the man she had married.

"Josef!" He slowly turned back to her. "Didn't you hear me?"

"Oh, believe me, Elizabeth. I heard you. I heard you loud and clear, but I can't…I can't let you do something you're going to regret…something you're not ready for." Elizabeth's shoulders slumped in uncertainty and hurt.

"You don't want…"

"I don't want you to regret your choices, Elizabeth. I want you to know for certain…" But before he could speak again, she let go of her reservations, her inhibitions, and her fears for the first time in a long while, and she pulled him to her, kissing him in a way she had only kissed Stephen, and while her heart broke just a little, something new happened inside of her, and it felt…wonderful. But, he pulled back once more. "Is this really what you want?" She looked down for a moment, clearing her mind, and when she looked back up, he saw the truth. "Alright. Alright." He kissed her softly and pulled his arm around her, and then they journeyed up the stairs. Together.

February 1871 – Colorado Springs

"The puppies are sleeping," Michaela finally announced, as she met Sully downstairs. "Thank you for helping earlier."

"No problem. It was good practice for when this little one comes along." He grinned and placed his hand on her belly, but she rolled her eyes. "Three puppies are much different than a baby, Sully. You of all people should know that. You've had three already!"

"Well, it's gonna be real different."

"It is?"

"Yep."

"And why is that?"

"'Cause this is my second chance, and I'm gonna do whatever it takes to make sure everything goes right." Michaela sighed a little and pulled her arms around him.

"That's a lovely thought, Sully, but you can't control everything."

"I know." He sighed with frustration. "Maybe…maybe you ought to be up restin'." She looked up into his eyes and smiled, standing on her tip toes to kiss him.

"I think you're right. I'm feeling a bit tired." They shared another kiss, before the door came swinging open and Mary came bounding in.

"Aunt Michaela!" she exclaimed. Sully quickly caught the little girl before she could run into the examination table.

"Whoa, whoa," he chuckled. "Where are ya off to in such a hurry?"

"Mother's coming to visit," she said with a nod. "Just as soon as she and the Reverend are finished eating." The little girl smiled widely. "I think they like each other." Michaela and Sully shared amused glances."

"Do ya?" Sully wondered.

"Yeah!" She crooked her finger, motioning for them to lean in. "I have to tell you something!" Sully and Michaela shared another glance before turning their attention back to Mary.

"What is it, sweetheart?" Michaela asked, touching the child's shoulder. The little girl bit her bottom lip nervously.

"I'm not supposed to say, but I just couldn't keep the secret!"

"What is it?" Sully wondered, confused.

"Well…well, Johnny told me something today. He…he told me not to tell, but…but I just had to come see if it was true!" Michaela and Sully suddenly froze in terror.

"Uh…what…what did he tell ya, Mary?" The little girl looked around before whispering her next words.

"He told me your secret!"