Chapter 60

February 1871 – Colorado Springs

Rebecca sat in astonishment, as Michaela sat there across from her, her eyes filled with tears and her lips trembling from the statement she had just made. Pregnant? So many thoughts filled the older woman's mind, but before she could even muster up a word or a look of encouragement, Michaela's hand was covering her mouth, and she was rushing from the room.

At the sounds of her sister's illness, Rebecca stood quickly and grabbed a cup, quickly pouring out some cool water into it. She grabbed a cloth, wrung it out in the water basin, and rushed after her.

"Michaela?" She winced at the sight of Michaela kneeling over a bucket by the back door, and she swallowed the lump in her throat. "Michaela, are you…are you alright?" She knelt down beside her and handed her the cup, brushing the loose strands of hair behind her little sister's ears. Michaela coughed and wiped her mouth, nodding weakly, feeling the worst she had so far in the pregnancy. "There…"

"Thank you," Michaela whispered, sipping at the cool liquid in the cup, savoring the peaceful moment. Rebecca's eyes filled with tears of her own, as she watched Michaela tremble and brush at her damp eyes with the back of her hand. She had never seen her so vulnerable. She was used to Michaela standing up straight and taking every obstacle by the horns and making the most of it. But now…?

"You poor dear," she offered, wiping at her forehead with the damp cloth. "Oh, Michaela, I'm so sorry I didn't know…" She crouched down further. "I should have realized."

"You couldn't have," she said quietly, settling back from her haunches and leaning against the wall. "Sully and I…we haven't exactly told anyone." Rebecca frowned and nodded her head. "I wanted to tell you so many times, Rebecca, but when Mother was here, well…I…" She coughed again and leaned over the bucket. Rebecca held her fallen hair back and gently soothed her back with a gentle hand.

"It's alright. It's alright. I'm glad you did tell me." When Michaela straightened up again, she handed her the cup once more. Michaela nodded her thanks as she drank, and Rebecca reached out for her sister's shaking hand. "When…when…" Michaela paused for a moment, waiting for another wave of nausea to pass, and when it did, she cleared her throat.

"The baby is due in September."

"September," Rebecca said quietly. She glanced at Michaela curiously, not certain if this was the time or the place to ask her next question.

"Are you…have you talked with Timothy about moving the wedding up?" The younger woman shook her head and drank down the rest of the water and leaned back against the wall.

"No," Michaela answered. "We aren't. For several reason." Astonished, Rebecca took a deep breath.

"You aren't?" Michaela quickly shook her head. She still had so many questions, and she wasn't certain any of them were appropriate. When Michaela pulled herself up, she moved to the window and peered out at the scene.

"There are so many things to think about…things we should have given more thought to. But that's the past now. There's no reason to regret it, because we knew all that we were risking. We knew things would be difficult." Her shoulders shook, and Rebecca stepped up behind her. "We spent ten years coming together and being torn apart. It took us ten years to finally be able to realize…to admit that…that we loved one another. Ten years is so long, and so much can happen in…in ten seconds let alone…" Her words were becoming jumbled amongst her explanation, and Rebecca saw that she was growing dizzy again.

"Michaela! Michaela, come sit down." Rebecca took her hand and led her to the table. Michaela slowly took a seat, but she slumped over, resting her forehead upon the palm of her hand.

"You wouldn't understand, Rebecca," Michaela said quietly, desperately attempting to keep herself calm but failing miserably.

"Maybe not, but I'd like to. Please, Michaela. We're sisters. I want to help you. Anything you say to me will stay just between us." Rebecca's fingers folded over her sister's. Michaela shook her head in confusion. She had expected so many different reactions. But Rebecca was being so kind and understanding, just as she always was. She wasn't frowning in shame but in concern. She wasn't embarrassed for her, but she was frightened. "This is…this is what you want, Michaela?"

"What I want," Michaela said quietly, "is so different than what it used to be. Before Sully and I found one another again, my heart told me that I wanted to find him, tell him I love him, and then I wanted to marry and start a family with him. Somewhere since then, the plans have changed, and this is what I want…regardless of the circumstances. All we know is that we love one another, and we want this child. We're going to do whatever it takes to keep our family together."

"That's a very bold choice."

"Are you saying I'm wrong?"

"I'm saying that…that this is your choice. Only you can say if it's wrong or not. People can think what they want to think, but what matters is how you feel." She paused. "How do you feel?" Michaela dried her eyes, and she took a deep breath.

"Despite everything…I'm happy." Rebecca's color returned to her face, and a smile began to form at her lips.

"Good," she soothed. "That's most important." She gently stroked the back of Michaela's head. "I'm happy for you, Michaela. I can't say I'm not surprised, but you are one of the strongest women I know. You…you fight for what you want, and I have no doubt that you're going to be a wonderful mother." Michaela blinked her glassy eyes and cleared her throat.

"I'm terrified for my children, Rebecca. What if my choices…what if they affect them? What if this baby is…" She took another deep breath. "I know. I know. I should have thought about that a long time ago. I just…I was so happy, and so much had happened."

"You don't have to explain," Rebecca insisted. "This was a choice you made. I've made choices in my life that I'm going to regret forever, but there is nothing more important or special than bringing a child into the world, no matter how it gets here. If that child was created from love, it will be born into love. It will be loved." Michaela let out a sigh of relief. Why had she assumed that her sister would react so differently? Rebecca had been her rock throughout her younger years, and now…now was no different.

"If only more people shared your views, Rebecca," Michaela said tiredly. "I…I promised myself I could handle this. I am…I'm just…"

"Tired?"

"Well…yes."

"That's to be expected."

"I know," she whispered. "I just…I have so many things to do, and trying to hide this…well, it isn't doing any good for anyone." Rebecca was silent. "Thank you for being here…for not trying to tell me what's best or trying to fix this. You have your own problems to…"

"Well, I wouldn't consider my problems to be anywhere near as complicated as your own, dear, but we have each other to talk to, and that's what's important." Michaela smiled.

"That means so much." They embraced slowly, and Rebecca felt Michaela release a sigh of relief. "Sully and I desperately want this child. It's just…it's been difficult already, and…I'm so afraid of…of…well, I've almost miscarried before, and…" Rebecca closed her eyes, and she swallowed hard. When she re-opened them, she squeezed Michaela's hands firmly.

"You're going to be fine, and so is your baby, Michaela."

"There is so much to be done, and…"

"And you're going to have help."

"What?"

"Michaela, I've made up my mind. Mary and I are going to stay in Colorado Springs…permanently." Michaela's eyes widened.

"What? You…you're staying? Rebecca, I wasn't implying…"

"I know. I'm telling you, Michaela. Being here has made my daughter blossom. She loves it here. She has Johnny, and she has you and Mr. Sully. She enjoys Colorado Springs much more than Boston. She has so much to do here, and…and I do too. I want to be here for you. I want to help you in any way I can."

"Oh…Rebecca," Michaela said softly, taken aback. "Are you certain?"

"I'm…I'm going to accept Timothy's offer. I'm going to stay."

"You should think about this. Just because…just because of this situation…"

"No, this is only another reason for me to stay. I want to. I want to be here, because I think that I can do a lot of good here. And, now that I know that…well, you could use a supportive friend…a sister." Rebecca gave Michaela a loving smile. "You know I'll always be here for you, Michaela. Perhaps this won't be permanent down the road, but for now, I'm here for you." And with that, Michaela accepted, and she and Rebecca embraced again. Michaela dried her tears on her own skirt and slowly stood up.

"I promised Sully that I would rest… Will you stay for dinner?"

"I'm afraid I can't," Rebecca said with a smile. "Timothy has invited me…and Mary. We're going to dine with him at Grace's this evening." Michaela's eyes brightened, and she hugged her again.

"I have a feeling everything is going to be alright, Rebecca. Everything might be confusing now, but…but, I think it's all going to work out in the end." She flashed a reassuring but nervous smile at Rebecca before starting upstairs to get a little much needed rest.

"I can't believe it, Sully. I can't believe we're finally married," she beamed, as he carried her over the threshold of their new home.

"May 20th. I told ya, Michaela," he said with a smile. "I told ya we'd be married on this day and everything would be fine."

"And it is. It's more than fine," she said with an unbreakable grin. "Thank you for everything. You've made me so happy."

"As happy as you say I made you…you made me just as happy…maybe more." He brushed his lips across her cheek before whispering into her ear. "Now that it's official…" She laughed, as his hands began to work with the back of her dress. She laughed, as his foot closed the door with a swift kick, and she shook her head.

"We haven't even been home two minutes!" But, all words were lost, as he captured her into a passionate embrace, leading her up the stairs to their wedding bed.

A few hours later, Michaela's eyes flew open at the smell of food cooking downstairs. Her stomach grumbled hungrily, and she started to get out of bed. She was thankful to have had a peaceful rest…one that didn't involve nightmares. This time, her dream had been a happy one…one that had made her look forward to the future even more.

It had been a long time since she'd had one of her bad dreams, and she took that as a good sign. She took that as a sign from God, or the Spirits, or maybe her unborn child that everything was working out the way it was supposed to. Nobody was leaving. Nobody was going to be hurt. Everything was falling into place. That's what she wanted to believe, anyway. She knew there was no way the lack of bad dreams could tell the future, but her heart hoped for the best.

With a sigh, she pulled herself the rest of the way out of bed, feeling a little weak in the knees. A knock at the door grabbed her attention immediately.

"Michaela?" She smiled a little, and stood up straight, running her fingers through the loose strands of hair that fell to her cheeks.

"Come in." The door slowly swung open, and Sully entered with a smile upon his face.

"Supper's ready."

"Thank you," she said quietly, as he closed the gap between them and drew her into his arms. His lips immediately sought hers, and they shared one of the few private moments they had had recently.

"You feelin' alright?" he finally asked, when they pulled away. She smiled a little and nodded her head.

"Yes," she whispered. "I…I am." She took his hand in hers and ran her fingers over his knuckles, savoring the quiet they had together.

"What is it?" Michaela's eyes cast upward to stare into his eyes, and she took a deep breath.

"Truthfully?" she asked, chewing her bottom lip. The truth was that her entire future was flashing before her eyes, and she kept seeing all of the terrible things that could happen. She kept feeling the icy cold grip of her life falling to pieces grabbing her by the throat and choking her. She kept seeing herself failing her family, her husband, her children, her patients. She couldn't stop the worry and the fear, and all she wanted to do was hold on for dear life. "Rebecca…Rebecca knows." Sully stilled for a moment, and he let out a slow, calming breath.

"Alright," he said with a nod. He wasn't quite sure how else to respond, so he waited for her to explain.

"She's…she's decided to stay in Colorado Springs. She wants…she wants to be here for me." Sully searched her eyes. "I do need her here. I didn't realize how much I did until…until today." Sully nodded and drew her back in.

"I'm glad she's gonna be here for ya. I know it's hurtin' ya to keep this from people." Michaela shook her head.

"I can do this, Sully. I know we'll tell them when the time is right, but I'm starting to wonder if that's…that's ever going to happen. When is the perfect time, Sully? We're running out of time."

"We'll think of somethin', Michaela. You just let me know…we'll tell 'em together. This is our choice. This is our fight." He kissed her cheek and squeezed her hand. "C'mon…let's go have some supper." She smiled a little and let him take her hand. He always made her feel better. His support had meant so much to her, and she wasn't certain what she would do without it.

The train rattled down the tracks, as two tired passengers leaned against one another in their private compartment. He smiled a little, peering at her from the corner of his eyes, as she stared out at the land that passed them by. Her youthful, innocent eyes were full of wonder and possibility, and for a brief moment, he wondered how she could ever have fallen for a man like him.

"What're ya thinkin' about?" She blinked a few times and looked over at him, smiling at the way his black hair framed his face, causing his deep, soulful eyes to stand out and sparkle.

"I'm thinkin' about what it's gonna be like when we finally get to Colorado Springs," she said with a sigh. "I think it's gonna be better."

"What makes ya say that? It ain't like Colorado Springs is somethin' special."

"Because I feel it in my bones," she teased. "Kid Cole you got to learn to be more optimistic." His arm snaked around her waist, the love of two young honeymooners still clinging tightly in the air. She squirmed out of his grasp, her cheeks blushing with the almost-innocence of a newlywed.

"Who says I ain't optimistic, Ruth?" She rolled her eyes and looked out the window again.

"It's gonna be a good life for us. This time, we can settle down and…and maybe start a family."

"What if this is just like all them other places?" Ruth turned in her seat and stared into his eyes.

"We're just gonna have to try harder this time."

"Ya mean I'm gonna have to try harder, right?" She folded her arms across her chest. "Right?"

"Well, you said it," she mumbled. He let out a dry laugh and shook his head.

"Darlin', I can't help it. That reputation of mine ain't gonna stay put in every place we leave."

"Well, maybe it's time ya made a new one. Maybe takin' that job will be a way to…"

"To have everybody I ever crossed come after me?"

"There ya go again…always thinkin' of the bad things," Ruth said, shaking her head. "I'm tellin' ya…this is a good thing for us. We gotta settle down sooner or later, and Colorado Springs sounds like a mighty fine place to try."

February 1871 – Boston

"Mrs. Quinn, someone is here to see you."

"Send them away," Elizabeth muttered from her chair, as she placed her empty teacup down into a saucer.

"She said you'd really want to see her," Martha insisted. Elizabeth looked up.

"She? Is it Marjorie again?"

"No, Ma'am."

"Which of my daughters is it this time?" Elizabeth asked with a shake of her head.

"Neither, Mrs. Quinn. She said that you would want to see her. She said it's been a long time." With a sigh, Elizabeth finally stood up and followed Martha from the room. Who on Earth would want to see her after so long? Who could possibly want to visit with her?

As she descended the stairs, her eyes rested upon the woman she hadn't thought she would ever see again, and she gripped the banister, unable to believe her eyes.

"Miss Elizabeth," she said with a sweet smile and damp eyes.

"Oh my God…it's…it's really you!"

May 1831 – Boston

Her hands spread over the soft Earth, as she felt the warmth of the sun bathe over her.

"I still wear your ring," she admitted, touching the delicate fabric of her shirt, feeling the ring dangling from a dainty golden chain around her neck. "I can't help it, Stephen. You're with me…you're always with me. I feel you every time I think of our child. I feel you every time I laugh. I can feel you with me when I cry and when I sleep." She took a deep breath. "I dreamed of you last night."

The wind began to pick up, and she pulled her shawl tightly around her shoulders.

"I didn't want to betray you, Stephen, and I don't think…I don't think I have. I do love Josef. He's been good to me. I want to be a good wife to him…as I wanted to be to you." She gently kissed her fingertips and placed them against his gravestone. "I'll always love you, Stephen O'Connor. You'll always be the one I gave my heart away to first. And…a part of me knows that I never got it all back after you left. You're a part of me…and I won't forget that."

February 1871 – Colorado Springs

After Johnny had gone back to sleep at the mercantile, Michaela helped Sully clear the dishes from the table and wash them in the basin.

"Ya don't have to help, Michaela."

"I know," she said with a cheeky smile. "It's a nice way to spend time together though."

"Doin' dishes?"

"Hmm," she nodded. Sully attempted to splash her with water, but she stepped out of the way. "Mr. Sully!" She feigned offense, and the look in her eyes told him she would get him back. She could try! She tried to splash him back, but he too stepped out of the way and instead scooped her up into his arms. She laughed in surprise, but her arms firmly locked around his neck, and she happily accepted his comforting, desire-filled kisses. She had missed this. She missed being with him, but she knew they needed to wait a little while longer. She knew that it was in the baby's best interest and hers if she rested, but she was almost too tempted this time around.

"I miss ya," he said softly, leaning his forehead against hers, thinking of much better ways that they could spend time together.

"So do I," she said with a smile, tracing her finger along his jaw line. She kissed him, letting her lips linger against his for just a moment. "You should put me down now, Mr. Sully, or I might forget the doctor's orders." She gave him a sheepish peck on the cheek, and he finally let her down. They stood together, both wanting and needing the same things, but they knew they had to be patient. They weren't going anywhere. They had all of the time in the world.

"Maybe I better say goodnight," he suggested. She nodded.

"I think that would be a good idea." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him once more, unable to resist. "I love you."

"I love you too," he finally responded, not wanting to leave but knowing it would be best for all of them. "See ya in the mornin'?"

"First thing," she assured him. "Good night."

"Night." He slipped outside, and Michaela moved to the window to watch him head across town. She smiled, and she placed her hand on her belly. "Your father loves us very much. You're very lucky to have a papa like him." Thoughts of him with their baby sent her up to bed with a smile on her face and a dream of the future lingering in her heart.

"Where are we going?" she asked, her voice light and full of laughter, as he led her down the stairs.

"You'll see," he replied, that boyish grin tickling the corners of his mouth.

"Sully! Not so fast! I can't move that way anymore." She laughed joyously, as he lifted her off of the last step, twirling her around and planting a sweet kiss to her inviting mouth.

And as their happy hearts beat in time together, sunlight poured over them at the opening of a door, and the sound of a cocking pistol shattered their laughter. The only thing left after Michaela's scream was the deadly silence that spread like wildfire.

Her form was limp in his arms, and when he looked up, the smoke from the barrel of the gun twisted up into a vicious sneer, and he looked up into his own eyes…dark, distant, and empty.

"What have I done? What…"

"Sully…" Her voice was strained, as warm blood spilled forth from the fatal wound in her chest. "Sully, the baby…" She didn't understand. She couldn't. She couldn't see that he had killed her. She was dead because of him.

"No…no, I couldn't…"

"Sully! The baby! Save the baby…please." Her eyes were closed, but her hand sought him out. "Save our baby…"

"It's too late. What have I done? What…"

"Save…save…" Her chest no longer rose.

"Michaela!" And her heart beat for the last time.

Sully shot up quickly in his bed, his heart racing and his body covered in sweat.

"Michaela!" he called, reaching out for her. But she wasn't there. Oh God. A dream? He scrambled out of bed, rushing to the window. He looked out to see the clinic completely dark except for one light in the upstairs window. She was alright. She was…she was.

A knock came to the door.

"Pa? Pa, you ok?" Sully cleared his throat and rushed back to his bed.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm alright. Go back to sleep, son."

"You sure?"

"Yeah…yeah, I'm sure," he responded, mustering up as much positive energy into his voice as he could.

"Alright. Good night, Pa."

"G'night, son." He waited until Johnny's footsteps disappeared into his room and the door shut firmly in place behind him, before he slipped out of bed and went back to the window, opening it up and leaning out into the cold night, trying to calm his racing heart.

He looked up into the night sky to see their star smiling down at him. His head began to pound, and he held it in his hands, massaging his temples.

He had killed her. He had killed her and their child. He hadn't meant to. He hadn't wanted to. How could his dreams have played such a horrible trick on his heart? How could his subconscious even have such wicked thoughts? That terrified him. He could never hurt them, could he? He loved them too much. He would die first. He would move Heaven and Earth to keep his family together. After everything he'd lost, he wouldn't bargain with any of them. He refused to lose what he and Michaela had built. He wouldn't let a bad dream stop him. They had overcome nightmares before. But never had his nightmares felt this real. Not even his dreams of Abagail and the children. He could still feel her blood on his hands. He could still feel her heart stop beating and her lungs stop breathing. He couldn't let that happen. He was going to do whatever it took to make sure that dream was that and nothing more. A dream.