Next chapter is March, and Toby gets a visitor. The scene that happens next chapter is in LGBttS, as is some of this one. Review and let me know how it lives up to your expectations. OKAY, going to bed. love yoooous.

Chapter 14

February

He laid back on the couch, growing more and more listless as time went on. "I can't deal with this." He pulled himself up and turned to Emily, who was watching TV from the chair. "When did Spencer say she'd be back?"

"Not for a few hours yet," she asked him curiously. "Why, what are you thinking?"

"I'm going to go out for awhile." His body ached as he stood to his feet. It would suck, but it was doable. And he needed supplies. He saw Emily begin to protest, so he sighed. "Come along if you must, babysitter."

"Don't be so negative about it, Toby. Think of it as your friends caring about you," she smiled. Emily was great, but he wasn't in the mood to be babied. He was going to spend the day acting like nothing was wrong.

He sighed. "Sorry Em, it just sucks to feel like a burden."

"You're not a burden. And you don't get to complain about something you know that you would do for any one of us," she said firmly. She grabbed his bag of pills and shoved it in her purse. "Where are we going?"

"It's Valentine's Day," he said simply.

"She hates Valentine's Day, Toby," she laughed and held the door open for him. "She completely despises it. I think the last time we tried to celebrate anything related to the day we were rewarded with an hour long rant about the commercialization of love."

"What the hell is this?"

He frowned, turning the chocolate box around in his hands. "Candy?"

"You got me a big, red box of chocolates for Valentine's Day? Toby Cavanaugh, you're lucky that I like you."

He was so confused. "Um-"

Spencer chuckled and popped a piece of candy in her mouth. "Do I look like one to enjoy these bullshit Hallmark holidays to you?"

He held up his blue, stuffed monkey. "I guess that explains my present then?"

His smile only grew at the thought. She was such an impassioned idiot, and he absolutely loved her for it. He could listen to her ramble on about gender stereotypes, the sexism of beauty pageants, or any other number of things. But she never got too far before he kissed her. He found her invariably attractive when she got passionate about basically anything. "Pissing her off will be half the fun."

He held the door open for Emily and shut it behind her, mentally formulating the perfect day for his wife.

Shopping wore him out. Shopping always wore him out, actually. But today it was worse. It felt like he just ran a marathon, but that was okay. He glanced around the room with a satisfied smile, knowing that when Spencer was done complaining she'd love it

He ran a shaky hand down the back of a match book, frowning when the stick fell from his fingers. He tried again and the same thing happened. Was this what he had come too? He could even do a task as simple as lighting a match? He just wanted to do something special for Spencer, but-

Emily poked her head in the bedroom door, interrupting his troubled, internal monologue. "Spencer just called and told me she was leaving campus. Do you need anything else?" She glanced around and grinned. "She's going to chew your head off and then kiss you probably. Because this is perfect for her."

He nodded. Maybe, but he wasn't the right person for her to enjoy it with. She deserved someone who could keep up with her, who could carry her to bed and make love to her all night. He wasn't that person anymore.

"Hey," she took the matches from his hands and carefully lit the candles. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" He was annoyed in his mind, but his voice mostly just sounded like a pained whisper. "I can't even light a candle, Emily." There were tears in his eyes, but they both pretended not to see them. He was deteriorating so quickly... it was just a matter of time before he wasn't able to do anything, and that thought truly terrified him. "What am I going to be worth when I can't even get out of bed? Nothing."

Emily sat down the matches and didn't look at him for a moment looking at him with fire in her eyes. Most of the time Emily was calm and sweet, but when she felt passionate about something she let you know. "Toby Cavanaugh, you are the best friend that I've ever had and I'm not going to let you talk about yourself like that. What will you be worth if it comes to the point that you can't get out of bed? You'll be worth everything, Toby. You'll be everything to the people that love you. You'll still be you, and that is worth everything in the world. Now get off your little pity party and finish getting ready for your wife." She looked at her watch. "She should be here any time."

Toby crossed the room and wrapped a pair of trembling arms around her. "Thank you."

Before she could say anything they heard the creaking of the front door. They jumped apart and he immediately looked down at his sweatpants frantically. "You look fine," she laughed. "But if you want to freshen up I can distract her for a few minutes."

He nodded gratefully. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Em. Seriously."

She smiled. "Anything, anytime. You know that." And without another word she walked through the door. He could hear the soft murmuring of their voices, but as he moved toward the closet he recognized how pointless it was. Spencer had proven again and again that she loved him in the worst of circumstances. Was she really going to judge him for looking a little worse for wear?

After meeting Spencer for coffee yesterday he felt a little lighter. Like, maybe if he had one friend everything would be better, easier. He absentmindedly spun the dial of his locker around and around until it clicked open. But as soon as he got it open he wished that he hadn't. Gloops of white stuff oozed down the front of the cool metal and onto his shoes.

It wasn't the laughter that was the worst part. It wasn't the cruel joke or the mean words. It was the feeling of insignificance, but being reminded that he didn't matter to anyone. Maybe he'd be better off-

But before he could finish his lowest thought her small frame crouched on the ground next to him. He honestly hadn't even realized that his body had found the floor. She put a hand on his shoulder and waited until he looked at her. "Don't let them get to you, okay? I'm sorry they're so terrible. But you're better than all of these Neanderthals."

She stood, reaching a hand out to help him up. He just looked at her in awe. No one had ever stood up for him like that before. And it wasn't that she was verbally coming to his defense, but sometimes actions meant everything. She brushed off his Chemistry book and handed it to him. "They won't bother you like this again. I'll make sure of it."

He didn't hear her come in, but he did hear her quiet gasp. He took a small step forward. "Do you like it?"

She turned to him, a soft smile transforming her tired features. "I love it, but you didn't have too."

"I know," he murmured, closing the gap between them and pushing her hair back. "But it isn't much at all. There's bubble bath in the bathroom if you want to start there?"

"Start?" She questioned him with a smile. "Candles? Mood lighting? Soft music? Are you trying to seduce me?"

He smirked and glided his hands down the sides of her body, coming to rest on her hips. He drew her closer, hovering his lips over hers. "Why? Is it working?"

"I don't know," she whispered, her playful tone turning soft and husky. "Why don't you come down here and find out?" She pulled on the collar of her shirt, bringing his lips down to an accessible point, kissing him passionately.

She lead him to their attached bathroom without ever taking her lips off of his. There was every possibility they'd crash to the ground. But it didn't matter. Nothing mattered but her. It was like the whole world melted away, and all that was left was the two of them. As always, he let her make the first move into deeper waters. He wasn't sure that she noticed that byproduct of his past, but even though they were married he'd always leave it up to her. He never wanted her to regret anything they did together.

She pulled off his shirt and tossed it somewhere behind them, making quick work on his pants while he started to unbutton her blouse. His fingers fumbled over the tiny buttons, but once she got his pants off she helped him, all the while never taking her lips off of his.

"Spencer," he gasps out, pulling his lips from hers. She doesn't waste any time, sliding her lips down to his neck. As soon as they get her skirt off he puts one hand on the small of her back and loses the other one in her mass of curls. "Oh God, Spencer I love you so much. So, so much."

She pulls away slightly to look at him, her fingers tracing absentminded patterns along the bumps of his abs. "I love you too," she whispers, every syllable full of heartfelt emotion. As they shed their undergarments they guided each other into the steaming water. He pulled her against his chest and brushed her off of her shoulder, pressing lazy kisses to her neck. "I love you," he mumbled between each kiss. "I love you so much."

She burrowed more deeply into his chest. "I know things have been hard lately, so thank you for trying to make them better. You didn't have too, but I appreciate it more than I can say."

He bit down on his lip, trying to decide how to respond. He gentle turns her around in the tub, their legs tangling together. "You know that there isn't a thing in the world I would do for you, Spence? Right?"

She smiled. "Same goes for you." She ran her foot down his thigh before readjusting her body into his lap. She buried her face in his shoulder and just stayed like that. When he felt the wetness pooling on his skin he knew that it was because she was trying to hide her tears. Without warning she wrenched away and threw all of her wait into him, reattaching their lips together and wrapping both arms around his neck. Their tears mixed together, and he couldn't think. He couldn't breath. They were there, they were together, and they were happy.

And for right now that was all that mattered in the world.