Haha okay so sorry if you like Twilight. But can we all agree that Spencer wouldn't? Small author's note at the end to avoid spoilers.

Things to look forward to. Writing to Spencer, rapid deterioration, Spencer's recordings, all the stuff from Emily's POV in LGBttS, and the end from Toby's POV. Oh, and also Hailey's creation so to speak haha.

Also, SO SORRY for the lack of updates for all my stories. I got ungodly busy. Can't Drown My Demons should be up tomorrow/LATE tonight. But probably tomorrow. And Falling to Pieces will be shortly after that.

Chapter 17

May

He wasn't having a good day. It was obvious to anyone who looked at him. As Spencer approached his spot on the bed he shoved his shaking hands under the pillow. She had to go. And if she saw how bad he was he would never convince her of that. He was sweating and freezing at the same time. His eyes were watering, his teeth were chattering, and his stomach was churning. He was going to be sick, but hopefully it could wait until she was gone. But even worse than all of that, his mind felt foggy. His reflexes weren't as fast as they should be, and he was having a hard time focusing on anything.

She put her hand on his face and frowned. "You're really warm, baby."

"Am I?" He was freezing. He leaned into her hand, relishing in the comfort and the warmth.

She looked at him, and he felt like he was drowning in the love he saw in her eyes. But wasn't that the best way to go? Being so immersed in love from his wife that it overwhelmed him. She leaned in and ran her nose over his and down his collarbone, tucking her face into his neck. "Do you want me to stay?"

She already knew the answer to that. She was just trying to convince herself that it was okay to go. He was deteriorating rapidly. Everyone could see it, but no one talked about it, which was infuriating. He didn't welcome a conversation about death, but he knew it needed to happen. And apparently he was the only one who realized that. "You can't put your life on hold because of me, Spencer." His voice wasn't more than an insubstantial whisper. His throat was raw and painful from the many medical treatments he was forced to endure.

"Can I say that you're my life without sounding like a whiny, emo stalker?" She mumbled, not moving her face from his neck.

He chucked and tangled a hand up in her silky hair. "Still on your anti-Twilight kick then?" Hanna made the mistake of bringing the movie for all of them to watch a few weeks ago.

"Of course I am! Talk about setting the feminist movement back fifty years!" She pulled away, her eyes flashing with annoyance. "What was that woman thinking making teenage girls believe that they're nothing without a boyfriend?"

"Are you saying you don't need a man?" He laughed, leaning in and nuzzle his nose against her forehead.

"Well I got lucky," all the joking gone now. "The most perfect man in the world is somehow interested in me."

He hacking cough rocked its way through his body. He tried to move away, but she put her hands on either side of his face, keeping his head in place. "Spence-" he coughed. There was nothing attractive about coughing in your wife's face.

She moved a hand to the back of his head and brought it down to her shoulder. "I'm going to call my professor and reschedule."

He shook his head. "N-no," he sucked in air before pulling away and taking both of her hands. There was no use hiding how he felt from her. She obviously already knew. His hands shook harder as he tightened them around her much smaller hands. He held onto her like a lifeline, but he also needed her to go. She needed to have a life outside of him or else it would be even harder for her to move on.

She opened her mouth to protested but was interrupted by what could only described as an annoyed huff from the bedroom door. "Spencer you get to be with Toby every minute of every day. Let the rest of us have our turn. Get out of here!"

Spencer rolled her eyes. "Love you too Han." She leaned down to kiss him. "I called Emily, but Hanna and Caleb were over there. And apparently they all decided to plant a flag in our living room. There's no getting rid of them."

"There's really not!" She laughed, ruffling Spencer's hair. "Now go!"

Spencer swatted at Hanna's hand and didn't take his eyes off of him. "Do you want me to-"

"Spencer, I am perfectly capable of helping him to the living room! Seriously, go. And if you're back before 6 I'm going to kick your ass like that time in 7th grade."

She whirled around to size up Hanna's laughing threat. "Fine!" She squeezed his hand. "I'll be back a little after 6, okay?"

He nodded, trying to hide his smile. He was glad she had Hanna. She kissed him again before ducking out of the room. Hanna waited until they heard the door shut before speaking to him. "I basically have the upper body strength of a flea, so I'm going to go get Caleb. Be right back!"

As he watched the blonde's back retreat he couldn't help but remember the first time he knew that Hanna would be a friend for life. Because it wasn't when he met her. It wasn't when she defended him from the jocks in art class. But it was the day that she did what he never could do, when she stood up to Jenna.

Spencer was off taking a make up test, and for once he was glad at the absence of his girlfriend. She would notice what no one else had. She would see the angry, red half-moon marks from Jenna's nails digging into his skin. And she would see the lingering redness of the cheek that she had smacked. He kept his promise to Spencer. It hadn't happened since he told her that he loved her, but it wasn't for a lack of trying on Jenna's part. She was persistent, if nothing else.

He liked to think he shielded Spencer from the reality of his situation. She knew the big picture of what had happened, but he refrained from sharing the smaller details. She didn't need to be burdened with the sick feeling he got after she touched him; how even an hour of scrubbing in the shower couldn't get rid of it. She didn't need to know the shame he felt at the bruises that her advances left on his skin. And she certainly didn't need to know the fear he felt as Jenna left his bedroom. What if she got pregnant? What if she had some kind of disease? His life wasn't worth much, but she could so easily steal the little bit of sanity he had left.

"Are you okay, man?" Emily's boyfriend Ben asked him suddenly. "You look like you swallowed a cactus."

"Um," he hesitated. He hated lying, but for the first time he finally had friends. He didn't want to ruin it. "I'm fine. Just some family stuff."

Ben nodded and looked back down at his lunch. He wasn't necessarily the best friend, but he was still someone that associated with him. It was better than where he was this time six months ago. He was so close to having enough money to move out. He had to just stick it out for a few more months.

Hanna waved her fork at him. "You're lying," she said softly.

Hanna was a different story. Ever since she stood up for him in art she was one of the best friends that he had. But he still didn't want to burden her with this, and he certainly didn't want her to look at him any differently. "I'm not," he said truthfully. It was family stuff, but it was a lot deeper than those words implied.

The bench squeaked as the small brunette that held a starring role in his nightmares sat beside him. He froze as she put her hand on his arm. "Toby, can I talk to you for a second?"

"No," he muttered, hating how weak his voice sounded.

"Toby," she implored, tightening her grip around his bicep. "it's important."

"I think he said no," Hanna interjected, before he could say anything else.

"And I think that this is none of your business, Hanna," Jenna replied. "I need to talk to my brother."

"I'm not kidding, Jenna. Get out of here before I make you leave."

"Han, you don't-" Toby tried to tell her that, although it was appreciated, her defense wasn't necessary. But she cut him off with a wave of her hand.

She smirked, and it was actually kind of creepy. "My teachers write things like impulsive and passionate on my report cards. And they're right. And that comes very in handy when I need it to. You're going to leave him alone, Jenna. Or I'm going to make you very sorry."

Jenna gave a pronounced sigh. "We'll finish this at home, Toby." She slid her hand from his arm and got up from the table, slinking back off to her friends.

"Your step sis gives me the creeps, Cavanaugh."

He laughed at Ben's accurate assessment. "She makes a lot of people feel that way. Hanna," he mumbled, looking at the small blonde. He didn't know how to express his gratitude properly. Very few people had ever defended him so staunchly.

She shook her head. "You don't have to go through things alone anymore, Toby. I'm sorry I wasn't up for defending you earlier, but I am now. Let me know if you need anything, okay?" She waited for him to nod before shedding the seriousness and grinning at his tray. "Are you going to eat your string cheese?"

Caleb came into the room almost as quickly as Hanna left it. He grabbed his forearms, and carefully pulled him up. "You alright?" He asked. His nausea was probably written all over his face, so he didn't blame Caleb for the wary apprehension that was written all over his face.

"Fine," he mumbled, clutching to Caleb. He hadn't felt this weak yet, not even when he was on chemo. And he hated it. He doubted that he could walk two feet without using someone as a crutch. And it was better Caleb, than Spencer. He didn't want to burden either of them, but Caleb was a bit more sturdy.

Hanna grinned as they walked into the room. "Okay, we have grand plans for you, Toby."

He hesitated. Caleb lowered him onto the couch in his moment of silence. "I'm not sure I'm up to much."

"You just sit there," Emily smiled. "We'll be right back."

They girls scurried off into the kitchen. "What are they up to?" He asked Caleb. He groaned as a spasm of pain shot through his chest.

"You alright?" He asked again, sitting down next to him. "Is there medicine or something that I can get you?"

"I have some pain pills i-in the medicine c-cabinet," he mumbled, curling into himself to ease the pain.

"I'll be right back." The couch shifted, and he let his mind wonder to happier times.

"I don't understand why we're doing this," Caleb laughed. "I mean I can definitely rock the Pringles man-stache, but I just don't get it."

"I already told you," Hanna explained impatiently, adjusting the ten foot long mustache she had apparently found at the costume shop back in Rosewood. "I had a dream that we all hung out wearing mustaches and decided to make it a reality."

"But why do I have to have the Hitler mustache," Spencer whined, leaning into him. She was always cold. He ran a hand up and down her arm, creating friction; which only caused her to lean into him more deeply.

"Because you like history!" Hanna beckoned him forward with a Sharpie. "Your turn, Toby!"

"I think she thinks Hitler is the only person in history with a mustache," Spencer muttered with a laugh.

"Heard that!" She mock glared at Spencer. "Come on, Toby. I saved the best one for you!"

"I don't think so," Emily chuckled from Hanna's bed, a large handlebar mustache dominating most of her face. "I'm considering keeping it."

His nose tickled as Hanna quickly drew something on his face. Caleb and Spencer both laughed, and he joined they as he saw the curly whiskers that Hanna had drawn on her face. "Now what?"

"Off to Walmart!" Hanna laughed. "What else would we do?"

"These are the right ones?" Caleb passed him a glass of water and a bottle of pills with the child safety cap loosened.

He nodded and quickly downed one more pill than was recommended. It would make him drowsy, but honestly sleep would be a relief. He truly felt terrible. He coughed, almost violently. It felt like he was hacking up a handful of nails. And his head hurt so badly, but it also felt like an elephant was sitting on it. The pressure was killing him. For the first time, and for hopefully the last, he thought maybe dying wouldn't be so bad. Not if the rest of his life was going to be spent like this.

"We know you didn't want us to remember," Emily began, while they were still out of his sight. "but we did. So deal with it."

Hanna skipped to the light switch and flickered them a few times for dramatic effect. He didn't have to ask why. That's what she always did when she was trying to be dramatic. "Happy birthday!" She cheered as Emily rounded the corner with a bowl of soup.

"We decided it would be stupid to by you a cake since you wouldn't be able to eat it. So call this your birthday soup," Emily explained, sitting the try down on the table in front of him.

He was touched beyond words. Had he just been welcoming death a second ago? Because now he was feeling luckier than anyone else. "Guys..."

"No," Hanna turned the lights off completely and flicked on the lamp next to the couch. "No epic and sad speeches, Toby. We told Spencer we'd take care of you, so eat your stupid soup."

He shot her a half smile and took a spoonful into his mouth. It felt nice on his raw throat and chapped lips. He glanced around the room at the people he felt the closest to in the world. It looked like he had more letters to write. He thought to the ones to his dad, Aria, and Spencer's parents that were tucked away in his drawer. He'd follow them with ones to Emily, Hanna and Caleb soon. But that begged the question who would deliver them.

Not Hanna. She wouldn't be able to keep her mouth shut, and they needed to stay a surprise to Spencer. His plan wouldn't work otherwise. And he couldn't have Caleb do it. He would tell Hanna, and he was also about the least subtle person he knew. His eyes lingered on Emily. She could do it. But would she? He would wait until the last second he could, and then he would ask her. All he could do was pray that she'd say yes. That and get to work on Spencer's. Because something told him that his time was running down.

A/N

I KNOW Toby's birthday isn't in May. But I forgot to include this in March, so just go with it.