Author's note: Not enough brain bleach in the world to save us.

Ben 10's Hottest Summer Ever

Chapter 3: I don't understand the words I say

"Aw, shit! Not Dildogax, or whatever the fuck his name was! Again," Ben groaned, slapping a palm to his sweaty, glistening sexy forehead.

"IT'S VILGAX, YOU LITTLE FUCKER!" The cthuloid behemoth jumped twenty feet in the air and came down on Ben's body, snapping it into a dozen or so pieces.

Psych!

Ben was fine. Unfortunately. Because now you have to read the rest of this shit!

Ben turned into Cannonbutt, the fat, rolling piece of shit alien who nobody likes. And if you do, you're fucking stupid.

"God fucking damn, this guy! I hate him so much," Bennonbolt yelled. He turned into a ball and Sonic spin-dashed away as Vilgax stood there being mildly confused but mostly irritated. And horny. Very, very horny.

Five miles down the road, Granpoo Max and Gwen picked Ben up by the roadside.

"Ben, you know you're too young to peddle your body to strangers," Max yelled. "You wait until you're fifteen to do that shit!"

"I know, Grandpa," Ben said forlornly as he entered the RV and took a seat next to his precious cousin. She was stretched out naked on one of the tables in the kitchen, rubbing a jar of KY onto her smooth, flat, supple young midsection.

"Hi, Ben! How's my favorite doofus cousin? You look like shit."

"I feel like shit," Ben admitted as he took no notice of his sexually presenting cousin and sat down. He pulled out a jar of peanut butter and began stuffing his face with finger after finger of sweet comfort food.

"Why, because you're in a fetish story where you're batshit insane out of character and also sexually active with your cousin and Grandpa and have impregnated her a bunch of times even though you're both 10 years old?" Max inquired over a new beer can. "Also you seem to be some kind of cat-hybrid now, what the fuck is up with that?"

"I don't know," Ben muttered. "The weeaboos and furries just think it's cute. But that's not why I'm so down right now. I just almost got raped by Vilgax."

Grandpa Max spit out his beer right into Ben's face.

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, BEN!" he yelled, dropping his beer can in order to firmly grasp his hot little grandson's tight, willowy shoulders and shake him like a ragdoll. "WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING ABOUT SEEING VILGAX EARLIER!?"

"What's with all the shock and horror? It's just Vilgax. He sucks. I'll just beat him anyway when the time comes, right?" Ben said with a shrug.

"That's not how it works in these stories, you little dumbass!" Max warned. "Vilgax can do shit he can't normally do in canon, which means he can hunt you down, Ben! Hunt you down and RAPE YOU UP THE ASS AND MURDER YOU!"

Ben gasped. "B-b-but! I'm the hero! I can't die!" Ben twiddled his thumbs, looking ready to start bawling any moment. "I know I can get raped, but dying? No fucking way! That's so mean!" Crystalline tears began to flow from his little emerald neko-pupiled eyes. "I'm too cute to die, Grandpa! Uwaaah!"

"Don't worry, Ben, we'll save you from big bad Vildorx!" Gwen laughed. "You giant pussy!"

"Shut the fuck up, Gwen! He'll rape you too if he thinks of it," Ben growled at her.

"No he won't. That's totally a crack pairing," Gwen said. She stuck out her tongue.

"That's it, I am going to go Upgrade and slither my way all up in your business!" Ben yelled. He turned into Four Arms instead. "Aw, fuck me! This fucking piece of shit never works right!" Ben-Arms stared at Gwen before getting an evil smile on his precocious little face. "On the other hand. I can finger fuck you now at four times the speed!"

Gwen shrieked as Four-Armpits chased her around, screaming, "If I catch you, I'm gonna fuck you!"

Nine days later, Gwen finally got bored and let him catch her.

AN THEN SHED GOT PRAGGANT AGAIN.