There are three chapters left after this, and it starts to get a little screwy from here. July and August are both in this chapter. September is the next TWO chapters. And then October :'(.

There was supposed to be more in August, but I got emotional. And trust me, there will be more than enough tears as this story draws to a close.

REVIEW okay? Because you're the only ones that inspire me to write! LOVE YOU ALL!

Chapter 19

July

"I love you," Spencer murmured, pressing her warm lips to his forehead. "I'll be back as soon as I can, okay?"

He barely had the strength to nod, so he just squeezed her hand. "I'll be fine, baby. Take your time." His throat felt like it was on fire, which probably explained the painful rasp that used to be his voice.

She pressed the remote into his hands and never took her pained eyes off of his face. He got it, he really did. After the conversation they had with the doctor last night he wouldn't have wanted to leave her either. But that didn't change the fact that she had to go.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cavanaugh, this is never easy to hear, but we feel that the treatments are no longer working."

He had known it for awhile, but to have it confirmed made his chest burn. He felt himself growing weaker every day. Maybe it would be better to not have the added weakness that was induced by the worthless treatments. Maybe he could gain a little strength back.

"How do you know?" Spencer persisted. "Maybe-"

Dr. Green shook his head. "No, Spencer. We're sure. Trust me, I poured over these results for hours before coming to talk to you. I would never have told you this if I wasn't sure."

He swallowed harshly before speaking for himself. "What do we do now?"

Dr. Green just looked at him sadly. "We try to make you comfortable and hope something changes."

"Just watch TV, okay?" Spencer ran a soft hand along his jaw. "I'll be back before you know it."

He knew she was having a hard time. And it was okay. It was understandable. She didn't want to leave him alone, and no one else could come today. But honestly, he was grateful for the solitude. He had to finish her letters before his time ran out. He used all his strength and grabbed her elbows. "Spence, you're shaking."

She just shook her head, meeting her forehead with his. "I swear to God, Toby- if anything happens the one time I leave you alone I'm going to haunt your afterlife."

He didn't blame her for being scared. He just held her until she pulled away. "I'll be back in a few hours. Call me if you even feel a little off."

He nodded. "Go, baby. I love you."

"I love you too," she murmured, kissing his forehead and ducking out the door.

Almost as soon as she was gone a nurse slipped inside in her place. "Mr. Cavanaugh, how are you feeling?"

"Like shit," he freely admitted now that he way alone. He was in constant pain, and he just couldn't think clearly. It's like someone turned half the lights out in his brain.

She gave him a sad look. "I just came up to see if you wanted to go to the art therapy class down the hall? It's supposed to be very soothing, and if at any point it gets too much you can come back up here."

He thought it over. Maybe it would be a good way to spend his free hours. He nodded and let his mind wonder as the nurse helps him down to the class.

He followed after her. And although his legs were longer than hers he was still having trouble keeping up with her. He ran after her, and when she stopped suddenly he nearly plowed into her. She mumbled something under her breath.

"I can't hear you Spence, and I'm not sure that you want me too. But if-"

She whirled around and threw herself into his arms. "I'm sorry," she whispered into his neck.

He wasn't prepared for her body slamming into his and almost lost his balance. But he managed to keep her balance and tighten his arms around her. He wished he could be confused as to why she was apologizing, but he wasn't. The harsh words of her parents still rang in his ears.

Below you. Worthless. Weak.

The words were terrible. They were awful, and no one should ever have to hear them. But it wasn't Spencer's fault. And he loved her more than it hurt. "It's not your fault, Spencer." They would never like him, and they never would.

She just shook her head, her tears soaking through his shirt and onto his skin. "No," he breathed, gently pushing her away and taking her face in his hands. He wiped her tears away with a swipe of his thumb. "No, don't cry."

"I'll never get how someone could not see how wonderful you are," she murmured, leaning into his hands. "but I promise you that I'll spend the rest of my life reminding you of it. I love you. I love you."

He just held her tightly, rocking her gently back and forth. The same went for her, but if he said that now she'd do nothing but deny it. "I love you too."

He settled in his wheel chair in front of the easel, the eccentric looking man at the front of the room surveying the bevy of sick people in front of him. "I know you may be accustomed to being treated as invalids in the real world, but that's not how it goes in here."

Toby smiled. His attitude was actually refreshing. There was nothing good about being treated as incapable. He was weaker, sure. But he could still do some things.

"You're all capable of great and wonderful art, despite your current circumstances. Although I recognize that those current circumstances make things difficult. So what I want you to do is to paint something that makes you happy. Something that takes you back to a better time, whether that might be an event, a person, or a place."

It took him a minute, because even though he was dying, even though his life was nearing its end, he still felt so incredibly lucky. There was so much good in his life, so much happiness, love, and joy. It took him a minute, but then he had an idea. He smiled and closed his eyes, thinking of the exact layout of their spot at Lookout Point. Maybe it was time to get to work on a Christmas present.

August

"Toby?"

He blinked a few times, focusing on her face. Her tone suggested this wasn't the first time that she tried to get his attention, but he hadn't heard her before. He had barely heard her this time. It was like her voice was coming from the end of a long tunnel.

She pushed his sweaty hair back and just looked at him for a long moment. "I was just wondering if you wanted me to call and order your lunch?"

"Only if you go get something for yourself right after," her replied immediately and quietly.

"You don't play fair," she laughed, but the stress was still more than obvious behind her eyes. She was so scared, and he didn't blame her. Everything just felt off.

The soft murmuring of her voice on the phone was relaxing in a way that little else was. He leaned back against the pillows and closed his eyes. Everything felt so nice and warm, especially his legs. His legs were so warm. His eyes felt heavy. Maybe he'd finally be able to sleep instead of just laying there in a semi-trans.

"Please! I know it's nerdy, and I know that it's not really your thing, but no one else will come with me."

He laughed. She was begging, but she didn't need too. He couldn't think of a single thing he wouldn't do for her. "Of course I'll come, but I'm not sure that you're going to convince me to dress up as a character."

She let out an uncharacteristic squeal and wrapped both arms around his neck. "I love you!" She laughed and grabbed her Harry Potter shirt and her Gryffindor scarf. "But really, I'm so excited to read the book! It's the last one, so I'm going to cry. But oh my God, it's going to be amazing. I have this theory that-"

He chuckled and dipped down to press a soft kiss to her lips. She was so cute.

Her hands were back on him now, but this time they were different. They were frantic, but then they were soothing. "-alright, I'll just get a nurse and we can go ahead and get you cleaned up."

He didn't understand. What was she talking about? But as she started to remove the blankets he understood. A huge, foul smelling wet spot was beneath him. He had peed himself. Humiliation nearly overwhelmed him at that point. Was there no level of dignity that he could keep?

He didn't even realize that he was crying until Spencer started to wipe the tears away. "It's okay. It's seriously the exact opposite of a big deal. It'll take two seconds for the nurses to clean up and then you're back in business."

His favorite nurse walked in just after that. Spencer must have hit the call button when he was too focused on the fact that he had just pissed himself like an infant to notice. "What do we have here?" She looked down and nodded, her face neutral. "Spencer, why don't you go grab some food? We'll get him cleaned up and showered while you're gone. You can just pick him up some soup or something while you're down there."

She hesitated, her gentle fingers tracing absentminded patterns on his forearm. But she nodded, probably reading his embarrassment. Spencer had always been able to pick out his emotions with ease. "It's okay," she smiled, reassuring and ducked down to kiss his forehead. "I'll be back in a minute."

He would have told her that he loved her. He would have kissed her back. But he was finding it hard to breath, and he didn't want to make it obvious to her or else she'd never go eat. She kissed the tip of his nose again and left the room. His nurse was talking to him, but he didn't hear anything. He saw her lips moving, but it was like no sound was coming out.

His eyes were so heavy. Had someone attached weights to his eyelids, because he wouldn't be able to keep them open for another second. A loud rushing noise filled his ears as his eyes shut completely.

Beep, beep, beep.

It felt like no time had passed since he shut his eyes, but he felt different. He wasn't sure how, but he didn't.

"Just open your eyes. Please Toby, I'm not ready for you to leave me. I can't. You can't leave me."

His heart ached at her tear filled voice. All he wanted to do was to get up and hold her. To kiss away her tears. But he couldn't even open his eyes.

"Please Toby. Please."

He put all of his strength into the singular goal of opening his eyes. Of seeing her, looking at her. He moaned and pried his eyelids apart.

She noticed immediately, her hands flanking his face and her lips peppering soft kisses across his skin. "Oh my God. Oh my God," she whimpered. "Oh my God, you're okay. You're okay."

"W-what- what happened?" He whispered, his voice burning his tattered vocal chords.

"You stopped breathing," she whispered against the tender skin of his neck. "They thought- We thought-" she cut herself off and buried her face in his shoulder. He didn't have to see her to know she was crying. He could feel their wetness seeping into his skin.

He was running out of time. He draped a limp arm around her torso. "Just lay down, Spencer."

For once, he didn't have to ask her twice. She crawled up on the bed and curled up against him, her entire body trembling. The vibrations traveled from her body into his. "I love you so much," he whispered into her hair. "and even if that was it; even if i had just died, that would never stop. It would never stop, I promise you. I'll always be with you, Spencer."

"You can't leave me," she whimpered. "I can't- I c-can't. Not without y-you."

He had to finish the letters. That was his singular goal, the last thing he had to do. He absolutely refused to go until they were done and he talked to Emily. "Can you hand me that notebook on the table?"

She reached across without question and passed it to him. She didn't ask what it was for, and he was grateful. He never wanted to lie to her. He took the pen into his shaky hands and started to write, hoping that it was legible.

Spencer,

I love you.

He had more to say, but that was the most important part. He would love her forever.