Author's note: YAAAAAH HAHAHAHAHAHA ARGOST FAN/CRYPTID FAN/WADI FAN/BARON FINSTER FAN/SNOW COYOTE PREDICTABLY BLOCKED ME!
Do I win a prize?
My comment I would have posted but I got the message of U DONE BEEN BAAAAWLOCKED:
You really do live in your own sad, freaky little world, don'cha? So, once again, for the rest of "eternity" you're going to poop out on a near daily basis hundreds upon hundreds of viciously OOC furry Mary-Sue/canon crying fetish fics in the Ben fandom since the Sats started collectively ignoring you and your rampant gay fetishization and not giving you the attention you so desperately crave? Damn. Just when I thought there'd be one fandom safe from this hysterical madness you bring to the table.
Welp, admittedly, I'm somewhat entertained.
Bring it on then! I sincerely WANT to see how badly you can further butcher this maniacal dude's characterization into kawaii wabbu-wabbu desu for the sake of your multitude of obvious and creepy fetishes. Could you throw in some more pissing in mouths, pedophilia and gratuitous, violent rape into the mix, like the good ol' days? It's a little repetitive with just the sobbing, boxer shorts, sobbing, boxer shorts, sobbing in boxer shorts, digital alarm clocks and carefree picnics in the Null Void going on.
God, I love this website even more. And by love I mean cringe my face up at like if I saw a festering hobo taking a wet dump into a mall fountain while I was trying to eat a sloppy burger. But, hey, at least she stopped screaming at us all in her author's notes and posting vindictive counter-reviews to her own stories. LOL!
Chapter 6: Whatever, don't matter
Last time, on Blen 10! Our hero had done gotten himself into some big, stinking shit.
He was now a kawaii kitty, oops I mean NEKO-JIN thing. Because of the evil Dr. Wabbu-Wabbu, who for reasons unknown but it might have something to do with the latest comical incident mentioned in le autere's notes was crying a terribly uncharacteristic river of sweet, sweet crystalline old man tears.
"WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TURN ME INTO A CAT-PERSON THING, YOU CREEPY UNWASHED DICKHOLE!" Ben screamed in a voice high and loud enough to shatter the windows of tall buildings. "NOW I SHAN'T GET ANY BITCHES!"
"Barbed dick? What did he mean by that, Ben? WHAT DID HE MEAN?" Gwen spoke in panicked intonations, feeling a slight curiosity welling in her loins even so. How did barbs feel inside one's tender vagina? Did she want to know? Yes, she probs did. She was into pain. Pain that hurt so good. Pain that let her know where her position in life was. And that was face down, ass up. That's the way she like to fuck.
"I mutatified you into a cute widdly kitty," Doc cried between sobs, "because you murdered my favorite pet cat a year ago, you little fucking shit!"
He cried so hard, snot was pouring out of his hairy nose amid his waterfall of kawaii uguu tears. His shoulders heaved up and down with the force of his sad old man crying. It was so wet and so fucking kawaii, seeing him so out of fucking character like this. I had a lady boner like nobody's business, as I'm sure several of the audience do now. Seeing vicious, sociopathic evil ruthless men with little to no redeeming qualities rendered into hysterical, sobbing man-children pitiable woobie-doobies turns me on so bad. It's not speaking any volumes about underlying issues or the fact that I cannot begin to see how fucked it is that I need to completely rape a character's canon personality in order to justify my undying love for them, which only proves I don't care about them at all outside of my narrowly self-enforced world of fetishes and warped weeaboo-saturated thinking, fuck you all you bitches don't know them as well as I do, I'm married to them on the ASTRAL PLANE!
"This is freaking me the fuck out," Ben muttered, stepping backward fearfully. "I don't remember killing any cat. That seems really OOC for me, even in a piece of shit fic like this."
"Well," Doctor Dacryphilia said between the choked sobbing, "It might have just been my hallucinating during one of my wild drug-trips where I actually killed my own pet cat through my sick, incredibly callous genetic experiments that I do regularly in canon. Because I am a completely insufferable, egotistical, vengeful, mentally unstable, immature, socially inept, reclusive, whiny, delusional, homicidal, psychotic bastard with no redeeming qualities whatever, and am not actually the kindly, huggable, overly emotional, sympathetic, weepy, passionately devoted animal lover that some desperately attempt to make me out as because they're obsessed with the yaoi mang-gagas. But I'm going to blame you for it anyway because I'm a crotchety old fuck like that!"
For reasons again currently unknown, his pants were gone, exposing his cute little baby duck print BOXER SHORTS.
'Whoa, what the fuck!" Ben yelled.
Dr. BOXER SHORTS began to sob profusely in his BOXER SHORTS while remembering his poor beloved dead cat who's name he didn't recall but it was probably something real cute like "Mittens" or "Boots." Or "Megalomania."
"OK, this is getting awkward. Can we just fight or something now?" Ben still had his Omnitrix and it seemed to be in working condition. A stroke of good luck. FOR ONCE!
Dr. Animoo continued to sob with the sobs of a thousand sobs. "OH," he sobbed, "KAY!" He sobbed again.
Just when you thought he wouldn't sob anymore, he started sobbing again as he pushed a button on his chest-dooder thingy and lasers came out of his head doddle whatever it is, hitting a nearby rabbit hole. A horrifyingly mutated and deformed rabbit burst up from the dirt, roaring like something out of Jurassic Park. The first film, not the sequels. Fucking sequelitis.
Gwen screamed and ran up a tree, vaguely wondering what a mutated rabbit dick felt like as she climbed into the welcoming leafy boughs.
"AWWWW RIIIGHT, THIS IS ALMOST LIKE A REAL BEN 10 STORY NOW!" Ben yelled.
He transformed himself into a random alien. A random alien that just so happened to be VELOCI-RAPTOR! Sorry, I couldn't think of a stupid-funny name for him so I went with what I used to call him back in the day when I couldn't remember his name fast enough and it became a running in-joke.
"SCHWIGGITY-SCHWONG!" yelled Veloci-raptor in his goddamn irritating Cobra Commander after he chain-smoked for a few dozen years voice.
He ran to China and back all in the span of time it took Dr. Daddy Fetish to lessen up on his profound water works and try to direct his evil bunny into battle. Ben as Veloci-raptor just kicked it in its cute little mutilated button nose, making its double set of blood-red eyes blink and slip shut. It fell over with its inky black tongue hanging out between its mangled maw of razor-sharp teeth.
"YOU KNOCKED MY BUN-BUN DOWN!" Doc screeched.
He burst into a whole new barrage of hysterical desu tears. Did I mention he was wearing BOXER SHORTS? He was wearing BOXER SHORTS. And his pants were gone so you could see them very clearly. They used to be white but were all gray and dirty now and had piss stains on them at the crotch and other stains we won't mention. But they had little baby duckies on them, so kawaii! I like seeing creepy old men in their BOXER SHORTS.
"Oh, come on. It's not dead, I just knocked it out," Ben tried to tell him. "Look, I'll buy you an ice cream if you stop crying, OK?"
Doc sniffled, his tortured sobs reducing a fraction. "Really?" he sniffed again.
"Yeah, sure, whatever!" Ben frantically looked around for an ice cream truck. He heard one about three blocks over and ran to it at the speed of outsourced Korean animation. "GIVE ME ALL OF YOUR BOMB POPS, CHOCO TACOS AND NINJA TURTLE FACES, YOU FUCK!" he screamed at the unsuspecting driver through the window.
"Holy shit, please don't kill me, I have a husband and two adopted Chinese babies on the way!" the poor terrified ice cream vendor cried.
Soon Ben-Bens had as much ice-screamy goodness that his thin, blue, freaky-clawed alien-lizard arms could handle. He raced back and dumped it all before the wobbling, pale, hairy knees of his now silently tearing enemy.
"Ooh, one that looks like Sonic the Hedgehog!" Dr. Waaanimo said like an easily distracted two year old and went for the frozen treat.
That was when Ben punched him in the fucking head, knocking him out cold alongside his actually dead bunny. HA HA, WHAT A LIAR!
"Fucking freak!" Ben turned back into a human-slash-cat-boy and kicked his enemy's outstretched leg. "Somebody call the police so this creepy old fuck doesn't show back up two pages later."
Gwen fell out of the tree, having been accosted by a family of squirrels when she tried to suck on some of their nuts. And they're not the nuts you're thinking of.
OR ARE THEY?
It depends on which nuts you were thinking of. Wink!
Back to the story, A WILD ROJO APPEARED!
With no real explanation, because who the fuck needs that in a fan fiction?
"TOUGH CHICK BIKER FETISH!" she yelled.
She ran over Ben with her hot ass motorcycle. Ben let out a squealing noise not unlike a horde of fanboys who had just heard their favorite comic hero was receiving a race lift in an upcoming film.
"What are you doing here, you weird ugly lady?" Gwen demanded.
"How the fuck should I know?" Rojo retorted, revving her engine and scaring all the old folks within the park who were feeding bread to little birdies and remember how awesome the Depression was.
"Well, if you're here I suppose you want to kill my doofus cousin or something, right?"
"Not really."
"Well than what will you do?"
"I dunno. Hows about I kidnap you and have forceful pedophiliac lesbian intercourse scenes with you?"
Gwen gasped. On one hand, that was fucking gross. On the other hand, that was hot as fuck. Her ovaries regrew.
"Help, Ben, I'm being kidnapped by a really butch lesbian who the straight men can't fetishize properly enough to care about!" Gwen yelled as she was hoisted onto the bitch seat of the bike and driven away into the sunset.
But Ben was too busy jacking off with his tail, which he had found to be quite the erogenous zone.
"Maybe being a cat-boy isn't so bad after all!" he moaned heavily. "I wonder if my ears are this sensitive too." He reached up and touched them lightly. AND HE JIZZED IN HIS PANTS. "Oh, GAWD! They're so sensitive!"
Ben fell to the earth and quivered sexily.
Maybe he didn't need endless harems of bitches to be happy. Maybe all he really needed was a little alone time. And a kawaii bell on a leather neck strap.
"Hey, Benji. You're looking kawaii as fuck, aren't you?"
Shit. He recognized that voice too well.
"Kevin!" Ben yelled as he sat up. He blushed furiously while zipping up his pants.
Homoerotic tension was thick in the air. Like a flavorful cheese spread. You could practically sloop it with a knife and spread it all over some brioche.
Mmm, mmm. Tasty.
"You're such a pussy, Blen," Kevin said coldly. "If I was the main character in this show it would have had eleven seasons by now. And none of them would have sucked rancid dicks like the successor sequels."
"NO U!" Ben screamed, hurling himself at the object of his rage and secretly desperate future latent homosexual urges.
They met head-on and began to fight, tumbling down the grassy embankment, where they ended up sweaty and spent by a lake side.
"Did we just fuck?" Ben groaned.
"No, you fucking pedo-pedophile," Kevin informed him before punching the fuck out of his flawless baby face.
Ben fell into the water. He took the time to change into RIPJAWS: THE REVENGE and swim away. Not at all like a pussy. It was a purely tactical maneuver.
"I'll get you next time, Tennyson! Next time!" Kevin yelled, before a mob of his Astral Plane Wives rushed him and began to tear off his clothes. And his delicious, savory flesh.
BACK AT THE RUSTED BUCKET
Ben dragged his soaking wet ass to the door of the RV and sighed heavily with the exhaustion of his excruciatingly fucked up day.
"This day started out so nice. What the fuck happened?" he lamented. He opened the door.
A familiar scent invaded his nostrils. Fetid and rank, it was. He knew it well.
It was the scent of DIRTY, DIRTY, UNSPEAKABLE SEXUAL DEVIANCY!
"Gwen?" Ben shouted into the darkened space.
He ran to the bedding areas and found Gwen and his Grandpa locked in an abominable embrace. They were nekkid.
Ben balked. His eyes blinked repeatedly.
"You-You-YOU! YOU FUCKERS!"
Gwen pulled her tongue out of Gramp's beer-soaked orifice. "Ben! You're back? I figured you'd be fighting more criminal thugs! I-I swear, this isn't what you think!"
"Yeah, I'm totally not fucking your underaged cousin, I swear," said Grandpa Wacks. "My dick has been in my hand the whole time."
Ben stomped his foot and let out a maddening shriek.
"I WANT MY OLD DICK BACK!"
He turned around, crying furiously, and ran to hunt down and torture Dr. Furfrag McDickstealer until he repaired his biology back to that of a glorious cishet white boy.
But, alas, Doc Shit-Dickins had been collected by the local authorities not seventeen minutes prior to his arrival.
"God fucking DAMN it," Ben grunted. "I must catch that police car!" He viewed it a few blocks in the distance, heading toward the station, wherever that was. "Time is of the essence! I mustn't tarry!"
He ran his tongue over the hot button of his precious Omniclit, teasing it just so, that it might give him the desired alien of choice for once and not a useless piece of shit alien that he would be forced to adapt to on the fly.
He turned into GAY BIG!
"Allllllll riiiiiiiiiiiight!"
After breaking into a victory dance that leveled half the block, he jogged merrily in pursuit of the police car containing his most annoying recurring enemy, aside from his not-quite soulmate, Vilgax.
"I'M GOING TO STOMP THE PISS OUT OF YOU, DOCTOR DANIMALS!" Gay Big asserted. He had a sudden powerful craving for drinkable yogurt.
Stay tuned for the next installment of crude parodismal fuckery to come.