This is it guys. This is super short, but it didn't feel right not to include it. I'm feeling inspired, so I'm going straight to the epilogue right now, and that'll be up in the next couple days.

I don't have a lot to say other than TISSUE WARNING and I'm sorry! I love you all for sticking with my through this emotional train wreck.

Also, once I finish Falling to Pieces I was considering taking on another movie/book/whatever... I've had a couple requests for both the Notebook and If I Stay... does anyone have a preference/another suggestion? I can tell you that if I do the Notebook I should warn you I've only seen the movie, and that it will also be different haha. Parts of the Notebook piss me off. Okay tell me your thoughts.

AND AGAIN I'M SO SORRY FOR THIS.

Chapter 22

October

He blinked open his heavy eye lids, looking around the room with his bleary eyes. He didn't know what was wrong today, but his vision was blurring in and out. Something had roused him from his stupor, but he wasn't sure what it was.

He tensed as soft fingers danced along his arm, but as soon as he realized that it was just Spencer he relaxed. He tilted his head in her direction, not having the energy for more. "You okay?" He rasped, his throat feeling raw.

She didn't answer him. She brought his hand to her lips, brushing a soft kiss over each of his knuckles. "Are you?"

"I am now," he murmured, brushing his thumb over the back of her hand. It didn't really matter how he was feeling physically. She didn't need to know the details. She didn't need to know about the nausea churning in his stomach. She didn't need to know how difficult it was for him to keep his eyes open or the vision dancing along the edges of his vision. All she needed to know was that her presence made it all seem less painful. "What time is it?" He whispered, suddenly struck by the unknown. He didn't know what time it was, or even the date.

"It's around 6," she said softly, sliding down the mattress, resting her head on the same pillow as his. She brought their intertwined hands between them and absentmindedly played with her fingers.

She was giving off an uneasy vibe, and he didn't know where it was coming from until a flash of lightning lit up the sky, illuminating the fear on her face. "Spence," he whispered, trying to smile comfortingly but not quite being able to manage it. "It's just a storm."

"I know," she matched his quiet tone and hid her face in his shoulder. "I know it's irrational, but-"

It took all the strength he had to even turn his face into her hair. He brushed his lips across her hair, hopefully comforting her in the same way her presence, her scent, was comforting him. "You don't have to explain yourself to me, Spencer," he breathed into her hair.

Thunder crashed through the silence before she had a chance to answer, causing her to flinch against him. He wished he could hold her like he used too. She didn't admit to fear often, but thunderstorms always did it for her; and it wasn't irrational like she claimed. It was human nature to make associations, especially when it came to someone as logical as Spencer. "Everything will be fine," he soothed, brushing out a circle on the back of her hand. He wasn't talking about the storm anymore.

"No it won't," she muttered, her words muffled by his skin.

His heart clenched, and he summoned up all the strength that he had left to lift his other hand to the back of her head, gently running his fingers through her silky locks. "You're so strong, Spencer," he whispered. "You're the strongest person that I've ever met, and I promise that you'll get through this." This was a conversation that was a long time coming, but the only way either of them could talk about it was under the guise of something else. Because they could deny it all they wanted, the end was coming for him. He didn't have long left, but how was he supposed to let go before he knew she'd be okay? How could he leave her to fend for herself? How could he let her endure the heartbreak alone?

"How?" Her voice cracked. Lightning lit up the room again, but she couldn't have seen it with her face hidden in him. He brushed through her hair as her grip tightened on his fingers.

He had no idea. Was losing the love of your life something that you could come back from? He didn't know, but for her sake he certainly hoped that it was. "It'll hurt worse than anything for a long time. I wish it wouldn't, but I don't want to lie to you. The pain will probably be overwhelming for awhile. But then one day you'll wake up and find that it's a little easier, that maybe you have something to live for. Maybe everything will be okay. You'll have good days and bad days and okay days. Maybe it'll get worse before it gets better, but it will get better. You'll find a reason to survive."

There was no pretending anymore. He could feel her crying, but he pretended that he couldn't. He just stroked her hair, providing the only comfort that he could. "You have to be brave, Spencer," he whispered, some of his own tears escaping, distorting his already blurry vision. "But you can do it, I know you can." He wasn't lying. He knew that she could do it, but that didn't make the pain of hurting her any less poignant. "You're shaking," he added, wishing that he could grab her a blanket. "Are you cold?"

She laughed tearfully. It made him smile tiredly. He didn't know what he said that was so funny, but it didn't matter. She shouldn't be sad. She pulled away, just looking at him for a second before ducking down and kissing him softly. He responded as well as he could. "Spencer," he murmured against her lips.

She pulled away, and he used the opportunity to shakily wipe the tears from her cheeks. "It's time for your medicine," she said softly, her lips lingering against his forehead. "Will you be alright while I go grab it?"

Her brown eyes glinted with love, even through the sheen of tears. He loved her. He loved her. All he wanted to do was live a quiet life with the girl that he loved, but it didn't look like he was going to get that. Throughout most of this he had been focused on what this would do to Spencer, and that was still his priority. But for the first time in awhile he was feeling bad for himself. Hadn't he suffered enough what with his indifferent family, Jenna's reign of terror, and the loss of his mother? Hadn't he reached his life time allotment of suffering? Wasn't there a bad person that this could be happening too? Because he wasn't under any allusions that he was a good person or that he deserved any special treatment, but he certainly wasn't the worst. He tried to do good. He tried not to hurt anyone. Why was he the one that this was happening to? What had he done to deserve this?

But even as the thoughts entered his mind he knew that he didn't really think that. He wouldn't wish this kind of suffering on anyone. And he knew that it didn't work like that, but God, he would rather live a thousand lifetimes of this pain than to see Spencer go through it. So if it had to be one of the two of them, he was so glad that it was him.

He just nodded at Spencer's question, slowly bobbing his head up and down a single time. "Wait," he rasped, brushing his fingers over her wrist before she could leave. She looked down at him with expectant eyes. He smiled at her, his eyes feeling so heavy. It was like there was a weight attached to his eyelashes. "You're so beautiful," he muttered. "So beautiful."

She laughed, but it didn't reach her eyes. She brushed his hair back with her hand and pressed her lips to his forehead. "You're delirious," she giggled.

"So beautiful," he murmured. "Love you." He blinked his eyes shut, and didn't open them again. He was just so tired.

"I love you too." Maybe she wasn't whispering, but it sounded like her voice was coming from the end of a long tunnel. "Toby, hold on you need to take your medicine first."

He felt her hand grab his, but he couldn't make his fingers work. He couldn't open his eyes if he tried. He would have to take his medicine later.

His breathing slowed as the world faded into a warm and comforting black.