Author's Note: WHY DOES THIS STORY HAVE 30 REVIEWS 14 FAVES AND 6 FOLLOWS
Late responses to crap I don't even care about but will now acknowledge anyway because it's been a recurring theme to do so.
Bucket o' Ninjas
I'm trying to find the racism part, but I keep missing it.
It's there if you imagine it hard enough. DOMO ARIGATO!
Fuckload of Shit
This story is absolutely awful, and I love it.
TOTES AWESOME, DUDE
badass
this story needs only one thing... JAKE! FROM STATE FARM!
WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?
Fuckshit of Load
Ah, you did the thing. The thing with the moron who does the other thing, only worse, and completely serious. I like it! Continue, pl0x.
Yeah, she's fucking terrible and will never go away. And now she's onto us thanks to the awesome smackdown parody storm from a one Miss Pantaloons and back to writing her snippy summary notes of DON'T LIKE DON'T READ YOU DUMB JEALOUS HATERS, fucking lol. I knew that would happen. It's so predictable.
She blocks everyone from giving her negativity in the form of HARSH TRUTHFULNESS then yells at them once they can't possibly respond to anything but anons that can be easily deleted. Like every annoying weeaboo brat who ever existed and polluted fandom with their incessant personal masturbatory poots which they constantly claim to be TOTES CANON.
Yah, OK, whatever. Moving on.
Pisses
You are one fucked up individual. Its because of you that people play the race card and we got stuck with and asshole for our president. I'm saying that because he's democratic, not black. Prejudice? Yes. Racist? NO!
LOL, WHAT? I can't even begin to understand this or if you're counter-trolling me for the laughs. But since you use keywords like "race card" I'm going to assume you're totally a legit random right-wing racist weirdo who showed up out of the blue to scream irrelevant nonsense. THANKS, OBAMA!
Lexi
I don't know what's going on in either your reviews or your story, but I'm laughing at it nonetheless.
THAT'S OK BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON EITHER! It's funny anyway tho.
I'm Not Wearing Any Pants
Will there be a next time? I hope there will be.
There wasn't going to be. But now there is. REJOICE!
BKDFHGDFHGAODRJO
FINISH THE STORY PL0X
I AM, NOW SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN
Ben 10's Hottest Summer Ever (Now with probably less hotness)
Chapter 9: And you won't go nowhere
A long time ago, in a Benniverse far, far away!
Or whatever, it's been a few months and a whole new year has arrived and I don't even care.
TIME FOR REBOOTED FRESH START OF CONTINUITY.
We are now in Omniverse timeline. Everyone who followed for the brief AF timeline in the last chapter can back-button harder than Taydenite.
"Wait, what the hell was I doing?" Ben looked around, here and there, and every which where. The canon was nowhere to be found. Neither was rationale. He panicked. "OH GOD, I'M IN A STUPID NONSENSICAL M-RATED PARODY!"
He threw his head back, letting out a deafening scream of anguish.
"And the writer still can't write decently enough to do anything but derangedly fucked up sexual parodies and will never contribute anything worthwhile to the section's offerings. Also they're totes not funny."
Ha ha, depreciation based humor.
"Hey, what the fuck about me?" the not quite forgotten Moldywarp from the last chapter demanded. "I was gonna get a big part as the secret awesome villain whom nobody expected!" He let out an explosive bout of insane laughter and danced from one foot to the other. "I was voiced by Paul Eiding! He was in the Toxic Avengers cartoon. Anyone remember that one?" He stopped dancing. "Yeah, me neither."
"Shut up, you annoying piece of shit." Ben shot him. In the face. With his laser. Because nothing in this story has made sense so nothing needs to start making sense. Right?
"OF COURSE!" yelled M. Bison, as played by the late, great Raúl Juliá.
"I could have turned into Humungousnore and stepped on him, you know," Ben admitted. "And, hey, we all didn't explode in that huge ass explosion that happened at the end of the last chapter. Thanks, immediate situational parody based retcons!"
You're welcome, said the narration, seconds before dropping a fucking armored truck on his head.
"AAAAAAAAAAWWWW WHAT THE FUCK MAN," Ben screamedly yelped. "God damn it. I knew better than to trust a troll!"
Hee hee hee hee! You bet your adorably bastardly ass, you do.
"Dude, can't we just like ever go on a gen fic episode?" Gwen suddenly appeared in the story, with no build up to where she had come from.
So did Grandpa Max. They were now in one of the awesome but highly underused Omniverse retro series flashbacks.
"Oh no, my dick got short again," Ben lamented. "And what the fuck is wrong with my nose?" He touched the pudgy little knob that had become his sniffer. He felt his face. "WHOA, WHY IS MY MOUTH SO COMICALLY HUGE?"
"It's fitting," Gwen said, in her usual snooty voice. What a bitch, right? Hahahahaha NO FUCK OFF, ASSHOLE. I love Gwen's attitude with all my heart. Kiss my ass. "Doofus and such." She waved her hand dismissively.
"Are we gonna do something interesting, or what?" Ben shrugged casually.
"I dunno. Can it not involve disturbing amounts of derisive fetish porn for once?" asked Grandpa Max.
"MAYBE!" Gwen and Ben cheered with the utmost hopefulness.
They all jumped into the sweat-scented confines of the Rustbucket and went off on an adventure that supposedly happened in the original series but didn't because it was newly invented for that particular continuity.
"And everyone looks way more anime looking," Ben said.
The 'bucket hit a bump and threw him into the dashboard.
"OW!"
Big anime teardrop ball things hung from his eyes.
"Yeah, because we didn't get enough of that from Teen Titans," Gwen remarked with arms folded tightly.
"Hey, at least it's not Teen Titans Go," said Ben.
Grandpa Max let go of the steering wheel long enough to slap Ben across the face, his own face contorted in the most violent of snarly, vein-poppingly mad angry faces.
"DON'T YOU EVER MENTION THAT SHOW IN THIS VICINITY!"
Ben held his red, throbbing, tender flesh. Get your minds out of the gutter, sickos. "Ow! I'm sorry, Grandpa!"
Ha, just kidding. I don't actually hate that show. But I can't say I care much about it either.
Gramps grabbed the wheel before they skidded off-road.
"So where are we going?" Gwen asked while pulling out her trusty laptop. She began tapping on it randomly, producing gibberish within the open Wordpad, hoping no one would close up on it and reveal that fact. "Damn it," she muttered under her breath. She went to TV Tropes, looking for something constructive to do.
"I have no idea. The author hasn't decided on that yet. Or any coherent aspect of a plot, for that matter," Grandpa said.
"It's hard to come up with an idea that's actually close to a plausible episode of canon, which expands upon it in a thoughtful and rational way, and not just some boring as shit, egotistic personal masturbation fantasy filled out of character nonsensical bullshit tripe." Ben thought it over for a moment. "But, actually, it's probably not and everyone else is being a lazy, selfish fuck who only cares about their shallow aesthetic attachments to one or more white characters whom they choose to ship aggressively to the point of attacking other fans who don't care for their off-the-wall fucked up personal headcanons."
Gwen slapped him in the face.
"OW! What the fuck, Gwen?" Ben rubbed his cute little face's new throbbing red spot.
"Oh, sorry. I thought we were doing a thing." She shrugged innocently before going back to reblogging sexy Sumo Slammers porno fanart on Tumblr.
Short after, they happened upon an original female character in some distress.
"MARY-SUE!" Ben yelled while pointing furiously. "MARY-SUE! She's totally a Mary-Sue, you can tell right off the bat. She's got pink hair. That's totally not normal for our universe."
"Oh, Ben, you stupid pile of penis-wielding shit," Gwen raged at him. "Not every character is automatically a Mary-Sue. Let's see how she behaves and what she contributes overall to the hopefully upcoming plot."
Grandpa stopped the RV and opened the door, wearing a friendly old person smile. "Hey little lady. What are you doing here along the roadside so late at night, all by yourself?"
The mysterious figure displayed a smile, did a curtsey in her lacy white dress with matching gold trim, then opened her mouth and in a obnoxiously high pitched voice like nails on a chalkboard made out of air horns, declared:
"MY NAME IS BENDOLYNN MARIE TENNYSON AND I'M YOUR LONG LOST COUSIN. ALSO I AM A HUMAN-ALIEN HYBRID AND MY DAD IS SECRETLY VILGAX BUT I SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD YOU THAT RIGHT AWAY UNTIL I SECRETLY REVEALED IT LATER ON AFTER GAINING AUDIENCE SYMPATHY POINTS FROM MY TRAGIC BACKSTORY FILLED EMOTIONALLY SCARRED PAST. ALSO I AM PROBABLY GONNA TRY AND KILL YOU BECAUSE I'M A SLEEPER AGENT, OR LIKE VILGAX IS GONNA COME DOWN AND TRY TO KIDNAP ME AND YOU WILL RESCUE ME BECAUSE YOU HAVE FALLEN MADLY IN LOVE WITH MY AWESOME CUTENESS."
Ben made a sly face at Gwen, who epically face-palmed while grimacing for daring to not assume recurrent fandom standards.
"You were saying, Gwen?" he sneered.
"Spare me," she countered. She buried her face in her laptop.
"Well, then. Guess you'll be joining us on our trip," Grandpa Max said. He ushered her inside and closed the door behind her.
She took a seat next to Ben, smiling widely with her freakishly perfect, sparklingly white teeth. "HI, SOON TO BE BOYFRIEND." She fluttered her little eyelashes at him.
Ben began to choke on his own bile. "Go to the next chapter, please!"
And so the chapter ended on that hilarious note.