So—lately wondering around the old fanfiction hood because I have found myself randomly and also securely immersed in another fandom – its been helping me cope with my latest real life thinkings – you forget how distracting fanfiction is until you start again, right? Anyways, as I'm reading, I'm constantly disturbed that I left more than one fic open ended. I don't remember any of my plot points, or what I planned (honestly I can't even find half the stuff I wrote online and its been deleted from my computer for years now). The least I decided I can do (if anyone is still out there) is finish this story best I can. Bare with me, my writing is at best rusty.

Just as a side note – I started writing this story when I was actually in high school… Suffix to say, I've changed a but since then and I decided in retrospect I can change whatever I want in the story too. I realized if I am committed to this, I've gotta revise a ton a ton. So I'm changing this up a bit, changing the timeline too. I'm confusing myself as well (so if you are confused, its not you!). Anyways, what I'm trying to say is I'm moving everything up an entire year (and its not because I'm lazy but I can handle 17/18, 16 just seems to young to me now!). So Angel and Buffy are finishing 11th grade (and I'm changing it years instead of grades aka Sixth Year), and I decided that in Fifth Year Angel spent the whole year trying to get Buffy to go out with him and in Sixth Year grade she complied but it was a secret for a while. Oh and they go to boarding school now (its just all easier for me this way, I went to boarding school it just makes more sense in my head; like I said bare with me). Right now, anyways, we are in the aftermath of all that drama. I promise all this will become clear if I stay consistent to my promise, anyways I figure fluff is better than angst.

So without further ado:

Finishing Sixth Year should be considered a major accomplishment. Not that anyone considered finishing Sixth Year actually considered it to be a major accomplishment – everyone thinks that Sixth Year is just the calm before the storm of Seventh Year. Okay, its decided, when I finish Seventh Year I will test my assessment of accomplishments but until then Sixth grade has been the biggest whirlwind and exciting year of my life.

I, Buffy Summer, have completed the Sixth Year of my studies with a gorgeous and devoted boyfriend without turning into a slag, thank you very much.

I, Buffy Summer, have completed the Sixth Year of my studies by getting almost all B's on my report card, only 2 C's – horray for me!

I, Buffy Summer, have completed the Sixth Year of my studies joining not 1, not 2, but 3 clubs including debate team (this may or may not be because I was following above mentioned boyfriend).

Nonetheless, I applaud myself on the success of this term and hopefully many future to come by. And now I prepare for the upcoming annual end of the year party taking place before I say bon voyage for the summer to all my friends as I go off to tour across the sites of Europe with my parents. That's right, Buffy Summer's is about to become cultured, y'all. Paris, Rome, whatever else is out there I will dominate with my American feminism. That's right, I have also become a feminist I decided (not that I am quite clear what that entails but it feels right to get that out there somehow, people should get used to the idea – Buffy Summers takes no prisoners).

I stare into the mirror in my dormitory as I layer mascara onto my eyes and consider maybe feminist shouldn't be putting on make-up? Well, Taylor Swift does, I guess I can too… I start applying my red lips when my boyfriend appears in the reflection.

"Angel!" I whip around in surprise and push my neck up for that obligatory kiss, which he deepened considerably. "What are you doing here?" after that kiss it came out more shaky then intended. "Boys aren't allowed in here!"

He rolled his eyes at me pointedly and I blushed thinking of all the times he had sneaked me into the boy's dormitory. He shrugged his shoulders as laid himself onto my bed and popped his head on hands as he leaned against his elbows. "Can't a fella miss his girlfriend?"

I smiled happily at his relaxed word of 'girlfriend.' And I knew that even though he pretended to be nonchalant I could hear the suppressed roar of happiness in his words. Meanwhile I looked at him suspiciously. "Not when we saw each other two hours ago…"

"Buffy," he said seriously and my insiders fluttered. He looked at me like the end all of the world and it made my heart pound a bit more furiously than necessary. "I missed you. Please excuse me if I wanted to spend our departing days together instead of being bored listening to Spike explain to me once again how he shagged Faith in our History classroom."

I laughed out loud and looked over at him and suddenly seeing laying across my bed, the dormitory looked extraordinarily small and my breath hitched in my throat as he came over to me again and kneeled down to kiss me and this time I couldn't help but wrap my arms around his neck.

"A-ha!" I declared as I got up and scooted on top of him so he could pick me up and lead me over to the bed. "You just came to hide from your overbearing yet charming roommates. How considerate of you."

"Buffy," he said as his lips came nearer to mine. "Shut up."

"Make-" me. But I didn't need to say the last part because he most certainly did. His lips closed over mine and I couldn't help the little sigh that escaped my lips. I don't think I would ever get used to the way his hands roamed my body and how his legs would twist into mine. He rolled over so he was on top of me and I allowed my hands to wander his body, tracing the lines of his back as my hands reached where his body and shirt meet. My hands traced the hard lines of the inside of his back as his hands tightened on my waist, his lips scorching a trail along my neck as he thrust lightly against my leg.

Now, I know what you all are thinking – Buffy is a slag – well I'm not. Yes, me and Angel have reached very far parts into the world of intimacy (his hands have been down my pants, mine done his) but the shagging part have remained untouched.

Not that I don't think about it. Because I do. But every time I get a little more naked, or too naked my heart freaks the f out and I sort of maybe, run away. Casual, right?

The running away part actually happened: I had been considerably high on life and our school had just won the football championship, and our common room of the dormitory was celebrating madly, with banners and sparklers shooting up every few minutes, with beverages (the drunk kind) roaming freely. I was drunk, deliriously in love after dancing with Angel all night, and flustered considerably because he had spent a considerable amount of time necking on the couch in front of his friends (ignoring the catcalls obviously) – he had carried me past his friends into his dormitory and it had felt so liberating snogging him in front of everyone, not caring who knew and knowing it was okay because he was all mine anyways.

We sunk against his bed as Angel hovered over me. He started his usual moves across my neck, collarbone, pulling up my dress that would leave me in only my barely there underwear. He pulled those down with his teeth and than the next thing I knew I was completely naked, and he was pulling off his own shirt, and even though Angel looked damn fine without a shirt my breathes were coming out more haggard, more nervous and the only though coursing through my brains was: I'm not ready for this, I'm not ready for this. He started to move between my thighs and that's when I completely panicked and ran out of his room, down the stairs but not feeling up to going back into the common room so staying idly by the stairs allowing the tears to filter past my eyelids.

I was drunk and hysterical, not a good combination. I didn't have to wait in the hallway long because Angel came chasing me (a little less drunk, and obviously much more smarter, still shirtless though and looking completely distraught).

"Buffy, stop, where are you going?" He demanded as he finally caught up to me and grabbed hold of my hand.

"Leave me alone! Away from you, I need space," I said incoherently as I tried to push him away unsuccessfully because he only gripped me tighter and brought me closer to his warm body.

"Hey," he said, pushing my disarray of hair out of my face and wiping my eyes from the steady stream of hysterical, drunk girl-sobbing occurring. "What's the matter?"

I shook my head and looked down but he grabbed my chin to make me look up at him before wrapping his hands securely around my waist and kissed my forehead gently. His eyes were so endearing that I hugged him close to me and sobbed soundly into his bare chest, not exactly sure what I was even crying about.

"What happened?" he asked me much later as we laid in the light glow of his room listening to his roommates snore lightly. He had tenderly helped me remove my dress, touching me softly as he pulled one of his oversized shirts over my arms, tracing the lines of my waist before kissing on my head. He got into bed himself, boxers and shirt in place.

I made a circle on his chest and ignored the ramming of my heart as I looked up at him, squeezing his chest and kissing his heart. "It was all too much suddenly… the whole sex thing."

He nodded, kissing my head before saying slowly, "I never-"

"I know," I said simply. "I just wasn't myself tonight. I just… don't think I'm ready for it. I thought, maybe… I don't know but everything, it all just seemed so fast suddenly. And everything with you has been so fast that I think my brain just, just overflowed."

His movements paused but he didn't let go even though I felt him instantly tense up. I reached out to his forehead to erase the frowning lines that were starting to appear and kissed him between his eyes looking down at him. "I don't feel any sort of pressure from you, but lately the idea… I don't know when it had happened but suddenly the entire thing scared me. I know I want to be with you but once it happens you can never take it back and I just want it to be special, is all."

Angel remained silent and then muttered, "You've been spending too much time with Faith. All she does is talk about shagging."

I laughed lightly because she did only talk about shagging. "I know you would never… It's just I have been talking to Faith and she was going on and on about her sex life, and how wonderful it all is and I started to think maybe you weren't satisfied? But even if you weren't, I was coming to realize that I wouldn't be able to satisfy you even if I wanted too."

I couldn't look at him when I said this but immediately he shook me determinedly, "Buffy, all you have to do is look at me and I feel everything."

His simple words spread over me, sparkling their way to the top of my face that formed an earth shattering smile only for him that made him bring me closer, kissing me at the crook of my shoulder. "You have to understand, Buffy, everything you do, it's like – you touch me and I can't focus because all I can think about is how I have to get you alone, you look at me and it's like every despair, every sad thought is wiped away because your presence makes my daily life lighter and happier. You're my everything." His last word was whispered but I heard it all the same and came up and kissed him lightly. "You're everything I have ever wanted since I laid eyes on you. I may not have always known or understood it but I have you now. I'm never going to let you go."

I couldn't take it, I kissed him and hard. His hands held onto me snuggly, trailing slowly to my waist and not moving any further down. I couldn't say the same thing to him in words, not that I didn't mean them but I was a little more lost in my feelings for him. We kissed the rest of the night and through heady breaths and small touches it felt like a dome had surrounded us by Angel's soft but determined words.

Everything with Angel had occurred so fast. It was like one day we couldn't stand each other, the next we were together and the forever kind of together. And I was grateful we found each other, grateful to have him in my arms but it was like my brain and heart hadn't caught up to each other when I found myself doing actions I wasn't really comprehending inside.

And though I knew Angel was the one, I knew it and could feel it I still couldn't help how young I felt. I wanted to be loved, and be kissed like I was in love, and it felt like I was falling in love with him. But it was dizzying, and everything was happening without breathing, without thinking and one day I woke up not having a complete grapple of my emotions.

But I believed all his words and I knew in time, when the idea made me less panicked I would eventually return his sentiment but I couldn't seem to comprehend them as smartly as he appeared to understand his own feelings. Than again, I seemed to be one step behind Angel when it came to us, and I chuckled in the inside and thanked my lucky stars that he had chased me for as long as he had.

That morning after the running away incident, we made our way downstairs to join our friends for breakfast, but before we entered the cafeteria I pulled him aside and kissed his neck.

"Summers, if all you wanted to do was snog we could have stayed in the dormitory," Angel murmured as he brought his lips to meet mine. I kissed him firmly, our bodies melding into each other and I felt his imprint at my waist and my body began to zing at the familiar feels that only Angel had ever brought to my body.

"Angel," I sighed when he let go and I brought my hands up to his chest. "You're my last, first, only you know that right?"

He looked down at me a bit perplexed, a lax smile reaching his lips. "What do you mean?"

"When I look into the future, all I see is you, all I want is you," I whispered and his hand became steadfast on my waist as he captured my lips and brought out bodies once more together, sharing heady kisses in front of an old dinner. He trailed a path down my neck but I needed this to stop because I knew what I needed to say.

I pushed against his chest and he moaned reproachfully but I stayed unwavering. "This, us – its moving so fast that when things like last night happen it's almost like I can't breath. And already most of the time I feel like I can't breathe when I'm around you." I swallowed harshly. "I just think, we need to move backwards so we can move forward, you know what I mean?"

I pursed my lips at him before looking down, to afraid to see his bewilderment, or worse his disappointment; and he didn't say anything for a long time before I felt his hand reach out to my chin to once more meet his eyes.

"How far back in time?"

"Just far enough were I don't feel like I'm just saying something to say it, or doing something to say I have done it. I want to mean it with you because this is it for me. And I know this is it for you and I want it to happen right, and not because all we had before was sneaking around."

His eyes were confused, and I could tell I had wounded him even though wanted to hide it. "So, what does that mean, can I still touch you?"

I bit my lip and considered before nodding, "Just not as intimately, maybe starting with just over the shirt holding, okay? Get to under the shirt slowly."

He didn't say anything but I could feel his disappointment and it made me yearn to make it go away but I was doing this for me, and more importantly for us. For so long I felt like I was playing a game with Angel. Trying to get him to be my boyfriend, getting him to say he loves me, than becoming the most experienced and intimate couple. The ideas and fastness was overbearing and more importantly, we wouldn't have any more firsts if we did them all in the span of a few months. Angel was my future, I could feel it in the depth of my bones because when he touched me everything else disappeared. I didn't care how young I was to find it this early but when he would be sitting across the library studying and he would chew the top of his pencil, I pinned to comb my fingers through his hair, and when he would sit and explain to me for hours the steps of math equations. Everything about his touch, and his look and even down to his chocolate and rusty smell made me hunger to be with.

I wanted to be with him but it couldn't start out like this. It had to be more natural, more composing than two teenage kids shagging in a classroom because all their friends were doing it too.

"I don't really understand, but I love you."

"That's another thing," I said quietly and that's were the guilt sprung.

"What?" he said, slightly aghast.

"I mean, Angel, I obviously – it's just," the words tumbling against my mouth and I swallowed to compose myself. "I feel like sometimes I'm saying it because its common curtsey and when I said it at first I meant it."

"At first?" he demanded.

"That's not what I meant," I said and hit him over the head.

"How am I supposed to know, this whole thing is confusing the hell out of me, Buffy. First you have your hands all over me and now your telling me I can't even say 'I love you' anymore!"

I grabbed a hold of him and leveled him so that he had no choice but to look at me. "Angel I just told you that you are my only future. There is no else for me, don't you get it?"

He nodded slowly, "And for me too, Buffy, that's why I don't understand-"

"But that's exactly it, when we say things and you touch me it doesn't feel right anymore. It feels… I can't quite explain it but it just feels like an out of body experience, almost like I'm watching from the sidelines not actually being in the moment and I want to be in all the moments. When you touch me, I want to feel it and know that I was ready for it and when you said 'I love you' I just- I need to know in the pits of my soul that its more than just words."

"But they are more than just words!"

I didn't say anything else because I didn't know what else to say. He could break up with me but just the thought made me tremble to my very core. I had become so dependent on him I couldn't imagine a day without him in it anymore. Tears sprung to my eyes and I shrugged at him, letting go.

"I don't know what else to tell you," I whispered. "I'm just not ready for all this."

"You're not ready for us?"

I looked up at him and my eyes shined bright from tears and shook my head. "I want you, I want to be with you but I don't know how to do that with the way we have been going, is all. We started off strong right away because that's all we had, these stolen, hushed moments and it was like in those moments we had to go fast because it was all we had but now look, we have all this time. We can take our time now. I don't know how else to explain it you, Angel," and wrapping my hands around my body, I added as an afterthought, "You can break up with me if you like."

I looked down then, not really sure what to expect but I heard him laugh harshly before coming up to him and bringing my body close. "I don't get it, Buffy. Truly. But I'm pretty sure you couldn't chainsaw me away from you. I didn't spend all of Fifth Year beginning you to go out with me and Sixth Year sneaking off with you so it could dump you because of this."

I giggled lightly in my tears and he brought my chin up to look at him. "I'll be quite honest with you, Buffy. I love you more than I think you can bare but I'll contain it until you are comfortable."

I bit my lip and just snogged him on the spot because he just constantly knew how to make my heart burst. How could I have ever not wanted to date him? Granted, he had been such a prat back then.

Not that much changed, and though he moped around for a few days to the point were Doyle asked me point blank what I did to him, even Angel started to realize that not that much changed expect we snogged a lot more with clothes on.

And honestly, it was a lot more fun that way for me. We could take our time now and appreciate the journey that would eventually lead us to the day when we would shag; but until then I liked the little puffs Angel would make when he was forced to release me out of fear of losing control and even more when his hands would just lightly graze my skin underneath my shirt without moving towards my chest as it sent butterflies and zings all up and down my body to the point where even now my toes would curl up in gratification.

Of course, we had our days when we would slip like when our House won the Football championship and we celebrated into the night, and just that night we got a little (a lot) giddy and his hands roamed underneath my shirt, and his came off completely while we totally dry humped each other. It was satisfying but when the morning came even Angel understood what it meant to take things slowly because when he kissed me, he took his time luxuriously rather than the urgency of the previous night.

And that's what it all came down to in the end, learning to take our time and not just jump into adulthood before we couldn't have back any of it. We didn't have the world on our shoulders, we weren't facing the apocalypse or war, we were just little Buffy and Angel sharing a few stolen moments in between classes. Life was so much better in cruise rather than pressing the gas because even though going fast was fun sometimes, it gets a bit risky.

Angel remained respectful during the whole tado even though I know some days 'I love you' was on the tip of his tongue and I could feel it brimming inside of him. I don't doubt it for a second, and some days he even slips (like when I reacted way to happily to when he bought me a new hat with a heart on it or when we laid silently in bed together after a long day of studying). But for the most part he gives me the space I need and slowly my heart has been reaching the breaking point, where in the last week I woke up being so in love, so obsessed and so oversensitive to his touch that I knew my plan was heading in the right direction.

I want him. And I need him. And decided to do something about it tonight.

Okay, okay, now, don't get me wrong. We aren't going to be shagging at some random end of the year party, or anytime in the future I decided. I also decided when I intend to tell him 'I love him' again it would be because we need it, not because we want it. That's what love was, I began to understand the last few months. Actions that we needed, and even though we may have wanted something it didn't really mean that it was necessary. But there are a lot of other things you can do that don't involve shagging.

So when we were making out on my bed, his hands learned to stay just above my waist though lately it began to roam just under my shirt, which I found completely and totally acceptable – we had both gotten to that stage already.

He sighed as he let me go and started tracing little nothings into my back and I smiled at him.

"I guess I need to finish getting ready," I said softly into his chest to no response, and suddenly grateful my roommates seemed to disappear. I looked up at him and placed my chin at the top of his chest. "Angel?"

"Do you ever think about the future?"

I wasn't exactly sure were this was going and I could already feel my heart beat begin moving at a rapid pace. I licked my lips nervously. "Sometimes… what's on your mind?"

He didn't answer at first and that's when my body went into shear panic mode and tensed up considerably. He must have felt it because he stopped his movements and brought his hands to my shoulders and massaged them lightly. "Hey," he said bringing my lips to meet his. I kissed him with all the passion I could muster into showing him how the only thing I knew for sure in my future was him.

"I guess I got scared a little," I murmured as our lips released but still remained tantalizingly touching.

"No need, sweetheart," he said smoothly and wrapped his arms more securely around my waist in a sheltering manner. "I was just thinking, and we talked about this a little bit before but… this summer you are going to go away and I already miss you. What am I going to do come college?"

The words were out of his mouth before I think he could stop them.

"Angel," I said and he looked down at me before rolling off so we could look at each other eye to eye. "I already told you my answer."

"What if it changes?"

I could hear the own panic in his voice and it touched me. Angel tried so hard always to be the calm one, the put together one, while I raved like a lunatic most of the time. But hearing the slight fear in his voice made me realize he needed assurance just as much as I needed his touch to remind me how much he needed me back.

"I already told you," I said touching his face lightly. "We are sticking together."

He smiled into my hand and kissed it. "I just can't help but think what if you change your mind or…"

"Are you changing your mind?"

"No," he said resolutely. "There are some things you just know in life, and your mine. Life, I mean."

His simple words touched my heart so soundly that I couldn't help but kiss him there by grasping his face. Sometimes, in these sweet moments with his lips pressed against my neck, I feel like we were put on the Earth for one and other.

"So what are you worried about?" I asked a bit breathlessly.

"I just need to make sure we are on the same page."

"We are," I affirmed. "Though if I were you, I would be more concerned that I would actually be getting into college."

He rolled his eyes but between me, you, and the wall that freak out was well on its way (but that's for future chapters, isn't). It's hard sometimes dating the cleverest boy in your year, and once teachers realize you aren't quite up-to-par with him.

We finally had enough sense to roll off one and other to allow me to finish getting ready.

I felt Angel watching me and it made me feel restless and paranoid at the same time. "Oy, O'Conner, find something else to do instead of staring your gaga eyes at me, thanks."

Obviously, Angel did no such thing and started kissing patches onto my neck that made the back of my hair stick up, and I moaned lightly. "That's the complete opposite of what I said."

He merely shrugged before turning me around and as I wrapped my arms around his neck and he kissed me soundly. His chest rubbed against mine and I felt the zings begin again and as he started letting go I pulled his shirt back to my chest to keep on kissing him. And we did, for a good while before I let go.

"I need to finish getting ready," I said panting.

"Right," he pecked me before finding his way back to my bed.

Gaining my bearings once more, I snapped at him: "This is why I don't invite you over when I need to get ready."

He laughed heartily and I wondered if his heart was pounding as restlessly as mine was. "Summers, what can I say? I like you in red lipstick. It tickles my fancy."

I joined in his laughter and finally applied the red lipstick two hours later.

The end-of-term BBQ being thrown by the school was going swimmingly; expect my nerves they were going downhill and fast. Granted I had been stuck to Angel the entire time and it felt nice being snuggled and shuffled around at his will (I'm not so sure what that means from a feminist point of view).

Dating Angel was like dating the most popular person on the planet. Our school was small and though inter-House mingling didn't happen often, it was as if everyone knew one and other, but it was something else when Angel was literally on a friends-to-friends basis with everyone. Sometimes being Angel's girlfriend gained me the same reactions from surrounding people that teachers gave when they realized I was not as smart as him. Girls just couldn't grasp what they saw in me (though they would never admit it to my face and only whisper it behind my back) and boys proclaimed their were more fit girls out there. Most of the time these things didn't bother me but some days when I would be alone in the hallway and the girls would just cluster and I knew they were talking about me – well I just wanted to speak up for myself but I knew the words would never come. I was brave with Angel but it seemed to stay consistent with him.

We were finally talking to a group of friends I was feeling free with, his pals Doyle, Spike, and Xander who were also my pals with our fellow girls Willow and Faith. The conversation was more free flowing and I could just be silly ole Buffy without the 'and Angel's girlfriend part'.

"What's summer plans holding for you, Buffster?" Spike said as he grabbed a hold of me into a lock hug out of Angel who pushed him away so I could be snugged more securely with him once more.

"Oy, hands off!" Angel kind of growled and I giggled.

"How do you handle this poof?" Spike said good heartedly as Angel stared daggers at him.

"I manage somehow," I say winsomely and the tone of my voice had Angel looking down at me again and that funny feeling in my stomach rears its head before his lips meet mine and I'm once more wrapped in his arms but this time as he kisses me thoroughly.

"Ahh! Not this again!" Spike complains as he shoves his face into the crook of Faith's shoulder.

"Their cute," Willow says endearingly.

"Don't encourage them!" Xander mutters but for all me and Angel are aware of its just us and that's how it always feel when we are together like this. It how he makes me feel.

"Their PDA has gotten out of hand ever since they have come out of that secret closet," Spike grumbled. "Which, I don't think I have forgiven either of you for!"

We finally release each other and our faces are pink from snogging but I don't care. Me and Angel will always have our fair (okay large) amount of PDA but I can't help it. He's gorgeous and all mine; and he feels the same, I think grinning stupidly at him.

We face the conversation once more and Spike implores, "Finished yet?"

"We are much better than you lot," Angel said pointing to Spike and Faith, with the former practically having his hand down her shirt. "Going about shagging in every public corner you can find at school. I'm surprised the Dean has never walked in on you in a broom cupboard.

Ever since Faith and Spike had gotten together it had become somewhat of a shag festival for them. All that pent up energy and sexual tension finally exploded a few months ago at a party that had them moaning and howling into the night with their exploits. My ears have not remained the same since.

But even if they did not admit it, it was so precious watching them together. Two people who had obviously fancied one and other but had denied it for so long coming together made it feel like the world wasn't such a harsh and sad place. Faith had even said with a carnal grin that no matter how many times Spike boasted about them shagging, more often time than not, they were just speaking softly about their "hopes and dreams," with intense snogging in between.

"Can't help if my girlfriend is fit," Spike stated and brought his own lips to Faith's who greeted him happily.

"Yeah, well same feeling here, mate," Angel retorted but for all Spike heard it fell on deaf ears because this time he was to busy with his girlfriend.

"One couple shagging their brains out another imploring in love, just a normal party in Sunnydale," Doyle laughed as he raised his hands for cheers.

At Doyle's words, I felt Angel tense up in my arms. Ever since our little agreement to go slow, I knew that Angel never informed his friends of the plan. I didn't care but they just weren't aware that the word 'love' was sensitive to him right now. I knew, as much as he would never ever admit it that somewhere in the back of his mind doubt lay about my affection for him. I tried with every kiss to express to him how much I did care about him even though I couldn't exactly express it with words currently.

"Hey," I said lightly, squeezing his upper arm (of muscle). "Don't get that face."

"What face," he said tightly and I raised my eyebrows at him.

He shrugged but I could tell it was annoying him and I felt partially responsible but I decided it was Angel's problem to deal with because if he wanted I was more than amiable to further the conversation.

I slowly let go of his arms to show that I wasn't leaving him, even though he looked at me unsettled and I kissed him lightly on his arm. I went with Willow to get a drink, giggling on all the debauchery and drunkenness we faced on our paths. When we stumbled upon the drink table we both poured us liberal amounts of wine and chatted with the few patrons milling about.

But I saw the shadow before I felt the hand tap on my shoulder. Ford.

Now, understand, had been friends years ago but his jealous rage at Angel ceased our relationship before me and Angel ever became official. But the fact remained that Angel, till this day, has remained believably jealous every time Ford was mentioned, seen or to be heard of to be exact. Not without reason, however.

See, Ford, became persistent when me and Angel went public. I had always assumed, somewhere in the back of my mind, that Ford had a crush on me but I never believed it went as far and as dark as it ended up becoming for me. He followed me around and at first I acknowledged and didn't dissuade him even though I was clear I was Angel's girl through and through.

It was hard for me to put a stop to it, not because I was interested but because of a short period in middle school Ford has been my only resource and friend. At the pit of my stomach, I thought Ford was reaching out to become friends again because he needed me like I had once needed him. I had noticed him lonely in the hallways, growing darker and more broodier than before. I felt by giving him affection and acknowledgment he would surface to himself once more but he remained tireless in trying to get me to go out with him; touching me constantly in the hallways, following me to classes, and eventually stalking me in the hallways in between class.

Eventually it had all become to much and when I had left my History classroom to pee, I found Ford once more standing outside the room, dressed in black with his dark eyes and I had enough.

"Ford, you have to stop this!" I stomped when I saw him. "This is getting ridiculous."

"Then go out with me, Buffy," Ford said quickly but looking into his eyes my stomach churned because suddenly I felt nervous standing in the abandoned hallways with him watching him stalk closer to me.

"I'm with Angel, I think that's clear to everyone."

"Who cares about Angel, I certainly don't. We even need to tell him."

I stared at him in shock, not really sure what else to say. He was obviously out of his mind, I concluded. "Ford, leave me alone."

"Go out with me," his voice followed me down the white corridor as I stepped away from him but his footsteps followed me with him eventually grabbing hold of my arm and twisting me around.

"Let go!" I demanded but he retained his grip, holding me ever tighter. "I said let go."

"I don't understand what you see in O'Conner, you used to not be able to stand him! We've been friends much longer, I've cared about you much longer!" he said, as I felt a mark starting to form.

I wasn't really sure how I was going to get out of this situation. Ford's eyes were a bit unhinged and I was scared to push in fear he would forcefully push me back. "Ford, someone's going to walk down this hallway-"

And that's when he decided the best course of action was to kiss me. It was bitter and his lips felt foreign and odd against my lips, and as I struggled against him I felt his lips grow more pugnacious against my body. I tried pushing him away, and when I realized he wasn't going anywhere I pressed savagely against his lips causing him to jump and croak out in alarm. I kicked him in the shins then and ran away down the hallway.

I didn't know exactly where my body was heading but I it felt numb, unsure before finding myself stopping in front of a door that was Angel's Honors Calculus class. I didn't remember knocking and I certainly didn't remember walking in; all I remember next were all the eyes of the smartest people in my class staring at me at once, with the teacher stopping his lecture to look up at me with questioning eyes.

"Miss Summers, can I help you?"

I cleared my voice, my eyes filtering around before locking with Angel who was already jumping out of his seat and rushing towards me.

"Angel," slipped out of my mouth before I thought anything of it. He gently grabbed onto my upper arm, so unlike how Ford had done beforehand but I flinched lightly and his gaze narrowed in confusion as he couldn't see the mark underneath my white collar uniform shirt. He turned to the teacher and I heard him say he would return shortly as he guided me out of the classroom.

It hit me later we would be the center of rumor mill but as Angel swiftly pulled me into his arms it didn't seem to matter as much as I thought it would. I was exactly were I needed to be and my heart seemed to slow at this afterthought.

"What's the matter," Angel said imploringly, touching my chin to look up at him.

I really didn't know how to explain the matter because I knew immediately that he would overreact, call upon his gang of idiots to go do something to Ford and get detention in the process. So I didn't answer right away and kept letting myself huddle in his embrace before he became insistent. "Buffy, you are scaring me."

I squeezed him tighter and looked up at him, sniffling lighter but the seriously concerned made my heart ache. "Promise you won't act rash."

"Buffy-"

"Promise! Please," I pleaded.

I could tell he wasn't sure how to behave so he merely gave me a half nod before I spit it out. "Ford was following me again," I started ignoring Angel's immediate gale, and holding onto him tighter as he went to let go.

"I've had it about up to here with him," Angel slighted.

"Angel! You promised, I didn't even finish…"

"You knew it had to do with Ford before you made me promise! Why are you always trying to protect that scum of a human being?" Angel's eyes bore down at me hard and I tried not curl under the pressure because mainly I couldn't answer him properly.

"Just, let me finish, okay?"

He nodded but I could tell inside he was already concocting his revenge.

"He just got a bit aggressive, holding onto my arm way to tight and then," I looked down then not knowing exactly how Angel would react to this but I could already feel his hand shaking and figured it made no difference at this point. "And then, well… well he kissed me and wouldn't let go- ANGEL!"

But Angel had already let go and was starting to march off towards god knew where. "ANGEL come back!"

Angel stopped his movements and veered to the right punching a locker in the process and his hand turned a sour red. "Buffy, I'm going to kill him. Please just let me do this in peace."

The circumstance did not call for it but I couldn't help the little smile that slipped out. Angel, for his entire calm and steering manner, was an utterly protective, jealous fool. And that thought made my heart warmer than anything else. With that in mind, I came over to him and kissed him squarely in the lips. Not caring if a teacher walked by because Angel's reaction was was exactly what I needed.

"Don't fool me with your kisses, woman," Angel said lightly as I let go to breathe. "Ford is not getting away with this."

"Just let it go, for now, okay?" I said clutching his hand and kissing him again.

He didn't want too. I could feel it within in every inch of his body but he nodded anyways because deep in my soul it demonstrated how much he loved me.

Granted, I also knew he would find a way around it considering it was suave Angel. And sure enough, just because he promised didn't mean his gang of idiots didn't and they were sure to embarrass Ford in the cafeteria later that day but taking his food, dropping it on the floor and harassing him into never talking to me again.

Watching the scene in front of the whole school made me feel increasingly uncomfortable. I couldn't help the little frown that marred my face as the group harassed Ford because as desolate the boy became, I couldn't help but think once upon a time we had been close.

"Make them stop," I said to Angel and even though he was laughing with everyone else, he eyed me wearily as he got up to hurdle his friends away from Ford who was now being tripped over himself.

"Don't look at me like that, Summers," Angel said later as we walked out the cafeteria.

I didn't respond but kept walking towards my next class.

"And don't not say anything at all!" Angel proclaimed grabbing hold of my hand and twisting me to face him.

"Angel, I'm not in the mood."

"Hey, I wasn't the one who took advantage of you!"

I looked at him pointedly and he finally released my hand and let me go. It kind of ached my heart knowing he wasn't following but I wasn't really sure what kind of space I needed. As I rewrote my name over and over again in class, I couldn't help shrink a little at the entire thought of the whole mess between Angel and Ford.

Walking out of class I found Angel leaning against the parallel hallway waiting for me. He came forward to me, blocking traffic and grabbed my bag and my hand and lead me straight into the grounds before leading me to a private corner near a willow tree. Our willow tree.

He dropped my book bag and his on the ground with a thump and brought me close to him even though I wasn't looking at him. "I just don't like him, around you all the time. I think he is dangerous."

"It's not your call."

Angel looked down at me and I was forced to level with his eyes. "I can't help but want to protect you and if anything this afternoon taught us is that he isn't taking this lightly anymore, Buffy. He's dangerous."

I had already come to that conclusion but it was hitting me hard. "Angel, he was my friend."

"He's not anymore."

I felt tears rising up and looked away from him before breathing deeply. "You're right, I just feel like if I had-"

"No," Angel said shaking his head. "He's been angry at you ever since he caught us and even before than you guys weren't on the best terms right?"

I nodded and sniffled lightly.

"I just want you safe, is all, you have to understand that," Angel said, holding onto my body.

I shrugged stupidly and hugged him back. I wasn't really sure what else to say and Angel let go of the topic.

Knowing all this, I turned to look at Ford at the end of term BBQ, who had not looked at since that incident. Willow and Faith immediately stopped talking and glowered at him.

"What do you want?"

He looked shallower and his gaze upon my body made me instantly uncomfortable. "Can I talk to you, just for a moment?" he said his gazing looking up to see if anyone was watching them and I knew he was looking for Angel.

"Why not here in public?" I said, crossing my arms.

He closed his eyes as if the action was hard for him and suddenly I felt pity for him, as I always found myself doing. I signed and looked over at Faith and Willow, "I'm just going to talk to him, I'll be right back."

"Okay," Willow said slowly but the two of them stared at each other and then upon me and Ford as we walked off.

As me and Ford neared the edge of the party near the giant lake, I pulled further away from him. "Okay you have me alone, what do you want."

"You," he said simply. "I miss us, I want another chance. At least we can be friends again, anything, Buffy, please."

"Ford, we haven't been friends or anything for years, I can't truly understand what you miss and honestly why would you think I would want anything to do with you after what you pulled?"

"Buffy," he said, briskly shuffling over to me and taking hold of my arms before I could do anything. "You have to know that we could be great together. We were, the best of friends."

His words touched at something deep within my soul but I couldn't help shaking off how much he had changed. He just wasn't the same Ford I had known as a little girl. "Ford," I said slowly, "It's just not the same anymore, I'm sorry."

"No, it can't be," and his arm held onto mine rougher.

"Get off, Ford," I said pleadingly giving him the chance, any chance to redeem himself. But he didn't and that's when I pushed him. "I'm with Angel, you have to stop this or he's going to hurt you!"

"Angel," he sneered and the way the name twisted across his lips made it sound vile. "Angel this, Angel that. O'Conner is nothing; all arrogance, no heart or actual skill. Him and his gang wondering around school, tripping people for no reason and being big bullies. How could like someone like that, Buffy? You used to hate him and now you go around galling to his every move. You just one of his many notches, you know that right?"

"Stop this, I'm not listening to it anymore."

"Why scared little pretty boy will hear the truth?" Ford said trying to hold onto me again but I moved out of his grasp.

The next moment Ford found himself on the ground, pushed roughly and I found my view blocked not by one, but four boys, including my very menacing boyfriend who had done the pushing.

"Stay away from her, I mean it," Angel said in what I considered a very eerily calm voice. "I thought we've been through this Frankenstein."

Ford was glaring at Angel from his spot on the floor, and tried spitting at him but was blocked by Spike's foot on his chest. "You heard the fella, eh? I thought I warned you what would happen if you approached Summers again? Need we find out what those consequences are?"

"Get off me," Ford grumped trying to remove the foot from his chest with little success.

"I don't remember seeing you give Summers that same respect," Spike replied.

Angel started moving forward but I grabbed his hand, "Angel, come one, let's get out of here. I'm fine."

"This whole situation is not fine!" Angel glowered but I was persistent in trying to get him away from there before a teacher saw us.

"Angel," I whispered. "He barely touched me, let's get out of here, yeah?"

I could feel Angel shaking from the whole thing and I realized I wasn't necessarily helping matter but I just wanted to get us both out their. Everything about Ford screamed trouble and I couldn't afford Angel getting caught up in the whole shebang.

Angel let go of my hand pulled Ford up by the collars and shoved him away. "Stay away from my girlfriend, or I will hurt you."

And with that, Angel grabbed my hand and we walked quickly out of sight. We left the party all together and made our way back to our House dormitory but Angel was still shaking so I lead him upstairs into my empty room. Angel stayed silent the entire walk up the creaky stairs.

When we entered, I sat Angel on the foot of the bed and hugged his head to my stomach and his arms curled around me tightly. We didn't say anything, and honestly, I wasn't exactly sure what I should be saying in that very moment. I began tracing circles around his dark hair, lowering my head to his lower back again. We remained like this for a while before finally Angel picked up his head to look up, and the look in his eyes shined brightly for what was only for me.

I would only, ever, have eyes for Angel.

If I didn't know that before, I certainly did now because I was certain no one would or could love me the way his eyes shone in that moment.

"Let me protect you, Buffy," Angel rasped out, his hands clutching my sides, his legs surrounding mine. The glow of the room shifted, becoming heavy with the heat of our breath, and his body aura surrounding me. It felt like no one else was around and no one else would ever be around because it was just us: just me and Angel, and feel of his body around made feel as if I never needed anyone but his touch ever again.

I wiped his hair a bit backward and kissed his forehead, than his eyes, nose and slowly his lips. The kiss began light but turned desperate right away. And I was desperate. Desperate for him, and his touch on my body and suddenly being close to him felt more than right, it was what I needed in that moment. To feel nothing but Angel surrounding me.

Angel stood up silently and I felt his body's flush against mine as he pulled me closer to his lips, his hands tangling in my hair as I wrapped my arms tightly around his lips with the feel coursing through my body of never letting him go. Every touch against Angel's body always felt like the first shock against my skin, the rush of something special and heart pounding. As his hands roamed my body, it felt as if sparks were emitting from his hands, trembling every so slightly.

I fell slightly against the bed and Angel's lowered his body over mine as I pulled him closer to me, digging my hands into his neck because when he wasn't lying on top of me, his hands touching my body, he felt just so far away. I shivered when his legs tangled with me, his hands stroking my body through my dress, getting dangerously close to my thigh. I kissed him harder than, wrapping one of my legs around his and he groaned then, releasing my lips and scorching a hot trail down my neck.

I hadn't felt this intimately close to Angel in ages. Of my own doing of course. But as my hands curled around his waist, and his jaw tilted to the side for a better angel to kiss me, I couldn't help moaning that this was exactly the moment I had been yearning about all those months ago. The moment when his hands touched my body, I would die without them there.

Angel broke away from me right than, breathing harshly, with hot bursts of air against the crook in my neck. He started sucking there but moved away again and cursed.

"Fuck, Buffy," Angel said, getting up slightly on his elbows and looking down at me but I didn't let my arms go of him rather moving them listlessly to his upper arms. I got up with him and started littering kisses against his neck but he jerked away and I could feel him tensing beneath me. "We need to stop before this gets out of hand."

I moved against him and pulled him closer to me again, kissing him without letting him go, and eventually he started kissing me back with his mouth, hot and demanding against mine own. I met with him every shift and movement but once more he let go, rasping for air. "Buffy, I want you too much I can't-"

But I wasn't having any of it and twisted around so now I was sitting on top of him and felt exactly how much he wanted me. And it didn't scare me at all. In fact, I wanted Angel just as badly, and I was surprised he couldn't feel how my underwear had completely soaked through onto his jeans.

"Angel," I said, as his hands drifted up and down my sides. "I want you." And with that I kissed him again leaning against his legs thrusting against his jeans but Angel didn't move. In fact, he remained stock still.

"What?"

I opened my eyes and looked down at him hazily but he was gripping my sides and looking at me intensely. "I don't mean we need to shag…I just feel ready for you to touch me."

His breathing was becoming rapid and I realized that if I didn't guide Angel he wasn't going to figure it out on his own. I took his arms from my waist and lifted my dress lightly to allow both our hands to enter under it so that he could cup the little under my chest. Angel still kept looking up at me dazed and with his hands touching my bare breasts and mine on top of his, I squeezed them and suddenly Angel seemed to come to life.

It felt amazing, as Angel cupped my breast, his other arm moving across my stomach, back, and then grazing my covered bottom to pull me closer. Zings swirled in my stomach as our lips smashed together and Angel rolled back on top of me as my hands found their way under his shirt and caressed the smooth lines of his muscles. I moaned as both his hands found their way to my bare breasts, and groaned as I tightened my legs around his waist, feeling how much he wanted me from beneath.

I felt his hands tug my dress and he looked down at me uncertainly. I nodded mutely but added in afterthought: "But no more."

Angel didn't need telling twice and he ripped my dress from my body and his lips began scorching my neck, collarbone, onto my chest and I gasped wildly as his lips found my nipple and sucked it. I lost track of time, I lost track of everything – all I did know was that it felt like I reached heaven. Or at least the place I had always imagined we would be. Every touch, every kiss, felt exactly how it ought to be and as his lips trailed up once more and met mine, and I completely melted into his body, hugging him tightly and knowing their was no where else on this earth I needed to be than right here in his arms.

Later, with the hangings closed around my bed, my dress still off but Angel removing his pants to lay more comfortably in the bed, he curled his body around mine, his hand cupping my breast as he fell asleep as if this position was created for our two bodies; and I fell asleep with his little puffs against my neck and I couldn't help smiling at the thought of his name, Angel.

The Next Day

Angel was sitting on my bed watching me pack. We were leaving in two days time and ever since the night before Angel didn't seem to want to let me go, which was fine by me. We were in a semi state of euphoria honestly. As I bent over and looked for something, I felt him come up behind me and kiss my neck lightly before wrapping his hands around my waist.

"I think I finally get it now," he said.

"Get what?" Trying to remain undistracted as I searched for whatever I was searching for, obviously distracted against the feel of Angel's body against mine.

"Why you wanted to wait with all the intimacy."

I turned around in his arms and locked my hands around his waist, similar to how he had his around mine. "Explain."

"When you told me you wanted to cool things down, I panicked and I didn't quite comprehend what you wanted from me exactly. I thought you were cooling down with me, that we were in the process of breaking up when he had finally just made it official. I was scared I had pushed you too much and I didn't know how to handle it because at the same time you had told me that I was your future. It was those words that got me through the first few days because I just honestly didn't get it, Buffy.

"But I don't know… you seemed closer to me than ever and even though we had all these boundaries it was like we couldn't stop ever kissing. Like every kiss set me off, every touch turned me on. It was like I could never ever have enough of you, and if I didn't think about you before all the time before, now I was completely unhinged because I was constantly breathing you, and your kisses, and your skin all the fucking time. And all I could think about was how much I wanted you, how much I loved you.

"But then," and his voice trailed off and he looked away so I touched him lightly on his cheek to bring me back to me. "Every kiss was suddenly special. It was like I needed to get through all my classes so I could just kiss you at the end of the day. Small, hot, any of it… Just having your lips pressed against mine, I'm distracted at all times of the day thinking about it. And suddenly I didn't care anymore that all I got to do was kiss you because kissing you all the time seemed like the most important feeling in the world. And after last night, touching you, I just suddenly understood what you meant because every touch was special, every last one of them was burned into my memory and all I thought about was how I wanted to be with you, in every moment. Kissing you, touching you. Whatever it is, as long as we are both present."

His words laced around the room, blinking rapidly and all I could do in that moment was kiss him. Suffix to say, that kiss lasted a long while, pretty much until I left for camp.

As me and Angel stood in the airport I hugged him tighter, forcing the tears out of my eyes. "Call me when you get home?"

He nodded without looking at me. "You too?"

I nodded and hugged him tighter to me, ignoring the call of my flight because I just wanted to spend this moment with Angel before I wouldn't see him all summer it felt like.

"You gotta make those moves, Summers," Angel said lightly but he didn't let go.

"I feel like the last time this happened…"

"Hey!" he said bringing my chin to his and kissing my cheek lightly. "It's not like last time, got it? I'm never letting you go again."

I smiled at his assurance and kissed him one last time desperately.

"Flight to London, boarding at Gate 34C; all passengers are asked to board."

I kept kissing Angel before I knew I had to stop.

"It's just the summer," I whispered.

"Gone before you know it," Angel said.

I nodded one last time and got in line, giving the attendant my ticket who was smiling warmly at the display of young love before her. As I crossed over to board Angel was still standing their, hands in his pockets, his backpack on his shoulders and my heart felt heavy and intense.

We looked at each other for a moment and though I could not hear him I saw him mouth "I love you."

I knew my blinding, shining grin reached him as I was forced to turn away to make myself onto the plane. As I settled in my seat, I curled my legs as I thought about his chest pressed against mine, his lips against mine, and the feeling of love that was coursing though my body because their was no doubt anymore about it. I loved him, I loved Angel and wanted to kiss him forever, falling in love with him, forever.